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RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 8:48:46 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Every dom and situation will be different.

The question you should ask of every dom you WILL meet is "What are your expectations?" and you should ask YOURSELF "What are my expectations and what am I ok with?"

For me when I do "inspections" it's not a fun kinky "poke and prod the naughty bits." It's a complete audit of the person- clothes, food, bills, schedules, processing, services. It takes a long time and a lot of energy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 21

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 8:50:47 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

Lady

I dont see him anymore no. It was wrong of him to do that to me in the park. Park of all places. I would of liked to be in somewhere warm where there is just me and him and no one else around and especially no children.

Thanks again for all your responses

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 22

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 8:53:08 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

Before I had the inspection we where in a pub and we chatted for a while and then he asked me to take my underwear of in the toilet and give them to him I did not argue I just went and did i was comfortable with that. Then we got a taxi to the park and that is when my inspection started.

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 23

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 2:39:13 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I dont see him anymore no. It was wrong of him to do that to me in the park

You let it happen dont put all the blame on the guy you are just as much to blame

quote:

Before I had the inspection we where in a pub and we chatted for a while and then he asked me to take my underwear of in the toilet and give them to him I did not argue I just went and did i was comfortable with that. Then we got a taxi to the park and that is when my inspection started.

You didn't know either of these two men and just because they call themselves Dom's doesn't mean you do what ever they say to prove your a submissive and want to please them. The first meet your taking off panties and being inspected in a park, this next meeting this guy is bringing his friggin toy bag?
Use some Common Sense

(leaving now shaking head and mumbling to myself)

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 3/15/2006 2:43:14 PM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 24

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 8:14:48 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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sighs...I have to agree with swtnsparkling on this..I am sorry that you were taken advantage of, but you MUST learn to speak up for yourself and know that you are worth it.If you show a Dom you have respect for yourself,how can he not have the same respect for you as well....be well..and SAFE!...Tempting

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 25

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 8:40:27 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

What should you expect from a first meeting? As has been mentioned, that which you would expect on a first date with any gentleman. Notice I said gentleman, chuckles. That means concern for your safety and comfort. We will not allow submissives to meet up is private on the first meeting, even at their suggestion, as we do not want to encourage unsafe behavior on their part. We also do not play on a first meeting, nor the second one either. It takes time to get to know one another. Do not rush yourself or allow someone else to push you faster than your comfort levels. And if your instincts tell you there is something wrong, run, as there probably is.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 26

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 9:11:36 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

Examination? Examination of what ?

If you're breathing and able talk, that's about all the *examination* needed on a first meeting.

mbmbn

< Message edited by maybemaybenot -- 3/15/2006 9:13:47 PM >

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to HouseofBear)

Post #: 27

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/15/2006 10:22:31 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Here are a few threads that might help:

play sessions and first meets

playing on a first meeting

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 28

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 12:51:55 AM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I would suggest you tell him to leave the toy bag at home. There is a good chance that your desires will overpower your caution at a first meeting. Take a day or so to think things over. There's plenty of time for play later... just as there is plenty of time for regret if you make a serious mistake.

Given your history, this is a good litmus test. If he's not willing to forgo any change of play on the first meeting, he probably doesn't have your best interests at heart.

I urge you strongly to listen to John, and Raven, and all the others on this. Knowing your history I would think a respectful man would not even suggest bringing the toy bag at all. But, given that he has, it's a wise move on your part to tell him politely that you have NO intentions of playing and that the toy bag will be unneccesary. If he argues, cancel the meeting, If he says ok, and shows up with the toy bag anyway, I'd fake an excuse in about 10 minutes and leave.

If your wishes on this don't matter to him, then your comfort doesn't matter to him. Bottom line.

Please, consider what these experienced people are trying to tell you...We really just want you to be safe and to have an enjoyable time.

You are WORTH this kind of patience and consideration, sweetie.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 29

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 12:53:53 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

Here are a few threads that might help:

play sessions and first meets

playing on a first meeting

Thank you very much for the replies i agree with everything you have said to me

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 30

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 12:56:54 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
I would suggest you tell him to leave the toy bag at home. There is a good chance that your desires will overpower your caution at a first meeting. Take a day or so to think things over. There's plenty of time for play later... just as there is plenty of time for regret if you make a serious mistake.

Given your history, this is a good litmus test. If he's not willing to forgo any change of play on the first meeting, he probably doesn't have your best interests at heart.

I urge you strongly to listen to John, and Raven, and all the others on this. Knowing your history I would think a respectful man would not even suggest bringing the toy bag at all. But, given that he has, it's a wise move on your part to tell him politely that you have NO intentions of playing and that the toy bag will be unneccesary. If he argues, cancel the meeting, If he says ok, and shows up with the toy bag anyway, I'd fake an excuse in about 10 minutes and leave.

If your wishes on this don't matter to him, then your comfort doesn't matter to him. Bottom line.

Please, consider what these experienced people are trying to tell you...We really just want you to be safe and to have an enjoyable time.

You are WORTH this kind of patience and consideration, sweetie.

Cin

Thank you Cin i will hopefully be talking to him later today online so i will have a good chat with him

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 31

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 1:24:18 AM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gloriousangel

Thank you Cin i will hopefully be talking to him later today online so i will have a good chat with him

Good! Stand your ground. By respecting yourself you show others you recognize your true worth. The good ones will notice, trust me! And they're the only ones you want to attract.

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 32

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 1:46:25 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

Yes you are right.

I need to lay down some rules for myself if he does not like them. Then he is not the one for me.

Thanks again

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 33

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 1:32:37 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gloriousangel

Yes you are right.

I need to lay down some rules for myself if he does not like them. Then he is not the one for me.

Thanks again

That's good. Now, may I suggest you spend some serious time reading these forums, the non-fiction books on BDSM out there, and really listen to these experienced, wonderful people. Learn before you step out and do anything, with anyone.

You must KNOW what rules you should be putting into place to ensure your own safety, and happiness, before you can even make this list.

Literally, your life could depend on this!!

Cin

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 34

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 2:16:16 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

I might not be the best source of advice for first meetings. My little one and I have been inseperable since the first moment we were in the same room but we broke all rulkes of common sense and should both have had our heads examined. that said, it was a mutual involvement, there was nothing coerced or forced on either side, it was just a continuing flow of our first conversation.

BUT

You would be wise to listen to the advice you have been given. No one should be going to a first meeting carrying a toy bag. Be careful, stay safe, and don't be afraid to tell a suposed "dom" off if your uncomfortable or they are trying to convince you to do something yoiu d not wish.

K

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 35

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/16/2006 7:33:30 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

He said he will bring a toy bag if I want to play

Danger will robinson!!! you're about to set yourself up for a potential repeat performance.

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 36

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/17/2006 2:56:01 AM

gloriousangel

Posts: 361
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: West Midlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

I might not be the best source of advice for first meetings. My little one and I have been inseperable since the first moment we were in the same room but we broke all rulkes of common sense and should both have had our heads examined. that said, it was a mutual involvement, there was nothing coerced or forced on either side, it was just a continuing flow of our first conversation.

BUT

You would be wise to listen to the advice you have been given. No one should be going to a first meeting carrying a toy bag. Be careful, stay safe, and don't be afraid to tell a suposed "dom" off if your uncomfortable or they are trying to convince you to do something yoiu d not wish.

K

Thank you all very much for your help

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 37

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/19/2006 4:41:01 AM

unownedredhead

Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I am sorry but I call BULLSHIT. No one could be this stupid. I don't think it really happened. That or you are the winner of Darwins next award..........lets take ourselves out of the gene pool people.

dina

_____________________________

Kneeling trembling at your feet

(in reply to gloriousangel)

Post #: 38

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/20/2006 8:12:29 AM

wetrope

Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline

I wouldnt agree with the park scene, better to do the coffee or dinner and end it there. But a lot of Dom's want to show their stuff and go farther, maybe a little pinch, and little clamp, a little look, but u shouldnt just because you dont know enough yet. I must say that I have gone further when things were totally comfortable though.

Now on the first scene he will likely give u instructions, u must follow 100%, try ur hardest to do what he asks, unless it is a limit for you. Whether it is how to greet him, (on your knees) how to dress, (or how not to )how to talk, how to get him what he wants. Of course expect you wont be perfect, and that you will require correction, but insist on instructions for the future so you know what he wants.

You will get the hang of it pretty quick.

_____________________________

Wetrope

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 39

RE: What to inspect on a first vist - 3/20/2006 2:14:06 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Now on the first scene he will likely give u instructions, u must follow 100%, try ur hardest to do what he asks, unless it is a limit for you.

They have never even Met yet. sheeeeesh

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to wetrope)

Post #: 40

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