From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 5:35:53 PM)

There's another thread going on in the submissive section regarding reason for rejection.  It can be found here http://www.collarchat.com/m_2949030/tm.htm .  I didn't want to step on the toes on that thread, but it made Me think a bit, so I wanted to bring the question to this board.

What are some of the reasons that you might reject a potential s type?  Are all of your reasons absolutes?  Are there some areas that you may not be comfortable with, but may not be on the same level such as things you refuse to tolerate?

I have a few answers of My own, but I'm wondering what other people think about the rejection subject.



PrincessDonna -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 5:55:03 PM)

I do not accept subs that interview thinking that sex is a reward.



DarkSteven -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 5:59:47 PM)

I'm not a Mistress but I'll take a crack at it.

1. No chemistry.  I'm not attracted to her.
2. Some of my must-haves appear on her hard limits list.
3. My religion shows up in her Dislikes or Hard Limits lists.
4. The profile writing shows her to be unintelligent.
5. She has no original thoughts and quotes poetry and writings by others.
6. Her profile is filled with rants against fake Doms or anybody/anything else.
7. She seems so strong in her religion that I don't think she'd mesh with mine.
8. I'm obviously not what she's looking for (too old, etc.).



Ladynslave -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:10:24 PM)

Mine are they list straight on their profile, have no or a very limited profile, can't type (spelling, punctuation), they insult or ignore my current slave, and they don't include what I ask for in our profile.

Lady



LadyHibiscus -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:31:50 PM)

Wow, where do I begin? I do not bother with the ones who obviously will not be a match, like sissies, or humiliation players, or married guys. For the ones I do engage:

Not following directions, for instance if they call me by something I do not care for (ie, Mistress, Goddess) and do not IMMEDIATELY stop using the term.
Not LISTENING to what I am saying, or asking about ME----it's all talk about them.
Too much stress on kink, to the point of having no other topics of conversation.
Showing a lack of education or what used to be called "breeding".
Rude, sleazy, icky, or otherwise unpleasant commentary.
Unsolicited pictures of private parts.
etc;

The number one reason I reject someone: THEY BORE ME. How is it possible that there are so many boring people in the world? But there ARE, of all genders and orientations. May they all meet one another and live happily ever after!



PeonForHer -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:37:20 PM)

Are subs allowed to write about the main reasons why they'd reject a Domme here, LP, or is that best dealt with in a different thread?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:38:23 PM)

Why Peon, are you implying that we are not all perfect specimens of domly domness?[:D]



littlesarbonn -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:43:14 PM)

This is partly why I'm not looking for a partner anymore. There are just way too many people looking for too many reasons to reject potential partners. It's almost as if people aren't interested in finding reasons to ACCEPT anyone anymore.

At least my stuffed animals love me.....



LadyHibiscus -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:44:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

This is partly why I'm not looking for a partner anymore. There are just way too many people looking for too many reasons to reject potential partners. It's almost as if people aren't interested in finding reasons to ACCEPT anyone anymore.

At least my stuffed animals love me.....




So what, we should say yippie oh perfect when a person is a complete boring dolt? Sorry, if someone bores me on messenger, what will he do for me in real life?



AlexandraLynch -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:46:27 PM)

Reasons for rejection:
-My dance card is full, nothing personal, guys.
-I am not interested in long distance relationships. If you are out of state, it is de facto a long distance relationship.
-I am not interested in crossdressers. If that is a primary element of your kink, we don't match up.
-You do not show signs of intelligence and wit in your initial contact with me. This includes writing me here without having bothered to read my profile.





littlesarbonn -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 7:59:06 PM)

I find that when people are so focused on rejection, then that's pretty much all they'll really end up doing. It's like trying to find an agent who hires someone to reject everything in the slush pile. Basically, the focus is on how to reject rather than on looking for the one gem to actually accept.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 8:22:57 PM)

My current submissive is a great guy who is completely not suited to me, nor I to him. We do not have any kind of romantic relationship, he is not nearly maso enough, though we have a grand time playing, and well... the universe handed him to me, why should I say no?

Essentially, we both settled. And we are having fun, too. Still, I am having a hard time considering this a GOOD thing.

At this point in my life, I KNOW what will and will not work for me. I try to think of it as being focused on finding a match, rather than looking for reasons for rejection.



DrkJourney -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 8:37:26 PM)

Speaking for me, I was far from wanting to reject anyone.  As a matter of fact I met with some that I knew were not compatible but I thought maybe talking on phone or IM was just not putting them in the best light so I would see how they were in person.....all I can say is it saves loads of time to just follow your instincts...lol

I rejected those who were obviously trying to manipulate me, which is my pet peeve.  They saw by my profile at the time, and that I was not what they were into, yet they still contacted me claiming that the particular fetish was not important, then they spend every conversation trying to manipulate me into going against what I want and to what they wanted.  Also, was not interested in those obviously just trying to fufill some fantasy.

For me it had to do with personality clashes...mostly because the majority of people that contacted me where gamers and scammers....then there were those that were on the other side of the planet, claiming that they could relocate..of course when time came they mysteriously disappeared and would reject all contact....these types usually would show up months later with some lame reason why they just went poof wanting another chance.  (my fav on these types are the ones that returned and tried to blame me for the reason they left (i.e. well I thought you would make fun of me because I liked to cook)...really? then why did you return?...lol)

I also was totally not into the people that were contacting me because of color and even though it was mentioned a hard limit in my profile, and I would even give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them not to do it when they emailed....they would still insist on mentioning it every other sentence.  I just think picking someone because of color is lame, that's how you pick clothes not a mate....just me  But this also applies to the ones that would contact me just because we were in the same area...same principle as above, not how you pick a mate.

Also, didn't respond to those that copy and paste...which are the same people that would just take any old person to dominate them....like they just caste their lines in the water and would jump at any one that decided to bite.  If they can't take the time to write me and email, doesn't have to be long or anything, then why should I care?

Of course there were the obvious ones that wanted to jump on cam, or phone in the first email...or would just simply send me their yahoo address or phone number in the first email, no hello or anything.

Actually, those I rejected were based on that person and how they decided to approach...I did try to have an open mind about all that contacted...but some people you just can't give a break.




MistressEllen444 -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 8:47:36 PM)

Some wonderful responses and I can relate to almost all. I have different criteria for playpartner and for real partner - real ones as in have a vanilla life, well educated, enjoy more than penis games - with that being said, I mainly reject because I am so tired of no one seeming to have a real life outside of their kinks.
Then the married guys - tons of those, the separated but still living at home guys, the almost divorced for 2 years guys, etc.
As for playpartners, not as picky but almost.
Too jaded, but thank goodness the odds are with me enough to keep me amused most of the time.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 8:52:03 PM)

~FR~
 
Sylvere's Top 10 Reasons For Rejectioin
 
1. Male (this includes MtF trans, only XX chromosomes need apply)
2. Overweight (I like curves but not rolls, ya know?)
3. My must haves are on her list of hard limits and vice versa
4. Unintelligent/illiterate (uses text speak, doesn't know the difference between there/their/they're)
5. Superficial (primary interests are shopping, gossip, reality TV)
6. Monogamous or a "cowgirl" (pretends to be polyamorous with the intent of trying to separate one partner from the others)
7. Uses drugs (I am not and will never be "420 friendly")
8. A liar (white lies are still lies)
9. Can't or won't take care of herself financially/emotionally
10. No chemistry



GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/14/2009 9:02:52 PM)

LP;;;
 
I prefer to say..we did not suit each other to we did nto mesh..or there were issues...
 
 
I feel I am clear in my profile what I seek..want and what I give..and how it will be..
 
1)I am clear about what messages I will not answer
so first...
 
there are messages that do not get answered
 
2)then as some dialogue starts I discontinue if
it is all about them
all about sex
is a "what will you do to me "dialogue..
there is rudeness
there is lack of attention or knowledge of what BDSM really is...to me
 
 
3)I do not meet again if at the 1st meeting..
they insist on going to my place to serve
they are not listening
they are rude
they do not know what service means or what I had wanted in my profile or talks
if there is manipulation
if there is a lot of "hard- on" talk,
if things they said initially about time..consisitency etc suddenly change,
if they lie
 
I will NOT tolerate lying at all
 
oh and for fun..
reason subs have "rejected" me..[8|]
too big
not big enough
too old
wrong color
did nto dress like a DOM( for coffee)
I did nto "D them right away" in teh cafe
did nto "seem" like a D
not interested in "all this talking BS"
"you weren't there for me"(he could nto come over when hew was horny)
 
 
GM
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



Santoro -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/16/2009 2:52:21 AM)

I think considering or even the thought of rejection is irrelevant. If another cannot enhance the quality of your life or you the life they are struggling with then dismissing them from your life is only logical and that has nothing to do with rejection.



cloudboy -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/18/2009 3:10:21 PM)

I've rarely experienced rejection. Its either been "it didn't happen" or a breakup. One time I put the heavy moves on a girl because I found her attractive from afar. She was flattered by the advances, and we had two dates, but some signs were not good. She was a big time music person. She had an established clique of friends. I was clearly outside these interests and was different from her circle. At the end of the second date she dropped the "just want to be friends" line. My shoulders slumped and I was disappointed, but this was not unexpected. It was just too damned awkward. My "attraction from afar" was not going and was probably never going to bridge the gap.

On the other hand, I have found that when relationships are working, very little thinking is and analysis are involved -- good fortune and positive energy rule.

P.S. Back to rejection, to me this can only happen after a few dates -- otherwise the disconnection is a "didn't happen."



Ladynslave -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/18/2009 5:05:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

This is partly why I'm not looking for a partner anymore. There are just way too many people looking for too many reasons to reject potential partners. It's almost as if people aren't interested in finding reasons to ACCEPT anyone anymore.

At least my stuffed animals love me.....



Who said anyone was focused on rejection?  That was simply the topic of the post.  If it had been a topic about reasons to accept a potential sub, I am sure most of the same people would have answered in a positive light.



PeonForHer -> RE: From the "Reasons for Rejection' Idea (12/18/2009 5:13:57 PM)

Who said anyone was focused on rejection?  That was simply the topic of the post.
 
Those two sentences put together are scrambling my brain somewhat, Ladynslave.  Surely if it's the topic of the post, it's also the focus of it?



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