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why so serious? - 12/14/2009 8:15:51 PM

curls84

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline

Hello to all. im just posting this as my thoughts on the subject of the slave/sub and master/Mistress relationship.

Now maybe i havent looked hard enough but when i first came across this site (thanx yahoo) i assumed it was where people go to find others to play naughty games. Yet almost every profile i read is something like,"want real people who obey me. do these tasks to prove your worth. submit your mind, body, soul, and time to me" half of the ones i read want 24/7 tpe, which im not knocking. In fact that im finding that more appealing than i use to. The point i want to make to all the wonderful real Dommes out there is that - and i might stand alone as a wannabesub in this belief - that i would still like a life outside of serving you. i like going to work and to the bars. i want to travel the world BY MYSELF (or given the current state of things just the US to Canada). And for god's sake i don't think i could quit vainilla sex, if things progressed to a more exclusive relationship. Is there some magical site im not going to that states these things do exist, or is it unspoken common knowledge. And yes i don't want to give someone 150-300 an hour to beat the piss out of me, when im not sure if id even like it for my first time. Not to mention the fact that if i dont know the Lady there is no intamacy. And I havent found anyone to just talk to me about the life without following it up 5 min later with,"so are you ready to submit"? So before i start rambling, those are my thoughts. feel free to coment on them/educate me. God knows ive asked with not much sucess.

Post #: 1

RE: why so serious? - 12/14/2009 8:22:18 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Okay. Let me try to sum up.

You're definitely not a slave. I suspect from what you've written that you may be a bedroom sub only - one that submits in the bedroom but not outside of it. There's nothing wrong with that but the majority of Dommes here aren't into that.

The fact that you want to do things such as travel by yourself indicates to me that maybe you're not quite ready for a real relationship.

I have two suggestions:

1. Go to local groups' play parties. Watch others get played with and (hell, you're a good looking guy and shouldn't have much trouble hooking up) get played with yourself. Play parties are a good way to interact on a play-only basis.

2. Date vanilla and ask the women to tie you up or spank you. See if you (and they) like it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to curls84)

Post #: 2

RE: why so serious? - 12/14/2009 8:24:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Find someone just like you who also wants to play naughty games and explore together. You're young, not ready to commit yet, and lots of women at your age also don't want a long term commitment, just fun in the meantime. So date vanilla like you want to, and just ask them if they're interested in exploring anything kinky.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: why so serious? - 12/14/2009 9:39:30 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Where do I get some of that "vainilla sex"
:)

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: why so serious? - 12/14/2009 9:41:36 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Where do I get some of that "vainilla sex"
:)

Could well be that OP speaks Spanish. "Vainilla" (pronounced vie-a-KNEE-ya) is Spanish for "vanilla".

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 5

RE: why so serious? - 12/14/2009 11:09:06 PM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

I have been in a LTR with the same lovely Lady for 15 years now. I work a VERY good job, and my paycheck is deposited into my Lady's bank account -- she is the money manager for our household. We have lots of vanilla sex, and we have some fun kinky sex, and we have a lot of structure in our relationship that makes use of each of our strengths.

There's probably plenty of folks out there who want a bit of tie-up-and-tickle with otherwise vanilla sex. But I'm not sure how many are on these boards.

(in reply to curls84)

Post #: 6

RE: why so serious? - 12/14/2009 11:20:30 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I don't prevent any of the men in my life from having vanilla sex. (Well, except for the one for whom this is his Great Big Happy Kink.) In fact, two of the three of them are having it enthusiastically with me quite often. There's quite a lot of my life that doesn't have kink as a foundational part. On the other hand, I also find a touch of kink makes a lot of mundane work much more interesting for all sides of the equation. How much equates a touch, and where and how you want to put it on, is up to you and your partner(s).

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 7

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 12:22:08 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

Maybe the problem is "your" mindset. You seemed to see only one kind of domination, when there are vast flavors of D/s. Who asked you personally to do all of the things that you mentioned in your OP? Who asked you to give up your life? to not work? to submit right then and there? Who asked you to give up vanilla sex? The ones that wanted 24/7 did you actually talk to them and see what their version of 24/7 is?

If these things are not what you want, simple move on, but don't lump everyone into being the same. You seem like submissive more than slave...am I to assume you are like every tom, dick and harry slave out there or do you have your own personality and your own way that you like to do things?

The first thing you do is put it to the side, set your preferences in what kind of relationship you are looking for. You state what kind of profiles you are running into and they are not what you seek, then reset your preferences. Next, actually read profiles, and find one that is compatible with you. Send her a nice email, doesn't really have to be long but hopefully more than "hi" and actually talk to her as a human and not some fantasy domme.

Once you establish a connection, then venture into talking about D/s. If there is a real connection then I'm sure the two of you can make a healthy compromise.

Finally, is "your" profile up to snuff? Have you written about yourself as a person and the kind of relationship you are looking for? or is it some ho hum knuckle dragging "me want woman" type of profile? or is it blank? From your OP seems like you want more of a casual connection...from what you wrote you came here thinking it's just some hook up site, so if that what you want, it's cool...look for it, as I said everyone here is different, so put a little effort into it and you should be able to find what you want.

Sorry we are not all insta sluts from domme mart, but I supposed you can still find what you are looking for.

You've only been here a little over a month...give it time.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to curls84)

Post #: 8

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 12:25:49 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Where do I get some of that "vainilla sex"
:)

oh quit!....lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 9

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 12:34:38 AM

curls84

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline

lol, insta sluts from Domme mart. that made me laugh. that way of putting is isnt so self flattering but i guess it was more or less accurate of my original assumption. And You are right DrkJourney in the fact i have only been here a month. Maybe i should give it more time. More effort even. Possibly make more concesions to the Ladies of this world. i'll see where this goes and try to make some local meetings or somesuch. Would be nice to talk to someone face to face about these things. it's not exactly easy to bring up this subject during half-time of the Skins game at the local dive.

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 10

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 12:40:51 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i wholeheartedly agree with you - some people take this and themselves far too seriously. i was one of them for a while, just got so caught up in finding the right guy and kinda forgot that i had a life beyond that search. so ive wised up and i take a more relaxed approach to it all. since then some really fun and interesting people have come through.

if you project who you are on youre profile youll almost certainly pull in the people more like you.

there are all sorts here looking for a range of things and levels of commitment.

i think youre at the 'trying out' stage and so, try out. have fun, explore - let the serious ones go for it and you find youre own way. its far too early for you to really know what you want and you have so much else you want to do with youre life right now. this is just another type of relationship but really in terms of committment it neednt be any more or less than youd want to find with a 'nilla'.

good luck x

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DrkJourney)

Post #: 11

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 12:49:15 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Hiya Curls and welcome to the boards

You really don't have to take any of this too seriously. So long as your having fun and your play partner is having fun then what the heck!
Your only not doing this properly when your amongst people that assume they are doing it properly. There is no right or wrong.
Get yourself out to some parties and munches where you can meet like minded people. There are plenty out there.

Good luck.

Maria

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to curls84)

Post #: 12

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 7:42:06 AM

CougarStud

Posts: 105
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline

Nice curls! *wink*

There is room for kinky sex as wll as good 'ol yummy vanilla. There is room for having a job, travelling as well as times you are in her control outside the bedroom. It all ends up being if her idea of what she wants for herself is what you wnt as well.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 13

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 9:37:52 AM

SlayerZ

Posts: 100
Joined: 3/28/2005
Status: offline

I was actually thinking the same thing only a matter of days ago. The thing that peturbs me most is that if you make known the fact that you aren't as serious as other people in this "lifestyle": if you're not the mean, straight faced, ashen skinned, no sense of humour, long black hair down to the shoulders and attitude of "I'm the ruler of the world, my puppy has cancer, I have a chip the size of New York on my shoulder, you're automatically painted as a "fake" and a "phony" by the BDSM police.

Some people truly do live in a Black/White world. It's sad.

lol

(in reply to CougarStud)

Post #: 14

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 9:47:40 AM

Hierodule

Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline

I am in an M/s relationship and I have a lot of vanilla sex. Just sayin', its not all saran wrap and hot wax.

(in reply to SlayerZ)

Post #: 15

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 9:50:06 AM

Hierodule

Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlayerZ
mean, straight faced, ashen skinned, no sense of humour, long black hair down to the shoulders and attitude of "I'm the ruler of the world, my puppy has cancer, I have a chip the size of New York on my shoulder

I haven't met anyone who fits that description since I left high school. Maybe that's why I don't have any "kinky" friends.

(in reply to SlayerZ)

Post #: 16

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 10:05:00 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

it has been this slave's experience that not everyone is here at Collarme.com for the exact same reason.

some folks have absolutely no intention of meeting people, ever...for others, that's their goal, early and often.

some folks have absolutely no intention of entering into a relationship with another---beyond sexyfunplaytime---for others, they won't indulge in sexyfunplaytime without first being IN a relationship with another.

some folks seem to "live and breathe" dominance/submission by using it as a foundation for their intimate relationship(s) and include their partner(s) in everything they do...others see it as a part-time exchange that they engage in beyond the scope of the foundation of their primary relationship, or perhaps only on weekend nights.

folks structure their intimate relationships/fuck-buddy sessions/naughty game-time/marriages in a variety of ways---there is no one-size-fits-all/ One True Way that fulfills everyone.

best wishes in finding what you seek!

(in reply to curls84)

Post #: 17

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 10:25:20 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlayerZ

I was actually thinking the same thing only a matter of days ago. The thing that peturbs me most is that if you make known the fact that you aren't as serious as other people in this "lifestyle": if you're not the mean, straight faced, ashen skinned, no sense of humour, long black hair down to the shoulders and attitude of "I'm the ruler of the world, my puppy has cancer, I have a chip the size of New York on my shoulder, you're automatically painted as a "fake" and a "phony" by the BDSM police.

Some people truly do live in a Black/White world. It's sad.

lol

the trick is to ignore what doesnt fit and just be who you are.

i dont know of anyone on these boards, anyway, who would give the type of guy you describe any serious time or effort. youre clearly moving in the wrong circles! broaden youre net and look for people more in youre mindset. like beth has said, theres all sorts of all sorts here, you just have to pitch youre profile according to who you are and what you hope to find and go from there.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to SlayerZ)

Post #: 18

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 10:35:31 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlayerZ

Some people truly do live in a Black/White world. It's sad.

Would that be "some people" like YOU???

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlayerZ
...Doms that seek servitude, absolute and instant, are insecure creatures who suffer from fragile egos and even more fragile sources of dominance. For they are so scared and even petrified of what would happen if they didn't have such a sturdy and impenetrable padlock on the neck of their sub/slave...

Pretty "sad" when "some people" like YOU think only YOUR view is good and others' views are bad, despite the fact that many "slaves" WANT the "sturdy and impenetrable padlock" around their neck and in their dynamic/life that YOU can't understand and look down upon; i.e., that whole living in a "Black/White world" thing that YOU do.

And what do you care anyway... according to you, you're only here for... ummm... "research" anyway and would NEVER get involved with a sub "who frequents this website" anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlayerZ

Do you honestly think that my intentions are to procure a submissive who frequents this website? I can categorically deny any such a thing. This is just a website that I'm using for research...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2933901/mpage_4/tm.htm

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 12/15/2009 10:45:10 AM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to SlayerZ)

Post #: 19

RE: why so serious? - 12/15/2009 10:45:12 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curls84
Would be nice to talk to someone face to face about these things. it's not exactly easy to bring up this subject during half-time of the Skins game at the local dive.

OP, in many ways I agree, some people are really serious about "this"...been guilty myself of that a time or two. I think the best thing to do is to take the time to figure out what you're wanting to get from your experience not only here on CM but also in exploring D/s and bdsm.

The quote above struck me funny for a reason. I've decided to step back from looking for more than friends for now while I focus on other matters. I had exchanged a couple emails w/a young man here who said he wanted to meet and talk. He had some experience with shibari and I was curious to learn a few new things so I told him I was open to that, talking and learning, but nothing more at this time. In his reply he said "what's the use...you didn't think I just wanted to talk, did you?"
My point...no matter how you say it, people will always have their own agenda.
Serious...not so serious...play only...bf/gf w/kinky sex...monogomous or poly... 32 flavors inbetween...the best you can do is be clear about what you're looking for and don't worry about everyone else.

Good luck and have fun.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to curls84)

Post #: 20

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