RE: Sex vs Love (Full Version)

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Tinkerer -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 1:39:53 PM)

Love is selfless acts towards another for the benefit of that person alone. It is an enduring thing, unlike sex.

Sex is a physical act (be it intercourse or as simple as an arousing kiss), and lust is the desire for it, which is often times confused with love.

Combining the two (sex with love), seems to amplify both, so much so that I wouldn't want sex without love. It would like going some place exotic blindfolded: you miss the most amazing parts.



Lockit -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 1:48:51 PM)

Tinkerer... that was beautiful!



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 1:54:32 PM)

I have no trouble confusing love and sex. I have no trouble having sex without emotional attachments at all, though I DO have to like the person on some level. So? That makes me emotionally detached, not promiscuous!

As LP said, just because a woman can separate sex and love/bonding/commitment does not mean that she is out to fuck anything that will stay still long enough. And if a person only wants to have sex with a person that they care for, good for them. I have to say that sex with those I am closely bonded to is far more satisfactory than with some person that I feel randomly attracted to.



AquaticSub -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 2:00:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterIronwood

I know that don't but I don't understand why most women can't/won't separate love and sex. They are two different things and I have found only the exceptional few women able to separate the two.


I have no problem seperating sex and love. I was quite the little "free spirit" before Valyraen and I started dating and I still am to a certain extent. I'm just a lot more careful.

I really don't need to love someone to have great, mind-blowing sex with them. Now, at this point in my life, I'm less interested sex for sex's sake and more interested in a connection. Just because a woman isn't interested in sex without love doesn't she can't seperate the two. She just may not be interested in doing so, either at all or anymore.



Sfortzando -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 2:12:36 PM)

Perhaps the OP, Master Henry, and Pickering can have a lovely, no strings attatched three way. It'd solve all of their problems.



wisdomtogive -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 2:59:32 PM)

I always been a free spirited hippie. Sex to me is not equated to loving someone. I use to live in communes and love had nothing to do with it. I have loved deeply and i have had deep sex..sometimes they go together with a certain person, and with the rest it was hopefully good sex. Nothing more or less in my book.



MasterIronwood -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 3:00:20 PM)

LadyPact - I don't think that. I know I didn't write that and I don't think I even implied that. Thank you for the balance of your feed back.



LadyPact -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 3:36:43 PM)

You are absolutely quite welcome.

Personally, I do happen to be one of those who prefer sex with a connection.  Though I must admit, if I was just out for a good old fashioned roll in the hay, I'd probably want it to be with some hot, attractive, physically pleasing boy.  If I was really lucky, he'd not only be good looking, but masochistic as well.




Aynne88 -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:05:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterIronwood

I know that don't but I don't understand why most women can't/won't separate love and sex. They are two different things and I have found only the exceptional few women able to separate the two.

I would be interested in any feedback on this subject, particularly interested in any feedback from the women (Domme, sub or slave).



What's exceptional about it? If you want an easy lay, they are everywhere. I had my share of one night stands, and they left me feeling kind of blah quite honestly, and with age come wisdom (hopefully). I want free wild abandon uninhibited sex, and I can only achieve that with love. No judgements, hey we all learn either way what works for us but I do think for a lot of women that the best most amazing sex is when we are with a man that we can be secure in the relationship which allows us to be really free and totally open.



AlexandraLynch -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:10:50 PM)

For me, at least, sex is sacred. Part of my understanding of myself and my boundaries is that I need to be friends with him first. I've had casual sex, and while it was usually good, it's much better when I have the connection between my partner and myself that lets us be emotionally safe with each other. 



antipode -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:17:35 PM)

quote:

I don't understand why most women can't/won't separate love and sex


Very little to do with "won't". The way nature has it, when a woman has sex she gets a baby. And that spawns a need for a partner to take care of mother and offspring. It is that simple.





SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:25:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterIronwood

I know that don't but I don't understand why most women can't/won't separate love and sex.


Because I deserve the best of both worlds and I refuse to settle for less.  I am valuable and I know my worth.  While I'm perfectly capable of separating love from sex, I don't have time for pathetic little boys who are too emotionally stunted to incorporate one into the other.  Fortunately, there are plenty of men who are willing and able to successfully combine them.



HisSweetElysium -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:39:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...They are two different things and I have found only the exceptional few women able to separate the two...

it has been this slave's experience that women who don't give a shit about negative social stigma and/or don't hold back sex for love/commitment are in the minority.  (YAAAAY!!!  more for us!!![;)])


I am capable of it, going so far to have fuck buddies when I am single.  People who are admittedly hot,  with nice *ahem* assets, but who I'd be mortified to show up with in public as my significant other b/c they're dumb as a box of rocks, or bore me to tears unless there's nakedness involved. 

This is not the ideal though.  I PREFER to have someone I am in love with to share a greater intimacy with.  Someone I can fuck, have sex with, and make love to, as the mood suits.  Fuck buddies are a good way to pass the time while waiting for that special person, I mean hell, a girl's got needs and sometimes even my bff the G-spot vibe needs a break [8D]



breatheasone -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:42:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...They are two different things and I have found only the exceptional few women able to separate the two...

it has been this slave's experience that women who don't give a shit about negative social stigma and/or don't hold back sex for love/commitment are in the minority.  (YAAAAY!!!  more for us!!![;)])


I am capable of it, going so far to have fuck buddies when I am single.  People who are admittedly hot,  with nice *ahem* assets, but who I'd be mortified to show up with in public as my significant other b/c they're dumb as a box of rocks, or bore me to tears unless there's nakedness involved. 

This is not the ideal though.  I PREFER to have someone I am in love with to share a greater intimacy with.  Someone I can fuck, have sex with, and make love to, as the mood suits.  Fuck buddies are a good way to pass the time while waiting for that special person, I mean hell, a girl's got needs and sometimes even my bff the G-spot vibe needs a break [8D]


i absolutely second this. Been there done that, WON'T go back.[sm=goodpost.gif]



HisSweetElysium -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:45:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

econd this. Been there done that, WON'T go back.[sm=goodpost.gif]

heh heh well that G spot vibe IS pretty awesome, not gonna lie!



GoddessImaginos -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:48:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterIronwood

I know that don't but I don't understand why most women can't/won't separate love and sex.


Because I deserve the best of both worlds and I refuse to settle for less.  I am valuable and I know my worth.  While I'm perfectly capable of separating love from sex, I don't have time for pathetic little boys who are too emotionally stunted to incorporate one into the other.  Fortunately, there are plenty of men who are willing and able to successfully combine them.


Amen and amen.. [sm=applause.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=hippie.gif]



afterforever -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:50:04 PM)

Never really had sex without some kind of emotional connection, but I'm sure it's perfectly fun, and I can see how I might be tempted to do it as some point. And I'd like to think I can separate sex and love. But for now I'll hold out for both, or at least sex with the possibility of love.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 4:57:11 PM)

quote:

...I am capable of it, going so far to have fuck buddies when I am single.  People who are admittedly hot,  with nice *ahem* assets, but who I'd be mortified to show up with in public as my significant other b/c they're dumb as a box of rocks, or bore me to tears unless there's nakedness involved...


well, this slave wouldn't relegate sex without love to those whom she felt embarrassed to have any other sort of relationship with or felt intellectually above...it's more of a how she relates from the beginning, sort of thing.
sometimes, it was just a one-night stand...or a string of them, other times---sporadic fuck-buddies with no real emotional relationship beyond friendship, still other times---it started with incredible sex and lasted for awhile.  since this slave was 15 y/o, she hasn't been "saving it" for some special someone...she has been enjoying it, to the fullest, with all of the similarly interested someone's that have crossed her path.
Master and this slave had sex on our first date. it was about a week after we knew each other existed via the internet...but it was our first time meeting in person.  this slave doesn't regret it for a second...quite the opposite, actually!!![:)]



MissIsis -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 5:01:33 PM)

Because it is like fucking a blow-up doll if there is no emotional connection.  I often wonder, how come the men who wonder why women just can't fuck someone for the hell of it, can't just fuck another man, who feels the same.  After all, a body is a body & a hole is a hole, isn't it?  If there is no emotional attachment or love, why not?  What difference would it make which gender you fuck? 



Drifa -> RE: Sex vs Love (12/10/2009 5:10:38 PM)

If you look at Nancy Friday's books, I think you will see that each modern generation of women is more successfully separating love and sex. I was actually kind of appalled by the most recent one I read, because the young women's fantasies looked so much like men's fantasies to my eye... and my own are conditioned by my acculturation from a generation earlier.

There is a huge cultural component as to how women regard relationships. We are biologically disadvantaged by the possibility of getting pregnant, and love is a huge defense against having to raise a child alone... if you can develop the tools needed to identify a reproductive partner who loves you and will share that duty. Functionally, refusing to disassociate sex and love serves a useful purpose, and cultural roles and messages reinforce that function. I do tend to think that the easy modern access to reliable birth control has made the "hook up culture" possible. Women still can and do become pregnant, so I don't expect that we'll ever see a complete disconnect between love and sex and our culture will continue to incentivize the connection.

In prior generations, I think at least some women often had love and sex completely dissociated. Hence my great grandmother informing me that sex was the price women paid for the privilege of having children. Her close emotional relationships were with her female friends and relatives, and were non-sexual. Sex was that dirty thing you did in the dark with your husband that was an inconvenient ten minutes and a mess that you cleaned up after and loathed. And there's a lot of literature that suggests that this was a fairly normal pattern for women of her era.





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