RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/17/2006 8:32:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:


Do you worry about feeling any lack of self worth if your duties are strictly related to homemaking, housecleaning, or taking care of errands <snip> Would you be bored?


This is the tricky part and the answers are possibly. I am an intelligent person with good critical thinking skills. Curiosity and learning are key elements to my well-being. My job fulfills many things that I require for my mental and emotional well-being. I would have to find something that is as mentally challenging and fulfilling for me if I did not have a job to exercise those aspects of my character.


Knight's kyra




*slaps wrists and ankle cuffs on kyra.... attaches a short chain to the right wrist and then to the left ankle... and another chain to the left wrist and then to the right ankle*

ok now... if you get alittle bored with all the house work and errands that you have to do... I will just shorten the chains and/or establish time limits to the various chores.... this should fulfill you need to be challenged! Oh yes... the mental part... you have to read various books of quality at the same time and write a book report on them.



guess we will see how fast of a learner you really are? *G*



Evanesce -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/17/2006 8:40:17 PM)

quote:

This is aimed toward male subs (as they are often seen as the breadwinners) but I'm interested to hear what female subs say as well.

Are you willing to give up (or pause) your career in order to be in a service position full time?


I did just that.

quote:

If so, are you worried about your earning potential should you ever have to return to work?


I WAS... at first. I'm not any more.

quote:

Do you worry about not being able to accumulate skills in your field?


No, because if I ever did have to go back to work full time, I'd probably not choose to go back to what I used to do. I have other options.



AAkasha -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/17/2006 9:15:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Are you willing to give up (or pause) your career in order to be in a service position full time?


The last thing 99 out of 100 women want is a man who serves but doesn't earn. In the FEMDOM universe I've witnessed here, the sub would be sent to work, his money banked in the Domme's account, and once home he'd be put into domestic service. I will quote Sarah Miller from THE BITCH IN THE HOUSE here:

"There are few things that make a man less attractive to women than financial instability. We can deal with men in therapy, we can deal with men crying, but I don’t think gender equality will ever reach the point where we can deal with men broke. I realize that they don’t want us to be broke, either, but when it comes to money, their desire, their requirements, are just not on the same scale as ours. Women might lose credibility as people when we are struggling financially, but it doesn’t interfere with our identity as women. It does not make us less sexually attractive. When the situation is reversed – when the man is the one struggling – this in not the case. One of the many lessons I learned in my relationship with Mike is that I will never, ever go out with a man who isn't naturally adept at making a decent living. I don’t care if I sound chauvinistic and retro --- I might even think that of myself from time to time. But I will never change the way I feel about this."

quote:

If so, are you worried about your earning potential should you ever have to return to work? Do you worry about not being able to accumulate skills in your field?

Do you worry about feeling any lack of self worth if your duties are strictly related to homemaking, housecleaning, or taking care of errands (again -- aimed toward men: Do you feel emasculated when your male friends have jobs/careers and you do not?How do you address that)?


This question is ludicrous, because it assumes any man would actually face this situation. Women who can carry a man rarely elect to do so b/c they view such a dynamic as "leeching" and / or "mooching." Usually high earning women have an even higher income cut for the man they might choose to date than the avg woman. I would imagine this even more true of a high earning dominant woman.

quote:

For sub men that have a career/job right now, would you be willing to give it up -- for good -- in order to be a stay at home submissive for the long term? Would you be bored?


IBID



I don't think you have met enough women who are very career-oriented and enjoy their jobs. No one blinks an eye at the fact that my husband does not work; I know two other women that are actively seeking a man "just like mine" who will not be so driven by a career and let his job take a back seat to taking care of her (nothing to do with kink).

You also have to realize not all women are materialistic. I don't care about money. We could be rolling in it as double-income-no-kids DINKS and he could earn a good living to complement mine; really, it's not worth it. We wouldn't see each other, we'd both be stressed and we'd have to hire a maid and a cook or eat out every night and never get to see our families, nieces, nephews.

The high earning women I know don't care that much about meeting a "high earning man" because they have seen how dysfunctional a relationship is when you have two workaholics.

My brother was also told to quit his job and now only supports his very rich wife; even though he's degreed with a very high earning potential and they have a nanny, maid and driver, she still doesn't want him working at a job. She prefers to have him free from distractions.

My husband had about $40 to his name when I met him. Not all women are gold diggers.
Akasha



subrob1967 -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/17/2006 9:50:15 PM)

When I first read the OP, I thought you were talking about a service sub, one who gets his jollies out of serving, with nothing in return... My answer would have been hell NO!

But after reading your last post, my answer would be...Yes, I could give up a career for a Domme, that I was in a 24/7 loving relationship with. If she made enough to support us comfortably, it would take some getting used to, but I think I could become a "Domestic Engineer"[:D]



subtlesubie -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/17/2006 10:52:00 PM)

There was an article not that long ago in a Toronto magazine. Five attractive single women in their early 30s were interviewed to elucidate why so many urban Canadian ladies were delaying marrying. The women came from diverse backgrounds, and were doing a range of things in they city, but the reason for thier singledom was one - they were waiting for someone rich. You can always find exceptions to this rule, and I don't think it has much to do with gold-digging, but simply: jobs and career prospects are ATTRACTIVE attributes. Not just for the income, but the social connections, the self-esteem, the proof positive that you're doing something with your life, and the simple interest factor.

Besides if you didn't work or have kids, what on earth would you do all day, everyday?




Takethiswaltz -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/17/2006 11:11:34 PM)

not entirely, I love my work.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 12:08:41 AM)

i do what he wants of me and if giving up my career is on that list then i trust he has a reason for it.

This is highly unlikely in my case, however. As he says, "I am not a fan of underachievement." Since belonging to him, he has pushed me to excel at work, and to go back to school, and to ask for a promotion, etc....all of those things are quite the opposite of giving up my career. He may at some point wish me to change careers, but i can't see him ever having me not work for a living.



UtopianRanger -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 1:28:36 AM)

quote:

Do you worry about feeling any lack of self worth if your duties are strictly related to homemaking, housecleaning, or taking care of errands (again -- aimed toward men: Do you feel emasculated when your male friends have jobs/careers and you do not?How do you address that)?

For sub men that have a career/job right now, would you be willing to give it up -- for good -- in order to be a stay at home submissive for the long term? Would you be bored?


Well... I'm sure my response will rattle a few, but what the hell....bombs away!

I grew up in an old-school Italian/Sicilian family, with the prerequisite that unless you were involved in some kind of academic or sports activity related to school, you had to join the rest of the family for dinner every single night.

During the course of dinner.... my father, who was quite an orator, would dole out his words of wisdom to us kids. One of the things he emphasized over and over, was this :

''You can have the best mother, the best father, the best brothers, the best sisters, the best kids, and the best friends, but if you haven't got a job and you're not productive in this society, then you ain't shit.'' -- To this very day... those words are still important to me and I live by them. Of course, if you were handicapped, going to school or taking care of children, it's whole different ball game.

So... to answer your question: If I was in a relationship with a lady who did really well and wanted me to stay home and not work... I'd use my powers of persuasion and get her change her mind. I'd then pull out the yellow book and thumb through the pages until I found ''merry maids'' or some other house cleaning/landscaping business - Then I'd kick down a few ducats and make the whole thing work.




- The Ranger





meatcleaver -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 2:03:00 AM)

I've found very few people who call themselves submissive are really submissive in any other way than through sexual fantasy and in this field they explicitly state what they expect and what their boundaries are which isn't really submissive. It basically comes down in reality to screening a so called Dom for their pleasure and I've never come across a submissive who in reality would give up a career for serving a Dom though I've often heard people saying they would. In the world of kink there are very few genuine kinksters and a lot of fantasists. So many people talk the talk but very few walk the walk.

Because of the world I move in I mix constantly with career women who see sexual submission as an apparent antidote to their careers which require them to be dominant. They actually call themselves submissive which to me it isn't and if a man indulges them he is merely acting out a role of being Dominant while really just giving sexual service.

My point. Giving up a career is a symbolic as well as a concrete act.



Real0ne -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 2:12:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are you willing to give up (or pause) your career in order to be in a service position full time?

yes
quote:

If so, are you worried about your earning potential should you ever have to return to work?

not in the least
quote:

Do you worry about not being able to accumulate skills in your field?

not in the least
quote:

Do you worry about feeling any lack of self worth if your duties are strictly related to homemaking, housecleaning, or taking care of errands (again -- aimed toward men:

not in the least i do that all now LOL
quote:

Do you feel emasculated when your male friends have jobs/careers and you do not?

not in the least
quote:

How do you address that)?

the honestly curious - just look at them and smile
the assholes - get the new york salute
quote:

For sub men that have a career/job right now, would you be willing to give it up -- for good -- in order to be a stay at home submissive for the long term?

yes
quote:

Would you be bored?
Akasha

no i always have plenty of things to do in my spare time

if i were offered the right kind of life and security that i would need to do such a thing, all things considered, that level of control would be welcome here if someone were savvy enough to put it all together to make it a reality...

That and with my skills and talents it would be the last thing that would ever need to be out sourced around there, barring major medical, so even with that i easily pay for myself with interest. unfortunately those who appreciate that are far and few.






MHOO314 -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 4:30:17 AM)

quote:

This question is ludicrous, because it assumes any man would actually face this situation. Women who can carry a man rarely elect to do so b/c they view such a dynamic as "leeching" and / or "mooching." Usually high earning women have an even higher income cut for the man they might choose to date than the avg woman. I would imagine this even more true of a high earning dominant woman.


Well not to steal Aakasha's thread, but I am going to disagree--for Myself and a few other Dommes I know that are close to Me--for Myself---I wasn't looking for someone that "matched My income"--first of all that is very hard to do as I am one of those high earning Dommes you referred to--so I knew there was a good chance of financial disparity--the subs I met who could, were arrogant blowhards that were more "trophy boys" than a real submissive ( not making a sweeping generalization here guys--calm down)---I do not equate income with self worth--I do not equate a career with income--

Now given that--currently My boy has a job, he has his own company--it is something he likes to do, he is good at it--and it affords him the opportunity to make his own hours--mind you that freedom allowed him to be on-line at normal times to seek a Domme--for which I am extremely grateful <smiles>--unless he works 24/7 and grows that business to many employees, he will not match My income--that is not the point--My need, My desire is that when he moves with Me, he can continue with his business--he "contributes" something-- he continues to do what he likes and he indeed provides the market a valuable service--but I need him to attend to Me--to My house, My life--contributes because in the blink of an eye, I could be unemployed--but everyone in My home contributes---My teen started working at 14---So I am quite happy with the way things are--when he is with Me as he just was, we spend a tad more, when I am with him, we do things at home--he cooks, cares for Me--that IMHEO is priceless and valuable.

I'd also like to add, that your theory at least here in the US is a tad outdated----today in the US in middle income families----25% see the woman working and the man " Mr Mom"--at home caring for the kids etc---in the blink of an eye--"roles" get reversed-- layoffs are a daily occurence and most middle class families live one paycheck away from bankruptcy---I get testy when someone makes "earning an income in a relationship" gender specific---

Now to Aakasha's question--I want My boy to "contribute", I want him to continue his business when he gets here--he likes it, he's good at it, it's needed--BUT I need him with Me--to help, to serve, to attend---in a NY second I could be killed and he would need to go on--no matter how massive life insurance is--it won't last long.

So I elect to "carry" in your words, not Mine, I elect to build a life and a family-(oh and My Dad died 40 years ago and My Mom developed a substantial income, in a time when that just wasn't done)---but we had to survive--and I applaud My sisters who are quite ok with working while their men take care of the house duties--and btw--My three Domme friends feel the same way---their boys work--either organizing and managing the house and chores, or act as admins--and we are all quite happy---


IMHEO.



ropesubby39 -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 6:36:22 AM)

Hi:

Being a sub, i wouldnt be able to quit my job, my Master knows i need my independency and i do not like for someone else to care for me in a financial way. That was made clear from the beginning when W/we first met.




HisGirl8 -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 6:38:10 AM)

Good question...

I never thought I'd give up my career for anyone else. I own a small business and love what I do. For the past 3 years I've been going to school on and off and have always wanted to go full- time and get it done. Recently He told me I should stop working for awhile and go to school full-time. This summer I'll be a student again and not working. The business will run for awhile but I may shut it down with intent of a future re-opening. This is the right choice for us and for me so his suggestion was well recieved.

I'm excited but scared. I know he'll help me in whatever ways I need so anything is possible...
a



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:03:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlesubie

Besides if you didn't work or have kids, what on earth would you do all day, everyday?



Many people volunteer at a variety of charities.

Be well,
Julie



thetammyjo -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:17:41 AM)

I don't think this is exactly what you meant, AAkasha, but Fox has turned down jobs, very well paying jobs to stay with me.

Right after he got his BS in Physics, Mathematics, and a minor in Psychology, he had some offers but he turned them down. He decided being my slave made him happy and that was worth more than moving to Europe or across the country and making 40,000+.

So now he has a 20,000+ plus assistant manager position here in Bloomington that can drain his energy but he has me and our relationship.

It does worry me however because his late feelings of being too passive in his everyday life is partly from this job (the other part is his family of origin stuff). That feeling threatens our dynamics in some ways which we are working on.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:24:21 AM)

quote:

Besides if you didn't work or have kids, what on earth would you do all day, everyday?


I haven't held a job in three years, don't ever plan on going back to work and our girl doesn't work either, but we don't get bored, we have plenty to do all day, every day.



cloudboy -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:34:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Well not to steal Aakasha's thread, but I am going to disagree--for Myself and a few other Dommes I know that are close to Me--for Myself---I wasn't looking for someone that "matched My income"--first of all that is very hard to do as I am one of those high earning Dommes you referred to--so I knew there was a good chance of financial disparity--the subs I met who could, were arrogant blowhards that were more "trophy boys" than a real submissive ( not making a sweeping generalization here guys--calm down)---I do not equate income with self worth--I do not equate a career with income--

Now given that--currently My boy has a job, he has his own company--it is something he likes to do, he is good at it--and it affords him the opportunity to make his own hours--mind you that freedom allowed him to be on-line at normal times to seek a Domme--for which I am extremely grateful <smiles>--unless he works 24/7 and grows that business to many employees, he will not match My income--that is not the point--My need, My desire is that when he moves with Me, he can continue with his business--he "contributes" something-- he continues to do what he likes and he indeed provides the market a valuable service--but I need him to attend to Me--to My house, My life--contributes because in the blink of an eye, I could be unemployed--but everyone in My home contributes---My teen started working at 14---So I am quite happy with the way things are--when he is with Me as he just was, we spend a tad more, when I am with him, we do things at home--he cooks, cares for Me--that IMHEO is priceless and valuable.

I'd also like to add, that your theory at least here in the US is a tad outdated----today in the US in middle income families----25% see the woman working and the man " Mr Mom"--at home caring for the kids etc---in the blink of an eye--"roles" get reversed-- layoffs are a daily occurence and most middle class families live one paycheck away from bankruptcy---I get testy when someone makes "earning an income in a relationship" gender specific---

Now to Aakasha's question--I want My boy to "contribute", I want him to continue his business when he gets here--he likes it, he's good at it, it's needed--BUT I need him with Me--to help, to serve, to attend---in a NY second I could be killed and he would need to go on--no matter how massive life insurance is--it won't last long.

So I elect to "carry" in your words, not Mine, I elect to build a life and a family-(oh and My Dad died 40 years ago and My Mom developed a substantial income, in a time when that just wasn't done)---but we had to survive--and I applaud My sisters who are quite ok with working while their men take care of the house duties--and btw--My three Domme friends feel the same way---their boys work--either organizing and managing the house and chores, or act as admins--and we are all quite happy---


IMHEO.


We've kind of had this discussion before wherein you would say, "vanilla women are idiots." Clearly you and Akasha see the benefits of departing from the Sarah Miller doctrine, but contra to your and Akasha's examples (which is not to negate them) I've seen and know women who regularly write off guys who don't have the "right job" and who in fact compromise their own personal and love criterea items in favor of seducing and marrying high earners. As we discussed in PMs a while back, it was like these ladies wanted a lifestyle out of their man and intimacy out of their girlfriends. It was a freaky world to me.

Still, Akasha's question is not one many men will have to answer, because in most households one income is not enough (85% I'd say) and because the Sarah Miller view predominates. Of course, MH, you are exceptional.



Evanesce -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:52:39 AM)

quote:

Besides if you didn't work or have kids, what on earth would you do all day, everyday?


Would you like to follow me around Master's house all day and find out?

I get up around 7:00, let the dogs out, work out for an hour, feed the cats and the birds, have breakfast, spend about 1.5 hours online reading mail and whatever, and then I tackle the housework. Between dusting and mopping and vacuuming and scouring and picking up after the animals and keeping the thousands of square feet of woodwork polished in a 22-room house, it's actually more than I can keep up with. Around noonish, in between cleaning periods, I have lunch and spend another hour working out. It's a requirement that I work out 2 hours every day. Finally, before dinner, I sit down at my piano and practice for 1/2 to 1 hour.

And then, of course, there's all the extra stuff that needs doing, like landscaping and mowing, and painting the exterior of the house, and hanging new wallpaper. Not to mention my needlework hobby and the book I've been writing and the website I started building over a year ago and still haven't finished, which have all been neglected far too long.

Somewhere in there, I find time to socialize a few times a month with friends, get the grocery shopping done, keep Master's cars maintained, and walk two dogs every day - separately!

What would you do all day? A whole lot more than anyone who has never stayed home could imagine is even possible.



Evanesce -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:55:46 AM)

quote:

It basically comes down in reality to screening a so called Dom for their pleasure and I've never come across a submissive who in reality would give up a career for serving a Dom though I've often heard people saying they would.


Read up further in this thread. I could swear I said I did just that, so you HAVE come across a "submissive" who, in reality, DID give up her career for her Master.



MHOO314 -> RE: Would you give up your career for submission? (3/18/2006 7:56:52 AM)

ahhh yes cloudboy, the Cinderella Complex---and she lives happily ever after---<smiles>.




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