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New to the "Master" Thing - 12/16/2009 9:14:41 PM

GhostInTheScene

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/16/2009
Status: offline

Hello all, I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with. Now at the time when it was brought up someone I am currently with was there. She has recently asked me to have a D/S relationship something we already have sexually but she wishes to take it outside of that. I was hoping I could get some information on how to do this. Any and all help is appreciated thank you very much!

Post #: 1

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/16/2009 9:47:11 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums!

There are lots of books to read, including "The Loving Dominant", "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns", "S&M 101", "When Someone You Love is Kinky" and many more. There is also lots of info right here on the forums, from just about every perspective you can imagine (and a few you might not be able to, lol).

My best advice is to say that there is no "right" or "wrong" in BDSM, there is only what works for you and your relationship and what doesn't. Read lots, take what resonates with you, and leave the rest behind.

That said, if you are looking to socialize with like minded folks, you might also want to check into munches (get togethers for kinksters, usually held in vanilla settings) and local clubs. There are classes, demonstrations, and events as well. A bit of Googling will help you find things that interest you in your local area.

Good luck!

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 2

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/17/2009 4:15:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I don't know how you can subconsciously train someone unawares. Training usually involves giving them directions. So if you never said, " Get me a coffee, two sugars, no milk" you couldn't subconsciously train them to do so. If however they chose to pay attention and bring you coffee the way they like it, then that's something they did and you didn't.

Beyond that, talk about what exactly you will or will not control. You interested in her having to ask to go to the bathroom? Is she? What about money, you planning on taking her salary and administering it? If so, you better be a damned good money manager. Anything you want to do, you have to be competent at and she has to feel you are competent at it in order to trust you.

Start by being a man of your word. If you say you'll be there at 7 then make sure you are, don't hang out at a friend's and show up an hour late. Don't promise what you can't do and do what you promise.

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(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 3

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/17/2009 5:36:15 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Hello all, I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with

First of all, hello, and welcome to the forums....and i think all the books listed would be a great place to start, as well as searching out some sort of social network in your area to see if you think that sort of thing would be in line with what you were thinking of creating for yourself in your relationships.....

That being said, the reason i highlighted that part of your post is....dont you just hate when that happens?

Next thing you know, youll be putting people under consideration without them notifying you of the fact....beware of the invisible relationship....they are sneaky, slippery things!

peace

perse

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 4

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/17/2009 11:17:44 AM

LordShadow

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps they mean that your personality and who you are brought out the submissive side of her....

As far as taking D/s beyond the sexual context...that is a wide open range of possibilities...can you elaborate some?

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True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 5

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/31/2009 5:34:52 PM

MasterJeff11

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

Welcome to the message boards first off.

Secondly if you are starting out, and she has already approached you about wanting more, you can read which is always important. Though speaking opening about wants and desires and then evaluating about how you wish to proceed would be my advice. You have to start somewhere. Good luck with your journey

(in reply to LordShadow)

Post #: 6

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/31/2009 8:57:17 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I was hoping I could get some information on how to do this

You know, I read what you wrote three times, and I don't understand a word of it. You train subconsciously? And how can somebody you have a D/S relationship with ask you to have a D/S relationship? Outside of what?

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 7

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 12/31/2009 9:34:45 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

if you have some one in a relationship get to know others in d/s relationships

the best place i have ever found to learn from others was at MAST masters and slaves together)

its a national with chapters all over, the dont hold parties or demonstrations all they do is discuss in a structured format the problems and daily lives of couples living the life

http://www.mast.net/

< Message edited by osf -- 12/31/2009 9:36:03 PM >

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 8

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/3/2010 4:32:38 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

It actually sounds like you're doing fairly well so far. Aside from the advice already given, (all good) I'd say find a master you respect (or 2, 3, whatever) and learn from them.

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This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

(in reply to osf)

Post #: 9

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/4/2010 8:07:39 AM

Knighthunter862

Posts: 32
Joined: 12/30/2009
Status: offline

Go wyldhrt...great answer i have nothing to add.

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 10

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/4/2010 9:43:44 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GhostInTheScene

Hello all, I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with. Now at the time when it was brought up someone I am currently with was there. She has recently asked me to have a D/S relationship something we already have sexually but she wishes to take it outside of that. I was hoping I could get some information on how to do this. Any and all help is appreciated thank you very much!

Start with your compatible areas.
First - discuss what you both NEED one from the other....start by focusing on what overlaps.
Then - discuss what you both want, one from the other, and begin incorporating that which overlaps..
Once you have met your compatible needs and wants, begin expanding outward.

Be capable of adapting, as not all of what we perceive as wants and needs bear the light of reality. Sometimes, fantasy doesn't always translate well into reality.

Acknowledge what isn't working - as incompatibilities - NOT as any kind of failure on either individuals part.

WinD

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 1/4/2010 9:52:51 AM >

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 11

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/5/2010 9:38:26 AM

MasterAramis

Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

LOL! Me too!

quote:

You know, I read what you wrote three times, and I don't understand a word of it. You train subconsciously? And how can somebody you have a D/S relationship with ask you to have a D/S relationship?

_____________________________

"He who would be a man must be a master. He who surrenders his mastery surrenders his manhood." - Players of Gor

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 12

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/5/2010 1:31:32 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I just worked off the assumption that he meant he trained the other woman without having had the expressed intent of doing so. People are sometimes influential in our lives, without their having had the deliberate intent of being so. I can see how someone can be in a D/s relationship that did not extend outside of the bedroom. That she now wants to venture from the bedroom, into other aspects of their lives is not that uncommon really.

(in reply to MasterAramis)

Post #: 13

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/5/2010 1:38:09 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with.

Sounds to me like someone is pulling your leg.

(in reply to GhostInTheScene)

Post #: 14

RE: New to the "Master" Thing - 1/19/2010 11:55:42 AM

Tamoko

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/17/2010
Status: offline

As someone just starting off in this lifestyle (long time Dom, first time master) as well, I would agree that the most important thing to start is a conversation with your partner. What do they mean when they say they want a D/s relationship? what are their expectations and needs. If the need micromanagement of every aspect of their life and expect to move in with you and stop working, you need to know beforehand.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 15

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