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julietsierra -> RE: My mother just doesnt understand... (12/17/2009 3:12:09 AM)
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Here's a "mom-clue." (of course these are generalizations. I'm sure that for everything I say there will be an exception somewhere)
Moms have ideas about what it means to be a man. If she feels that being submissive means you're somehow less than that, she's going to be a bit upset, thinking that somehow, all you need is a good kick in the pants to get your life straight.
Moms want their children safe. If she feels that you're going to be the next guy in a can somewhere, she's going to do whatever, however, to whatever extreme she has to do it, to convince you to not go down this road.
Moms have a vested interest in how you turn out. This means that if somehow, you're (in her eyes) not "turning out the way she's hoped" then she's going to mix it up a LOT to try to change the circumstances.
Moms can be VERY accepting about life situations OF OTHER PEOPLE. You say your mom's friends are gay so you don't understand why she's so upset with you. Well, that's just fine. But here's the caveat. They're not her son. You're running into the strange situation of "people's choices are fine so long as they don't mean my children." Many moms do this. Many dads do this. It's a parent thing.
Moms have history that exists from before they became moms. This means that there may be a whole lot going on that you're unaware of, and her discovery has triggered it.
Moms can be extremely logical.... when they want. And at other times, you'll wonder if the aliens have come to take her away to replace her with an exact shrieking duplicate. It's a mom-privilege that everyone rails against and yet, it doesn't change a thing. So, logically, it may seem the right thing to do to buy her a book, inform, educate, etc...
But to many moms... that's horribly insulting (it doesn't have to make sense to be true).
Love her, do things to show her that you're still the person you were before she made her discoveries, and as Sailing Bum pointed out - on this subject, keep your mouth shut.
Oh, and please, please please... be aware... this life exacts a cost. Sometimes, that cost seems more than we can bare. Whether you can or not is up to you. You may not like his delivery style, but Sailing Bum's underlying message is well worth thinking about. "Keep your mouth shut" can include taking a strong look at what you're putting out there for people to find and then making adjustments so that this doesn't happen elsewhere.
And from me... develop a thicker skin please. I know you're in the middle of a HUGE traumatic event (moms saying "get lost" can be extremely painful) but Sailing Bum isn't saying things without merit. He's just saying the things that right now, are difficult to hear - probably because they remind you of how your mom might have been talking to you during your confrontation - I don't know. But other people have offered the same advice he did (Take stock, be mindful of the information you put out there, be prepared to face the worst if it's found out.)
Oh, and by the way, I'm glad it was your mom who found whatever she found and not your employer. Jobs are hard to find these days. (in other words, you might want to take that picture down and put something significantly less identifiable up there.)
Or, as Sailing Bum said... "keep your mouth shut" (and your information a bit more circumspect if you have problems about being 'outed.')
And let's not fool ourselves here... there are MANY submissives who, when new, feel this near-to-overwhelming urge to "tell" others about this life they've chosen. "Telling" can involve a whole bunch of things that never have to even begin with opening your mouth. Take some time and SERIOUSLY consider what you may have "unintentionally-on-purpose" put out there to arouse her suspicions to the point that she went looking for information.
And however this turns out, count it as an important lesson on privacy and your need to be a bit more discriminating in what you have available about yourself that others can find. If your mom found it, then your employer, neighbors, and everyone else can as well - if it was via the computer. If it wasn't, then I'd say you need to consider what information you let slip along the way, cause she found out somehow, and the how may be very important in your future.
Oh yea... and one last thing...
I'm betting your mom loves you very much. She's pissed off and she's going to make darn sure you know it, and well, one way or the other, she's going to make it very clear that you're to "toe the line." Hell, I'm 50 and my parents still try to get me to do things their way. I just smile and say "sure dad, let me think how that will work" or "OMG.. did you see the fish that guy caught?! (what can I say, if he was a football fan, I'd probably say "Hey! What about those SAINTS! They're really something this year aren't they?!")
Or you can do what I did when I informed my parents of something they had reservations about (it was my dad, not my mom, but my reaction would have been the same.)
"I love you very much. However, I didn't ask your permission, your blessing or your opinion. All I did was inform you (or in your case, answer your questions). This is the way I'm living my life and well, it's up to you how you manage the information. If you want my help, I'm always available. If you want to convince me not to do this, well, please don't. Cause I love you very much and I don't want to have to explain my choices or apologize for your reaction. I'm your daughter. Let's just leave it at that, ok?"
juliet
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