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Am I Rare, Really? - 9/3/2004 8:47:19 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I was told there are almost no women like myself out there. Women who like to Dom but don't (and don't want to) do it professionally. Is that true? Are there others on here who have never Dommed for pay and who just do everything their own way (no fetish clothes and etc unless it pleases themselves)?

I think I'm not rare but others like myself have given up on finding someone suitable. Men don't seem to want what I think of as a real Domme. Maybe I'm the one who's clueless after all.

< Message edited by Laura -- 9/3/2004 8:48:16 PM >

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RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/3/2004 10:58:13 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There was a sub complaining on the message boards that he couldn't find any non pro Dommes. How have you guys missed each other?

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 2:42:42 AM

MistressVivianCA

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

No, you are not that unique. I don't domme for money and neither do any of the dommes in my social group that I am aware of. In my experience there are a lot of 'do me' subs you run into on line. They have a whole list of things that 'real' dommes do and will try to intimidate you into becoming the Stepford domme of their dreams. Just ignore them and keep looking for the needle in the haystack.

Best wishes, Vivian

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 7:36:43 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

I was told there are almost no women like myself out there. Women who like to Dom but don't (and don't want to) do it professionally. Is that true?

Not in my experience. Very much the opposite, in fact.

quote:

Are there others on here who have never Dommed for pay and who just do everything their own way (no fetish clothes and etc unless it pleases themselves)? I think I'm not rare but others like myself have given up on finding someone suitable. Men don't seem to want what I think of as a real Domme. Maybe I'm the one who's clueless after all.

Those aren't the men you want then. Anything worth keeping is worth looking for. Don't give up hope and you'll find him someday.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

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(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 9:03:53 AM

cheeba0228

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline

Na your not that rare. I think a true sub that is not just trying to feel out some fantasy is more rare. And a bi-sub that is unowned and looking for a Dom male....well thats just a treasure to find.

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BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 9:38:08 AM

TickleToy

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

As someone that some in this forum might consider a "do me" sub, let me say in my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and I suspect there are a lot of people (women and men) like you out there.

I took a quick look at your profile and there is absolutely nothing there suggest to you are or have any interest in being a pro-domme. You just being badgered by idiots who are too stupid to know that they can't really get what they think they want from you. If you caved in, it wouldn't be healthy for you if what you really want is something else. Besides, if the guys badgering you are really submissives then they can't really get what they are looking for long term out of a pro-domme. Pro-domme's are for short term fixes and as someone who has had a few sessions as a bottom, it leaves you feeling like something is missing. Although for me, I suspect it might be better as at least my fetish is satisfied for a spell.

As to you guys out there putting pressure on women to be pro-domme's you had better be careful. Once you are in someone's clutches you are in someone's clutches. You could get a lesson you might not have a chance to forget. At least with a real pro-domme there is a professional reputation at stake.

There are a lot of fish in the sea. Keep looking both here and elsewhere. For all you know, that very vanilla boring work focussed guy around the corner really has the hidden desires you are looking for. Don't laugh. I suspect there is nobody in my personal life that would even imagine me reading this board much less believe that I have bottomed before.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 9:47:12 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura
I was told there are almost no women like myself out there. Women who like to Dom but don't (and don't want to) do it professionally. Is that true? Are there others on here who have never Dommed for pay and who just do everything their own way (no fetish clothes and etc unless it pleases themselves)?

I have never accepted a penny for domination. I have had subs give me presents but then again, I have had boyfriends & girlfriends give me presents and I don't consider that to be payment for sex.

I don't feel like I need to dress up to Domme because I'm almost always dressed up to Domme. I prefer the power suit / sophisticated look day-to-day over anything else. That is a personal preference.

I’m not sure if I am the norm or not. To be quite honest, I’m not overly concerned about it.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 9:51:24 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

cheeba0228
I think a true sub that is not just trying to feel out some fantasy is more rare. And a bi-sub that is unowned and looking for a Dom male....well thats just a treasure to find.

I'm assuming you mean bi-female sub (your profile lists you as straight)

Try a bi-sub or lesbian sub that is unnattached and looking for a Female Domme. Even rarer my friend. Though not impossible to find ;)

The rare pearls are always the best ones I find...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to cheeba0228)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 10:48:11 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Laura,
Being rare like a fine wine, is that so bad?

I think you hit it right on the head. People complain that you are rare because you don't charge and hey you care about those you play with. Hey, would'nt that mean you are what most consider a good Dominant?

I'm sure with pro's safety is of the upmost concern. So, yes I assume they probably care to an extent. However, they are never going to fall in love with their submissive. They are never going to have those little inside jokes as they are walking around a mall with their submissive, they see something just so. They lose out on a lot.

If I pay you and tell you my biggest fetish is, I don't know..pee. You're going to do it right? Don't I have the right to get my money's worth? Regardless whether I am paying you or not I have that right. I'm just going to top you from the bottom from day one. If you don't like it I'll take my money and go elsewhere.

Anyway, in my personal experience. I've known some Pro Fem Doms in person. Known a pro sub or two. Most though of the people I know they are not Pro anythings. They may allow the submissives to help out on a hotel room to play in...but that's about it.

So, no I don't think you are rare indeed. Even if you are some special submissive someday is going to find you, then it won't matter if you are the rarest of all. He or she will have found something priceless.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 9

Rare .. probably not but just as special - 9/4/2004 3:03:06 PM

PranksterBitch

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/3/2004
Status: offline

Most of the time we have a few waiting patiently for us to become submissive-free so they get the chance to worship us. So we aren't usually looking for a submissive. That may be what they meant. As far as pro dommes .. I have a few that are friends and very cool. They are paid for a session but it's their decision what is done and when. They negotiate limits like the rest of us and only accept submissives who interest them. But most of my peers are not pro dommes.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 10

RE: Rare .. probably not but just as special - 9/4/2004 4:59:11 PM

MissFem

Posts: 178
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I doubt that I could ever be a pro......Im to much a clutz.......

no for real....I dont wanna get paid for it.....

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(in reply to PranksterBitch)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 5:23:24 PM

MsSimone

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/15/2004
From: Chicago,Illinois
Status: offline

I am a bit concerned about the negativity I have read lately on the boards aimed at prodommes. Now I understand male subs wanting to find the ONE dominant woman that they can serve. That is what we all want : companionship to match our interests. However, as some of you said, you know professionals. Have you asked them why they do it? have you inquired to their reasoning? Prodomination is not the glamour job you all think it is. I do not just sit back and rack in the money.on the contrary if i wanted to get rich and be taken care of i would get a different job. There are many expenditures to this business as with any business. Supplies need to be bought constantly, toys need to updated or fixed. I do not do this job because I'm a money whore. In fact I am usually very turned off by those who approach me for financial domination.

I have always done this job for a few very specific reasons. here they are for those who care or are curious :
!) I like having every day be new and unique. I get to do my kink for a living with different fetishes, people and scenes every day. Every day is an adventure for me.
2) I have a true interest in helping those in our lifestyle who CAN not come out or participate actively in it, to explore and experience their fetish desires in a safe, clean discrete environment. I can not count the number of times I have had clients thank me for helping them release the pressure of keeping it all inisde. I accpet couples into my dungeon and have saved many a marriage.This has to be the most satisfying one to me. I work with handicapped clients who are body conscious to go out in public or afraid to approach those in munches. I work with females who are exploring thier bisexual side.

Those are my reasons, not money. Now if this in bad in our lifestyle, sorry. I feel what I do is a valuable asset to our kink. Yes, there are those in EVERY profession that help promote a bad name, who are unethical or are in it for the money. But there are those of us who truly care about what we do. There are many well known and accepted females in our community who do this type of work and are respected. I count lucky myself to be in this group. I am very lifestyle and active in my community. I volunteer at the LA&M. I am a national educator. I ran a BDSM club for 8 years. I am the current Great Lakes Trainer 2003-04. Ihave owned and own slaves both male and female.I volunteer at numerous things for my community AND YES I AM ALSO A PRODOMME!

Sorry if this post offends anyone but I felt it necessary to give my opinion on what was turning into a overall negative attitude on those in our lifestyle who do make a living at it. I dont see the artisitans, whipmakers, toy store owners photographers,etc. getting ripped a new one for using their skills to make a living on this kink - just us prodommes!

Mistress Simone
Yes, both a professional and a lifestyler

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www.chicago-mistress.com

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 5:47:32 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline

No you are not rare, I know lots of Dommes who aren't Pro-Dommes. I have 3 part-time subbies who serve me with no money changing hands. I have one client who came to me as a "do-me", he pays.

My stable know I don't do fet wear at home, they get me in my every day clothes, it isn't the clothing that makes the Domme. My client expects to have his fantasy fulfilled, so he gets the whole nine yards.

I have other subs applying to me and we don't discuss money, because that isn't going to be the dynamic of the relationship.

There is nothing wrong with not being a Pro-Domme, or conversely with being a Pro-Domme. There is also nothing wrong with being particular who you allow into your life.

Really good service subs are hard to find. I swear I have "I brake for newbies" written on my forehead. So I train them to make me happy.

Hang in there, don't give up the search

quote:

I was told there are almost no women like myself out there. Women who like to Dom but don't (and don't want to) do it professionally. Is that true? Are there others on here who have never Dommed for pay and who just do everything their own way (no fetish clothes and etc unless it pleases themselves)?

I think I'm not rare but others like myself have given up on finding someone suitable. Men don't seem to want what I think of as a real Domme. Maybe I'm the one who's clueless after all.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 5:56:54 PM

PranksterBitch

Posts: 61
Joined: 9/3/2004
Status: offline

Good post Ms Simon! I wonder if there is such an uproar lately over Pro-Dommes because unfortunately there is a growing movement from prostitution to copying the play of a Pro-Domme. Of course it isn't the same thing at all .. but many who don't know about this influx may be confusing a real dominant acting as a Pro-Domme with a person who is just after some money.

I have a cousin who worked at the Mustang Ranch. She is now working on her A.S. degree, and no longer in the business. Her view is this: she role played as a paid sex worker. Role playing as a dominant female and making twice the money looks like a no brainer. She sais "As a sex worker, you don't really have much choice as to whether you have sex with your paying customer, but when posing as a Pro-Domme, you not only make twice/three times the money but you get to set the limits and decide on a customer by customer basis who you feel like having sex with. Unfortunately this is nothing like a true Pro-Domme as they do not engage in sexual penetration, and are compensated for their time. And this is only one opinion. But I wonder if this is why Pro-Domme have been feeling the heat lately.

As one with absolutely no experience in either, this is only for discussion sake and could be completely off. But thought it might add to the discussion.

(in reply to MsSimone)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 7:08:05 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Thanks for the postings. I was feeling the whole thing was pretty hopeless. I've read tons of ads, talked via email with most of those and yet each time it ends the same way. Nada. I think I am going to stop searching through the BDSM personals and just see who I meet. I really miss living in a city area. But, this is where I am.

Also, I was not bashing pro Dommes. I have met LadyShosin for coffee. I've been friends with an ex-hooker for almost 3 years and I'm writing for her website, due to re-open soon. I'm just trying to figure out where I fit in, or if I fit in. I think I do. It's just a matter of finding a guy worthy of me. ;)

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Post #: 15

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 7:16:00 PM

cbtok

Posts: 70
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

One could suggest, Of course you are rare. You are unique as is everyone in this world.

If i may, i would like to offer commentary on Mistress Simone's reply. She implies that professionals are being seen as second-class citizenry here and that bothers me a lot.

In the R/L world, i have a career in the field of television and have been consistently honored by my peers as one of the best. i have a shelf with honorable mentions and accolades for the work that i do and my work may be seen by each and every one of the participants here in this forum (as it does go out internationally) who have access to cable and satellite television. In many ways, one could call it an "honorable career" in an "honorable business."

And let's just see what i have been doing this week...

There happens to be a hurricane at this writing that is hitting the coast of Florida after having really walloped the Bahamas. We played up to a national convention that nominated a man of highly questionable integrity to run for the office of President of the US. Today we told you how you cannot count on being able to determine whether or not you are about to have a heart attack through the use of a pretty common test. We showed you a block-long line of horribly burned corpses of children whose only crime was to go to school in Russia.

In other words, my "honorable career" did much to feed the insecurity, fears, doubts and anxieties of millions of people.

On the other hand, Mistress Simone in this last week probably helped half a dozen clients function better in their lives by relieving high stress loads, calmed the fears of at least one woman who may have thought she was not up to the task of dominating her boyfriend, contributed to a community of people dedicated to the proposition that they should have fun by offering a class in technique...

i am absolutely certain that i could not possibly enumerate all of the good that She has done but you, dear reader, must understand my point.

Were it not important to society, there would be no professionals. And to assume that what Mistress Simone and her sisters in their own businesses are somehow mixed up in something questionable or tawdry is to reveal a certain self-loathing about one's own kinkiness.

Is it time to start issuing awards for those who work in this field? One might suggest that there cannot possibly be enough room on Mistress Simone's shelves for all the honors She is due.

(in reply to MsSimone)

Post #: 16

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/4/2004 7:56:12 PM

monsieur42

Posts: 24
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline

Dear Laura,

I think many (really many,many,many) men are looking for a non-pro Domme. The problem is perhaps that not that many are looking for a 24/7 or exclusive relationship. One of the reason is possibly that many of these men have other interests and relationships in life that they cannot or do not wish to abandon completely. (give up going out with friends, fishing trips, Hockey nights etc). All this makes a full time relationship something more difficult to find.

I for one have visited a few pro Dommes in the past but I did not find the fulfilment I was looking for. (I strongly believe though that pro Dommes are a good thing in our societies). For me, the ideal would be an occasional but regular relation such that I can live some of the lifestyle without putting an X on the rest of my life.

Still, the right guy might still be out there for you. One advice perhaps: As a guy looking for a relationship with a Mistress, I would have found your profil more appealing if you would have listed the activities you are interested in. You are not selling cars, but the list of options is still an important aspect.

Best of luck in your search.

Monsieur42

_____________________________

The world is beautiful from down here.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/5/2004 6:56:53 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

I'm not looking for 24/7. That is something you assumed on your own. I did have a lot more to my profile but I chopped it down. I find the less I write about BDSM interests the fewer do-me subs I hear from. My non-BDSM interests are all still there. Which makes me wonder how serious you are about a relationship and a life along with the BDSM aspect. Maybe you're fooling yourself?

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(in reply to monsieur42)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/6/2004 4:12:03 AM

sting516

Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline

Laura,

i would say it seems like there are no non-pro dommes sometimes because of the online world's preponderence of so-called money-dommes...many of whom seem to have no desire to dominate in any other way than having suckers.....i mean subs, send money to them...to me, it's little more than begging...kind of sad actually.

Just my two cents.

sting

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I Rare, Really? - 9/6/2004 4:35:51 AM

Madame

Posts: 32
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I can't ever imgaine being paid with money.
Must be an interesting way to make a buck.

I find my payment comes from the Service of
a boy. And I do keep them hopping!

Sadly, a houseboy is generally more work to Train,
then hiring the work out.

But then, where's the fun?

(in reply to sting516)

Post #: 20

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