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why do we trust - 12/22/2009 1:24:25 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i know this has been discussed adnausium

but i wonder if i have a slightly different slant on the concept of trust

to me trust is an attitude not a behavior, you can't see someones trust you have to take them at their word

civility and manners are behaviors that you can see but may not stem from an attitude of trust or affection

sense trust is an attitude and internal each of us have our own criteria for trusting

sometimes one wants to trust another so badly usually an object of sexual or romantic interest that they without any basis in reality trust and when that trust is supposedly betrayed the person feels it deeply and resentfully

when i trust someone i feel it's my responsibility to make sure it's warranted it's not the others responsibility to earn it

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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 1:43:56 PM   
cpK69


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Joined: 5/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


when i trust someone i feel it's my responsibility to make sure it's warranted it's not the others responsibility to earn it





I don’t trust other people, it leads to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointment.

I believe learning to refine, and trust one’s own instincts is much more productive; that way, there is no question of who to blame, if things don’t go the way I had hoped.

edited to add... I try not to 'distrust' them either.

Kim


< Message edited by cpK69 -- 12/22/2009 2:26:21 PM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to osf)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:02:44 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I regard trusting someone I don't know as a full glass situation.

Sometimes the glass stays full forever.
Sometimes the glass is shattered rapidly -

but, it always starts full.

(in reply to cpK69)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:14:48 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I create certain expectations and trust that a person will behave as expected.

That being said.........the expectations are based in reality, after observing.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:21:34 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

but online the better and faster typist usually wins

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:22:08 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

i tend to take people at their word until its proven that they are not true to their word. i dont spend my days distrusting every person i come across...and yet, when i find that person to be not forthright, i am not exactly surprised by it.

i guess because i generally speak the truth in my life, i believe that everyone does...but dont expect that to always be the case. So, if in the end, they "let me down" by not being honest, or trustworthy...i dont get my knickers in a twist...or not for long anyway, because the only person i can have expectations for is myself.

But in answer to the last line of the OP, i do think that from the words you wrote, the other person is "earning" your trust by surviving your personal vetting process. And i dont think thats unique to you. i think that everyone vets newcomers to their world and that newcomer either survives the process and continues, or gets um...deleted.

i have a pretty good instincts about people and tend to only recall running into the good ones. Some people have a stronger recall of the people they run into that are less than honest or whatever...and i just kind of space those people out as soon as im aware of it, and move onto spend my time or thoughts on the ones ive kept.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:22:10 PM   
lally2


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Joined: 4/16/2009
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its a funny one for me. i think trust used to be such a massive issue for me that it completely got in the way of every relationship i attempted. at some point in the recent past i must have turned it around in my head, but i dont remember when that was.

now i want to trust, completely. so i do.

i think because ive faced my fears on this one so many times and survived i dont see it as such a big issue for me anymore.

to challenge it even further i head for TPE's - that pushes it even further for me. i think i have a kink with trust - is there one, there must be - theres a kink for just about everything else.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:26:22 PM   
lally2


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Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

~FR~

i tend to take people at their word until its proven that they are not true to their word. i dont spend my days distrusting every person i come across...and yet, when i find that person to be not forthright, i am not exactly surprised by it.

i guess because i generally speak the truth in my life, i believe that everyone does...but dont expect that to always be the case. So, if in the end, they "let me down" by not being honest, or trustworthy...i dont get my knickers in a twist...or not for long anyway, because the only person i can have expectations for is myself.

But in answer to the last line of the OP, i do think that from the words you wrote, the other person is "earning" your trust by surviving your personal vetting process. And i dont think thats unique to you. i think that everyone vets newcomers to their world and that newcomer either survives the process and continues, or gets um...deleted.

i have a pretty good instincts about people and tend to only recall running into the good ones. Some people have a stronger recall of the people they run into that are less than honest or whatever...and i just kind of space those people out as soon as im aware of it, and move onto spend my time or thoughts on the ones ive kept.


i think maybe thats it. if youre radar is tuned into those you sense are safe to trust and you instinctively blank the ones that come through as a bit shady its possible to trust with reasonable confidence.

but maybe it takes meeting a few shady types before you get to recognise the risks.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:35:16 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

But in answer to the last line of the OP, i do think that from the words you wrote, the other person is "earning" your trust by surviving your personal vetting process. And i dont think thats unique to you. i think that everyone vets newcomers to their world and that newcomer either survives the process and continues, or gets um...deleted.


but the other person may not be trying to earn my trust, it's their basic character that gets my trust

(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:37:43 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

now i want to trust, completely. so i do.


some people seem to have a need to trust, could that in some be a submissive trait?

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:42:08 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

but the other person may not be trying to earn my trust, it's their basic character that gets my trust


If someone "gets your trust"; what happens if your perception of their basic character is wrong?

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to osf)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:44:41 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

but the other person may not be trying to earn my trust, it's their basic character that gets my trust


If someone "gets your trust"; what happens if your perception of their basic character is wrong?

Kim


it has happened with some regrettable results

you get pissed, you get over it, you get going as you were

(in reply to cpK69)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:44:53 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

But in answer to the last line of the OP, i do think that from the words you wrote, the other person is "earning" your trust by surviving your personal vetting process. And i dont think thats unique to you. i think that everyone vets newcomers to their world and that newcomer either survives the process and continues, or gets um...deleted.


but the other person may not be trying to earn my trust, it's their basic character that gets my trust


yeah, you got a point there....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:49:07 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

now i want to trust, completely. so i do.


some people seem to have a need to trust, could that in some be a submissive trait?


oooh you like to live dangerously.. ok....

first of all i would like to point out that in no way is this a universal truth!!!

but, for me as a submissive the issue of trust is huge. its all about vulnerability, handing it all over, being safe - im thinking about the 'daddy dom' thread at the moment and i think in there is some level of the child wanting to feel those feelings either again or because i never did.

but also i like to give everything - it takes time, its really not over night, but thats what im aiming for.

so for me. yes.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:52:29 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:


first of all i would like to point out that in no way is this a universal truth!!!




some =/= universal

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:52:35 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf



it has happened with some regrettable results

you get pissed, you get over it, you get going as you were


I'm hoping it is possible to eliminate the getting pissed; therefore, reducing the need for getting over; so I can skip right to the getting going, with needed adjustments.

It's a work in progress; we'll see.

Kim

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:54:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't do the whole trust issue. I just take them for who they are. I know that they will let others down, they will do things that may upset others, etc..

I expect them to be human beings with frailties, egos, problems, imperfections.

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 2:54:30 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

I'm hoping it is possible to eliminate the getting pissed;


a full frontal lobotomy may help

(in reply to cpK69)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 3:19:41 PM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		I take a different view of trust in M/s relationships... as a dominant I've seen the lack of trust be a problem in many many M/s relationships so at some point in the past I choose to trust every slave who has committed to me(us, counting my co-dom)... I make the choice to believe what a slave says, not question their motivation... in general taking them at their word. The corollary is breaking that trust purposefully only happens once. We have a one strike rule on lying, misleading or being self serving in a slaves dealing with us.

Yes, I have been wrong at times and 'trusted' people who took advantage, once, but on the other hand I know I have done my best to make the M/s work and not had my trust issues get in the way of success. When I look back on my M/s over the years my regrets are the times I wrongly didn't trust well intentioned people not the times I wrongly trusted people who took advantage. But of course everyone is different.



_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to osf)
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RE: why do we trust - 12/22/2009 3:19:45 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

but online the better and faster typist usually wins


Win?


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 20
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