RE: wiitwd

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Mercnbeth -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 11:27:08 AM)
quote: ...I have told you in the past that not only myself, but I think many others are envious of the relationship you and Merc have... as envy is frequently a negative thing, this slave will refrain from thanking you. other than your envy potentially coloring your response with disbelief in what this slave is communicating to you, she doesn't understand how that information is germaine to the rest of your response. quote: ...But as I said, we all have moments we wish we could sleep a little longer, have take out instead of cooking or suffer a migraine and want absolute darkness and silence... since you've offered some more examples, this slave will address them: as for the sleeping a little longer...something else that is practically impossible for this insomniac to do once awake is get BACK to sleep. 99 times out of 100, by the time Master awakens and requires use of His slave, she has already been up for hours, sometimes as many as 5, waiting for Master to awaken so she can go about submitting to His wishes for the morning. even if she didn't...she doesn't have another job besides being Master's slave, so she could take a nap later if she was so inclined/actually could get to sleep. as for having take out instead of cooking... the evening menu makes no difference to this slave, and if she has had a busy day doing the tasks He has assigned and runs out of time to make dinner when He usually likes to eat it, she lets Him know so that He can decide to have her make it anyway and eat late or order take out. as for suffering a migraine and wanting silence and darkness... He abhors sickness and therefore does not want to be around this slave when she is sick or suffering a migraine. He suspends all of her duties/doesn't assign tasks for her when she is. quote: ...As an aside, I don't remember saying anything about fights or makeup sex... you didn't. this slave threw those in there because those are examples of other generalizations that folks frequently throw around as implicit in EVERY relationship. it is the same thing as insisting that EVERYONE has moments they wish for something else instead of submitting to fulfilling their Master's wishes. unless you actually know everyone and their perspectives on things like sleeping longer or fighting with their partner or if their Master requires them to handle the same tasks regardless of if they are puking their guts out or not, how could you state unequivocally that there is only one perspective that everyone has in response to their relationship partner's dominance?

sunshinemiss -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 11:39:01 AM)
why do we do what we do Because it makes me happy. Purely selfish. part two is what keeps you going during those periods when you just don't fucking feel like it. Sometimes positive reinforcement is not immediate. In those times, practice patience. Seriously, not rocket science (for me). *colors.......... oooo pretty. (same thing - makes me happy.)

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 11:58:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss why do we do what we do Because it makes me happy. Purely selfish. part two is what keeps you going during those periods when you just don't fucking feel like it. Sometimes positive reinforcement is not immediate. In those times, practice patience. Seriously, not rocket science (for me). *colors.......... oooo pretty. (same thing - makes me happy.) one concept that i like is that of the nun in a religious order, it's a calling, you were called by nature to do this you fix this firmly in your mind that it is your calling, like it or not

sweetsub1957 -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 2:39:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf i know true subbies never have those periods but have yet to meet that kind of true subbie And just what is a true subbie? Words like "true" and "real" are just words. Each person has their own ideas of what that is. What's true to one person may be b.s. to the next. I can only think this must've been sarcasm. haha

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 2:41:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 quote: ORIGINAL: osf i know true subbies never have those periods but have yet to meet that kind of true subbie And just what is a true subbie? Words like "true" and "real" are just words. Each person has their own ideas of what that is. What's true to one person may be b.s. to the next. I can only think this must've been sarcasm. haha the type of subbie that never has a problem serving but isn't the doms job to see that occasionally she does have a problem with what is wanted?

Ladynslave -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 3:32:03 PM)
DOH! Thanks, osf.

Mercnbeth -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 3:36:23 PM)
quote: but isn't the doms job to see that occasionally she does have a problem with what is wanted? Personally, I don't believe a 'dom' should consider having a submissive as a "job" where the duties include creating "problems" for a submissive. There are too many 'jobs' and 'work' I have to do for me to consider adding another one in my life - creating problem solving games for a submissive. I see the concept of such a consideration as one of the biggest fallacies about domination, at least from the personal experience of this dominant sadist. I really do NOT care if she has a problem with doing what I want. I may ask if I see some hesitation or may know because of prior conversation or experience, but I don't keep an inventory of tasks in mind that create a problem for beth. I think it speaks highly of her that can't tell, at this point, if she has a problem with something she does on my behalf or at my request. I don't know when/if there may be a 'problem'. I do know it really, really, really, doesn't matter. There is consideration for beth as a person ALL the time. I treasure her, and respect her more than anything else in my life. I honor her identity and trust that her representation of total, absolute, submission to me doesn't come with any agenda or condition. By that same token she knows I don't request anything of her just to cause her a problem. For instance, I haven't asked her to ever go on a roller coaster with me. I really don't miss it. Physical 'problems' or situations making my request impossible are a different matter. she's required to disclose those as soon as they occur; as I am not a mind reader or physician and wouldn't know I assigned her an impossible task unless she told me. But causing or creating deliberate 'problem solving' scenarios - no; not in this dominant's job description.

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 3:43:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: but isn't the doms job to see that occasionally she does have a problem with what is wanted? Personally, I don't believe a 'dom' should consider having a submissive as a "job" where the duties include creating "problems" for a submissive. There are too many 'jobs' and 'work' I have to do for me to consider adding another one in my life - creating problem solving games for a submissive. I see the concept of such a consideration as one of the biggest fallacies about domination, at least from the personal experience of this dominant sadist. I really do NOT care if she has a problem with doing what I want. I may ask if I see some hesitation or may know because of prior conversation or experience, but I don't keep an inventory of tasks in mind that create a problem for beth. I think it speaks highly of her that can't tell, at this point, if she has a problem with something she does on my behalf or at my request. I don't know when/if there may be a 'problem'. I do know it really, really, really, doesn't matter. There is consideration for beth as a person ALL the time. I treasure her, and respect her more than anything else in my life. I honor her identity and trust that her representation of total, absolute, submission to me doesn't come with any agenda or condition. By that same token she knows I don't request anything of her just to cause her a problem. For instance, I haven't asked her to ever go on a roller coaster with me. I really don't miss it. Physical 'problems' or situations making my request impossible are a different matter. she's required to disclose those as soon as they occur; as I am not a mind reader or physician and wouldn't know I assigned her an impossible task unless she told me. But causing or creating deliberate 'problem solving' scenarios - no; not in this dominant's job description. substitute role for job i see it as getting more of what i want i like my tractor but i'm not afraid to use it hard beside diesel engines need to be run hard or they carbon up and foul

Mercnbeth -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 4:20:18 PM)
quote: substitute role for job Nope - Don't act or play a 'role' either. quote: i see it as getting more of what i want Don't have that issue - I get everything I want. I don't see it possible to get or want anything "more"; stipulating to virtually limitless opportunity to do so. quote: i like my tractor but i'm not afraid to use it hard beth is MUCH softer than any tractor and fearing to use her in any manner that strikes my fancy at the time has never entered my mind. Note the previous reference to, indeed, not caring if she, you, or anyone defines my use of her as "hard", soft, or 'Goldilocks'; "just right". quote: beside diesel engines need to be run hard or they carbon up and foul I wouldn't know. I do know that on March 1 of 2010 it will be 7 years - and whether you consider her being "run hard" or not for that period of time - beth has never been "carbon up" or "foul".

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 4:26:52 PM)
quote: Nope - Don't act or play a 'role' either. we all have rolls It is an expected behavior in a given individual social status and social position. It is vital to both functionalist and interactionist understandings of society. Social role posits the following about social behavior: People spend much of their lives in groups. Within these groups, people often take distinct positions. Each of these positions can be called a role, with a whole set of functions that are molded by the expectations of others. Formalized expectations become norms when enough people feel comfortable in providing punishments and rewards for the expected behavior. Individuals are generally conformists, and insofar as that is true, they conform to roles. The anticipation of rewards and punishments inspire this conformity.

Mercnbeth -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 4:46:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: Nope - Don't act or play a 'role' either. we all have rolls It is an expected behavior in a given individual social status and social position. It is vital to both functionalist and interactionist understandings of society. Social role posits the following about social behavior: People spend much of their lives in groups. Within these groups, people often take distinct positions. Each of these positions can be called a role, with a whole set of functions that are molded by the expectations of others. Formalized expectations become norms when enough people feel comfortable in providing punishments and rewards for the expected behavior. Individuals are generally conformists, and insofar as that is true, they conform to roles. The anticipation of rewards and punishments inspire this conformity. Oh - you were talking social dynamics and the theory of social interaction. My mistake, I thought you were responding to me and my relationship. In 'society' I take on roles of business owner, parent, responsible citizen. I try to involve myself in those roles as little as possible. Socially, I have acted, and performed on stage, and enjoy the roles of 'Yankee fan', piano bar performer, business mentor, political activist, social commentator, and youth counselor/educator. However, in my relationship with beth, and my relationships with people I consider friends; there is no role playing, no acting, and no "conforming" to anything for the sake of appearances. I don't seek the need to "punish" and see the need to do so as a representation of failure of all involved in the relationship. I abhor failure and don't hang around with people who seek attention by failing in hope of 'funishment'. Personally I spent as little time as possible and make a concerted, daily, effort to make it even less; living by and for the expectation of others. I spend zero time on goals or desires set by others for me. I had as a goal very early in life specifically not to do so. Having achieved it, no other success takes priority over maintaining that reality in my life. I feel sorry for those who strive to achieve what other individuals or groups have set as 'ideals' for them; at the expense of their own identity and, in many case, the relationship they seek. There are plenty of things you have to do and achieve to have the opportunity to be yourself and maintain that identity within a relationship dynamic. One thing NOT required, in fact counter-intuitive, is the approval and/or "conforming" to "functions that are molded by the expectations of others".

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 4:58:11 PM)
and your role as dominant

Mercnbeth -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 5:03:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf and your role as dominant I don't understand the question. What part of, I AM dominant it isn't a role, confuses you?

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 5:05:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: ORIGINAL: osf and your role as dominant I don't understand the question. What part of, I AM dominant it isn't a role, confuses you? role = function = position =status = what you do with in the relationship

Mercnbeth -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 5:19:07 PM)
quote: role = function = position =status = what you do with in the relationship Your attempt at semantic argument notwithstanding, my dominance is irrelevant to my current relationship. I existed before my relationship, ergo so did my dominance. I'll exist should my relationship end, so will my dominance. I was, am, and anticipate (but will stipulate to not being able to say will be) always will be, dominant. No role-playing, effort, work, thought process, status consideration, position consideration, functional situation, or what I do within my relationship has a material impact in that aspect of my identity. Obviously you are having trouble, or can't do the same with however you identify yourself. Sorry to hear that-but projecting your issues onto others won't help change you. Ultimately playing a role or 'working' is work and you need to take a 'vacation' from the role-playing or acting. When you do so, your partner has a legitimate reason to wonder what the hell happened and start to look for the man/woman they thought they had as a partner, but who in reality was just playing a role.

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 5:23:45 PM)
no no one is saying different, i'm just using the word within it's meaning within the relationship your role is the dominant her role is the submissive it's what the word means , ie what you do nothing more, nothing less

Elisabella -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 5:52:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf no no one is saying different, i'm just using the word within it's meaning within the relationship your role is the dominant her role is the submissive it's what the word means , ie what you do nothing more, nothing less I get what you mean. It's not a "role" that an actor plays, it's a relationship role. Like mother, daughter, father, son, husband, wife, etc. Nobody would suggest their mother is just playing at being a mum but still in the mother-child relationship she takes on the role of mother. She has a different role with you than she does with your father - with him she fulfills the role of wife. Merc, it's like how your intentions and interactions with Beth are different than, say, your boss at work. With Beth you're in roles such as "dominant" (or whichever word you call it, think of that as an example) and "romantic partner" while at work you're in roles such as "employee" or "manager" or "insert-profession-here". It doesn't mean your inherent nature has changed from when you're at work to when you're at home, it just means that you fulfill a different function in relationships with different people.

QuirkyAnne -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 6:13:25 PM)
Part 1: I do this because that's how nature wired me. Part 2: I don't really ever feel like not submitting, but then I definitely don't qualify as a "true sub" or probably even a "sub" in most peoples opinions. Anne

osf -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 6:16:49 PM)
quote: Part 2: I don't qualify as a "true sub" apparently so there's no point in answering. meaning?

QuirkyAnne -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 6:17:27 PM)
Edited my answer to better make sense. Anne

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