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LafayetteLady -> RE: Do ME (12/26/2009 7:36:07 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive
Notice****this is my personal opinion.
BDSM honors a dbl standard. It is the way it is set up. S-type is order to go find their Dom/mee another s-type so Dom/mee can play. Now can you see if a s-type asked her Dom to go to the boards and find a D type for her to play? Perhaps that does it happen, i don't know, but at tleast the D would have to give their approval, while the s has no say. If s type tries to have a say or remarks how that makes them feel, then s type is told my way or highway. Even if it was known and agreed upon that D type would not do this to s type,, if the D changes their mind and wants that experience down the road, s type obeys, or leaves. if she leaves what happens with her self -esteem? How does she feel in measuring up to being the ultiminate 'true' submissive? Do me Dom, who is not emotionally invested in his s-type or their relationship would just go and find another s-type. This, imo, is a do me Dom. One who gives the indication that it is a relationship, but takes no responsibility for how their s-type feels about anything they are told to do. They have trained thier s-type in a way that makes Them to their s-type to be MASTER. That word carries more weight to the s-type and to go against their training can have problematic results in their idenitity.
Yes some submissives and many slaves come with wanting to please all their Dom's desires. Some s-types are not emotionally invested in their Dom either, but i am referring to those who are and their whole essence is in the continuance to serve their Dom. When the Dom does not reach out to them to offer emotional support and understanding, the s-type that needs that and has been led to beleive He/SHE is always there to do so, can become very confuse. They let their Dom down, but the Dom also did not live up to their part of the 'promise'. to honor and listen and help them through those times.
Thankfully, should that s-type come to these boards looking for solace or advice, most here would tell her that the guy was totally at fault and didn't deserve to have her.
While s-types of course want to please all of their partner's desires, I think that would be much the case even in a vanilla relationship. After all, don't ALL of us want to please our partners? Even the sub who is engaging in an activity that she isn't fond of, say....having sex while she has her period, she does it to please her partner. Not much different than the vanilla girl who sucks her boyfriend's dick because it makes him happy. Granted on one hand the activity may be "demanded" while the other is voluntary, but in both cases at some point in the relationship if it was really a "limit" the demand wouldn't be made.
Personally, I think what happens is that when the s-type "discovers" the existence of BDSM and finally either gets the opportunity or the courage to explore it, there are all of these other "things" that they didn't know about. Sadly, that "rookie" status might as well be tattooed on their forehead because sure enough, the uber sub or dom shows up ready to show them the ropes, and they hear a lot of "oh no, a sub can't do this, a sub can't do that." Not having any other reference, they believe it. Otherwise how could there be so many grown adults in their 30s and 40s who seem to have lost all common sense asking if it is "ok" if their "master" demands extravagant gifts or if they have to tolerate behavior that they would have kicked a guy to the curb for in a vanilla relationship?
Again, the people who don't want emotional attachments, and are up front about that, go for it. But even the whole monogamy thing. Every time someone asks about whether or not it is "ok" that their d-type is searching for others after they have been together for "x" months, we always jump and ask them "what was your initial agreement?" You know, many people, especially when new, don't get into a relationship with someone, see them all the time talk about love, etc. think that the question of monogamy needs to be discussed. Often the discussions that occured talking about likes, dislikes and desires gave them the impression that it would be one on one. So yea, they are shocked when it doesn't seem to turn out that way. Yet no one ever blames the d-type for not mentioning in the beginning that he had no intention to be monogamous. Another lovely double standard. The sub is supposed to question the dom on the issue, but if he doesn't mention that he will want to be with others, no one thinks he did anything wrong. Go figure.
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