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Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 2:06:41 AM

Elisabella

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Why are these boards so filled with bloody drama?

I don't mean drama between two posters, that's normal, I mean drama as in an OP posting some bilge along the lines of "OMG I QUESTIONED MY MASTER RIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT AND HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BUT NOW HES DRIVING HOME AND I CALLED HIS PHONE 10000 TIMES TO SEE IF HES MAD AT ME BUT HES NOT ANSWERING AND IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE HES DRIVING BUT IM PRETTY SURE ITS BECAUSE HES MAD AT ME AND I FEEL SO UNSUBLIKE FOR QUESTIONING HIM AND NOW MAYBE IM BEING MORE UNSUBLIKE FOR CALLING HIM SO MUCH AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO"

This post is generally followed by another one an hour later that says something along the lines of "Master told me he didn't answer because he was on the expressway and didn't want to crash and die, and he calmly reassured me that I did nothing wrong and that he loves me and I'm beautiful and wonderful and I feel so stupid but he's so wonderful and he always puts up with me and I love my Master soooooooooooooooooooo much <3<3<3<456789<0"

Seriously wtf. I have never, ever heard any of my vanilla friends freak out over a relationship like this. Oh sure they do the "he hasn't called in 2 days is he busy or is he avoiding me" thing but then they laugh and shrug it off, they never finish up with "he's so great I'm so stupid" so is there a reason these bitches have to freaking overthink everything and wonder if their actions make them "unsublike" (WTF is that? if you're a submissive in a relationship you are by default sublike)

In other words why is it all the hyperdramatic chicks are femsubs?

< Message edited by Elisabella -- 12/12/2009 2:41:38 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 2:35:05 AM

slaveToKnight

Posts: 100
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Maybe all the fem subs that don't like, want or need the drama just don't post such threads? Just an idea.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 2

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 2:39:31 AM

wandersalone

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Joined: 11/21/2005
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um are you equating being bipolar with people who are worried, maybe overly so? Maybe I am being too sensitive to the wording of your last sentence however I feel it is important to state that there are a lot of people who have been diagnosed with a bipolar disorder who do not do any of what you are posting about. The majority of people with bipolar disorder live happy and fulfilling lives with the same little speed bumps that we all have and do not go around posting panic-filled posts every two minutes.

At the risk of sounding like someone with bipolar

I often think before I speak, jump to conclusions and generally get all melodramatic. I (usually ha ha) don't post to a message board but instead will ring or see one of my friends and blurt all of my fears out to them. Often what I am seeking is simply reassurance and yes just as often I need to be reminded to get out of my thoughts. And once I have blurted everything out I immediately see the irrationality of my thoughts and I can laugh about it with whomever I spoke with about it.

As to the person questioning if they are 'unsublike' .... having been in a few d/s relationships in my life I know that in my case what one person felt was submissive behaviour was not necessarily what another person thought. In my current situation I am having to unlearn all of my previous learning about acceptable/appropriate s type behaviour and focus on what He wants which is quite different. So in this case I currently have a lot of questions for Him around is this acceptable etc.

I will agree that it can be ..... interesting ..... to read posts from someone who was collared the day before to someone they have known online for a day and a half who is now panicked because their D type wants them to shave their hair off and post it to them and comes here in a panic asking for advice (and of course my all time favourite the tap tap tap thread..... sighs, I miss those days

)

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 3

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 2:42:57 AM

Elisabella

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Hey wandersalone, I apologize about the 'bipolar' comment, I just meant it as in they have crazy mood swings (freaking out in the OP, happy and warm and fuzzy an hour later) not as someone with the actual disorder.

Fixed it

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 4

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 2:46:21 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Ahhh Bella,
It is easy to give into one's fear on a somewhat anonymous board. Something about dependency that is fostered in this kind of relationship... *shrug... something about the coming out process and the vulnerability inherent therein... something about growing into maturity. Meh.

Don't let it getcha down.

Good day to you and yours...

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Post #: 5

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 3:04:43 AM

wandersalone

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Joined: 11/21/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Hey wandersalone, I apologize about the 'bipolar' comment, I just meant it as in they have crazy mood swings (freaking out in the OP, happy and warm and fuzzy an hour later) not as someone with the actual disorder.

Fixed it

I sincerely appreciate you changing the wording of that sentence Bella

And I agree with what Sunny said about it being somewhat easier to post things from behind the security of a computer screen and about the vulnerabilities that are exposed, especially in new and developing M/s or D/s relationships. It can be a time of confusion and fears....am I doing this right, am I being assertive or domineering, is this me topping from the bottom or simply letting them know how I feel etc etc etc (and they were just a few of my questions to myself today ha ha)

I do know the types of posts you mean though

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 6

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 3:31:35 AM

WyldHrt

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quote:

Seriously wtf. I have never, ever heard any of my vanilla friends freak out over a relationship like this.

That rather surprises me. I've been hearing pretty much the same stuff from "vanilla" girls in the throes of a new relationship for awhile now. IIRC, it started about 25 years ago, when I was 15...

quote:

is there a reason these bitches have to freaking overthink everything and wonder if their actions make them "unsublike" (WTF is that? if you're a submissive in a relationship you are by default sublike)

Yes, there is a reason. That said, I can't be arsed to explain it to you, given the rather nasty attitude you are showing.

quote:

In other words why is it all the hyperdramatic chicks are femsubs?

*sigh* Yes, Dommes and vanilla girls are never hyperdramatic or anything.

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 7

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 3:33:17 AM

Justme696

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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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we are cursed with feelings and brains
without those life would have been eassier and we would not have drama.
(and propably a small forum)

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 8

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 3:48:12 AM

wandersalone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

we are cursed with feelings and brains
without those life would have been eassier and we would not have drama.
(and propably a small forum)

Very true! (and wow, I love your new profile pictures )

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 9

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 3:50:05 AM

Justme696

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thank you

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 10

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 3:57:59 AM

Lucienne

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Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveToKnight

Maybe all the fem subs that don't like, want or need the drama just don't post such threads? Just an idea.

She didn't assert that all femsubs are hyperdramatic, just that the hyperdramatic posts on this board come from femsubs. (I assume the edit was limited to changing the word "bipolar"). Which, off the top of my head, seems mostly true.

I suspect this is due to the fact that it's more culturally acceptable for women to exhibit insecurities (it's arguably culturally encouraged) than it is for men. And in the smaller culture of bdsm, expressing insecurity and looking for direction is more acceptable from subs than doms. Put those two together, and you have hyperdramatic femsubs feeling free to extrovert their insecurities.

The overthinking part, when it comes to intimate relationships, also seems to be more common in women than in men. I don't know a woman who hasn't been guilty of it at least once in her life. I sure as hell have been guilty of it, as my friends can attest. Spending a lot of time trying to divine your partner's inner thoughts and motivations is rarely as productive as simply determining your behavior in response to his actions and (less so) words. But it seems to be a pretty common habit among women, none the less.

(in reply to slaveToKnight)

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 4:05:24 AM

Level

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I don't know if more drama comes from submissives or not; it certainly comes from both sides of the fence, so to speak. I tend to think a lot of it is made up

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(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 12

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 4:10:07 AM

Aileen1968

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Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I thought this was gonna be about a period...

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 4:14:38 AM

WyldHrt

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Joined: 6/5/2008
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I lubs you, Aileen!

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 14

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 4:44:47 AM

Aynne88

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Joined: 8/29/2008
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Agrees with Wyld. I have tended bar for 15 years off and on and well 90% of the calls were from vanilla chicks trying to track down there man, crying, begging, "Oh my god is he there, please please just tell me I won't say that you told me, pleaseeeee." Um yeah no. I know who's tipping me and it's not the hysterical vanilla chick on the phone.

Now, onto the dreaded "girl's night out." 3 hours of wine, sake and sushi ruined by 8 to 10 women from 25 to 45 lamenting the behavior of their boyfriends/husbands, and calling them every 30 fucking minutes. "Baby what's up, are you sure it's ok I went out, are you mad at me, well you sound mad, do you want me to come home right now because I will!" Ugh. I quit that whole girls night out mess about 5 years ago. Now you can find me with the guys, having a smash up time and trust me they are *not* calling their vanilla wives or wondering what they are doing, not for one minute.

.

Sp, in my experience vanilla women are every bit as melodramatic, hysterical and insecure as what you percieve to have seen on here. I love it when He doesn't call me for a day or two, but I am not one to be prone to typical chick behavior whatever that is. In actuality he is far more "clingy" than I am, I like my breathing room.

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(in reply to WyldHrt)

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 5:10:29 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

*sigh* Yes, Dommes and vanilla girls are never hyperdramatic or anything.

I can't speak for vanilla girls, but no, I've never seen a Domme lose her cool. Never. ;-)

In response to the OP - I try to live as much of a drama free life as I can. So when I come across an overly dramatic thread, I just move to the next.

I figure the person who posted this needed to. On the flip side, I have absolutely no need to read it. Plenty of people will come to her with the reassurance she wants. She (or he in the case that some s-guys or D-guys or trans or switches or what have you) will find comfort with those who want to share her drama and conflict with those who want to tell her she's over reacting. Who am I to deny her this?

I will however say one thing. If I had a boy who aired our personal struggle or any part of our personal life on these boards, we would have serious issues to discuss and the end result would be for him to cease and desist.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 12/12/2009 5:11:21 AM >

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 5:25:25 AM

Underumam

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Drama has had me within it's clutches a few times. It's mostly related to emotional pain and the inability to find resolution of inner conflicts. This can be most intense in matters between males and females. lol.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 17

RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 5:46:42 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Why are these boards so filled with bloody drama?
THis is a free site and used by many kinds of ppl with many ways of coping..reacting....including overreacting..needing feedback immediately etc...

so is there a reason these bitches have to freaking overthink everything and wonder if their actions make them "unsublike" (WTF is that? if you're a submissive in a relationship you are by default sublike)
ONE reason is it is their way of reacting..many newbies in BDSM or oldies for that matter check in for feedback because they CAN..

Other dating sites are not the same as far as I know..few have forums where you can write in and say"Why hasn't he called ?" etc..or I am sure ppl woudl be .

There are those who need constant reassurance and for whom life is drama..some cannot live life on life's terms..some overreact..some live a dramatic..mood controlled life for years..and they are here too.

SOME post.."Things are going great his week ..we had a good weekend... and the 2nd girl and I are getting along"..but FORUMS are OFTEN for feedback for issues..problems..queries and to answer questions that someone has been unable to SOLVE themselves or wants other ideas for.

In other words why is it all the hyperdramatic chicks are femsubs?
I Have seen quite a bit from men too who have broken up..found out devastating news..
or it has not worked out?

We can always CHOOSE NOT to read the drama or follow it..jsut as we can CHOOSE to swtich channels about the Tiger WOODs crap on TV right now coming from every direction to fill every hour it seems..

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 12/12/2009 5:48:09 AM >

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 5:59:16 AM

CarrieO

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I don't believe this type of overly dramatic behavior is limited only to female subs. I do think they tend to get more attention than most when it comes to replies. I also think there are some (not all) subs, both female and male, who struggle with their chosen role within a relationship ( not every sub falls into an automatic default submission). As others have mentioned, this isn't just in femsubs...vanilla folks are just as guilty. Take a look at some of the message boards devoted to relationship advice or tv talk shows. Heck, look at some of the magazines that are devoted to women and read things like "10 ways to make him love you" or "Why doesn't he call me after our date".
Insecurity seems to sell.

Then there is the machine that is the internet and CM's message boards in particular. Anyone can make a screenname/profile and post anything with the understanding that, for the most part, they're anonymous. Again, I've seen this from both dominant and submissive sides.

On the flip side, my question would be...why would a intelligent, level-headed individual bother to respond to a drama filled post? Could it be that some people just enjoy being able to say what they want, how they want and to whoever they want to in relative "you don't know me, really" safety?

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 12/12/2009 6:02:18 AM >

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 6:26:57 AM

LaTigresse

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I quite often sit here behind my computer, laugh and shake my head, wondering how some people manage to function in their daily lives. Then I remember my graphics guy's wife, who calls him, in a tizzy, if she gets a bloody hangnail. Proceeds to get him all in a dramatic tizzy, and they both need bitchslapped upside the head. Unfortunately laws prevent me from doing so.

I see this type of disfunctional behaviour all over the forums, just as in real life. It is not limited to submissive women, or even women. The forums are just as full of over reactive men. It is just that the men over react with a different type of drama than women.........usually. Just look at the political/religious threads or a few of the gorean ones for delightful examples of that.

Drama is fueled by insecurity and immaturity. How that is displayed depends upon the individual and how they see it as being acceptable for the person they wish to be seen as. If they want to be seen as the cute, helpless, submissive woman........then it is the "omg omg whateva shall I do?!?!?!?" If it is the tough dominant person it comes across in a much more swaggering aggresive manner. Neither is appealing to me except as entertainment or sharp stick poking.

Add to the above that I think a large number of people online, share some sort of anti-social disorder. Struggling with personal relationships regardless of type. The causes for that is very likely to spill over into their internet communications also.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/12/2009 6:28:32 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 20

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