RE: Punishment

RE: Punishment (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 4:25:38 PM)
Hmmm...begging for a beating...interesting concept lol. With the men that I have been with...beatings ( not to be confused with abuse ) were a normal occurance. If that is how they felt at a particular time...then that is what they did. Now, being a masochist, AND having a nasty temper myself, times like that were a huge release of anger for ME...almost like therapy. The more brutal the beating, the more anger I let out, the better I felt after. Now, I shudder to think what would have happened if I had BEGGED or ASKED for that beating. I doubt very much it would have been pleasurable on my end. In any way.

Takethiswaltz -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 4:33:53 PM)
Is ANY KIND of punishment necessary between two adults in a d/s relationship? I would think that discussion of whatever is misunderstood or disagreeable would be enough. If the two parties are committed to working through it, then the effort to remove the source of disagreement will occur. Otherwise, time to move on. "punishing" a partner because you are displeased is a common theme and rarely affords growth for BOTH PARTIES. Vanilla folks punish each other all the time.

kyraofMists -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 5:20:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant, and what's worked on you, as a submissive? Level In all the time that I have known my Lord I have yet to be punished for anything or to do anything so wrong that he thinks punishment is necessary. Punishment is not part of our dynamic. I behave in the manner he expects because that is what I want to do and not because otherwise I will be punished. Is there such a thing as "effective punishment"? What is the goal of punishment? Is it to correct a negative behavior, is it just a negative consequence to a behavior, is it a way to balance the score or is it a tool to bring closure to a moment so you can move past it? Why is punishment needed or wanted between two consenting adults? More questions than answers.... Knight's kyra

littlesarbonn -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 5:35:47 PM)
Punishment is always a weird thing for me. In a fantasy construct, whatever she wants to do to me is always what I hope that I can endure. If it's because I've done something wrong, it bothers me more than the punishment because unlike some others, I don't strive to be punished for failure. I strive to make her happy with me, and punishment for such a failure means I have failed her in some way that I wish I could have done better.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 6:37:10 PM)
This fellow sounds like a genuine sub. Dommes, why aren't you all over him?

truesub4u -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 6:40:39 PM)
LOL don't look at me like that takethiswaltz.....i'm the one who opposes punishment...to punish this one for a mistake.. instead of talking to me... i personaly find to be abuse... and won't tolerate being no ones doormat to be beat on because you're not happy with me.. if ones isn't happy with me.. show me the door.. because someone else out there will be.

catize -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 7:05:49 PM)
Some people believe that pain must have a component of punishment to justify it. The other side sees giving or receiving pain as its own reward. (I'm on this side...........big grin)

Level -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 7:10:47 PM)
I personally would not "beat on" or use force as any sort of punishment.......and, from kyra's post, I wonder if I might prefer to call it a "corrective" measure......and I'm thinking that, as some others have said, just speaking to the submissive, letting them know you're disappointed in the action, should have tremendous effect, if the submissive earnestly desires to please the dominant...... I have zero interest in being with a brat, or one that does not know how to behave, so I would hope there would be little if any reason for corrective actions. I believe that if one is a submissive, and wishes to be with me, then they will act accordingly. If they can't, or won't, then they need to go. I have no desire to make them miserable, and I damn sure won't allow them to make me nuts lol. Level

Takethiswaltz -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 9:07:14 PM)
haha, It's that intense blue eye... makes folks paranoid Another thought to share. Some doms withhold attention as a means of "punishment". Is this any different than a vanilla wife withholding "attention" as a means of punishment? Sometimes is seems to me that we haven't tackled the battle of the sexes here, just switched gears. Traded in one set of rules for another.

truesub4u -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 10:00:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Takethiswaltz haha, It's that intense blue eye... makes folks paranoid Another thought to share. Some doms withhold attention as a means of "punishment". Is this any different than a vanilla wife withholding "attention" as a means of punishment? Sometimes is seems to me that we haven't tackled the battle of the sexes here, just switched gears. Traded in one set of rules for another. lol yep.. i can go along with that.

IronBear -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 10:10:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Takethiswaltz Is ANY KIND of punishment necessary between two adults in a d/s relationship? I would think that discussion of whatever is misunderstood or disagreeable would be enough. If the two parties are committed to working through it, then the effort to remove the source of disagreement will occur. Otherwise, time to move on. "punishing" a partner because you are displeased is a common theme and rarely affords growth for BOTH PARTIES. Vanilla folks punish each other all the time. I really can't comment on your post because you stipulated D/s relationship of which I have no experience in that specific scene. In other areas such as M/s and Gorean, your argument would not hold water. But in the final analysis, people will gravitate to what suits them and needs. Every one has the right to persue what is good for them.. and which ever lifestyle meets their needs.

yourMissTress -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 10:15:00 PM)
quote: Those things which make me remember the lesson, rather than the punishment. Celeste Well said Celeste, and I couldn't agree more. Making the punishment fit the lesson is what I try to do on the rare occasion that I've had to punish anyone. I'm never happy when I have to punish a sub. It brings a lot of reflection and introspection for me, and I ask the same of the sub. It's never easy, and I usually don't mete out a punishment until I'm completely cool and collected and never in the heat of the moment.

BitaTruble -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 10:19:21 PM)
quote: Is there such a thing as "effective punishment"? What is the goal of punishment? Is it to correct a negative behavior, is it just a negative consequence to a behavior, is it a way to balance the score or is it a tool to bring closure to a moment so you can move past it? I've been punished three times in the last 10 years. A bit of background to explain one of the punishments and it's purpose. I lived in the same house in the same neighborhood for 15 years before I met Himself. I knew simply everyone on the block and my house was considered the 'Kool Aid' house where all the neighborhood kids hung around with my kids. ::I think because I cooked and fed them:: lol Anyway, I never locked my door. No one in our neighborhood locked their doors. When I first moved in with Himself, in a new state, he, being from New York, 'always' had the door locked. On three separate occasions I forgot to lock that damn door even though he kept reminding me after each time. It was just an unthinking habit which had to be unlearned. The third time I left that door unlocked, he punished me. I don't remember exactly what he did, but I don't forget to lock the front door anymore, so it was effective and the purpose of the punishment was met successfully, which was to get me to lock the front door each time I came in. quote: Why is punishment needed or wanted between two consenting adults? Simply a matter of personal choice. Some want it, some don't. Celeste ::edited to add a contrasting punishment:: My first Master once took me outside, stripped me naked and sprayed me down with a garden hose, including in my face until I thought I was going to drown. For the life of me, I can't remember what the hell I did to get that punishment, but I'll never forget the punishment itself. That was uneffective.

truesub4u -> RE: Punishment (3/16/2006 10:19:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I really can't comment on your post because you stipulated D/s relationship of which I have no experience in that specific scene. In other areas such as M/s and Gorean, your argument would not hold water. But in the final analysis, people will gravitate to what suits them and needs. Every one has the right to persue what is good for them.. and which ever lifestyle meets their needs. This is true too IronBear, wht i'm finding out day by day though... is what is D/s to one.. is only kink to others. It seems that unless you're 100% BDSM or Gorean.. or anything else other than what people think you should be.. you're nothing. You a kinky sex player who likes to try to use BDSM to fullfill SOME of the kink that you can't get in vanilla sex.. but you are not a submissive ..... nor a slave.... this is where I start questioning things. Because I think outside the norm of most submissives, and oh yes... most all slaves.. why am I less submissive?

anjlsub -> RE: Punishment (3/17/2006 2:13:39 AM)
I am sexually turned on by discipline and punishment, the harsher and more humiliating, the better. I am also turned on by being forced to do things I honestly do not want to do. I have found that most Doms that I have been involved with do not enjoy forcing a sub or slave or enforcing discipline by means of punishemt, the want a sub or slave who submit willingly.

scratchingpost -> RE: Punishment (3/17/2006 3:06:08 AM)
As a slave i find knowing i let Him down punishes me greater than any paddle could, so when the time comes for that it is almost a relief and lets me know i can stop beating myself up over it. i am often left to feel my guilt for awhile before a punishment because it teaches me more. W/we then communicate about it and this furthers my understanding of how to change a certain behavior (though some are learned faster than others) When i am on Top with my personal slave, i tend to do the same thing that has been proven effective on me. Then again my toy is very much like me in mindset. (smart ass masochists and devoted just to drive the top nuts and then make Them smile) i also make sure that it is understood i am not angry and try to incorporate a lesson with it. Punishments are reserved for the bigger things in O/our house that is when kokobu comes out, the little things are disciplines and keep everyone in line. note as far as kokobu goes toy and i do agree on one thing we both want to burn the fucker except because i rather enjoy tormenting him with it more than i hate feeling it i guess we are both s.o.l. (smiles and purrrs)

Level -> RE: Punishment (3/17/2006 3:34:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I really can't comment on your post because you stipulated D/s relationship of which I have no experience in that specific scene. In other areas such as M/s and Gorean, your argument would not hold water. But in the final analysis, people will gravitate to what suits them and needs. Every one has the right to persue what is good for them.. and which ever lifestyle meets their needs. This is true too IronBear, wht i'm finding out day by day though... is what is D/s to one.. is only kink to others. It seems that unless you're 100% BDSM or Gorean.. or anything else other than what people think you should be.. you're nothing. You a kinky sex player who likes to try to use BDSM to fullfill SOME of the kink that you can't get in vanilla sex.. but you are not a submissive ..... nor a slave.... this is where I start questioning things. Because I think outside the norm of most submissives, and oh yes... most all slaves.. why am I less submissive? Before I say anything about definitions, I'm going to say this: I am not talking about anyone in particular. Submit: "to yield oneself to the authority or will of another"..... "to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another". Words mean something. We can decide to call ourselves whatever we wish, but that alone does not make it so. I can start saying that my car is purple, but it's still going to be silver. The problem, at least the way I see it, is that we've put too much of a gold-standard on certain types here. Being a "kinky sex player" is, or should be, a wondeful thing! But too often too many folks look down on it. "It isn't real". Bullshit! It is real, and exciting. Is it submission?? Maybe not...............but so? Life is terribly short, my friends. Level

truesub4u -> RE: Punishment (3/17/2006 3:02:53 PM)
Didn't mean to offend Level, was only wondering out loud again... LOL But thanks for the response too. Jessica

Level -> RE: Punishment (3/17/2006 3:50:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u Didn't mean to offend Level, was only wondering out loud again... LOL But thanks for the response too. Jessica Jessica, you did NOT, in any way, shape. or form, offend me warm smile. And I love your questions, it's a fine quality. Level

KnightofMists -> RE: Punishment (3/17/2006 7:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level What do you consider effective punishment? Of course this depends on the individuals involved, but what's worked for you as a dominant, and what's worked on you, as a submissive? Level Effective Punishment is when a State of Reconciliation has been Achieved!

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