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CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/17/2009 1:50:32 PM   
KSubM


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/7/2008
Status: offline 		If this is lengthy, I am sorry.
I need help urgently and seriously and will appreciate any comments that may help me understand what is happening to myself and my partner. (I am desperate for some understanding.)

Some background:
I suppose I am submissive by nature - have thought of myself in this way for a long time.
I have served a wonderful (married) Mistress for around 5 years before and, after that, a professional Mistress for around 2 years (as Her personal pet slave.)

I met my current partner around 9 years ago, at the time She knew little about bdsm etc. but was very curious. In fact, online I have always been ksubm and our first words were "Are you submissive?" and I replied... "Yes, always..."
We quickly established a normal/vanilla relationship although, through the years I have, from time to time, tried my best to get Her to engage in some form of Femdom activity.
This, She always resisted – I suppose I am a bit to “out there” for Her liking but still, we have a good relationship.
Because of circumstances I work from home – She is a manager at some business and as such it is logical that I do most/all the housework, laundry, cooking – in fact, all the things that need doing in order to keep a household running.
This, I do not see as submissive – instead I think it is just what loving partners do for one another in any relationship??

She had one strong desire namely to be with another guy and keep our relationship as well. However - She had difficulty to believe that such a relationship could actually be maintained.

Eventually I felt like I had to take the lead so, I found another wonderful girl, brought her home and, took her to bed right in our home.
I explained that, with some friends we invite them over for a talk, sometimes even a dinner or something and, sometimes maybe even a few hours of fun in bed with them. We all enjoy spending a few wonderful hours with good friends.
Although, personally (and for whatever reason) I am a one woman guy and have never felt the need for someone else, only the one person I am with - this is my own choice, just my own personal makeup.
We found a guy for Her, brought him home and, for awhile I think She really enjoyed the freedom, having 2 guys all over Her etc.
Although this only lasted for around 3 months, the ice was broken and from time to time, She'd meet someone else, usually in some hotel somewhere (She likes the excitement of going to hotels etc.) while I stay at home.
Throughout our relationship I insisted that She is Her own person, can meet whoever She may decide but, that absolute honesty is a requirement.
This is because I am convinced that without absolute trust there can be no relationship. (Suppose this comes from the days when I served my Mistress in some serious scenes etc.)
Moreover – I also need to know that She is safe, happy and, above all, treated well at all times. I am always worried, especially when She meets one of Her online chat friends for the first time in person (in some strange hotel room) so, I try and insist that She calls me once settled. (Just to say that everything is working the way She planned.)
Although She did not meet as many guys as She perhaps She would have preferred, (only around 5 or so) I do think that this arrangement was working fairly well for us both.
Her needs for some additional fun and excitement outside Her primary relationship were satisfied, my own needs to be with Her as well.

All this changed in August when, one Friday She decided that She to invite some guy home. At first I thought it was a great idea - but it was clear that She was quite stressed.
When eventually I forced the issue, She told me that She had met this guy before and even spend a night with him in some hotel – I never knew.
I broke down, saw this as a breach of our trust, cried a little and in general made a real mess of the situation. I still don’t understand why but for whatever reason, this had a major impact on myself.
To make matters worse we still had to prepare for the upcoming weekend and the issues were never truly discussed and resolved to my own satisfaction – although, in the end, Her guy never did show up, making me even more upset. (Because, She truly deserves better treatment than to be left hanging on promises from anyone.)

At the end of October, She found yet another guy and, as is usually the case, She left for some hotel early evening.
However – this time She did not call me, She did not come home so, in the middle of the night I started calling Her. She was rather cool and collected and told me that She’d be home early morning to get ready for work the following day.
The next evening She only came home for some fresh clothes before rushing back to the hotel.
The next weekend She left on the Friday evening to spend the weekend with him and, the weekend after She again decided to spend the weekend with him.
She was on cloud 9, stars in Her eyes, positively glowing and all She could think and talk about was this wonderful guy. Even people at work started commenting, asking if She has found a new love in Her life.
Although it was wonderful to see Her like that, I also felt very isolated and unsure and so one evening when She was back home, I carefully tried to find out if/how these feeling inside Her would impact on our relationship.
When She replied that, while with him, She does not even think about me and our relationship and that, in fact, She won’t care much if I stay or go. I felt totally devastated and fell into some kind of deep emotional state that I do not understand – except that I know I have been crying most constantly all of November, stopped working, eating and most everything else.

Her new friend has left the country for the holidays (to see his family) and, for the past month I have been trying very hard to understand what is happening here.
She constantly says that She loves me but yet, all I can think about is how easy it was for Her when I decided to move out our bedroom – yet, how She steadfastly insisted that his flowers will stay in Her bedroom. (This and hundreds of other similar thoughts that is.)
To myself, the only thing I really ever valued (and thought belonged to myself) was Her heart… yet now, She says that Her heart never belonged to anyone, that She is Her own person in every possible way.

To make matters worse (try understand – I was desperate) I insisted on some kind of commitment and we (myself really) wrote an agreement based very strongly on Femdom rules according to which She would have Her own freedom, have any/all the guys She’d like and I would do my best to find ways to manage my own emotions and accept all this.
We signed and finally, after 9 years, She gave me a collar to symbolize Her ownership – something that I asked for countless times and that even now, I value very much indeed.

However – the agreement also included more than enough to allow myself to fall totally immerse myself deeply into all those submissive feelings.
This is because I keep saying that husbands and partners do not come with ready made on/off switches and as such, they cannot simply be turned off for a few weeks at a time while the female is enjoying a wild, passionate fling with someone else.
In fact – not even submissives come with such a switch but, with some work, I believe that something like that can be installed in the submissive mind.

However – the more I think about it all, the more I feel that somewhere something is wrong. Having been involved in the scene before, I sincerely believe that agreements, contracts and such can/should only be used to enhance and strengthen an existing relationship and not (like may well be the case here) to curb my own intense feelings for Her. (Any comments please??)
Moreover – I know that once I do follow my own submissive side, I become much less able to make decisions with regard to my own well being etc. Instead, I tend to simply follow the Mistress (because I trust Her totally in everything.)
With my partner’s level of inexperience (as a Dominant) this, to myself, is indeed a uncomfortable place to be because (as all who have been involved in long term bdsm relationships will testify) this is indeed the kind of relationship that touch us on all levels and may, at times, become really intense. For this, I need to trust that the person I am serving are capable to taking us both to where we need to be.
In fact, any real Mistress willing to spend some time, talk and help my partner, help Her understand that now more than ever She needs to stand tall, and be confident would really be appreciated.
In addition perhaps sharing some knowledge as to how “simple” things like bondage etc. can be used to help the submissive mind achieve that quiet, peaceful state while enhancing Her own level of control etc.
Maybe even discussions with regard to “punishments” – how this may help the submissive mind to accept certain difficult situations etc. while, through it all may also built a stronger, more confident personality in the Dominant.
In fact – anything and everything that may be of help will be sincerely appreciated.

It feels like I am missing something – about my own emotional makeup. For the first time in my life, I feel incapable to understand my own reactions, my own emotions.
I also remain rather unsure about my partner, about what it is that She may actually need in life.
This is the reason for my story – I am hoping that someone out there may be able to comment, give myself some direction as to how and what and why I am feeling the way that I am.
I appreciate everyone’s time to read all this – thank you all.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/17/2009 2:07:16 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		*Hugs* Just to let you know I have read this and I do not have a response at this time. I know you took alot of time to type this up and I wanted you to know that someone read it :)  I have a knee jerk reaction to it, but don't think it would be appropriate to respond right now. I will though.
 
MoGa

_____________________________





(in reply to KSubM)
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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/17/2009 2:29:04 PM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline 		I admit I read it but the wall of text defeated my reading comprehension.

The big thing I see is that you and your partner do not seem to be communicating well enough. Any relationship needs lots of communication to be successful, and kinky relations even more so.

I recommend that you find a neutral time to sit down and talk with your partner. There should not be kids or family making demands, turn the TV and stereo off, make sure neither of you is hungry. Sit where you can face one another.

For people who don't have the best communication (heck, and even for people that do) I recommend the following procedure for relationship discussions.

(1) You take turns talking. One talks, one listens without interrupting. Flip a coin for who goes first if needed.

(2) When the first person is done, the other person states back what they understood the first person to say. This can be a HUGE revelation, because sometimes we don't really hear what is said - we hear a bit then our own preconceived notions and prior experience taps go off and we hear that instead of what was really said.  If Person #2 doesn't repeat back what Person #1 intended for them to hear, Person #1 tries again until Person #2 can repeat it back with the same meaning.

(3) Now it's Person #2's turn to talk. They talk, Person #1 listens. At the end, Person #1 repeats back what they heard, with Person #2 correcting if needed.

(4) Both of you should try to keep statements to "I think" or "I feel" - i.e., "When you do X, I feel Y". It makes the discussion go better if you stay away from accusatory language.

(5) If either of you starts getting upset, ask for a 5 minute time-out. Set a kitchen timer for it. Go wash your face, blow your nose, and walk around, then come back and start again.

You need to ask her straight out if she's breaking up with you.

If she is, then get out. If she's checked out of the relationship mentally and emotionally, it does you no good to stay. There is nothing you can do to change her.

All you can do is change YOU, so consider counseling. If money is tight, call your local hospital and ask for the social worker, and ask them to help you locate local reduced fee or sliding scale counseling programs.



(in reply to MistressOfGa)
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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/17/2009 4:06:54 PM   
KSubM


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/7/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for the quick response. This, I truly do appreciate.
It feels like I should perhaps expand even more on my first post so people out there can have a better understanding just what I think is happening here.

Me and my partner do communicate, we talk for hours and hours at a time - about this, about many different things.
We talk while sitting in the bath together, while lying in the dark in bed together or sometimes (when She is serious) with me on my knees in front of Her while She gives my Her rules.
As such, I know (we both know) that we are not close to breaking up or anything like that. In fact - on some level, I actually want what is happening here because it is so painfully obvious... this is what She needs at present.
Moreover - now that we have signed an agreement (and I am wearing Her collar) She'd propably have to chase me away with sticks and whips (and even then I may simply come back in any case.) I do take these things - agreements and such - very serious indeed.

Instead, my question is... Why do I find it all so difficult?
She says She loves me - all the time.
I know I love and care for Her deeply...
She says that She needs to share something with some guy(s) - this is ok (I think) but yet I feel totally excluded because I do no see myself in Her eyes anymore.
She says this is just a "fling" - the first of many to come and I should not worry, I should take up golf or something but, truth is, my life revolves around Her only.
In fact, what I am asking for is a way to keep the intensity of our relationship intact - this is what She says She needs, this is what I want.
Unfortunately, at present I seem to be unable to find the required emotional stability to achieve this.

In fact, in some way, I feel a bit "cheated" This is because, for so many years I told Her - inside there is the real Woman, the person who is strong and beautiful and all powerful... Not controlled by the usual guilt and other things we all use to limit our own selves... Inside there is a true Woman, the Queen (all females are...)
Now I find out that for years that person has slowly grown, evolved online, talking to all Her hundreds of friends and finally, She had the courage to show that person to the real world. What a wonderful, fantastic event...
But - I keep asking, why not me?
I wanted to see Her first, appreciate Her for that which She truly is. (Why not me?)
Yet - I also understand that She needs a "catalyst" someone or something from outside...
(Sorry this is so confusing - I am confused myself I suppose.)

All I need is a way to accept that She has the right to keep in Her eyes whoever She may decide.
But this is hard because, through the years, slowly I began thinking of myself as Her partner - partner's have certain priviledges, certain "rights."
Does anyone have any experience in how to quickly remove these feelings... allow myself to fall back into total submission - where I know and accept that everything is a priviledge, a gift from Her instead of my right (partner reserve some "rights"...)
She says that, because of the things I do (and the way I behave I suppose) I have always been Her "subbie" - in fact, online to all Her friends, She calls me Her "subbie" This I did not know neither - till a few days ago.
Yet - I don't think I have ever done anything for Her (as a submissive) All the housework, cleaning etc. is only the little things I would do for anyone (but especially those I love.) It is the little things partners do for one another.
In order to drop into my submissive side, I suppose I need a bit more... perhaps one of those famous words - some "scene(s)" (Personally I dislike those labels.)

As a submissive I know I can and will accept almost anything - I have been there before. This is where we (males) are strong - I think.
The alpha male is weak, like a bull running around we are. We defend and attack everything, unable to see the bigger picture (because deep down we are "scared," defending against anything that may possibly sometime in the future become a risk)
unable to bend and comply in order that the female may achieve that which She truly deserves.
Yet - only through Her ultimate strength can we all achieve and enjoy (that all elusive peace and acceptance we all so dearly need.)
Through the years, I became Her partner but now, I truly need to quickly break down all those feelings and fall back into the submissive side.

In this, we have three problems areas - the reason why I am here...
Firstly - I am so firmly entrenched in being Her partner that falling back into my submissive side is a difficult transition to make. We only have another two weeks then Her new guy is back. I need help urgently...
Secondly - She is only trying Her best... She is still unsure of Herself, Her own strength... Anyone willing to talk to Her, discuss with Her and show Her what it means to truly be a Queen (in Her own eyes) would be most welcome.
Lastly - She does not really know enough about the depth, the intimacy that can only be achieved through a Dom/sub relationship. In short - She is scared that She may loose what we had before and, the more I try show Her that in fact we will only gain, the more confused She is becoming. Anyone willing to tell and share true experiences (about the emotional depth and intimacy) that comes from a long term Dom/sub relationship would be truly most welcome also.

Again, I thank you all for reading all this...

(in reply to Drifa)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/18/2009 9:29:58 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

It appears you want more trust and agreements in the relationship but she keeps following her own rules because she's the top. This is something that you need to decide for yourself because it's your relationship, but from this view it doesn't look like your happy with it. Maybe you need to make a choice but discuss it with her. Because she keeps changing the rules you might have to keep sitting down with her and discuss it each time.

Trust and honesty is important in any relationship.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to KSubM)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/18/2009 10:20:43 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think you problem is, if I'm reading this correctly, that you have been with her for so long as more or less a vanilla type relationship, and that you don't have a (here's another for lack of a better word) "traditional" D/s relationship.

It looks like you do regular domestic things, as you said like any partner would do, but the only thing different is cuckolding.  I mean do the two of you practice any more of the sub/domme relationship besides this, other than you wear a collar?  It seems to me that everything outside of vanilla you've had to talk her into. I think if you could imerse yourself more into the submissive aspect, then her with other men might seem like just another "domme" thing.  You are human, and if you've been more partner with her all these years, and now all of a sudden there are others, then, yes you are going to feel like a cheated on spouse on the inside.

Also, I think a lot of this is that she seems to have focused on one guy instead of multiples.  With different guys you knew there was nothing serious, that she was returning to only one man and that was you, which made you still apart of it all, which is why I think you got so upset when she had met that one guy and didn't tell you, you felt left out of the relationship.

I know what I'm trying to say, just having trouble saying it.   My suggestion if you want to stay in this relationship "as is", then you might need to find one of those kink friendly counselors and try and work through it.

But don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, under these circumstances I think they are valid feelings, you just need to decide of you want to live like this and I think the counselor could help

Good luck and I hope all goes well and sorry if I got this all wrong


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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/18/2009 11:28:55 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		OP: She is vanilla. Submitting to her does not make her magically into your dom. It makes her a vanilla girl who you are submitting to. Her taking other lovers does not make you her cuckold, in a D/s sense. Because she's vanilla. Her taking other lovers, makes her a vanilla girl who has multiple sex partners.

Because she's vanilla, while she may have an intellectual understanding of your D/s needs or desires (and I question whether she even has that much- it seems to me she only understands enough about the dynamic to understand that you will let her exploit it to get her needs met) , she just doesn't feel them the way you do. And if she hasn't by now, she never will. Its been nine years. How much longer will you stay with this clearly vanilla girl, fooling yourself that she's your dom?? How much longer will you just ache inside, feeling the heartache of your D/s needs and desires being completely misunderstood, neglected and unfulfilled - because you don't care enough about yourself to try to get them met with someone who is actually capable of it??

I can tell myself every day for nine, ten, or twenty years, that the moon is made of cheese. But whether it was my first year of telling myself that, or my twentieth: If I ate a moon rock every day for all that time, none of them would ever be cheese. They'd just be a bunch of moon rocks, that I kept insisting were cheese. Because you can eat something, does not make it food. It just makes it something you can put in your mouth and swallow. All the while I was deluding myself, I would be missing out on the nourishment that I'd have gotten from real cheese. Instead all I would get would be broken teeth, and a fucked up digestive tract.

OP, you are breaking your teeth on a moon rock. Spit it out.

Go and get yourself the yummy, sweet, satisfying cheese that you've been wishing for, all this time. You are lacking in nourishment.

And stop trying to make her into something she isn't. That's an awful thing to do. Its just so wrong. Don't you both deserve someone who appreciates you for who you really are- not who they wish you were?? You both are very selfish and insecure. Stop it. She's just not that into you. Because she's vanilla, so she really doesn't understand how it feels to be D/s. On a very deep and fundamental level, she just doesn't "get" you. And you're just not that into her- you're into who you wish she was.
 
Sometimes love just isn't enough. That's why sometimes love means letting go.

Stop the pity party. You let yourself in for this, and now you can stop it. Get some self-esteem, and get out.





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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/19/2009 2:52:33 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have to tell you, dreamer, that what you wrote here I find absolutely brilliant!  Since the OP hasn't had the opportunity to return to do so himself, I would like to thank you for your comment.

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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/19/2009 3:26:15 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		Sometimes life's a bitch..lol. Good luck op.

< Message edited by Underumam -- 12/19/2009 3:27:38 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/19/2009 3:35:34 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		KSubM,

Your story seems steeped in a belief that you can somehow do without self-esteem.  I know that a few say that this is possible (and even admirable), but for me, such advice will always be psychologically dangerous twaddle purveyed by air-headed, self-BSing  twits.

"She won’t care much if I stay or go"

Sod that for a lark.  Sort her out or ditch her for someone better. 

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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/19/2009 3:41:40 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Thanks, Dreamer, I fully agree with you!!

OP, you dug this pit for yourself. If your fantasy is clashing with your reality, deal with it, or move on. Cuck relationships are NOT easy to maintain, and require communication and understanding between the parties.



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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/20/2009 7:11:34 PM   
KSubM


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/7/2008
Status: offline 		It is really good to realize just how much people care about each other, how they take the time to read my story and then comment from within their own experiences.
Academy, with you I can only agree.
Journey - what can I say? I see Your point and, you are indeed correct also.
Dreamer - to you a special word of thanks, your response gave me a new way of understanding the situation which is exactly what I needed.
I wrote this because I knew somewhere I am missing something and, with the different perspectives from everyone here I think that I now have a much better understanding of the situation.
I thank you all for making such an effort - and, this community who actually cares about one another.
To everyone out there - may 2010 be the best ever...

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/21/2009 5:44:11 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		KSubM, I feel for you. I was in that position once. While we didn't have any kind of kink going on, I told him that I didn't mind if he saw other people. He told me he was going to go out and meet a woman, kept me informed, but when he started hiding things, it hurt bad. While I don't completely understand your problem because I've never been there, *hug* I hope things clear up for you and you can make a decision based on your own well being. If staying with her is what will make you happy, I hope both of you can work things out. 

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RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/25/2009 11:59:00 AM   
MistressTonya2u


Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline 		I think Dreamer said it best.
Sometimes love just isn't enough......
Best to you........

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/25/2009 1:05:07 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Dreamer as well. She is vanilla and thus doesn't see or think of these things in the same way you do. After all this time it is doubtful that she ever will. You cannot force her to have a Dominant mindset if she does not have it. While it is difficult, your choice now becomes whether or not this is a situation that you can accept and live with. 

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to KSubM)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/25/2009 1:36:33 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline 		Dreamer put it beautifully. Your relationship sounds vanilla without that D/s intensity and from the sound of it- your D/s needs being not being met.

Best of luck fixing this or on moving on,whatever you decide,

Irish


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/25/2009 4:10:26 PM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KSubM

< SNIP >

Her new friend has left the country for the holidays (to see his family) and, for the past month I have been trying very hard to understand what is happening here.
She constantly says that She loves me but yet, all I can think about is how easy it was for Her when I decided to move out our bedroom – yet, how She steadfastly insisted that his flowers will stay in Her bedroom. (This and hundreds of other similar thoughts that is.)
To myself, the only thing I really ever valued (and thought belonged to myself) was Her heart… yet now, She says that Her heart never belonged to anyone, that She is Her own person in every possible way.

To make matters worse (try understand – I was desperate) I insisted on some kind of commitment and we (myself really) wrote an agreement based very strongly on Femdom rules according to which She would have Her own freedom, have any/all the guys She’d like and I would do my best to find ways to manage my own emotions and accept all this.
We signed and finally, after 9 years, She gave me a collar to symbolize Her ownership – something that I asked for countless times and that even now, I value very much indeed.

However – the agreement also included more than enough to allow myself to fall totally immerse myself deeply into all those submissive feelings.

< SNIP >



OP, excuse my skepticism but I find that your story so closely parallels in modern form the story of Venus in Furs written by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch in which Severin presses his submissiveness upon the uncomprehending Wanda to whom he is betrothed. As I recall it, she eventually accepts the role as his Mistress, treats him cruelly as he desires, makes him into her lackey while she travels and eventually she takes a lover. All that is left in your story is for the lover to return and beat you with a whip as occurred in Venus before the two lovers abandoned Severin.

I notice from your Profile you have been on CM for one year, you are willing to relocate, you are bisexual, and you are seeking Dominant Women, Dominant Transsexual, or Dominant Couples.

Your profile seems quite incongruent with the story you tell. Sorry, but I am lead to believe you might be perpetrating a ruse here.

My apologies if I am wrong. But I am very skeptical.


_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to KSubM)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/26/2009 3:13:54 AM   
KSubM


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/7/2008
Status: offline 		Dear Vincent,
                    Thanks for your words of wisdom as well.
Being a part of this situation, I will say that I have no interest in reading your reference book at this time but still, thank you for the information.
We are trying our best to find a way to work through all of this so, I don't think I'd be willing to relocate, find Dominant woman or anyone else at this stage - but thanks for the suggestions in any case.
(However, seems like I am changing my mind about ten times a day so, think you'll have to wait a bit for a definite answer.)
More importantly - we signed an agreement with each other, such agreements I do take seriously so, while you may be a sceptic I never opt for easy so, think we'll have to wait and see..
Some people are able to read between the lines (and see the emotional side to all of this) others, I suppose are not.
(Then again - 2 months ago I would have been a sceptic myself so...)

To each and every one of those, that added some informative comment for myself and the community, my sincere and honest gratitude.
Did I mention that my Lady is also following this thread with great interest? She has a lovely profile here and, I know there are some people communicating with Her as well.
In many ways, She finds the situation just as difficult as myself - unfortunately I am not much help neither. (In fact, in many ways I am the problem now...)
I will say that Her guy is due back early in January so, things are a bit critical - not the best of holiday's.

(in reply to vincentML)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/26/2009 6:56:27 AM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KSubM

                    I don't think I'd be willing to relocate, find Dominant woman or anyone else at this stage - but thanks for the suggestions in any case.


Not my suggestions. Just revealing the words of your profile. Given your profile and your stated history of having served in LTR with several Dommes, how are we now to believe you married vanilla and tried to convert her?

quote:

we signed an agreement with each other, such agreements I do take seriously so, while you may be a sceptic I never opt for easy so, think we'll have to wait and see..


More seriously than the face you present to this community on the other page?

quote:

Some people are able to read between the lines (and see the emotional side to all of this) others, I suppose are not.


As some people play with the emotions of others. You seem oh so needy in your uncertainty. Must be tough to be you. But slyly you do not deny it is a ruse. You attempt to distract instead by appealing for more sympathy.




< Message edited by vincentML -- 12/26/2009 6:58:03 AM >

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to KSubM)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: CuckOlding and relationships? - 12/27/2009 11:59:49 AM   
servilething


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/24/2009
Status: offline 		Cuckolding is my Holy Grail for a relationship. The distress you described is different than but related to the feelings I most want. I think the difference is that you see a threat to your place with her, where I would see confirmation of the reality of my temporary worth.

In the extreme of devotion I feel for women, and any one woman who might take an interest in me for a while, I know that she has endless choices. I know that whatever her reason for having me with her, other needs and reasons will exist for her relationships with other people. That is how she is, and who she is. She is not for me to own, claim or cling to, but to serve, which is about what she wants, and changes as her life unfolds.

It will happen one day that she is done with me. That is a given eventuality. On any day she is not yet done with me, I will be there to be with her on her terms, supporting and enjoying whatever she wants. She is sexual. She is social. She lives her life, and so if she does include me for a while, I am glad whatever she does. How else could I say I loved her, if not everything and anything that she would do? I see her other relationships as being what she wants, and as such, what I want for her. There is no conflict between what she wants and my wants. Nothing she wants could be wrong for me. In the event she is sexual with someone else, loves them, spends time with them, I see that as her being who she is.

I would be happy to find that a Mistress chose my companionship and service among the other ways she met her needs. I would be expecting her to send me away at some point. In the meanwhile, it would be wonderful to know she was loving someone else, being her true self, and taking me for granted, because that shows she understands about me that I am completely devoted to her. I would much rather serve a Mistress who had no desire for me sexually, and knew how much I loved her, and had me witness the affections and desires she had for others, knowing the intense despair it caused me, because that would be a generous choice she made to deny me exactly what I most need to be denied. Let her blatantly flaunt and withhold what I most need, and I'm right where I belong. Let her take another man to bed, and have me polish his boots in the next room as he luxuriates in the affection she will never feel for me. That's not a threat to me, it is what I want for Christmas. And then the day she is done with me, the best of all. The ultimate rejection, that every day preceding was agony in waiting for it to finally happen. Any bit of that she dishes out when we're together is a treat.

< Message edited by servilething -- 12/27/2009 12:02:05 PM >

(in reply to KSubM)
Profile   Post #: 20
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