the trouble with doms

the trouble with doms (Full Version)

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osf -> the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 8:19:47 AM)
As a “dominant” I’m often more likely to dash off a missive to someone for whatever reason I have little or no chance of meeting or even any interest in meeting. This is because when I see (which is very common) detailed instructions on what format letter they’ll answer I sorta say wtf , if I can’t write my own missive the way I want then I wont. At social functions I’ve been to in the past I’m was more often a wall flower than not, because every unescorted woman there had a circle of men around her wanting something or other and I felt it beneath my dignity ( to my fan club, yes I have a sense of dignity ) to join the chorus line of dancing doms vying for their attention. Often I would leave early in disgust. I’m not into puppy dogging I guess. I’m not castigating subbies I can understand their point but well, life can suck and it just plain works against us at times. Comments from others about their point of view

Acer49 -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:04:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf As a “dominant” I’m often more likely to dash off a missive to someone for whatever reason I have little or no chance of meeting or even any interest in meeting. This is because when I see (which is very common) detailed instructions on what format letter they’ll answer I sorta say wtf , if I can’t write my own missive the way I want then I wont. At social functions I’ve been to in the past I’m was more often a wall flower than not, because every unescorted woman there had a circle of men around here wanting something or other and I felt it beneath my dignity ( to my fan club, yes I have a sense of dignity ) to join the chorus line of dancing doms vying for their attention. Often I would leave early in disgust. I’m not into puppy dogging I guess. I’m not castigating subbies I can understand their point but well, life can suck and it just plain works against us at times. Comments from others about their point of view I am not sure what your point is. I have seen that the subs don't like one word or one line notes, but as far as any certain form, I have never seen that. If you have no interest, why are you bothering to write at all? Ok, you lack confidence in social settings. OK which means what exactly? Ok, your life sometimes "sucks" I suppose that happens from time to time for most people, but that has something to do with a submissive and sending them an email?

Elisabella -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:07:54 AM)
When I was single I didn't bother giving instructions on how to write to me, because then it would take longer to weed out the idiots who were just looking to get laid. As far as social functions go, most women enjoy being the center of attention - I remember spending one birthday in a club with two guys I was casually dating and the instinctive male drive to compete made me feel like a princess, even more than the whole 'birthday girl' thing did. I can't speak for any women other than myself but I don't like to chase men. I accidentally made the first move with my fiance - I made a flirty comment and he thought I was expressing serious interest from 10,000 miles away...but even then he was the one to pursue it seriously. I just, sort of made myself available once I felt I would be interested in him. That being said, in local BDSM scenes there are always a few in-demand male top scene partners. If you want a woman to make the first move rather than going after her, do like they do.

chiaThePet -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:12:02 AM)
Is, they always fall off. chia* (the pet)

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:12:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elisabella When I was single I didn't bother giving instructions on how to write to me, because then it would take longer to weed out the idiots who were just looking to get laid. As far as social functions go, most women enjoy being the center of attention - I remember spending one birthday in a club with two guys I was casually dating and the instinctive male drive to compete made me feel like a princess, even more than the whole 'birthday girl' thing did. I can't speak for any women other than myself but I don't like to chase men. I accidentally made the first move with my fiance - I made a flirty comment and he thought I was expressing serious interest from 10,000 miles away...but even then he was the one to pursue it seriously. I just, sort of made myself available once I felt I would be interested in him. That being said, in local BDSM scenes there are always a few in-demand male top scene partners. If you want a woman to make the first move rather than going after her, do like they do. i'm the furthest thing from a top as you're likely to find i don't often do or engage in public casual play, i'm not all that good at it so i'm definitely not in demand for my topping skills

DarkSteven -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:27:27 AM)
OP, I'm not sure what you mean about subs' requirements for contacting them. Sometimes the state that I must use a code word when I contact them - I have no problem with that. Sometimes they state that I must have a pic - well, my profile has that already. If such a request is simply stated, I'll comply. If they say something like "I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF DOMS THAT WON'T DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY!!!!', then I don;t contact them. But that's for attitude, not for any requirements. So what kinds of requirements do you allude to?

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:34:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven OP, I'm not sure what you mean about subs' requirements for contacting them. Sometimes the state that I must use a code word when I contact them - I have no problem with that. Sometimes they state that I must have a pic - well, my profile has that already. If such a request is simply stated, I'll comply. If they say something like "I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF DOMS THAT WON'T DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY!!!!', then I don;t contact them. But that's for attitude, not for any requirements. So what kinds of requirements do you allude to? the ones that say i have to be witty, intelligent and charming come to mind, i'm miserable at all three as for me,i just want the hear what they have to say, but then i'm so desperate to have women contact me i'll accept anything

sweetsub1957 -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:41:39 AM)
Wow. Any social functions I've been to, I've never been crowded around. Oh yeah, I'm not 25 and skinny. But seriously, I would feel overwhelmed by that anyway.

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 9:43:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 Wow. Any social functions I've been to, I've never been crowded around. Oh yeah, I'm not 25 and skinny. But seriously, I would feel overwhelmed by that anyway. you were never at an eulenspiegle function then or the now old vault both in nyc

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 10:51:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23 quote: As a “dominant” I’m often more likely to dash off a missive to someone for whatever reason I have little or no chance of meeting or even any interest in meeting. This is because when I see (which is very common) detailed instructions on what format letter they’ll answer I sorta say wtf , if I can’t write my own missive the way I want then I wont. I've never had an issue following formatting requests. I'm pretty much with Dark Steven on this one; as long as the requests aren't stated obnoxiously and are reasonable, I'll go along with them. but you can do the intelligent, witty and charming

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 11:02:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf the ones that say i have to be witty, intelligent and charming come to mind, i'm miserable at all three as for me,i just want the hear what they have to say, but then i'm so desperate to have women contact me i'll accept anything Um, well...not sure a Dominant has to be witty, intelligent or charming, but desperation is not a quality likely to attract any submissive. Maybe just be yourself? Maybe start a conversation with these submissives and not worry if it will lead to anything? [sm=chug.gif] Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 12:03:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill quote: ORIGINAL: osf the ones that say i have to be witty, intelligent and charming come to mind, i'm miserable at all three as for me,i just want the hear what they have to say, but then i'm so desperate to have women contact me i'll accept anything Um, well...not sure a Dominant has to be witty, intelligent or charming, but desperation is not a quality likely to attract any submissive. Maybe just be yourself? Maybe start a conversation with these submissives and not worry if it will lead to anything? [sm=chug.gif] Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink i don't worry because it usually doesn't lead to anything, fuck, i'm still here

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 1:15:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf ...to someone for whatever reason I have little or no chance of meeting The "reason" is your Mommy gave you a 9:00pm curfew to turn off the computer in the basement and go to bed. The rest of us get to stay up as long as we like, have a Driver's License (not a permit), and don't have to have an adult accompany us in the car after asking to borrow the family station wagon to go meet people.

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 1:17:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: osf ...to someone for whatever reason I have little or no chance of meeting The "reason" is your Mommy gave you a 9:00pm curfew to turn off the computer in the basement and go to bed. The rest of us get to stay up as long as we like, have a Driver's License (not a permit), and don't have to have an adult accompany us in the car after asking to borrow the family station wagon to go meet people. really?

DarkSteven -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 1:19:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf i don't worry because it usually doesn't lead to anything, fuck, i'm still here Y'know, whining isn't an attractive trait in Doms. Accept the fact that you will strike out 95% of the time. I do. Then go out there and plug away till you hit paydirt. It really is that simple.

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 1:26:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: osf i don't worry because it usually doesn't lead to anything, fuck, i'm still here Y'know, whining isn't an attractive trait in Doms. Accept the fact that you will strike out 95% of the time. I do. Then go out there and plug away till you hit paydirt. It really is that simple. i fail to see where explaining an attitude is whining i simply presented my case and asked for comments if i was to say a vicious subbie chewed my cock off, would i be whining?

lally2 -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 1:37:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf As a “dominant” I’m often more likely to dash off a missive to someone for whatever reason I have little or no chance of meeting or even any interest in meeting. This is because when I see (which is very common) detailed instructions on what format letter they’ll answer I sorta say wtf , if I can’t write my own missive the way I want then I wont. At social functions I’ve been to in the past I’m was more often a wall flower than not, because every unescorted woman there had a circle of men around her wanting something or other and I felt it beneath my dignity ( to my fan club, yes I have a sense of dignity ) to join the chorus line of dancing doms vying for their attention. Often I would leave early in disgust. I’m not into puppy dogging I guess. I’m not castigating subbies I can understand their point but well, life can suck and it just plain works against us at times. Comments from others about their point of view i dont look at other submissive profiles, so i have no idea what conditons they put. i dont understand 'conditions' - im sorry, but why would a stranger ask another stranger for 'conditions' before theye even exchanged a word. why go to all that subtefuge when the delete and block button is so readily to hand. bit mystified with that one. but i would imagine its the same as subs glancing through Dominant profiles. plenty are completely off the page so far as im concerned, so i shrug and move on, there are others who write in plain, coherent english and those are the ones i would be interested in. isnt it surely about weeding through the nutters and picking out the personalities that appeal. if youre after a specific look and so youre field of search is narrowed in that way, then i can see why youd end up giving anyone fitting that mould a try. if you already know theyre not a fit then theyre going to aswell, somewhat soul destroying id imagine. i can understand not wanting to be one of a crowd gathering around one woman. who needs that level of competition or even to be put in the position of competing. i dont think youre on youre own with that one atall. beyond that im not sure what youre asking.

osf -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 3:20:54 PM)
quote: i dont look at other submissive profiles, so i have no idea what conditons they put. i dont understand 'conditions' - im sorry, but why would a stranger ask another stranger for 'conditions' before theye even exchanged a word. why go to all that subtefuge when the delete and block button is so readily to hand. bit mystified with that one. like i said i can understand doesn't mean i have to like it i'm not asking for anything but comments, maybe others that have had similar experiences

AnimusRex -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 5:19:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Accept the fact that you will strike out 95% of the time. I do. You got a 5% hit rate? Pretty good. No, seriously- considering the small circle of BDSM oriented people, factor that females are less than 1/2, and submissive females about 1/2 of that, then figure geographical compatibility, age brackets, specific interests, and personality compatibility.... Being successful with 1 out of 20 girls is a pretty good average.

DesFIP -> RE: the trouble with doms (12/26/2009 5:42:20 PM)
If a 25 year old says she won't respond to anyone over 30, then why would someone more than twice her age insist on writing her? She has as much right to a happy relationship as you do. And if what she needs is someone of her own age, in her own location, and who likes the same music she does then why can't you respect that? If you want other people to respect you, you have to start by respecting them. You get friends by being one. It really is that simple.

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