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improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:26:22 PM   
toxichearts


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline 		I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:30:19 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hi and welcome. Ideally your Dom would give you some direction, as what constitutes submission is as individual as individuals. Has your Dom given you any clues? Do you understand what is pleasing and obedient for him?

A starting point might be a journal in which you could detail your efforts in order that your Dom will understand that you are making efforts.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to toxichearts)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:32:58 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		If he hasn't a clue as to how he'd like you to serve him, why would I have that clue?  Sorry but I gave up mind reading for my New Year's Resolution this year. 

In other words, if there is something he would like you to do, then it's up to him to tell you.  A D/s relationship is NOT a guessing game.  It's communication in both directions. 

(in reply to toxichearts)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:33:04 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Submission or surrender is not something that you improve, it is something that te dominant of the relationship draws out of you. You can work on ways to "act" more submissive, but unless they exhibit things that peel away the layers of your surrender, it is just acting.

Hope things work for you.


quote:

ORIGINAL: toxichearts

I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help!


_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to toxichearts)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:34:00 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		What does he want you to improve? Does he not like how you fold his clothes? Or does he think you need to suck cock better? You need to ask him what he wants you to work on. All we can do is guess.

_____________________________



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RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:35:59 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello toxic hearts (now your name there... hmmmmm what does that mean?)

I believe that a dom will compel you to submit.  It's their job in sunshine world!  The way it works for me is fairly simple.

1.  We meet.
2.  We get to know each other.
3.  The power of his personality / strength of his character lure me to want to be near him.
4.  Affection grows.
5.  I naturally want to please him.
6.  He lets me know what pleases him.
7.  a.  I do that which pleases him.
    b.  I let him know what is hindering me from doing that which pleases him.
8.  We figure out how to make it easier for me, break it down into smaller steps, let it go for now, he helps me, etc.
repeat steps 6-8

*more or less.

good luck,
sunshine


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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:36:19 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Orion, you don't think there's a learning curve, based on the Dominant?

He has tasked her with "improving." Wouldn't that mean different things to different Dominants?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:36:55 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toxichearts

I was given a task to figure out how to improve my submission to my Dom. I have tried to think of different things but i am just not coming up with anything. It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other. I would really appreciate the help!


Step 1: Dump the clueless "dom".

Step 2: Seek someone who will actually dom you, instead of expecting you to dom yourself.

Problem solved.

Next!

                          ---------------------------------

If you hafta come up with the ideas, and he's not around anyway, what do you need him for???   Think about that.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 12/18/2009 5:38:49 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to toxichearts)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:47:37 PM   
toxichearts


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline 		thanx,

I have been scratching my head since he had me star this task. I have been doing everything that he has asked me so far hence why i am way passed the confused point. But i thought i would at least try.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 5:48:39 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		i have found that having the responsibility of "improving my submission" has led me into a negative cycle of guessing what he wants, trying, failing (by my or by his definition), and then back to guessing again.  This is not a healthy way to submit.

The healthiest Domination for me is when he directs exactly what he wants from me, and if i veer from that path, he brings me back onto it.  He sets me up to succeed, no matter what - if i don't do what he wants, he corrects me until i am doing what he wants, and he continues to be pleased as long as i am engaged with him and the act of pleasing him.  And that is a positive cycle, a very positive one.

As others have suggested, i suggest an open conversation with him about what exactly he would like improvement from you on, and what that would look like to him once you've improved.  And then do that.  But he needs to be actively engaged, otherwise you're just going to continue spinning.

my best,
julie

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 6:04:10 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		so youre LTR.

its hard i think to keep things fresh and moving when the intensity of on-line relationships can take up so much time that would otherwise be spent together physically. the pressure is on to reinvent the wheel the whole time to keep it from getting stale.

but alot of people do have LTR relationships. time spent apart that still needs to have that connection going on.

so i would suggest things that would help you to feel that connection. obviously i have no idea what youve agreed upon so far. but if it was me id be thinking up things that i need to have some direction with or impetus or control over. stuff that makes sense, has value and purpose and he can support you with. such as diet, exercise, paper work, housework, and if you do those things well then your allowed a treat, like a manicure or something.

in that way youre improving youre lifestyle and he is helping you to do so.

improving submission isnt just down to him, it is down to you too. if he feels for whatever reason that youre not managing to submit to his directives then his request is valid. he is asking you think it through, he cant think for you.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 12/18/2009 6:06:40 PM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 6:35:50 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Tell the guy that you found a slave training school to improve your submissiveness and see what he says...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 6:48:57 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

It is also difficult because we live some distance away from each other.


Are you saying this is an online thing? What is "difficult" about it? Couple lines don't really provide a lot of information...

(in reply to toxichearts)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 7:11:49 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe you should upgrade your phone service? Seems to me you can improve your typing speed, or your cooking or your cleaning - but I don't understand how you can improve your submission.

You are either submissive or you are not. I don't think there are many grey areas here.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 7:26:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		My suggestion would be to tell him to improve his dominance.

I don't submit in a vacuum. If he has a task for me, he tells me. Me doing various things and him sitting back going "nope, not that either, wrong again" would not work. It's a relationship, which means we're both involved.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 7:35:47 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Improving submission? Nope. Improving how she shows it would be an area of individuality. Kind of like the difference in impoving love, and showing it. The emotions are drawn forth, now how they are expressed is as different as there are people. The person drawng it forth should offer some guidance on what they want, how they want it expressed, how they want to be served, etc. My point is that the submission itself must be fostered by the one that is dominant.

Does that explain it better?


quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Orion, you don't think there's a learning curve, based on the Dominant?

He has tasked her with "improving." Wouldn't that mean different things to different Dominants?


_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: improving submission - 12/18/2009 7:50:21 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I absolutely agree with you. I was just empathizing with the girl who had been tasked with expressing it and not having her Dominant give that direction.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: improving submission - 12/19/2009 6:44:35 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Obey more?

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: improving submission - 12/19/2009 7:38:54 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've never been told by my boyfriend to figure out how to improve my submission, but I do think regularly about how I could deepen my submission. I generally think of skills like listening better, giving him my full attention, timing requests more appropriately, and conveying love and devotion through actions rather than words.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: improving submission - 12/19/2009 7:41:10 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

You're gonna have to ask him to get specific. Does he want you to be more obedient, more pre-emptive with your service (ie. have dinner ready instead of waiting to ask what he wants) or does he want you to learn specific skills like how to properly serve tea?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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