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When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 7:59:45 PM

Arpig

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A few weeks ago I met this very strange girl on Bank St. while waiting for the bus home. (I heartily recommend wandering around a city at night - you meet the weirdest and most interesting people). In the course of our conversation, she asked me what my dream was...and I came to the unsettling realization that I really don't have any dreams anymore...I just want to get through life with as little hassle as possible. I have no real goals, no plans, and nothing to aim for, nothing I particularly want to achieve. I suspect some of my ennui may be pharmaceutical in origin, but not all of it.
So I have been brushing off the old dreams I had in my youth and examining them, to see if any of them still intrigues me...its amazing how many bore me utterly now. A few still spark an interest and I am mulling over options and ideas as to how they might be achieved.

Has anybody else here found themselves in a similarly "dreamless" place...not that they have all been achieved, they were just all either abandoned or fucked up somewehre along the way?

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 8:09:09 PM

Jeffff

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I have dreams I havn't even used yet.

Jeff

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 8:46:13 PM

Level

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I still have a couple of dreams, if you want to call them that. But to a large degree, I find myself worn down, and just wanting simple things, and some peace.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 10:03:38 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
But to a large degree, I find myself worn down, and just wanting simple things, and some peace.

But aren't those dreams? Aren't they just different dreams?

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In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 10:06:20 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

A few weeks ago I met this very strange girl on Bank St. while waiting for the bus home. (I heartily recommend wandering around a city at night - you meet the weirdest and most interesting people). In the course of our conversation, she asked me what my dream was...and I came to the unsettling realization that I really don't have any dreams anymore...I just want to get through life with as little hassle as possible. I have no real goals, no plans, and nothing to aim for, nothing I particularly want to achieve. I suspect some of my ennui may be pharmaceutical in origin, but not all of it.
So I have been brushing off the old dreams I had in my youth and examining them, to see if any of them still intrigues me...its amazing how many bore me utterly now. A few still spark an interest and I am mulling over options and ideas as to how they might be achieved.

Has anybody else here found themselves in a similarly "dreamless" place...not that they have all been achieved, they were just all either abandoned or fucked up somewehre along the way?

Yes, oddly it can be painful to start dreaming again. i wish i could explain that better. Perhaps like its safer, less costly to not dream or "want"?

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 10:26:25 PM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
But to a large degree, I find myself worn down, and just wanting simple things, and some peace.

But aren't those dreams? Aren't they just different dreams?

Maybe so, my friend. They're certainly as elusive as some of the grander ones I once had.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/24/2009 11:03:36 PM

Termyn8or

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"Has anybody else here found themselves in a similarly "dreamless" place...not that they have all been achieved, they were just all either abandoned or fucked up somewehre along the way? "

Yes. But maybe that is true freedom.

Like hillbilly music ? Give a listen to Josh Thompson - Beer On The Table. Pretty much says it.

I'm living it. I work and don't do too bad, but I have alot of bills, but also I have assets. A roof over my head that isn't going anywhere in a hurry, a fairly decent car, which is old enough for me to be able to afford to fix. I have good friends, and actually some good acquaintences. My family is nil, no kids, but my extended family is stable and we do get along well.

Now if you are talking actual dreams, sleeping dreams, most Men have them about Women and glorious sexual encounters. I don't have them as much anymore, but really it is no longer foremost in my mind. Because of that I am extremely at ease in "those" settings. Yup, right off work at the bar stank from working, I can walk up to a model and just say "Hey". My friends are amazed. I don't care what other people think.

Lately my real dreams have, wait do I mean unreal dreams ?

The olman died in May, I have drempt of him being alive. There was a mistake and he jumped up off the table. But I know because there are ashes. Ashes don't do that. Another is about meeting an alien. Intriguing actually as he, or it or whatever had no idea where he was from or anything. Another entails bitching out my Mother for trying to get me to live like a human being. (I am a real slob)

Perhaps rather than not actually having any dreams or goals you have simply redefined them. Perhaps you have realized that dreams may come with nighmares. That even being a slave to yourself still means you are a slave.

For example I have a dream job. I can literally call in sick and use the excuse "cocaine". But the work is hell. In a way one goes with the other. Also I did this once in the five years I have been there, I'm not in the habit of it, it was a couple of years ago and have not done it hence or wence. (not sure of that sentence, but you know what I mean)

My dream girl of the past, I know now what it would've taken out of me to manage to have her. Do I want that ? Would we be together or would I be paying child support for eighteen years ? Priveledge vs. responsibility is a perfect example of what I am trying to get across. With heaven comes hell. When you want less hell you get less heaven, and though it seems like it has been that way for a long time, it takes time for people to realize it.

Maybe it is simply a sign of maturity. Learning to reach for that which is within your grasp. To work smart instead of hard. To have more realistic goals.

I can't really say for sure, but I don't think I would trade all that for dreams.

T

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 12:02:28 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
But to a large degree, I find myself worn down, and just wanting simple things, and some peace.

But aren't those dreams? Aren't they just different dreams?

Maybe so, my friend. They're certainly as elusive as some of the grander ones I once had.

My christmas wish for you is that you find your peace, and your calm, and your state of perfect understanding of your life, and your complete satisfaction with that understanding... to such a degree that when you consider how complete your contentment is, and compare that contentment with the state of mind of which you dreamed, you find yourself amazed that you'd dreamed so small and that you'd never realized how good it could really be. And i wish that you find it soon. Because you're a very good guy, and you deserve contentment. Merry christmas and happy new year to you.

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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 12:29:45 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Has anybody else here found themselves in a similarly "dreamless" place...not that they have all been achieved, they were just all either abandoned or fucked up somewehre along the way?

Yes. I live there now myself, most of the time.

You know that scene in "Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid" where the heroes are auditioning for the job guarding the payroll? And Strother Martin asks Robert Redford to show him how well he can shoot? Redford starts to put his gun back into his holster so he can draw, and Martin stops him, saying, "No, no, I don't care how fast you are. I just want to see if you can shoot." So Redford points the gun at the rock, and squeezes off a couple of rounds. Which both miss by about a yard or two.

Strother Martin throws up his hands and says, "Well, you can't shoot at all." Redford says, "Can I move? I'm better when I move." And then he whips the Colt out of his holster, faster than the eye can see, and kicks the rock up one end of the street and down the other. Because he's only at his best when it's hard. When it's easy, he's out of his element. And nothing works.

That's me. Sort of. I mean, I'm not as goodlooking, or as good a shot, but I identify with that. Because I need things to be difficult, at least somewhat. I'm at my best when I really want something, when i really need something that I either can't have or is extremely difficult to get. It's then that I dream. I need a lack of something, a huge, gaping absence of something, and perhaps most importantly an acute and painful awareness that I don't have it, in order to feel alive. That's when I dream, and that's something I have a very hard time finding these last couple of years, because I've become so totally self-sufficient and self-contained. As I've attained a state of profound satisfaction with my life and the immediate world in which I'm living it, I've lost my imagination for what could be, and with that the fuel for my dreams.

I almost need to be unhappy (at least on some level) in order to be alive. It's not that I've abandoned my dreams; it's more that they don't come around anymore because I don't need them. It's a very strange feeling, and I'm not sure that I fully understand it yet. I just know that I need to find ways to bring difficulty and adversity back into my life, to give me a challenge to rise to.

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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 4:05:28 AM

EbonyWood

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Life is a dream modification program.

PS Don't walk the streets at night and ask people what their dreams are. Well not where I live, anyway.

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 4:46:48 AM

Level

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Panda, I appreciate the good thoughts and wishes, and I hope for all good things to pass your way as well.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to EbonyWood)

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 4:56:46 AM

amaidiamond

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I realised a while back that most of my old dreams have changed or died. I'm not sure what the new ones are yet, or even if they will come.
I am content for the most part, maybe that is the realisation of the dream.

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 6:34:22 AM

CarrieO

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I have dreams...old ones that are being modified and new ones that offer a different challenge and reward then what I hoped for.

There are times I lose sight of my dreams but, that doesn't mean they're gone, just that I've not quite reached the bend in the road to catch a glimspe of them again.

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 6:45:38 AM

windchymes

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I'm pretty much living the ones I did dream for years and years.....making decent money (not a huge amount of money, but enough to pay the bills with some left over for fun), owning my own home that I bought myself, owning a ridiculous amount of power tools and gadgets to do the renovation projects with, going to school to become a massage therapist, and meeting someone who has become very special to me.

I do still dream of having that "Condemned" sign over my head.....

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 6:46:21 AM

DesFIP

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My dreams also are for contentment and peace, and now my dreams are for my children. That I can get them through the stormy years and that they'll have some goals of their own.

But much of this is intrinsic to age. Great passions tend to be for the young. They are the ones who want to change the world and they don't see that it has to start by changing yourself. With the years we learn that we must change ourselves first and as we do, our dreams of grandiosity die as they should. All we can do is become the people we want others to thing of us as.

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 8:55:56 AM

sblady

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Though we have dreams, life happens. I had many dreams and goals. I didn't necessarily abandon them, however, reality comes first. That being said, I still have one dream that will hopefully come true.

If none of my dreams come to fruition, I won't feel like a failure as I've accomplished many things against quite a few odds.

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Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 9:23:33 AM

cjan

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Excellent topic, OP, thanks.

Also kudos to panda for thoughtful and thought provoking post .

Once upon a time, I achieved what I thought were my dreams and found myself in deep despair and even suicidal, thinking, is this all there is, is this as good as it gets. That was the end of my material things dream. In the process of achieving my dreams, I forfeit the most important thing. Peace.

I lost everything, literally overnight. Material things, freedom,"friends", everything. Finally , I sought Peace which is not dependent on life's conditions. It is attainable, but like anything worth while, it takes work.

I wish all you seekers of Peace and Joy the best on your journey, which is always, necessarily a solitary one.

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 9:28:24 AM

Termyn8or

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FR

Are ideas like dreams ? Younger I had plenty of ideas. I designed many things, perhaps even invented them, but not first. The big problem is that I did not have the resouces to implement them. Now I do.

I pretty much have a machine shop, I can design, and that means analog electronics as well, and I have the system to make printed circuit boards. I have more tools than most hardware stores, in fact so many that I have trouble finding them. I mean there is a joke around here "I know there is at least one in this house somewhere, so do you know what we do in such a case ? Buy another one ! ". Yes it is that bad. My math has gotten better, my understanding of mechanical and electronic engineering has never been better.

But no more ideas. At least viable ideas. For one reason or another they get shot down. Sure I could build myself a few things, but to actually make a business out of it ? Well I guess I got too worldly. You can't do this because of that and you can't do that because of this. What's more, alot of what I planned to do has already been done. Talk about taking the wind out of one's sails.

Perhaps it is reality which wages war on dreams. Seems logical.

T

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 9:36:47 AM

sexyred1

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What a great topic...a little poignant during the holiday season, but....I had many dreams and expectations and I have come close to many of them, but dreams are like fantasies, sometimes the reality is not what you thought it was or, a dream does not work out.

Now, I have no expectations beyond my ability to keep trying to achieve the things I want and need. Reality sets in after experiencing some tough life experiences, but the strong keep living and hoping. The thing is to keep the hope realistic, so that the expectations are manageable.

Oh, and keep a sense of humor about it all and realize that you make choices that produce results, whether a simple act or a huge life decision. You do have to adjust your dreams to exist in the reality of your current life.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/25/2009 9:38:49 AM >

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RE: When did the dreams go - 12/25/2009 11:06:11 AM

NuevaVida

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I love the topic, Arpig.

I did not realize any of the dreams I had when I was younger, and they were pretty simple dreams, too. I was lamenting to a friend one day about this, a few years ago, and he said "Then create new dreams." It was profound to me at the time, but how do you go about deciding what your NEW dreams are? So I kept it in the back of my mind and went on living my life.

And now I realize - - I'm living my dream. Seriously. My life is so simple now, surrounded by so much love, a furry pet that makes me laugh every day, a great job, an amazing family, and did I say SO much love already? Sure there are "nice-to-haves" that might come along, but I have everything I need and my heart is content, peaceful and joyous. Life is good.

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