Bettering yourself for others (Full Version)

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SomethingCatchy -> Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:42:19 AM)

I'm all about self improvement, even if I am lazy and hard to motivate. I find people who work on themselves throughout their lives attractive and interesting to know. I could never be involved with someone who's at a stalemate and refuses to keep growing.

I got this from mnottertail's profile -

quote:

However; in the real world, what I want...... is a woman who continually strives to better her appearance, presentation, sexual skill, grace, home, life, love, mind and self (HER BEING, HER SOUL) for the glory of HER master.


I see where he's coming from wanting a woman that works on herself, but then I stumbled up on 'for the glory of her master.' I was always told, and have accepted, that self improvement, growth, and emotional maturity should be done for yourself in order to be happy. When I read this, my first thought was 'Why does it have to be for him?'

I don't improve myself for other people's enjoyment, I do it so that my life is easier, better, more fun to live. I have never expected someone to continually change themselves to make me happy, and I've always thought that expecting that kind of thing could end up disastrous (and in my experience it always HAS been very very bad).

Now I'm not picking on mnottertail, these are just the thoughts that the quote made me think about, and I wondered what others thought, too. I won't ask any specific questions because the only ones I can think of right now are very leading and reflect my personal opinion instead of being unbiased. 




kiwisub12 -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:47:52 AM)

Hell - that sounds like wayyyyyyyyy too much work to me. Unless you consider reading, housework and knitting continuous improvement. [:D]

Honestly, unless we are talking about wee little things, then who has time to be constantly bettering her/himself. I work 40 plus hours a week, and on my down time, I want to spend time with my Sir, and with my feet up. I don't want to be taking classes, courses or lessons. I'm definitely not against learning new stuff, but to do it for a master -who apparently doesn't think i am good enough as i am, then - meh - i give him a pass.

And if i did do all this self improvement , i would expect my Master to do the same - because I am assuming he isn't perfect either.[8|]




LaTigresse -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:49:24 AM)

I am all for a person learning and growing for the betterment of themself, those in their life, and the world as a whole. Those that won't or can't, do not interest me.

Stagnation is a breeding ground for disease and worst of all............mosquitoes.




LPslittleclip -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:52:58 AM)

as a slave belonging to my Mistress everything i do is a reflection on her and as such any improvement i make would be for Her. in the dynamic i have i strive to please my Mistress and so improving myself in areas that please her are importaint to me. if my Mistress is happy then i am happy and my life is easier. now granted much of what i do pleases my Mistress cooking baking laundry and cleaning and such. i am a morning person so i do have to be some what quiet in the morning and no hamsterdance before 9 am.




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:53:30 AM)

I didn't think of how it could be taken as one person thinking the other isn't good enough so he/she has to improve themselves. I can see how that would be a huge problem in a lot of relationships, kink or vanilla. 




windchymes -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:54:48 AM)

Because knowing that your sub IS one who respects herself, etc., ect., seeing the progress and/or end result of her efforts, and the sub knowing that being the best she can be makes HIM feel like he's the best HE can be can be part of what makes a Dom feel glorified.




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 8:55:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Stagnation is a breeding ground for disease and worst of all............mosquitoes.


The air is cold and dry, and when I laughed my lip cracked. Thanks a lot!




theRose4U -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 9:01:15 AM)

Dominants like things to be for their benefit,. It's part of WIITWD. While your point of "shouldn't they do it for their own betterment" is completely valid, I interpret what he said as I want a girl to learn what I like to improve her service for me. I don't know how a pet learning wine selection and service or how to draw the ultimate bath would "end up disasterous".  Those are things that would improve service to me, and make me happy. They are also useful skills when or if they moved on.

quote:

  I don't improve myself for other people's enjoyment, I do it so that my life is easier, better, more fun to live. I have never expected someone to continually change themselves to make me happy, and I've always thought that expecting that kind of thing could end up disastrous (and in my experience it always HAS been very very bad).


Based on this I would challenge that you've trusted people unworthy of your faith that possibly hurt you in non-consentual ways. Not everyone is like this. Not every dominant wants or desires change, let alone constant change.Some of us are attracted to subs for who they currently are, not what we can turn them into. Once boundaries and expectations are established improvement is usually encouraged but change just for the sake of change isn't going to deepen the bond with a sub. Encouraging education, skills of service and therapy (internal or external) that makes them a better person is part of what "the job" of dominance is about. Many years ago I heard the phrase "if you break your toys you'll have no one left to play with" and it's as true now as it was then.




CougarStud -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 9:03:30 AM)

I am totally into a slave/sub coontinuing to improve.  I work a 36 hour week, run a home based business and workout 2-3 hour a day.  Coming home and curling up on the couch after 4 hours a week of work boggles My mind.





lucylucy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 9:08:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I was always told, and have accepted, that self improvement, growth, and emotional maturity should be done for yourself in order to be happy. When I read this, my first thought was 'Why does it have to be for him?'

I don't improve myself for other people's enjoyment, I do it so that my life is easier, better, more fun to live. I have never expected someone to continually change themselves to make me happy, and I've always thought that expecting that kind of thing could end up disastrous (and in my experience it always HAS been very very bad).



It has to be for him if you want to be a slave to someone like him, and the reason is because he said so and he’s the Master and you’re the slave.

But I assume you mean in a broader sense, why would or how could self-improvement be for someone else. Here’s my take on it.

I’ve always been very independent and just got into my first D/s relationship in March. Self-improvement is my thing—I’m kind of obsessed with it—and up until March, I improved myself for myself. Others, namely my husband at the time and my daughter, benefited from my self-improvement, but they didn’t motivate my self-improvement. I look back now and see that I was very selfish. Even when I aimed to be a better parent, it wasn’t really for my daughter; it was so I could feel good about being a good parent.

My perspective has changed since I’ve been involved with my boyfriend. His happiness and satisfaction with me is what motivates me. Previously, if my ex-husband had asked me to improve in an area I wasn’t already motivated to improve in, I would have put his “wish” at the bottom of my list of areas to improve. If my boyfriend asks me to improve in an area, it becomes my #1 priority because if I improve in that area, he will be very happy and that will make me very happy. My happiness comes not from being better at something but from the satisfaction of my boyfriend that I am better at something.

It’s probably a stretch to say that anything I do is done “for the glory” of my boyfriend, but I do know he felt really proud of himself for having me for a girlfriend when I mixed up a fantastic batch of mojitos for a group of people.




LadyAngelika -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 9:33:34 AM)

quote:

I see where he's coming from wanting a woman that works on herself, but then I stumbled up on 'for the glory of her master.' I was always told, and have accepted, that self improvement, growth, and emotional maturity should be done for yourself in order to be happy. When I read this, my first thought was 'Why does it have to be for him?'


Firstly, I hope Ron doesn't mind that his profile is being disected!

In one of my writings, I've written about the qualities of a strong submissive man. I write:

A strong submissive man is proud and has ambition. He approaches his submission with self-confidence and demonstrates a great deal of self-respect. He focuses on being the best man he can be. He realises that his behaviour will be reflected on his Lady and makes sure that he projects a positive image of himself. He is intelligent, worldly, has an open mind, has a sense of humour as well as a positive and realistic outlook on life.

In my eyes, it is for both. I will say that I'm also at my best when I have a submissive partner in my life as I know that I have standars to live up to. I want him to be as proud of me as I am of him. Does that make sense?

- LA




alittleevil -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 9:49:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I'm all about self improvement, even if I am lazy and hard to motivate. I find people who work on themselves throughout their lives attractive and interesting to know. I could never be involved with someone who's at a stalemate and refuses to keep growing.

I got this from mnottertail's profile -

quote:

However; in the real world, what I want...... is a woman who continually strives to better her appearance, presentation, sexual skill, grace, home, life, love, mind and self (HER BEING, HER SOUL) for the glory of HER master.


I see where he's coming from wanting a woman that works on herself, but then I stumbled up on 'for the glory of her master.' I was always told, and have accepted, that self improvement, growth, and emotional maturity should be done for yourself in order to be happy. When I read this, my first thought was 'Why does it have to be for him?'

I don't improve myself for other people's enjoyment, I do it so that my life is easier, better, more fun to live. I have never expected someone to continually change themselves to make me happy, and I've always thought that expecting that kind of thing could end up disastrous (and in my experience it always HAS been very very bad).

Now I'm not picking on mnottertail, these are just the thoughts that the quote made me think about, and I wondered what others thought, too. I won't ask any specific questions because the only ones I can think of right now are very leading and reflect my personal opinion instead of being unbiased. 


Hello,

It's "common" understanding that to make changes (lose weight, lose a bad habit, learn a skill, etc), the desire to do so has to be internal in order for the change to stick.  However, this particular slave is not particularly self motivating--my locus of motivation and pleasure is outside my own self.  I can better my "appearance, presentation, sexual skill, grace, home, life, love, mind and self" and find it rewarding but i find it more rewarding (and, in all honesty am more likely to make the changes and make them stick) if externally motivated and pleasing to another.

I don't see this as "continually changing" myself so much as simply doing what is required to please Master, which in itself is happy-making to me, even if it is not something i myself would choose to do for myself. Semantics? Maybe...

Peace,
aj




alittleevil -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 9:53:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23
... Their own Personal Jesus...


This made me laugh, cause i've called Master that. :-)

Peace,
aj




AnimusRex -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 10:01:42 AM)

I think improving oneself just for your own satisfaction is important, but there is an element of wanting to be better in the eyes of your beloved.

I work out and run every day, partly to be healthy, but also to be fit and attractive to Kim. I like that she is proud to introduce me as her man. She does the same, for the same reasons.




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 11:53:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

You're a dominant, you're never going to understand it on anything but an intellectual level.



Actually, I'm a switch, I just don't meet many people who inspire submission from me. I can see everything from both points of view.




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 11:59:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
It has to be for him if you want to be a slave to someone like him, and the reason is because he said so and he’s the Master and you’re the slave.


Ah, a prime example of why the 'slave' mentality makes me cringe. After years of abuse 'because he said so' it's beyond me why anyone would set themselves up for something like that. 




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 12:03:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil
Hello,

It's "common" understanding that to make changes (lose weight, lose a bad habit, learn a skill, etc), the desire to do so has to be internal in order for the change to stick.  However, this particular slave is not particularly self motivating--my locus of motivation and pleasure is outside my own self.  I can better my "appearance, presentation, sexual skill, grace, home, life, love, mind and self" and find it rewarding but i find it more rewarding (and, in all honesty am more likely to make the changes and make them stick) if externally motivated and pleasing to another.

I don't see this as "continually changing" myself so much as simply doing what is required to please Master, which in itself is happy-making to me, even if it is not something i myself would choose to do for myself. Semantics? Maybe...

Peace,
aj



I can get what you're saying. I'm the same way about some things, like losing weight. I'm paying for a personal trainer just so I have someone to report to about my progress instead of it being left up to me, because if it was, I wouldn't be doing it.




DomImus -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 12:20:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
I don't improve myself for other people's enjoyment, I do it so that my life is easier, better, more fun to live. I have never expected someone to continually change themselves to make me happy, and I've always thought that expecting that kind of thing could end up disastrous (and in my experience it always HAS been very very bad).


While expecting someone else to improve themselves for your benefit may be a bit selfish I don't see how only do it for yourself and yourself alone is any less selfish.

Just my two cents.






SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 12:22:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

quote:

Actually, I'm a switch, I just don't meet many people who inspire submission from me. I can see everything from both points of view.


It just means you don't wake up in the morning thinking "I wish someone would tell me what to do with my life."  And you don't seek those people out.

And no, you can't see from both points of view.  If that were true, you'd never have asked the question you asked.



Please, stop assuming you know me before it gets annoying. You're absolutely wrong on both things that are quoted above, and you've made these assumptions based on the very little information I have on my profile.




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Bettering yourself for others (12/20/2009 12:24:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
I don't improve myself for other people's enjoyment, I do it so that my life is easier, better, more fun to live. I have never expected someone to continually change themselves to make me happy, and I've always thought that expecting that kind of thing could end up disastrous (and in my experience it always HAS been very very bad).


While expecting someone else to improve themselves for your benefit may be a bit selfish I don't see how only do it for yourself and yourself alone is any less selfish.

Just my two cents.





The selfishness of the acts isn't what's in question. I'm a selfish little turd when I want to be, and I fully agree that bettering myself for my own pleasure is very self indulgent. [:D]




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