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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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ORIGINAL: lally2


if i have a bloke about to tie me up and beat me im gonna need to trust him 100%

And because you need to have 100 % trust... all such type relationship must have more trust and acceptance as result?...... The logic is highly flawed... expecially since you are not representative of every single individual that engages in such relationships.... Your you! and as such... what you believe to be needed is HIGHLY appreciated by me and I suspect must people. But... what you need is not what everyone needs in this style of relationship or what other need to have other styles of relationships.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
There are also plenty of relationships where one partner makes final decisions regarding X and the other regarding Y.

Again to me, the fact that they are making decisions over me just doesn't factor into how much I need to trust them. I trust them to make good decisions wherever they are making decisions otherwise I wouldn't be with them at all.

yes, but there was a process in getting to that point where you trusted his decision making and that it was someone you knew you could relax with, inbetween penguin impersonations of course

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i meet alot of people in their homes through the course of the week. even the guys who are into their very late years and arguably more Ds than vanilla in many cases all discuss things with each other first, they can never make a decision until theyve consulted their spouse first. people in egalitarian relationships tend to feel that it is disrespectful and undermining for their partner to make decisions for them and on their behalf without consulting them first. and in the end that isnt about trust anyway. its about shared responsibility.

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ORIGINAL: lally2

if i come across that way and clearly i do then i shall try very hard to avoid that in the future.

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It is sounding a bit that way. It could just be me and it's the internet. It's really easy to screw up how your words come across and it's really easy to take things the wrong way without realizing it.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Being restrained and hurt?That's a risk of a few hours lally. A greater risk is marrying him and having his child, that risk lasts the next 20odd years. And risking spending the next 50 years in bed with the same man every night? Knowing that there will be times when he's snoring that you will want to smother him with a pillow, yet you commit to it anyway? Much bigger risk.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


HEY..... what about the risk I take snoring between two (and they each have three pillows!!!) .... Obviously my Trust is more than someone that sleeps beside one person.

I feel so much better now... I have more trust in my relationship that you less trusting Monogamist people!!!!


PS... I have two girls in my life... but I don't believe or think there is more trust in my life than when it was just Alandra and I.... except maybe in bed when I am snoring!

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

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ORIGINAL: lally2

if i come across that way and clearly i do then i shall try very hard to avoid that in the future.

It is sounding a bit that way. It could just be me and it's the internet. It's really easy to screw up how your words come across and it's really easy to take things the wrong way without realizing it.

Like penguin impressions.

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ORIGINAL: lally2


ill be more careful of how i put things from now on.

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ORIGINAL: lally2
granted! - i can only speak for myself - i could add disclaimers and jam up what im trying to say with 'i realise im speakng for myself only' but im assuming that people know that. by using the 'i' rather than the 'we' i figured that should discount any need for such disclaimers.

edited to add in response to youre next post: the assumption that i think my way is the only way and that im spouting some universal wisdom at all and sundry is really rude of you. if i come across that way and clearly i do then i shall try very hard to avoid that in the future.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

[Does this mean we have less trust because we don't have a third to risk pillow attacks on Val yet?

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ORIGINAL: lally2

this has been fired up by a friend on the other side. A Dominant i have a great deal of respect for in terms of his insight and understanding.

a great deal is talked about how much the submissive needs to feel loved, cared for, cherished.

but what makes a Dominant feel loved.

in the context of D/s and Ms, which is where the relationship springs from what are the aspects of enslavement and submission that make you feel cherished.

is it all about trust. does her level of trust in you = her love for you.

when so much is discussed about how much a sub or slave 'needs' to express herself and does so through submission what part of that 'need' makes you feel loved for you.

as a sub/slave type the love i have felt for a Master went far deeper than for any other man i have known. because he was strict and controlled me? partly. because he took the trouble to know me and understand me? - very much.

and yet i have been told by a slave on here i respect hugely and others i respect that it isnt for a sub or slave to understand her master or even to know him. simply to accept and not question, not seek to know his private, personal mind.

its a very personal question i know, i hope you dont mind me asking.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

[Does this mean we have less trust because we don't have a third to risk pillow attacks on Val yet?

I am afraid so... and well... I suspect I have less trust than a poly relationship where they have 4 pillows each!

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ORIGINAL: lally2



this has been fired up by a friend on the other side. A Dominant i have a great deal of respect for in terms of his insight and understanding.

a great deal is talked about how much the submissive needs to feel loved, cared for, cherished.

but what makes a Dominant feel loved.

Dominant men aren't a breed apart, what *makes them feel loved is going to vary as much as any other guy.

in the context of D/s and Ms, which is where the relationship springs from what are the aspects of enslavement and submission that make you feel cherished.

Being cherished may very well not be anything to DO with the D/s aspect of relating , but to do with the fact that two people know each other well and appreciate each other for many things besides being *D/s*.

is it all about trust. does her level of trust in you = her love for you.

My trust in him FAR precluded any feelings. I've had trust in all my partners....it's just been in varying combinations and in varying areas; vanilla or otherwise.

when so much is discussed about how much a sub or slave 'needs' to express herself and does so through submission what part of that 'need' makes you feel loved for you.

I'd imagine that most people hope that they are more than a receptical for someone else's submissive *feelings*.

as a sub/slave type the love i have felt for a Master went far deeper than for any other man i have known. because he was strict and controlled me? partly. because he took the trouble to know me and understand me? - very much.

and yet i have been told by a slave on here i respect hugely and others i respect that it isnt for a sub or slave to understand her master or even to know him. simply to accept and not question, not seek to know his private, personal mind.

I don't need to know the ins and outs of everything he thinks.......but if I hadn't bloody well known him,  I wouldn't  have been in any position to have asked to be his.  You have to decide if you *know* someone well enough to know that you don't HAVE to *know* them. I knew what mattered........ it didn't mean I *knew him*. I don't have to know everything, I never did and I still don't. The slave who asserted that it......"isnt for a sub or slave to understand her master or even to know him. simply to accept and not question, not seek to know his private, personal mind." ..is speaking of her own personal ideas.  We rather like being clear to each other .....and that means both of us does let the other *know*. It really has to be taken in context. If I was told to *go strip* ......it wouldn't be a great idea to ask   * Well, why??* ... not here, not in THIS relationship. It may be perfectly fine in others. There's some natural balance of accepting what I know..... to NOT have to ask to know more. If I had to ask, it'd mean a right old curfuffle.

I always find out in the end.

its a very personal question i know, i hope you dont mind me asking.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It seems you and I have a fundemental difference in how we view trust in regards to d/s. Which is logical since trust is such a personal thing.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

No, I trust him to make competent decisions.

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

And if you don't trust them to make good decisions, why are you in a relationship with them?

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I feel that to say more trust is required implies our relationships are better.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

But... what you need is not what everyone needs in this style of relationship or what other need to have other styles of relationships.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I've got to say that even in this nonegalitarian relationship he checks in with me. Not because he can't make the decision without my agreement but because he may well be lacking info that I have. Such as if we are free on Saturday night to see friends or do we already have something happening?

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

lally... one doesn't need to add disclaimers they just need to be alittle more thoughtful in their word choices that what applies to them actually applies to them. Use I instead WE... or me instead of Us.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

For the opinion that you think I was rude.... well I don't really care that you think it was rude or not. I speak to the issue "directly to the issue" on the opinion that was conveyed in universal tone that I am in strong disagreement to. I find such concepts to show a lack of thoughtfulness of other relationship styles and the end result that even if it's not intended undermind their value for ones own ego and feelings.

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ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

If I said... Poly relationships take more trust and acceptance than monogamist relationships...... I wonder how that would sit with Monogamist individuals!