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InvisibleBlack -> RE: wiitwd (12/23/2009 10:29:52 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: osf
you should read more female profiles
I don't know if you can take every "no limits", "3 holes to be used", "expect no pleasure or enjoyment", "your toy 24/7" profile as genuine. There are a lot of scams, fake ads and just plain false profiles out there - plus (I think) a leavening of inexperienced types who don't really understand what a 24/7 TPE relationship would be like and have their own sort of fantasy version in their head that they're pursuing.
People are human. People get upset, and cranky, and tired, and have a bad day and sometimes don't want to serve or don't want to be "in charge". That's life. Sometimes I come home from work and my engine is ready to go. Sometimes I come home from work and all I really want to do is just sit down and relax for an hour. A good sub would come to understand what my drivers were over time and adjust to what my needs were each day. As a dom, it's part of my "job" (if you will) to make clear what it is I expect and what would make me the most content or satisfied in each circumstance so my sub isn't struggling to figue out what's going on.
Likewise, I have known subs who enjoyed being surprised or challenged. Not in being constantly forced to do things they despised, but in that they derived a certain excitement from being pushed in certain directions - erotic or otherwise. I've known subs who were exactly the opposite - their comfort, their sense of security and worth, came from understanding their place in the relationship and having a sort of "safe haven" or well understood dynamic they were in where they felt loved, protected and secure - being pushed into something new and edgy for them wasn't an exciting challenge - it was anxiety inducing.
There is no "generic sub" or standard set of rules that you can just apply and expect all submissives (or all of any type of person for that matter) to react identically to. The two parts to success, in my opinion, is to first find a partner whose nature matches with yours - so that your drives are sympatico and that, as people, the directions you are growing in are going the same way. The second is to, over time, get to know your submissive as a person and expose yourself, as a person, so that you become comfortable enough with each other that the dynamic of your lives becomes innate, natural - it just happens, rather than being something you have to work at.
At that point, hopefully, the relationship is solid enough that the details will work themselves out.
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