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RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 12:32:08 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		true, you already know how sorry i am that you are going through this. Many have already stated how we are all here to support you. you are a strong woman!

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 12:36:04 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Big hug for you true.

I'm sorry that this happened. But as you see, it happened for a reason. You learned a few big and important lessons about yourself and about other people as well. I'm glad that you've chosen to let others learn from it as well. And I'm very proud of you for how you've handled yourself the last 3 days. A lesser woman would be spewing venom and hatred. Thank you for being better than that.

You are not alone. You have friends and family that love you.


Smiles... pat yourself on the back Misstress... because to be honest. If it wasn't for your friendship, advice, shoulder to cry on, ear to bend, I would be doing just that i'm sure. Off line trust me.... my throat hurts from screaming, ranting raving crying, throwing up. BUT I got to admit... feels better now.

Thank you all again. The members of CM have been wonderful to me and tolerant of me and for this... I thank you.

Jessica

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 12:37:43 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
Again, I'm sorry this was a long post, and i'm really thankful for the thoughts, and kindness of the people on CM for being understanding and tolerating me on here.

Jessica




Ok I am somewhat confused.... I have always had the impression that you and your Master had been together face to face on a few occassions.... is this wrong? Are you saying you and him have never been together face to face and that all your interactions have been by phone or online IM? Have you ever met him face to face?

Being a hardass!!! Why would you agree to Marry one you never met? why would you have someone you never met move in with you and your littleone? I am some what amazed at the Risks that you have taken in regards to this. It is one thing to risk oneself... it's another to risk blindly alittleone that one is responsible for! It's not a question of the red flags of the other person you should of saw! But, the red flags of your own behaviors/risks you need to consider.

I can be compassionate and understanding when someone has taken some very basic steps at protecting themself and those they are responsible to minimize the risks of the sitaution. For even taking these steps a person can be lied to and manipulated to believe the risks are minimal. But, when someone recklessly makes choices that unneccessarily puts alittleone at risk .... well they need a kick in the ass not sympathy!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 12:52:06 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		OK KNIGHT!!!.. stop reading what you wanted to and what was there.... and what you also said you have read in other post..We have met face to face... We started out as friends... and Friends only... I met him in Tx AS FRIENDS... when I went there for a cribbage tournament we was both in. He was my birthday present in August. Face to Face... again....

I know at times I come across as being dumb.. but i'm not stupid! I would not put myself or the safety of my kids in danger for a piece of ass. Nor would I agree to marry... Jesus.. no way in hell did I come across as being that damn stupid.

In trying to keep post from being so long, I might of missed a piece or two of something.. but damn.. read what is there... and stop putting something into things that are not there. Just because you didn't see it there.

Edited to add... Note to CM members........ please excuse my anger in this post. It should not of been there, but it ended up there. For that I am sorry. But I will not be sorry for what I posted.

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/15/2006 1:06:19 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 1:11:06 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u
I met him in Tx AS FRIENDS... when I went there for a cribbage tournament we was both in. He was my birthday present in August. Face to Face... again....




This is much clearer and direct! I thought as much but your wording has been rather vague and left me very confused with the mixed signals.

MissTress is correct that you have some important lessons to gain, Most of all emotions and the dream of wanting something often cloud what is the reality that exists. I been there! Done that! Burned the T-shirt as well. Somehow I think we all have had this experience in some manner at one time or another. We can't worry about the lies and manipulations of others... we can only try to learn how to see better the reality that we are living at any given moment. You can spend a whole bunch of time beating yourself up... however, I suspect and hope you are going to do the very opposite and pick yourself up and learn from it. Some will look at the red flags in hindsight to beat themself up. Looking at them as a means to learn is much more constructive and productive. Do not deal on why didn't you make that choice or this choice to avoid the pain. Just learn why it was a better choice in future situations.

I think the biggest lesson that I learned from a situation like yours, is that ones emotional attachment to their wants and desires can very much blind ourselves to the reality of our situaiton. We give more that we should, risk more of our emotions than we should, Not because the choices are reckless or stupit. But, our perception of the situation is colored signifcantly by our emotional needs and desires. Very hard think to keep ones critical thinking and judgement in check when the heart becomes involved. But, I can honestly say, I am stronger and thankful for my experience in learning the lesson. It taught me much more of myself than it did anything or anyone else.

Good Luck in the future... I suspect the lessons learned are going to allow you to succeed in the future! Morn for a time, be angry, cry, vent ... but and then move forward with the lesson and a much brighter future. For in truth... your hopes and dreams for what you want actually came closer to being realized and not farther as you emotions are currently telling you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 1:29:57 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Recent posts have me wondering about this. If a Dom/sub is meeting someone in real life from online, and they are late, without a phone call or any contact (The one waiting may not have a cell) how much time do you feel the one waiting should wait before questioning the integrity and honesty of the one who is late? An hour? Two hours? 9 hours? If the person is late by 4 hours, should the one waiting automatically assume that they have been "played"? I am not just talking about truesub4u, (she has a phone, I can't imagine why he hasnt called her) but there have been countless posts on this forum from people who were just crushed and thought that they had been played, only for it to turn out good in the long run. Then again, there have been the optimistic ones who felt that it would work out, only to find out that they had been played.

Thoughts? Opinions?



i've run a business for the past 10 years and have been accustomed to meeting clients in restaurants, coffee shops etc. Being that my meeting with them is critical to my business i developed a policy of waiting 30 minutes without a phone call and longer with a phone call renegotiating our meeting time. i have carried this policy into other relationships as well, although i tend to typically only wait 15 minutes without a phone call for friends etc.

i think an extra 15 minutes with no call is reasonable and may wait 30. But after that i'm gone. But that's me. my time is just as valuable as the next person's so i don't permit it to be screwed with. i'm not a Domme, but i am a worthwhile person.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 1:46:56 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		In answer to my own question, I will allow them plenty of time to get there. I DO have a cell phone and they have the number. If they do not have a cell phone, I make sure and tell them to stop at a pay phone (Yes they still make those available to consumers) and call me if he is going to be late. It also depends on what type of relationship I have with him already. What kind of trust has been developed. But after seeing what I have seen here on the boards, I am wondering what difference it makes if the trust is in place or not. If someone is going to chicken out of a meeting, they will do it regardless of how many times you have talked to them on the phone or online. I wouldnt doubt his honesty or integrity until he contacts me again. I have had people tell me that they were laid up in the hospital with an IV and practically on life support and I have doubted them. Then I have had them say they had car trouble on the highway and no way to call and I have believed them. I agree with Tress and KoM about late being relative.

_____________________________





(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 1:50:12 PM   
Sub03


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline 		Was 30 minutes late for a meeting and the Dom was gone....but i didnt have a number or anything to call to say i would be late. I know i should have been ontime but things come up and sometimes you just cant help being late.

(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 2:42:30 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		I have a real problem with being late. In fact, if I'm not 15 minutes early I feel I'm late. Sometimes beth is not so focused on time, but she knows not to be late for anything concerning me.

Interestingly, on our first meeting day, I made the trip much faster than I anticipated. It was a 180 mile drive, but I think I got there an hour early. Since my travel involved being on the 405 and 101; I could have easily been an hour late. I stopped and got a coffee and drove through the little town of Buelerton, CA; where I'd never been before. Finally about 15 minutes prior to the scheduled time, I decided to call beth and see if by any chance she was early. I was pleasantly surprised that she told me she'd been there for 15 minutes, a full 1/2 hour early! How could I not fall in love with her after that?

Sometimes things happen. Before meeting anyone you should have his/her cell phone or emergency contact numbers anyway so calling shouldn't be an issue in case of "worse case".

(in reply to Sub03)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 2:46:28 PM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		greetings,mistress of ga

permission ,to-reply to your post....
in reguards,to most formal and informal rules,of thumb....
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Recent posts have me wondering about this. If a Dom/sub is meeting someone in real life from online, and they are late, without a phone call or any contact (The one waiting may not have a cell) how much time do you feel the one waiting should wait before questioning the integrity and honesty of the one who is late? An hour? Two hours? 9 hours? If the person is late by 4 hours, should the one waiting automatically assume that they have been "played"? I am not just talking about truesub4u, (she has a phone, I can't imagine why he hasnt called her) but there have been countless posts on this forum from people who were just crushed and thought that they had been played, only for it to turn out good in the long run. Then again, there have been the optimistic ones who felt that it would work out, only to find out that they had been played.

Thoughts? Opinions?

usually the unspoken residual rule is
20 minutes if waitng for a superior, or teacher ;professeur;at a designated time; place; etc ;and ,
only ten minutes waiting time for a late student, or sub, or slave, by the top waiting for a bottom,
that's considered:normal; expected,or fair ;considerate;and, legal;
cause life's too short to be abnormal ,and, annoying ,
about anything;
then you can get on and, proceed;take the next step ,from there....
in an executive position ;one has to be able to make every executive decision,not be left with a position ,of indecison.
"he who hesitates is lost"(some vip said that....).

in college
; 10 minutes wait for students ,if your gonna' teach something....and
,20 minutes wait, if your gonna' learn something....
....,that's considered RESPECT.
in sum=
10 minute wait, for a inferior
and 20 minutes waiting time ,for a superior.
its:simple rule, that if broken says :somethings quite not rite...or interesting?????
thankyou goddess; misstress;( top), for your time and considerations, for my information ,at your service,to serve
one,of THE-most revered online goddesses.....
however:an expected informal rule of service is ,that,
AS A DRIVER;
24/7 LIFETIME (slave),in-SERVICE FOR MY MISTRESS ;
I WAIT,
FOREVER!(no-time-clocks),
UNLESS SIGNALED TO DO ,OTHERWISE
;MY TIME MEANS, NOTHING ;there is no time,
that doesnt evolve around her alone....
I WILL,ALWAYS BE THERE ;
WHERE EVER SHE WANTS;AS
HER 'TIN-SOLDIER,'
TO WAIT,IN A displayed,and,DICIPLINED MANNOR,
in other words:
she can ignore me;
i am ,at attention.....

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 3/15/2006 3:10:23 PM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 2:47:42 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

Today I'm meeting a poteneial sub for lunch. It's my favorite sushi place, so if he stands me up, I'm still going to have a lovely lunch. He lives 30 minutes away from the restaurant. If he's late by more than 5 minutes he had better have a good reason for it. After 15 min late I will be ordering without him. And if he's more than 30 min late, without having a traffic ticket in hand or some other very good reason, he will be dismissed. Keeping in mind that this would all be without a phone call to let me know what's going on. A phone call to say he was held up for whatever reason will certainly keep him in my good graces.


Well... I'll be honest. Your piercing glare might cause some a little pause, but If I was gonna be late for a lunch date with you, it would be the sushi that would give me second thoughts. I spent well over a year in Japan and still can't stand it.


- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 3:06:53 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		LMAO.... I would be begging for another restuarant myself.

But then again, meeting someone new, somewhere new, why not try something new all the way around?

Who the hell am I trying to Kid.... I would still beg to meet somewhere else... LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 3:15:17 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		FYI most sushi restaurants do serve some other foods than just sushi. Tempura is a common combo with sushi.

And I will report that the boy was early and waiting for me when I arrived 5 min early. We had a lovely lunch, pleasant conversation, and arranged a second meeting for next week.


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 3:20:47 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

FYI most sushi restaurants do serve some other foods than just sushi. Tempura is a common combo with sushi.

And I will report that the boy was early and waiting for me when I arrived 5 min early. We had a lovely lunch, pleasant conversation, and arranged a second meeting for next week.




Wooooooooohoooooooooooooooo you go Misstress...... I think that's great!

Didn't mean my post to be disrespectful. Sorry if it appeared that way. Some people can't handle resturants that have smoking sections... I just can't handle the smell of seafood. Now do not get me wrong.......... I LOVE SEAFOOD.... and I go to resturants that serve nothing but... but prior to going.. I have to sike myself out.. to be able to handle the smell.


Sorry MoGa.. not meaning to change topic of coversation here... but in keeping with the faith... can I have faith that Misstress isn't mad at me for joking around?...and being a smartass...<smiles>

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 3/15/2006 3:21:38 PM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 3:36:16 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
how much time do you feel the one waiting should wait before questioning the integrity and honesty of the one who is late?


As others have said it would very much depend on the relationship I had with that person. If it was a first time meeting with someone, then the time given would be very short before I left. I may or may not question their honesty and integrity because frankly they wouldn't be significant enough to me to even care. Most likely they would not get a second chance to make that first impression.

On the other hand, if it was my Lord, I would start out worried and as the time progressed I would get more and more concerned. If I was unable to reach him by phone after several hours, then I would start calling anyone I could to find out if something awful had happened. It would only be death and serious injury that would keep him from meeting me and not calling. It would be days, weeks or even months before I started quetioning his integrity and honesty and I would probably have to hear it from the horse's mouth to believe that I had been played. My trust and love are not easily or recklessly given, and once given would take much to bring that into doubt.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 3:41:48 PM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03
I know i should have been ontime but things come up and sometimes you just cant help being late.


I'm going to quote the only thing I have ever liked about any of the six Star Wars movies to you:
"Do or do not do - there is no try."

I would have given you a cell number to call if you had a real reason for being late. Then again, many of the reason people think are really good reasons for being late aren't very good reasons in my book. It's a very subjective issue, and different people prioritize differently.

On the other hand I know people that are routinely late as a kind of passive-aggressive thing, and I hate that. I only put up with it from very old friends, and even then I lie to them about times to meet to make up for it. So if I want them there at 5:00 pm, I had better insist on 4:30 pm and then things tend to work out better. If they are actually on time, or just less late than is usual, then they can wait for me for a few minutes - and given our history they have to eat it raw and swallow. Its tedious, but it's a workaround.


_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

(in reply to Sub03)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 4:16:35 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I lost faith soon as you cast off you old eight ball.

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 4:19:33 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
What does Laura do if you are ever late?

(in reply to jamesthehumanrug)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 4:26:18 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

example one... my relationship with kyra at the time of our first meet. Kyra was flying all the way from florida. She had given me emailed copies of her Reservation Confirmations and it was rather obvious what plane she was going to be flying in.... so it would be rather pointless to wait more than a couple hours after the plane had landed... keeping in mind that she had to go thru Customs. But, also at the time, kyra was not my slave or girlfriend or anything but someone that I was very interested in. There was no commitment or talk of the future we are going to have. There was no expectation that she would be my slave or anything. So, it was very reasonable for me to consider that if she had not arrived on the plane that no excuse or reason outside of the very extreme would of been acceptable. Interestly enough, I had to wait very close to the two hours after her plane had landed. Seems that kyra was so nervous with meeting me that the custom officials picked up on her nervousness and started to question her even more than normal done... which just made her more nervous LOL. Finally the custom official called my cell phone that kyra provide them. I answered a few quick questions and a couple minutes later kyra comes through the security doors.... by that time my laughter and eased to a light chuckle. This was our first meet. It turned out well. I remember waiting, and feeling frustrated. when all the people in the area where gone and sat down and considered how much longer I would wait. It really was only moments afterwards that I recieved the phone call and never really needed to question on when I would leave. I can stated in a hindsight that I likely wouldn't of waited much more than another 15 or so minutes. The situation of knowing when she could arrive as well as the status of the relationship has a huge impact on how long i would be waiting.



Your story is similar to the first time I flew from New Zealand to Sydney to meet Master for the first time. It was my first trip out of the country and the plane was a stopover in Sydney before heading to Bangkok. Wouldn't you know it, my bag didn't get unloaded and headed off to Bangkok too So by the time I got through customs and reported my bag missing (filling in paperwork) it was about an hour or more after the plane had landed. Master didn't own a cellphone so I couldn't let Him know what was going on, but luckily He was still waiting there when I finally got through the doors! He was just about to go find someone to ask if I'd been on the plane. The look of relief on His face - I still remember it

We have also been trying to meet other bi ladies for me to have friends and play partners. We have been stood up about half the times we go to meet someone, however we make sure it is somewhere we can eat or have coffee so the time isn't alltogether wasted. We will give people 45 minutes to an hour and if we haven't had a phone call/text message or they haven't turned up by then, then that is it. One woman we gave a second chance to and the same thing happened, she was immediately blocked. The others we never heard from again If I have to be somewhere I always make sure I am either early or on time, it is just common courtesy and if I can't make it I will let people know.

Truesub I am very sorry about what's happened to you, have a virtual *HUG*

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Keeping The Faith - 3/15/2006 8:46:36 PM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		I always have new subs start an online Journal that We share for at least a week. If they can go a week with at least one posting every day then I will meet them. I expect them to be early or at least on time. If I do not see them, I sit and order, if I finish My food and they are not there and have not called. See ya! i am gone.

I then check their Journal, if no entry I give them an entry and if I haven't heard from them within a few days I forget about them and quit the Journal and block them.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 40
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