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Domina Down - 12/19/2009 12:03:24 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Even the most well put together person is going to have and need down time and yet it sometimes seems that people expect us to always be in role… always be on top and always be at our best. Being my fallible self… I have many such times, that I call domina down. I even try to set the stage for these times because I know they will be there. I try to balance things so that I am not out of balance and yet… life… people… situations, will mess up my planning at some point. No matter how well I might plan or how I try to be on balance, I am going to have times of not being balanced and will need some down time.

This is when I have required the people in my life to step up and carry on while I take my time out. It is when I cannot have my time out or time to balance out… whatever that might be… rest… food… music… quiet… ibuprofen, lol… that I get snappy, testy and unreasonable. I know I cannot push and when I must and am challenged, I will not do well. So I don’t let myself go there too often.

So far, people have for the most part understood my need to take a time out and how I need to prepare for down time, but some do not and they are who see my darker side of leave me the fuck alone damn it! lol

With the holidays, work, family, life requirements… we all need our down time, even us domina’s. What is reasonable? What is balanced? Do we hold ourselves to such a high standard that we disallow for times of simply being an over worked, over challenged or human being that needs rest and good health? Do the people in our lives see us as faulty if we are not in role and at our best at all times?

How important is it to you to have domina down time? When you do need this time, what do you expect from the people in your lives and what is reasonable or not to expect from you? And how protective of you are your domina down time?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

Post #: 1

RE: Domina Down - 12/19/2009 12:34:41 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

How important is it to you to have domina down time? When you do need this time, what do you expect from the people in your lives and what is reasonable or not to expect from you? And how protective of you are your domina down time?

I think that it's proactive and healthy to take down time. It is important to retreat, regroup, recuperate. I take my down time quite seriously and I always say that if I don't refuel, I won't have anything else to give.

That said, I think it's important to give yourself some down time regularly so that the need doesn't build up and have such a huge impact. Some of the things I do are meditate, exercise, get a massage or mani/pedi, turn off my phone for a day, rent a bunch of movies and curl up on the couch, get a house cleaning service, go out for drinks/dinner with the girls, go on a shopping spree, etc.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 2

RE: Domina Down - 12/19/2009 2:18:23 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

A very long time ago I heard a piece of advice that has stuck with Me over the years. Anyone who is taking care of others, has to place a priority of taking care of themselves. That includes downtime so that we remain mentally healthy.

I think this applies for a number of roles, Dominance amongst them. Are we not the person's in authority over our submissives, which means we have a greater responsibility? If I'm the one making the decisions around here, doesn't the responsibility of doing so fall on Me if the outcome was because of My directive? In saying this, I'm not absolving the submissive in the scenario from any participation that they may have in following such commands. Rather, if I'm making the decisions, I have to accept those outcomes that are by My design.

What is reasonable and balanced is going to vary from person to person and how our situations are different. I actually needed more down time a year ago when I had more stress in My life than I do today. Next year, it may be entirely different because My situation will have changed again.

Even the little bit that I need now, I'm very protective of should I not get it. You know that old saying about how 'if Momma isn't happy, nobody's happy'? I can promise you that applies when My personal time wants aren't being met. So I really do see getting personal or down time as being a positive thing for the relationship I have with Myself which in turn allows for more positive quality of time that I have with others.

Quite frankly, I don't see Me taking Me time as being out of role. It's one of My decisions that past experience has proven that I, and by extension the others in My life, benefit from. I'm still the one in control of just exactly how that is going to be done.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 3

RE: Domina Down - 12/19/2009 2:29:53 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I agree LP... very much so! Maybe I didn't quite say things as well as I might have. I don't see domina down time... or human down time as out of charactor or anything of a role in life. But, I do feel that I have from time to time, been held in a place that was difficult at best, to remain at. Whether it was ignorance, selfishness or just the way it was... people demanded I remained in control, on top and as I typically am when I really needed down time and told them so. So I wondered if other's had experienced that as well. Especially in a d/s relationship.

I hear... mom... Lockit... stop... you are always doing something, you don't know how to rest or stop and in the next breath it is... mom... Lockit... can you do this or will you do that or why aren't you doing this or that? lol

LP, you have mentioned to me that I do need some personal time and outtings and I am seriously looking at what I can do with that. I always have... but recently the demands upon me have increased and I find myself saying.. hey now... wait a minute! lol

With the holidays, I think a lot of people get overburdened and need to just take a breath or two... or a million. Then I have seen where the fantasy of some will be firmly in place and expectations of dominant persons to always be on... never off or on pause. So I thought it might be interesting to bring the topic up and see what people had to say. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Domina Down - 12/19/2009 5:30:31 PM

Reform

Posts: 151
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

I take some time to myself everyday so I find I don't usually need extra down time on top of that. However, if I'm really stressed because of work or anything else, I tell the boy to go to a friends so I can stay in and do movie marathons. I'm also very grateful at times that I'm a swtich. When I need to relinquish control I can kneel next to my boy and just forget everything for a while.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 5

RE: Domina Down - 12/19/2009 8:57:52 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

My subs never expect a down time because they know I've never playing a role of being a Domme. I am always myself and don't put on a fantasy show. It's the real me 24-7. But I might dress up in leather some times and crack the whip at a sub but I'm not going to put on a fake mistress act and start snarling and talk different. That's not the way I am. I like to live it as a lifestyle and do it real. And I expect my sub to be real about it too. If he's playing a dog for fun that's fine. I understand he's not going to be my puppy all the time. But he has to be my sub all the time. I like it real.

< Message edited by AcademyForSlaves -- 12/19/2009 8:58:58 PM >

_____________________________

Academy Mistresses
http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

(in reply to Reform)

Post #: 6

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 11:19:54 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I agree LP... very much so! Maybe I didn't quite say things as well as I might have. I don't see domina down time... or human down time as out of charactor or anything of a role in life. But, I do feel that I have from time to time, been held in a place that was difficult at best, to remain at. Whether it was ignorance, selfishness or just the way it was... people demanded I remained in control, on top and as I typically am when I really needed down time and told them so. So I wondered if other's had experienced that as well. Especially in a d/s relationship.

I hear... mom... Lockit... stop... you are always doing something, you don't know how to rest or stop and in the next breath it is... mom... Lockit... can you do this or will you do that or why aren't you doing this or that? lol

LP, you have mentioned to me that I do need some personal time and outtings and I am seriously looking at what I can do with that. I always have... but recently the demands upon me have increased and I find myself saying.. hey now... wait a minute! lol

With the holidays, I think a lot of people get overburdened and need to just take a breath or two... or a million. Then I have seen where the fantasy of some will be firmly in place and expectations of dominant persons to always be on... never off or on pause. So I thought it might be interesting to bring the topic up and see what people had to say. lol

I almost feel like we're cheating the others because we've discussed it before and they don't know the background. LOL.

I'm very glad to see the highlighted above, btw. I know it's not an easy thing to put into practice, especially during this time of year when it seems like there are more things to do and less time to do them in. There really are only so many hours in the day. Having more things to do in that same amount of time is a quick way to generate stress.

I think this is one of those areas where people tend to think they have to be a certain way, set up around someone else's expectations. Yeah, some can do that for a while, but it doesn't translate easily into the real world. I'm a whole person who happens to be Dominant. Recharging the batteries is a part of that, just like it is for everyone else.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 7

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 4:55:46 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I think dommes sometimes underestimate their slaves. We understand that sometimes your energy is low or that you are busy. You don't always have to be in full on bitch mode. You can even use those low energy times to your advantage. Aren't those the perfect times to delegate more tasks to your slaves? Stuff can get done while you recharge.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 8

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:06:38 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

If I get to full on bitch mode... someone is messing with me. I can be cranky or snappy when I am in pain and between ibuprofen and when pushing, physically or in talking about serious things. I might cuss if I hurt myself, but I don't typically go to bitch mode! And I warn people before I do go to bitch! I tell them I can't handle whatever... need a break... please don't... etc. I tend to sit or lay down and just not talk about anything serious until I have the pain more in control.

If someone is around me long enough, they will be able to tell by looking at my eye's if I am struggling. I have actually laughed at things while tearing up with pain or symptoms. Joking helps me overcome it all.

It isn't rocket science to pay attention to those you love and see what they might need. Dominant or submissive.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 9

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:10:13 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I think dommes sometimes underestimate their slaves. We understand that sometimes your energy is low or that you are busy. You don't always have to be in full on bitch mode. You can even use those low energy times to your advantage. Aren't those the perfect times to delegate more tasks to your slaves? Stuff can get done while you recharge.

The Lady you are serving is a lucky Lady indeed.

And congrats on the book. :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 10

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:13:39 PM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AcademyForSlaves

My subs never expect a down time because they know I've never playing a role of being a Domme. I am always myself and don't put on a fantasy show. It's the real me 24-7. But I might dress up in leather some times and crack the whip at a sub but I'm not going to put on a fake mistress act and start snarling and talk different. That's not the way I am. I like to live it as a lifestyle and do it real. And I expect my sub to be real about it too. If he's playing a dog for fun that's fine. I understand he's not going to be my puppy all the time. But he has to be my sub all the time. I like it real.

Thank You. It is about being real.....for better or worse....

(in reply to AcademyForSlaves)

Post #: 11

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:20:15 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Thank you. I could be better, though. Sometimes I am a big baby.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I think dommes sometimes underestimate their slaves. We understand that sometimes your energy is low or that you are busy. You don't always have to be in full on bitch mode. You can even use those low energy times to your advantage. Aren't those the perfect times to delegate more tasks to your slaves? Stuff can get done while you recharge.

The Lady you are serving is a lucky Lady indeed.

And congrats on the book. :-)

- LA

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 12

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:24:04 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Thank you. I could be better, though. Sometimes I am a big baby.

You seem to get the basics though, which is much more than I can say for many. You understand that it's about respect and seeing a woman as humans, with feelings, emotions and needs. I know a few boys who could learn a lesson or two from you.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 13

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:49:47 PM

IBused

Posts: 93
Joined: 10/4/2009
Status: offline

I dunno...why ask for down time? Fuck that...we all need up time.....I don't get you at all. You want down time..disappear and come back when you are ready...you want up time...keep posting.
No disrespect intended, but be careful what ;you wish for lockit

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 14

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:51:52 PM

IBused

Posts: 93
Joined: 10/4/2009
Status: offline

OMG...I am bitchy and cranky...I need DOWN time...LOL...Like I need more UP time...damn blue christmas balls

(in reply to IBused)

Post #: 15

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:53:28 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IBused

I dunno...why ask for down time? Fuck that...we all need up time.....I don't get you at all. You want down time..disappear and come back when you are ready...you want up time...keep posting.
No disrespect intended, but be careful what ;you wish for lockit

Interesting that every single woman who responded and a smart boy like slavekal knew exactly what she was referring too and an intelligent conversation was happening and then you come in here and pee on this thread...

If you have nothing to contribute to a perfectly good question, I suggest you move on to the next thread.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to IBused)

Post #: 16

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 5:54:48 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

There is a cure for Christmas blue balls... but it doesn't include getting up. Well except for when the ambulance lifts you into the back. Lot's of guys around here come in and ask for it! hehe

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to IBused)

Post #: 17

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 6:16:31 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IBused

OMG...I am bitchy and cranky...I need DOWN time...LOL...Like I need more UP time...damn blue christmas balls

The situation is noted. Yet, for those of us who have more things of value in life rather than just a sexual frustration (family, commitments, etc.) we concern ourselves with more than just our genitals.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IBused)

Post #: 18

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 6:34:35 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I so know what you mean. It is difficult sometimes to always be "on", being in an authority positon at work and then being in charge at home, usually I thrive on it, but other times, I just need a break. Every now and then I'll tell mine, I just need my husband right now and not my slave or I need a minute to myself. Sometimes he gets it, other times he says he does and slowly tries to manipulate me back into domme mode, which pissed me off and I have to start all over again trying to relax to put myself back in a frame of mind.

I'm thinking of getting one of those diver down flags, writing domme on it and putting it up when the time presents itself..lol After a few explosions he'll learn...lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 19

RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 6:36:54 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IBused

I dunno...why ask for down time? Fuck that...we all need up time.....I don't get you at all. You want down time..disappear and come back when you are ready...you want up time...keep posting.
No disrespect intended, but be careful what ;you wish for lockit

"so" hope your two post are a joke

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to IBused)

Post #: 20

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