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RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 12:45:40 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		You can be in the lifestyle if you are on the real time scene, and you can be in the lifestyle if you have a real time BDSM relationship in the quiet off the scene. But your are a real joke if you have a fantasy lifestyle online, because you want to be a lifestyler.

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(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 5:09:23 AM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696



quote:

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle


quote:

ignoring the chat part...but we all think we are sub/slave/Dom or Domme.
No one gives us a certificate of "beeing real". It is all based on opinions.



Yes, you are what you think you are and which role you have written for yourself in the drama with your partner(s) in a particular space of time. Life is fluid or you are bored, comatose, or dead. We are inclined to swich or adjust or experiement or improvise because that's the nature of the human beastie. Don't tell me that is a generalization. I know it is.

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Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 5:36:30 AM   
MissJennMB


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle

if we're going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them


I would rather take myself out of a box than put myself into one.  I identify as a Domme, because that attracts what I am looking for...another human being to worship me.  I have topped, bottomed, submitted, controlled, vanilla'd, both online and in person.  Now I have come to cm and am looking for another experience.  If I were to get into an 'online only' relationship dominating a boy across the country, does that nullify my "realness"?  Or do I have to venture out to a play party once a month or once a week and beat some random person just to keep my "lifestyler card" active?

If you were to take a 24/7 leather wearing, whip carrying super bitch Domme with a house full of slaves and moved her to the middle of Montana all by herself, would she no longer be a "lifestyle" Domme because she was alone suddenly? (this is hypothetical, not me, lol)  It doesnt change who she is, or how she interacts with the people she meets.  If she ties up a vanilla guy in her lonely little Montana town and orders him around a lil bit does she get her card back? 

I have known many "lifestyle" people (by your definition) that I would never consider "real" by my own.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 5:51:38 AM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

You can be in the lifestyle if you are on the real time scene, and you can be in the lifestyle if you have a real time BDSM relationship in the quiet off the scene. But your are a real joke if you have a fantasy lifestyle online, because you want to be a lifestyler.


I have done both. Each has its own drama. I keep returning to the word "drama" in my posts here because I believe it is the one word for me that best informs wiitwd. In r/t there is physical ecstasy but accompanied with the warts and short-comings of your partner which you place aside in a small box called "denial." Also, in r/t there may be (I think more often than not but I have no data) the strong tendency to relate to our partner at least somewhat as an archetype. We have in our minds an idealization of our D or s. In the throes of sexual ecstasy or in the more calm transactions of our relationship we use the idealization to blind us to the human faults. So, r/t has its own fantasy component.

Online lifestyle as I have experienced it accompanied by voice exchange and/or text messages is also a form of drama in which we more directly engage our archetype. However, my Domme has been a very real person to me as well. Her honest revelation of human frailties are not visible to me as much obviously. Nor are mine so frequently in her view. However, we bring our short-comings along nevertheless and they have led to serious emotional impact which had to be sorted out. It is all drama. Affairs of the mind may be far more powerful than affairs of the body. In its own way it is a "quiet off the scene" lifestyle.

You may disparage it. Perhaps you do not understand. If you are talking about "one hand chating" or phone sex, I might tend to favor your comment. But I try to avoid being so judgmental about what others do or think they do. Being judgmental is the real joke.

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to ElectraGlide)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 5:54:30 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

You can be in the lifestyle if you are on the real time scene, and you can be in the lifestyle if you have a real time BDSM relationship in the quiet off the scene. But your are a real joke if you have a fantasy lifestyle online, because you want to be a lifestyler.



And you could a real joke if you make grand proclamations about the, "lifestyle"


Jeff

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to ElectraGlide)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 5:57:44 AM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline 		Anteaters have a strong focus and get right to the truth of things.

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vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 6:14:37 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentML


quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696



quote:

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle


quote:

ignoring the chat part...but we all think we are sub/slave/Dom or Domme.
No one gives us a certificate of "beeing real". It is all based on opinions.



Yes, you are what you think you are and which role you have written for yourself in the drama with your partner(s) in a particular space of time. Life is fluid or you are bored, comatose, or dead. We are inclined to swich or adjust or experiement or improvise because that's the nature of the human beastie. Don't tell me that is a generalization. I know it is.


over the years i've seen many who thought they were but when it came crunch time decided differently



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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to vincentML)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 6:55:34 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't actually like the term, but if it's going to be used it should have some meaning

if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle

if going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them

comments



It already has meaning!.... but.... it's not a word to be used to indentify the content of one's lifestyle. It's just a very generic word and a person needs to put alittle effort and care into learning the content of one's lifestyle... but some people are just lazy.




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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 7:09:04 AM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline


quote:

vincentML
Yes, you are what you think you are and which role you have written for yourself in the drama with your partner(s) in a particular space of time. Life is fluid or you are bored, comatose, or dead. We are inclined to swich or adjust or experiement or improvise because that's the nature of the human beastie. Don't tell me that is a generalization. I know it is.


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

over the years i've seen many who thought they were but when it came crunch time decided differently




So, they stand accused of some human frailty. We are all guilty of a few. Hah! Understated imo. If you read my sentence more carefully you will see I specified in the drama with your partner(s)

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vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 4:21:20 PM   
tiemeupSir02


Posts: 62
Joined: 10/23/2009
Status: offline 		the definition of lifestyle means different things to different people.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 4:25:34 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tiemeupSir02

the definition of lifestyle means different things to different people.


but don't those different people have to communicate?

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to tiemeupSir02)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 8:14:54 PM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


quote:

ORIGINAL: tiemeupSir02

the definition of lifestyle means different things to different people.


but don't those different people have to communicate?


Haven't you noticed osf that people seem to communicate quite a lot in the bdsm community? Seems to me classification would lead to straight-jacketing wiitwd. My guess is that you will not be happy until we have a bdsm version of the DSM-IV used to diagnose psychiatric disorders. We can call it the Diagnositic and Statistical Manual of Deviant Life Styles. Or a bit more catchy for the modern generation The D and S Manual for D/s Recreation and Relationships. I wonder if anything less than that would make you happy or are you just a serial poster who desperately craves attention? I notice throughout the thread your comments are limited to one or two sentences and you contribute very little to the conversation. Not asking you because I really don't care for a response from you but I am just wondering what to make of your posture and repeated postings.

< Message edited by vincentML -- 12/27/2009 8:23:22 PM >

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vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 8:21:31 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Haven't you noticed osf that people seem to communicate quite a lot in the bdsm community? Seems to me classification would lead to straight-jacketing wiitwd. My guess is that you will not be happy until we have a bdsm version of the DSM-IV used to diagnose psychiatric disorders. We can call it the Diagnositic and Statistical Manual of Deviant Life Styles. Or a bit more catchy for the modern generation The D and S Manual for D/s Recreation and Relationships. I wonder if anything less than that would make you happy or are you just a serial poster who desperately craves attention?


when i say i want a slave and i mean a 24/7 all places slave and i'm speaking to a woman that only wants to be a sensual bedroom slave and is calling herself a slave

what language are we speaking in common?

words should mean something

< Message edited by osf -- 12/27/2009 8:22:07 PM >

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to vincentML)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/27/2009 8:27:09 PM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

Haven't you noticed osf that people seem to communicate quite a lot in the bdsm community? Seems to me classification would lead to straight-jacketing wiitwd. My guess is that you will not be happy until we have a bdsm version of the DSM-IV used to diagnose psychiatric disorders. We can call it the Diagnositic and Statistical Manual of Deviant Life Styles. Or a bit more catchy for the modern generation The D and S Manual for D/s Recreation and Relationships. I wonder if anything less than that would make you happy or are you just a serial poster who desperately craves attention?


when i say i want a slave and i mean a 24/7 all places slave and i'm speaking to a woman that only wants to be a sensual bedroom slave and is calling herself a slave

what language are we speaking in common?

words should mean something


Obviously that is what human conversation is for to determine wants and needs and compatability. This is not a butcher shop where you order a choice of lamb or chicken according to the labels in the glass case. Really silly imo.

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/28/2009 5:53:49 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vincentML
Obviously that is what human conversation is for to determine wants and needs and compatability. This is not a butcher shop where you order a choice of lamb or chicken according to the labels in the glass case. Really silly imo.


What's really sad is that some people can live to the op's age and still not understand that they don't get to tell the rest of the world what to do or be. And that in order to have a relationship you need to be able to talk with other people. There are no short cuts.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to vincentML)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/28/2009 6:12:21 AM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline 		I suspect the OP is just a compulsive thread originator and attention seeker, Des, and has no real concern nor careful thought for the topics he posts.

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vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/28/2009 6:26:40 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't actually like the term, but if it's going to be used it should have some meaning



You're already onto a tough one here - the term "lifestyle" really has no generally accepted meaning
quote:


if you think your a dom/master/sub/slave and only have sat at a computer chatting about it, your not in the lifestyle

This is nonsense for starters, many people have long term, fulfilling relationships that are online only. Yes, sure, there are plenty of people who "play" and "explore" - but plenty of people do exactly the same face to face.

I have a number of long-standing online only friendships, and they are no less valid than my face-to-face relationships, they're just different.
quote:



if like me you don't currently have a partner and attending functions, you are currently not in the lifestyle


Nah, it just means you're single.

quote:


if we're going to use lifestyle i think it should be limited to those that have partners and actually see them

comments



Nonsense.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/31/2009 12:01:29 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not in any "lifestyle" other than that which exists in my living room and, to a lesser degree my community. So I don't understand the term... but at a rough guess, I'd interpret someone saying they were "in the lifestyle" to mean that they went to a lot of munches and other BDSM events and, in general, it was a large focus in their lives. That interpretation seems to align pretty well with people's actual usage.

Secondarily, I interpret the term "lifestyler" to mean someone who's authority transfer extends beyond bedroom fun in some way or another. I'm less clear on whether that interpretation bears any resemblance to actual usage.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/31/2009 12:06:17 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I'm not in any "lifestyle" other than that which exists in my living room and, to a lesser degree my community. So I don't understand the term... but at a rough guess, I'd interpret someone saying they were "in the lifestyle" to mean that they went to a lot of munches and other BDSM events and, in general, it was a large focus in their lives. That interpretation seems to align pretty well with people's actual usage.

Secondarily, I interpret the term "lifestyler" to mean someone who's authority transfer extends beyond bedroom fun in some way or another. I'm less clear on whether that interpretation bears any resemblance to actual usage.


over the years i've belonged to a number of organizations and went to munches, and never felt i fit in till i found mast

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: thoughts on being in the lifestyle - 12/31/2009 6:48:51 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		One persons fake is another persons dream.


Jeff

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(in reply to Psychonaut23)
Profile   Post #: 60
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