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Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:13:52 AM   
AlexCutwright


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/10/2008
From: Gulfport, Mississippi, United States
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to come and ask this to the community as a whole, but if anyone would be willing to look at this and give an opinion, I would be thankful.

Last night I viewed a profile of an intelligent and beauitful woman on another site (I won't list where as to avoid possible advertisment) and found myself in awe of what I read and saw. As I read the profile I began clicking anything I could to read more about this person. I wouldn't go as far as to say I became infatuated, but I felt an immediate desire to get know this person and to see if there was a chance for something more to evolve in time.

So as I thought about this profile and read it again I decided finally to write a letter expressing my interest. The server allows you to see if it has been read, unread, and wether it was deleted. I found this morning, unfortunately, that the email I wrote to her on Christmas Eve/Morning (0401 this morning, call it which you will) has been and read and deleted without a reply. Now I don't want to sound like I'm complaining; I understand everyone has free will and chooses with whom they will talk and about what. I just want to know if anyone can tell if my email was off putting?

I wrote this:

How do you begin an email like this? What is it that you're supposed to say to someone you've never met before, but want to meet and get to know on an entirely personal level? What am I supposed to say in an email like this? Ah, the blank screen is the bane of all writers!

Your photo caught my attention first and foremost. I wasn't able to read your profile without clicking the link, and the only thing that made the link was a single photo of a thin bodied beauty. When I saw your photo I decided then to send you a message, but first I wanted to read what I could about you. Your interest in art, your desire for a Masters, your infatuation with musical performance, and a direct interest of sculpture, all things I could have read in depth before writing this to you.

Alas, I read all that was available, and even still I find myself not knowing what to say to you. What comes to mind first is your beauty, but I don't want to seem shallow as that it's my only interest. I wonder if this message will be in vein, if my stumbling words will lead you to the little red "X" in the corner of the window.

My name is [Name], and I unfortunately find myself in Gulfport, quite a ways from you at the time. I live here, study here, and train here; my direction in life leaves me here until a degree is in my hands, as well. But I want to talk to you, to get to know who you are, and maybe take a trip to Memphis and take you on a proper date and talk about what ever comes up.

I'm sorry, I sit here and type without knowing what I should even say and hope that it makes a coherent thought that you might be so kind as to read and reply to. If you do, I would appreciate it, and if you would, please, tell me more about yourself. What kind of medium do you use in your sculptures? What games do you enjoy dressing up for? And since you're goal-oriented, what goals do you have beyond the masters program?

I hope to hear from you soon. I'll be looking forward to a reply whenever you can make the time.

Merry Christmas,
[My name]



Anyone? Did I do something wrong in my email? Opinions welcome, please.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:20:15 AM   
MissJennMB


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/24/2009
Status: offline 		I don't know this person, so its impossible to know for sure.  I would say though that females on these sites, at times, get TONS of email.  So for her to ignore yours may be entirely not personal.  She may be looking for something else, may have not been in the mood to answer questions, or may have just been preoccupied with the holidays and not had time for it.  Who knows. 

I enjoy well thought out emails, but I'm assuming someone else does not, based on some of the messages I have received here.  *laugh*  Your email sounds kind of vanilla though tbh, so if she was looking for a groveling begging cyberslave it wouldnt work for her, or in the reverse, if she was looking for a take charge from the start dominant she might not be interested either.  That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

Miss Jenn

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:24:18 AM   
AlexCutwright


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/10/2008
From: Gulfport, Mississippi, United States
Status: offline 		Ah! I guess I should have been a little more clear with this.

A note that should be made, the site that this was sent from was not a BDMS personals sight, or even a sex site. The website is intended to be an average dating site for a variety of people of different backgrounds. Her intentions, that her profile presents, is seeking a man she can enjoy spending time with and be emotionally attached, no mention of sex on her pages.

Thank you MissJenn, for pointing out to me that I did not make mention of the type of site.

(in reply to MissJennMB)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:25:36 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would respond to that email, but I would be hesitant about you. You keep bringing up her appearance first and formost and although you read and wanted more, that is coming first. No one wants to be objectified. Yes people want the right person to be attracted and that may attract us first, but around here, that is a common complaint when people see a picture and get stuck in a fantasy. Then it sounds like you already have something going in your mind... you want to be with her. Jumping so fast could put someone off. It would me.

You are also in a situation where you must remain where you are and it sounds like a lengthy time. Many don't want to wait that long and do a long distance thing.

Keep some things in reserve. Don't go by a profile and a picture or two, to decide you really like someone and want something personal with them. It makes you look hungry and like you already have a fantasy she would have to work through and sometimes, that is just far too much work to start off with!

You wrote decently... you just don't need to be so out there... so detailed in what you want or some may be put off by it. Some would like it because they might weed you out because of your hunger or set mind or because you desire all that real quick romantic blah, blah, blah, but I wouldn't. I want a real person and then that magic, romantic connection... not one from the start.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:29:55 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:


But I want to talk to you, to get to know who you are, and maybe take a trip to Memphis and take you on a proper date and talk about what ever comes up.


I'd have found the part quoted above offputting, coming from someone who knew nothing about me and whom I hadn't had any interaction with at all.

agirl

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:31:11 AM   
MistressTonya2u


Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline 		 
I don't think you said anything "wrong", but maybe a short introductory note would have worked better
you came on a bit strong for the inital message

< Message edited by MistressTonya2u -- 12/25/2009 10:33:02 AM >

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:38:16 AM   
AlexCutwright


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/10/2008
From: Gulfport, Mississippi, United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:


But I want to talk to you, to get to know who you are, and maybe take a trip to Memphis and take you on a proper date and talk about what ever comes up.


I'd have found the part quoted above offputting, coming from someone who knew nothing about me and whom I hadn't had any interaction with at all.

agirl



Sorry again. I was so interested in looking for an opinion or three on the situation that I again missed a point that would have verified some things.

quote:

Her profile

First Date
I haven't ever been on a real date, sadly enough. I'd love a sweet romantic dinner and then a concert or movie. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I enjoy one on one time with my guy. Although, I'm always up for hanging out with friends (just not on the first date)


Yes, I know the statement was forward, but I was only trying to work off what information she had said in her own profile. Knowing this, agirl, would You please reoffer an opinion? Do You still stand by Your previous statement in being too forward?

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 10:44:09 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wanted to add... you did well in bring up her interest's and talking about them. Asking a question is great when it is about something we enjoy.

We often go by red flags or key words and some times just want to get to know someone before all else, including a meet or date.

Good luck!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:05:59 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Stop tormenting yourself. You did nothing wrong.

I see someone about once a week who catches my interest, and always make a point of writing something personal to them, polite, articulate, sincere and yet.....only rarely get even a courtesy reply. Why?

Because this is what's known in the business world as a "cold call", similar to just sending a resume to a company hoping to get a job, or knocking on a door hoping to make a sale. The odds are very steep, chances of success are slim in the best case.

You will never know what caused her to do this; maybe she isn't really looking for someone right now, her profile notwithstanding; sometimes people put up a profile, then get cold feet, or decide to return to their former lover, or maybe there was something about your appearance- she likes blonde haired men, or dark skinned men, or maybe she would have preferred a more racy and smutty message, or maybe a more romantic one, or someone taller, or shorter.....the list is endless.

You can torment yourself endlessly- but the truth is, she wan't trying to hurt you, she wasn't being offensive, she was simply sending a message- "thank you, but no."

Shake it off, and move on.

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:11:32 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		^^^^Eggsactly........

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:11:38 AM   
Elipsis


Posts: 301
Joined: 7/8/2009
Status: offline 		You never know what other people's situations are.  Their reason for not responding to you could have nothing at all to do with you.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:11:46 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Just a few suggestions...

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexCutwright

How do you begin an email like this? What is it that you're supposed to say to someone you've never met before, but want to meet and get to know on an entirely personal level? What am I supposed to say in an email like this? Ah, the blank screen is the bane of all writers!

Are you a writer?  This could have been a good opportunity to express that a bit clearer.  All in all, though, not a bad start.

Your photo caught my attention first and foremost. I wasn't able to read your profile without clicking the link, and the only thing that made the link was a single photo of a thin bodied beauty. When I saw your photo I decided then to send you a message, but first I wanted to read what I could about you.

Yep...we know men are visually motivated but some women don't want to always be reminded.  I would have toned this way down.

Your interest in art, your desire for a Masters, your infatuation with musical performance, and a direct interest of sculpture, all things I could have read in depth before writing this to you.

Good things to mention...shows you took the time to look at more then just her photo.

Alas, I read all that was available, and even still I find myself not knowing what to say to you. What comes to mind first is your beauty, but I don't want to seem shallow as that it's my only interest.

Okay, back to the visual thing again.  This really is more than is necessary...it's clear you find her physically attractive, leave it at that.

I wonder if this message will be in vein, if my stumbling words will lead you to the little red "X" in the corner of the window.

Defeatist.  Stop wondering and worrying...life will go on regardless. 

My name is [Name], and I unfortunately find myself in Gulfport, quite a ways from you at the time. I live here, study here, and train here; my direction in life leaves me here until a degree is in my hands, as well. But I want to talk to you, to get to know who you are, and maybe take a trip to Memphis and take you on a proper date and talk about what ever comes up.

Sounds like you've moved ahead of yourself.  This is an introductory email, not an offer of marriage.  Courting and seduction...if done properly, means finding pleasure in positive patience, imo.

I'm sorry, I sit here and type without knowing what I should even say and hope that it makes a coherent thought that you might be so kind as to read and reply to.

Oops, defeatist attitude again.  Positive....remember to be positive, we women generally like that in a man.

If you do, I would appreciate it, and if you would, please, tell me more about yourself. What kind of medium do you use in your sculptures? What games do you enjoy dressing up for? And since you're goal-oriented, what goals do you have beyond the masters program?

I hope to hear from you soon. I'll be looking forward to a reply whenever you can make the time.

This last part sounds like you'll be waiting like a well-trained lap dog does for it's Mistress to return.  Now, that may not be a bad image, if the site was a bdsm one, but on a mainstream 'nilla site it just sounds sad.

Merry Christmas,
[My name]



Slow down, you move too fast...got to make the moment last ( yes, I changed that a bit)!
 
Remember...introductory means just that...you're introducing yourself to her.  This means you want to give her enough to be curious and not so much that she assumes you're desperate.  If I may suggest...before sending such an email, next time pause and read it out loud a couple times and ask yourself if this is what you would say in real time to a woman you were attracted to.  If not...cut out the extraneous words and just be simple/sweet and to the point.
 
Why she chose to not reply?  Who knows...could have been for a whole host of reasons.  Doesn't matter...pick yourself up, brush yourself off and start all over again!
 
Good luck.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 12/25/2009 11:13:50 AM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:19:20 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Don't sweat the small stuff.  You were attracted to an idea and it seems that the idea was not attracted back.  There are many reasons she may not have written back.  One might be that it was a man who made the profile and he cringed at the idea of having a meet.  It might be that it was someone using someone else's picture and she cringed at having to meet.  It may be that she only wants to meet locals.  It may be that she was not interested after reading your own profile.  It may be that she had a headache when she read your note and didn't with to deal with it.  It may be that she found a great match already but hasn't taken her profile down yet, just in case it doesn't work out. 

It's not worth the hassle of worrying about if you did something wrong. 

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:19:25 AM   
EbonyWood


Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		Dude, it's your hair.
 
Unfamiliar with rejection as I am, I cannot help you.
 
Seriously, what everyone else said.
 
"It ain't me, babe, no no no it ain't me"

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:35:30 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I just want to know if anyone can tell if my email was off putting?


Get with the program. Nobody except the recipient knows why they deleted it. Maybe it was a Nigerian who thought you weren't rich enough. Maybe it was a trannie who thought better of it. There is no way of knowing, and conjecturing gets you absolutely nothing. Total waste of time, move on. You clearly need experience, and you're not going to get that if you start asking questions that cannot be answered every time you get rejected.

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:38:39 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexCutwright


quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:


But I want to talk to you, to get to know who you are, and maybe take a trip to Memphis and take you on a proper date and talk about what ever comes up.


I'd have found the part quoted above offputting, coming from someone who knew nothing about me and whom I hadn't had any interaction with at all.

agirl



Sorry again. I was so interested in looking for an opinion or three on the situation that I again missed a point that would have verified some things.

quote:

Her profile

First Date
I haven't ever been on a real date, sadly enough. I'd love a sweet romantic dinner and then a concert or movie. I'm a hopeless romantic, so I enjoy one on one time with my guy. Although, I'm always up for hanging out with friends (just not on the first date)


Yes, I know the statement was forward, but I was only trying to work off what information she had said in her own profile. Knowing this, agirl, would You please reoffer an opinion? Do You still stand by Your previous statement in being too forward?


Yes, I probably would, simply because you haven't so much as had a *hello* from her. It's something that maybe would sit better after some contact, not in an initial message.

The thing is, you don't know her from Adam and you wrote about *what you want*. It came across as a little intense, if that's how you are as a person regarding these things there's nothing wrong with that, but it may put some people off, that's all.

agirl

I would be put off by it personally, I'd pull away straight away if someone appears to be *too keen* in proportion to the contact (or lack of it in your case).





(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 11:46:48 AM   
DaddyArms


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I think this has happened to almost everyone. When it happens to me I step back and think, "What would Billy Dee Williams do?" ...Yeah, cool, right!?

(in reply to AlexCutwright)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 12:06:01 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Those who have said they don't know why this particular person didn't respond were correct.  We're not mind readers.  It could be a number of things that would have put Me off if I had received it:

1.  Not everyone is interested in what seems like a long distance relationship.

2.  There was way too much rambling in the email for My tastes.  For a good bit of it, you talked on and on about not knowing what to say.  It's the written version of babbling.

3.  Females get quite tired of hearing what people think of our appearance.  Specifically mentioning the fact that she's thin gives the impression that you may not have good attitudes about weight in females.  You state you don't want to seem shallow, but you contradict yourself in the remaining text.

4.  I'd have been put off by the abundance of questions.  Usually one is enough to get a conversation going. 


Just My opinion.  I wouldn't have responded to it.





_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 12:14:49 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EbonyWood

Dude, it's your hair.
 
Unfamiliar with rejection as I am, I cannot help you.
 
Seriously, what everyone else said.
 
"It ain't me, babe, no no no it ain't me"


Love a man who can quote Joan Baez.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to EbonyWood)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Did I say something wrong? - 12/25/2009 12:15:42 PM   
HumiliatedOinker


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline 		Now I don't know why she didn't respond, being you obviously put time into the messege and it is quite well written compared to many messages that I've personally received, I'd most likely send a response to be polite, regardless of where it may go. Now us, females tend to get alot of messages, at times I become swamped that I don't usually reply immediately, some time it can take a few weeks, as life offline can cause things to become busy. I remember at a time I had 10 pages of messages to go through and a majority of them ended up being one liners that I had to go through. Now about your message, while you complimented on her profile,perhaps if you stuck more towards the information that is in her profile rather than appearances, you may have had better luck. The people who write me have better luck in hearing back from me if they are actually writing to me based on what I am looking for,rather than what they think they desire when they see the pictures of me. While you did speak of her interests,it seems as your attention went more towards her appearnace. How many other messages she received do you think said the same thing dealing with how she looked? With all that said, i'd have responded to the message, just to see how we may connect, to see if there is more to you, if the following response seemed similar I may have given up with responding, as obviously we'd desire two different things.

_____________________________

"The Pure Degradation of a Pig is allowing those she serve to see her fully along with opening her heart and soul up to those who may care enough to look."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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