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Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 10:02:24 PM

SthrnCom4t

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This is part of a quote from another forum, "being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free". Now, I'm not sure how much real-time experience this poster has, but I wanted to pose the question to this group.

As a submissive, do you make decisions? What about the submissive position is relaxing?

Having started on the s side of the kneel, I have my own ideas, but I'd love to hear from others because I oftentimes find extremely articulate answers and perspectives I can admire.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

Post #: 1

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 10:14:48 PM

sweetsub1957

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When I was with Sir, I had input but He made the final decision. I liked that because I knew that, even though He cared about my thoughts and feelings, He knew what was best for both of us. I trusted Him completely. I would stress over whether I was doing as much as I possibly could for Him, even though He said I was. But I think the relaxing part of the submissive position, for me anyway, is that I can be myself without apologizing for it. When I was still in vanilla relationships, I couldn't really be me and feel accepted for who I really am. Now, not only can I be submissive, but I am expected to be. I feel much more fulfilled and whole than I used to.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 2

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 10:26:14 PM

sissyshoefetish

Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
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i find submission can be relaxing. i have experienced almost trance like calm while submitting/ experiencing submissive fetishes.
On the other hand submission can be exhilarating and thrilling.
i think that as with many pursuits, there is not just one outcome to be attained. The mood must surely relate to the nature and mood of parties involved, the degree of sexual/mental arousal being sought and the kind of session that has been going on.

As a submissive i think i try too often to make decisions and i am working on this. The thing i find relaxing about submission is not the loss of control but more , the acceptance of me as a submissive and fetishist. i think also that being permitted / required to exist submissively for an extended period brings on a sense of order to my mind.
Recently my Mistress taught me a lesson for being selfish. She had me attend her while She laid down the law clearly and calmly and then ignored my needs totally before dismissing me. It worked because i wanted to learn, but though She intended it to be a corrective experience i also felt more honored to be in Her presence because and i certainly felt a sense of calm rather than excitement. i was sad to leave but keen to return and have since longed more for Her presence than her attention.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 10:32:50 PM

sweetsub1957

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I agree totally. Submission can be exhilarating and thrilling. I know it gives me a huge rush, like I am doing exactly what I was made to do for my Dominant. No better feeling in the world.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to sissyshoefetish)

Post #: 4

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 10:42:57 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
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For me the most stress-free part of submission is the ability to let go of judgment. i don't have to worry about whether an action, or my state of being, is pleasing to him - he decides that. And if he tells me if he's not pleased with what i'm doing, or being, then the simplicity is that all i have to do is change the action, or my state of being, in the way that he directs. i don't have to make any mental judgment of myself, or my actions. It eliminates all of the guesswork and the mental spinning around if i'm being pleasing or not based upon my own perception and mental judgment system, which is flawed anyway.

And by him holding all of the judgment, he makes it possible for me to just be - to just exist - and to be pleasing by just existing. And that's really, really awesome....and very relaxing...to just exist. i love it. It is the best place for me.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 12/21/2009 10:43:52 PM >

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 10:52:06 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
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Years ago, a slave told me her happiest time was when she was nothing more than property to a couple. Fine and well, however, at the time she'd told me this, she was married to her Master. This was something I couldn't undertand... how could she have been HAPPIER just being another's property... no relationship... no affection... just use (both sexual and domestic), when her current Master was her Husband... loved her... cared for her... etc.

She explained it as follows... within her current dynamic with her Master/Husband, her place was to please him... anticipate his wants/needs... and tend to him and their household. She had a responsibility to him... to them. However, in her previous dynamic where she was simply property to be used, she didn't have to do anything but follow orders. Period. Nothing more, nothing less. And as such, felt completely relaxed and free. That was when I fully understood the appeal of a Total Power Exchange (TPE) dynamic of this sort, and where its appeal came from.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/21/2009 11:19:52 PM

NuevaVida

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I personally have trouble relating to this particular concept. My life was relatively stress-free and happy before I met the Man. Now it's even better. Not because I am relieved of decision-making, but because he brings joy to my life. Submitting to him comes naturally and without effort, and I'm ridiculously happy, but he's not actually relieving me of any stress, as there wasn't any to begin with. Then again, I don't find having to make decisions as stressful.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 4:51:51 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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It depends on the decision. However when I have to make a decision that impacts people as opposed to what to get for dinner, it takes a lot of energy for me. I worry that everyone else won't be happy and I don't include what's best for me in the decision making process. When he makes a decision, one of his top criteria is what will be best for me. As a result his decisions are less stressful for me.

And sometimes having someone else say, "get out the burgers cause I feel like grilling" is also very relaxing. I don't have to think about what we're eating.

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Slave to laundry

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(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 8

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 7:44:15 AM

honeygirl

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Joined: 11/12/2004
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I do make decisions. I find it wonderful to be with a man who is my match: he makes decisions and is a responsible, trustworthy person who takes control. There are times when I make no decisions; that's relatively rare, though. Mostly that is fun and other times it is quite challenging!

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 9

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 8:53:21 AM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

because he brings joy to my life. Submitting to him comes naturally and without effort, and I'm ridiculously happy

That too.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 10

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 9:06:44 AM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Stress free and relaxing? I somehow can not resolve this idea with my need to ...

...get up at 4 am and paint my house because people might be coming over.
...cook 3 pies so that I can choose the most perfect one to serve.
...try on outfit after outfit, while trying to anticipate which I think someone might like better.

Making decisions is a life skill. Having someone else call the shots is not stress free in my opinion. It only gives a different direction in which to point your need to please.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 11

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 9:24:10 AM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
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Yes, it is stress free for me, not because I don't make decisions, I am asked to have an opinion on just about everything, LOL. It's because I don't have to wonder what He wants. In my previous vanilla relationships, I busted my ass trying to anticipate how to make my man happy. I did 110% tried to do EVERYTHING. And it was never enough. Now, I work about 1/2 as hard, but my efforts are a. well directed and b. APPRECIATED. I get praised for the ways I serve, rather than grunted at for doing what I always did, and being taken for granted. This is a huge relief to me, I have no anxiety around it, Master wants something, He tells me. Easy.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 9:26:03 AM

gentlemanprince

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Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline

Of course I make decisions, lots of them. The fact that I'm a submissive doesn't relieve me of my responsibility to run my own life. Unless a Dominant wants to micromanage his/her slave, there is no way out of them.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 13

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 9:31:41 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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I have two thoughts about this topic:

First, if I may use a gendered military aeronautical term without offending anyone - for me, being a submissive is a lot like being a "Wingman".

Your purpose is to fly a close chase, in some sort of formation, in support of your leader. In many cases you are in a position of anticipating your leader's actions or needs and acting thereupon. For me, submission is very proactive and thereby I make quite a number of decisions on my own, acting in what I hope and believe will be Her best interest, or on Her behalf. When we got together, I took a look at her life, and integrated myself into it in ways that made her path easier.

Second, someone has used the line "Be beautiful in all things." here on the site and I have to say that really spoke to me. There is an idealized "decorum" that I try to embrace about being submissive - being beautiful in all things - not only in how I look or act, but in how I move, think, speak, or interact. It is an ideal, but without ideals we have little to live up to, IMO. Again, just like being "the wingman", it is something that is proactive that She is not giving me direction in, it is how I am choosing to "act" and to "be" in Her service. Again, it is something that requires intent and decision making and proactive action on my part to even come close to approaching that ideal of "being beautiful in all things".

I do have to say that there is definitely a sort of "focus" that comes when I am in submissive space, wearing my collar - and that focus is Her. In fact, if it is not Her, I get stressy and feel out of sorts as I did last night when I was trying to work out a computer problem and we had an evening where we did not really connect in our space.

But when my focus is on Her, then indeed I feel I am more relaxed as there is a defined space where I am operating in, focused on Her, and that is exactly where I want to be.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 9:57:08 AM

allthatjaz

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Joined: 8/20/2008
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If ones definition of making life easier by not making decisions, then perhaps submission is an easy life for that person.
I was married to a very submissive man who never made decisions about anything. The trouble with that is that I eventually found the relationship unchallenging. Sometimes I would encourage him to make decisions but he just didn't have it in him. It could never be a partnership because the whole thing became a 'Me Tarzan' you 'Jane' scenario. I so wanted him to be able to stand up on his own two feet and be strong in his thoughts, reasoning and decisions in life but all I could see in the end was a weak man that had joined himself at my hip and relied on my strength.
Steve and myself are switch and both very much lean towards being dominant but we both agree that we want our submissive to be able to use her own initiative because using initiative often involves making decisions. Sometimes its nice to come home and be told that a restaurant has been booked for 8pm or a fun day has been planned for the weekend.

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S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

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(in reply to OttersSwim)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 10:05:46 AM

sunshinemiss

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Joined: 11/26/2007
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quote:

"being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free".

I don't know if *I* said that, but I sure could have.

I get overwhelmed at the grocery store. Have you seen how many kinds of toothpaste there are? Pump, squeeze tubes, peppermint, cinnamon, strawberry, orange flavored. Big and little tubes medium tubes. Natural... whatever the non-natural ones are. Colgate, Crest, Arm and Hammer, Aqua Fresh, Rembrandt. Some on sale, some are not. I take in all this information and it overwhelms me. Because I don't really care (although I *don't* like Crest - the flavo... blech), I find myself doing a gazillion calculations in my head. How long will this last, can I travel with it? Will it open and squirt all over the place, how much does it cost per ounce. Is it in a flavor I can tolerate?

When I was told... "get me some Colgate" I knew it meant the squeezy tube. I knew it meant the big size. I knew price didn't matter.

Now I don't have this issue anymore (or at least I do only rarely)... but my whole life used to be like that. Making decisions had so many variables, and I didn't know how to weigh the different variables. It was stressful.

It's nice not to have to make the decision. It means I don't get the kudos for a good decision, but it also means I don't have to take responsibilty for the bad ones. I've mellowed a lot. I can choose toothpaste now with the best of 'em!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 10:50:10 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...As a submissive, do you make decisions?...

within His parameters, yes...so, in essence, He allows this slave to make certain decisions.

quote:

...What about the submissive position is relaxing?...

the part where this slave doesn't have to pretend to be dominant...or a "challenge".

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

Post #: 17

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 12:26:44 PM

yummee

Posts: 111
Joined: 5/31/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

As a submissive, do you make decisions?

I make decisions all the time. I manage the day to day household operations, handle most of the scheduling with both sides of the family, handle slightly more of the finances than he does, etc. He is not interested in micromanaging anymore, so there is quite a lot that I decide and act upon. In the beginning, he was more involved. At this point, however, I know what he likes, dislikes and will tolerate for the good of others. Very rarely am I overturned anymore.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

What about the submissive position is relaxing?

I am domestic and service oriented by nature. Yielding, for me, is an autoreflex, an instinctual response. I avoid conflict, even to my own detriment at times. It is relaxing to me to be able to live as who I am and not have to worry about being taken advantage of in a way that harms me.

On a similar tangent, acceptance (both accepting myself as who I am and having another know exactly who I am and accept me as I am) and gratitude have been the things that have brought me true peace, thus are relaxing.

(in reply to SthrnCom4t)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 1:09:05 PM

lally2

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Status: offline

learning to be pleasing for someone hasnt always run so smoothly for me. remembering not to question when a question is burning away in my head but he doesnt want to discuss that topic right now so i have to put it to one side can be stressful at times.

times when i wanted to hoof off to the woods and he wanted me doing something else was a struggle at times.

keeping quiet when he wanted to address an issue and i had to wait to give my account -

sometimes keeping my personality in check and my opinions quiet is a struggle for me.

the internal struggles ive had between really wanting and enjoying being in a TPE dynamic whilst at the same time being a TFS (total free spirit) can be conflicting.

having said that i like to be challenged and stretched into considering my actions and how they reflect back on me and so the internal struggles i go through at times are all just part of my submission anyway.

so no, stress free and relaxing, not always.

but - when things swung along and he was happy and i was where he wanted me to be it was completely stress free and relaxing.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to yummee)

Post #: 19

RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 3:08:13 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Yes I make decisions. Master even makes me many times even when I don't want to because he wants me to be a self sufficient person.

What is relaxing about being submissive is that I get to have a man who is dominant in his personality and while I may be able to make decisions, his word is the last word. He still gets to say yay or nay about my decisions

And also there's the times when he does make the decisions where it just feels like a load has been lifted off my shoulders.

Being submissive isn't always relaxing though..at least not for me. Many times it's just a lot of damn hard work.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 20

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