sub proving herself (Full Version)

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analqtip -> sub proving herself (12/15/2009 11:18:35 AM)

Is it common for a sub to have rules for her dom in the first meet?



fetishtvslave4BD -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 11:28:10 AM)

Rules are generally a good idea. They allow for the submissive to see how the dom acts within the limitations set. If the dom ignores the rules in public then you can guess what their word is worth right then and there.



subtee -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 11:40:55 AM)

~FR

It seems to me what you are describing is a person meeting a person and I'm not sure "rules" would ever be appropriate or necessary. You will want to take normal safety precautions for yourself.

I'm curious about the thread title, "sub proving herself." What did you mean by that?



agirl -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 11:46:17 AM)

Are you talking about "rules" or just her preferences about what may or may not take place when she meets up for the first time?


agirl



Missokyst -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 11:47:17 AM)

rules for who? Rules that you impose to be sure you are safe? Or rules he demands because he wishes to flip those sub cues, such as meeting without panties, ect?

First meetings are best when you meet as people instead of as roles, imo... lol though that is not to say I have not changed my mind when the man walks into my eyesight..



vtara -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 11:51:16 AM)

Well, I generally wouldn't consider a relationship official between two people who haven't met yet, and since neither of you can't know for sure that the other person isn't a creep/predator/liar/scammer/etc, I believe in discussing what each of you are okay with and not okay with, and basic safety precautions. Before you get really serious about each other is a good time to talk about things like your expectations and desires of each other. Leave the "no limits" stuff until after trust is established.

I think it's perfectly acceptable that she tell you what her limits are, and wouldn't worry if this is the case (if she's not okay with an activity, and you DEMAND it well, tough shit- look for someone who likes it, or give up on that activity with her), but it depends what kind of rules that she wants to set up- personal boundaries or an attempt to control you.

There are people more hardcore than I am who say she must have NO LIMITS (or pretty it up and say that not wanting to do something is topping from the bottom), but I think that's a dangerous stance, especially with new relationships.



littleone35 -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 1:18:03 PM)

Rules i did not have any rules for Master when we met. I took precautions like meeting in a public place and not getting in his car to go anywhere with him. I did not have any rules on that first meet from him eithe. Ir dressed in jeans and a sweater like i always do in the winter. We saved rules and exepecations until we met and decided we wanted to see where this would go.

Matt's littleone



LafayetteLady -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 1:39:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: analqtip

Is it common for a sub to have rules for her dom in the first meet?


Ok, from your thread title to your post, they are different. Unless you meant is it common for a dominant to give rules to the sub on the first meet. In either case, as others have said, aside from rules regarding safety issues, neither should be asking the other to "prove" anything on a first meet except for their actual existance and interest. In my opinion, someone looking to take control before there has even been an official "nice to meet you" is overstepping. I feel the same way about the profiles that ask subs to "apply" for the right to serve. WTF? I think both parties need to "prove" they are deserving of the other.

The bottom line is that if you aren't comfortable with rules being given to you, say so. You may have had great chemistry chatting via email or on the phone, but until you meet that person, you really don't know how things will go.



CarrieO -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 2:04:31 PM)

OP,
Your question makes no sense to me.  In viewing your profile and reading your journal entries, I found this little tidbit from today... "Most subs will allow theirs doms rule. I want what I want and no isnt in the vocabulary"
 
This has me wondering if the sub you mention in your op is someone you've met or someone you're involved with. Like others have said, first meet is to see if there's real interest and common sense should be the rule for both of you.
Of course, I've found common sense isn't so very common with lots of people.



DesFIP -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 2:11:27 PM)

Considering your profile and journal are clear that all you want is someone for sex, and no other relationship, I can't imagine anyone being willing to follow your demands on a first meet. So don't ask her to be naked and blindfolded in a hotel room unless you want to be stood up.



mnottertail -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 2:14:04 PM)

well, it seems the case that if anyone refers to themselves in this fashion, (from the answers I see on this thread) somewhere in their head they are trying to portray a benevolent, yet authoritative, mentor like, dominant figure, so even if he isnt kinked the fuck out, he is halfway to touchdown, no?

Ron



breatheasone -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 2:15:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

well, it seems the case that if anyone refers to themselves in this fashion, (from the answers I see on this thread) somewhere in their head they are trying to portray a benevolent, yet authoritative, mentor like, dominant figure, so even if he isnt kinked the fuck out, he is halfway to touchdown, no?

Ron

LOL....Ron?



HisSweetElysium -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 2:17:10 PM)

Okay I'm a bit dense, I don't get this post. A sub proving herself? Common for a sub to have rules?  Who are the rules for? What does this have to do with proving yourself?  I'm sorry, if you could reword, I'd be better able to respond.  



littlewonder -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 4:00:10 PM)

I don't consider someone "my dom" on a first meet. At that point they're just an ordinary person like anyone else and yeah...I have preferences, I have morals and values you must have as well for me to be interested in you. If someone considers those rules then so be it. It matters not to me.

Now once I'm actually in a relationship with a man then no I don't have "rules" for him because I hope that I've taken my time and I've chosen well who I want to be in my life.



Drifa -> RE: sub proving herself (12/15/2009 5:43:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: analqtip
Is it common for a sub to have rules for her dom in the first meet?


As you can tell from the answers, your question was confusing. We can't tell if you are asking "Is it normal for a dominant to impose rules on a sub at first meeting" or "Is it normal for a sub to express his or her limits at a first meeting".

Normally, I'd expect a first meeting to be pretty darn vanilla. It should be a time to learn a little about one another. I would not expect any kind of play at a first meeting, and probably not for a few meetings.

Now, I would not find it unusual for a dominant to discuss with you the kinds of rules they'd expect to have if the relationship moves forward, or a discussion of each of your limits and boundaries. This is part of finding out "what am I getting into".



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: sub proving herself (12/16/2009 2:03:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: analqtip

Is it common for a sub to have rules for her dom in the first meet?



I think maybe you're more referring to boundaries and/or limits.




antipode -> RE: sub proving herself (12/16/2009 10:35:14 AM)

quote:

Is it common for a sub to have rules for her dom in the first meet?


Define "common". Then tell us what you would do with this information, if it existed. Then tell us what you gain by asking one line questions that will be answered in 16,345 different ways, none of which probably are relevant to whatever it is you are wondering about (if anythong).



DearJessicaD -> RE: sub proving herself (12/16/2009 1:38:16 PM)

I wouldn't agree to be someone's sub before I'd ever met him (numerous times). So if I were meeting someone for the first time there wouldn't be any rules. There may be "I'll be in an orange sweater" so you know who you're looking for and if you want to call that a rule okay, but that's it.



AquaticSub -> RE: sub proving herself (12/17/2009 2:29:10 PM)

In the first meet, is it "her dom" or is it a guy she's meeting who might become her dom?

I think the first is a bit idiotic (granted it's worked for some but as I've often said - just because it works for someone doesn't make it a good idea). As for the second... I have "rules" that I expect any potential to follow. They gotta be polite, friendly, and having bathed is always a plus. [;)]

Then we can see about them being my *insert term here*.



OsideGirl -> RE: sub proving herself (12/17/2009 7:08:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: analqtip

Is it common for a sub to have rules for her dom in the first meet?
If it's a first meet, he's not her Dom.



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