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RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 5:20:53 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I don't need someone to protect me, I am more than capable of doing so myself. That does not mean that I do not WANT to FEEL protected though. Different things, totally.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 21

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 5:21:44 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I don't need someone to protect me, I am more than capable of doing so myself. That does not mean that I do not WANT to FEEL protected though. Different things, totally.

quote:

I don't need someone to protect me, I am more than capable of doing so myself. That does not mean that I do not WANT to FEEL protected though. Different things, totally.

exactly

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 22

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 6:01:30 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Do you think the perception of submissives is they need to be protected and watched out for? Do submissives need the protection or is it lack of education in D/s? "

When originally reading the OP I took it to be directed to submissive people in general, specifically addressed to unattached submissives. In that context, I've seen some unattached submissives needing 'protecting' from their own desires. There is need to 'protect' them from believing too much, too fast. But the same protection is needed by the Dominant counterpart, and for the same reasons. The 'protection' is being there for solicited advise, making sure all the 'worse cases' are considered, and being there for the person in the event one of the 'worse cases' becomes reality.

However, most have responded to the question in context of a relationship. My answer though takes a simlilar position. Both parties need to be strong and 'protective' but to the relationship not necessarily of the other person. The physical and inner strength that has been represented by many posters becomes the foundation of relationship's 'protection'. As a Master/Dominant or as a slave/sub; within a the protection of the relationship is the protection of the other person against all possible threats. It may be perceived that the Dominant takes the lead role of 'protection' but what the Dominant is 'protecting' is what he holds valuable - the relationship. The most important, or essential aspect of the relationship is the other person. It applies equally to both. It needs to be felt and exhibited by both.

The examples are all around us in the profiles seeking others. It's safe to assume you seek something valuable that you do not have alone. You seek another person and by definition if you succeed you have a relationship. It's valuable, it's worth protecting. It deserves to be protected because of its value. It's not an indication of the weakness of either party. Protection is needed for anything valuable. What can be more valuable and worth protecting than a relationship with a person who gives your life deeper meaning, who makes you happy, who fulfills your relationship goal?

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 23

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 6:21:00 PM

Merritt27

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

Knowing that there is someone in your corner is a comforting feeling. Knowing He is there to protect me if i needed it, just makes me feel loved, special and safe. It makes submitting to him a "no brainer". But, like many others have said, this submissive can protect herself.....spit nails if she has to and dare someone to say an unkind word about Daddy.....the claws would truly come out then!

_____________________________

Proud Partner to PlayfulOne

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 24

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 6:30:45 PM

ropesubby39

Posts: 112
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline

As a submissive, i do overly protect the ones i care for, but as time goes by, i am protecting myself with the advice of my Dom.

IMO, I think a submissive should be able to protect herself!

_____________________________

ropesubby

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 25

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 6:37:43 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i have been overprotective, a rescuer, a St Joan of Arc, but have yet to feel protected, not really. And i want to feel that.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 3/19/2006 6:38:09 PM >

(in reply to ropesubby39)

Post #: 26

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 7:01:06 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i have been overprotective, a rescuer, a St Joan of Arc, but have yet to feel protected, not really. And i want to feel that.

candystripper

sometimes it feels unobtainable...

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 27

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 7:25:52 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Being how it is i'm usually called a ball busting bitch... with a mouth from hell...(and don't even need to cuss while I slap you down and leave you feeling like you've been raped.. but wondering what in Gods name just happened here).. others would need protection from this submissive before feeling the need to protect me.

God, I love your posts...
I am now recognized as Master to one who had raised 3 children as a single mom, left bad D/s situations because they weren't correct and I'ld place her against anyone verbally...that's not the protection she finds in Me...she feels a spiritual and emotional 'protection' by belonging to Me and I will guide and shelter her as she needs until she feels I am not her Owner/Master/Teacher any longer...at that time I will leave.
C

Turkish coffee please...

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 28

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 7:40:35 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I think its a bit contradictory for a Dominant to 1. Inspire a submissive to submit and feel vulnerable and yet at the same time encourage them to be strong? That doesnt make sense to me, my strongness able to handle anything and take control of situations comes when I'm feeling dominant..but in those times of surrender the last thing i would want is for someone to say to me "stand up and be counted!! take control of yourself!! Stop being weak!!" (hope this is making sense)...its like on one hand saying "yeah its ok to submit and hand over" yet on the other hand saying " Stop it". Mixed messages.

I agree and disagree with what you're saying about mixed messages...ironic huh

I agree that it does seem odd to train your submissive to be able to protect themselves and then ask them to submit.

I disagree that this is a mixed message. I want my sub to be able to feel secure and safe at all times with me. This means my guidence and mental support. If they are on the other side of town and someone wants to do them physical harm there is not much that I personally can do to stop this person. However arming a sub with tools to be the best worker, best person that they can be means making sure that they are physically and mentally safe in the real world. Having the tools to singularly deal with a flat tire, abusive encounter or someone trying to do them physical harm is something that they need to learn. This does not make them any less submissive it makes them safe...both in my presence and not.

It frightens me that anyone male or female would stop for even one second in an encounter where someone's intention is to take your life would EVER worry that taking that jerks nose and smashing it into his skull to get away would EVER make them less in my eyes.

If anything on the subject of mixed messages I would be so incredibly proud of them for handling themselves the way they were taught and yet beyond devistated that I wasn't there for them to take care of something so traumatic. Mop up of emotions is easy but letting go and trusting that our sub has learned their lessons well enough to protect themselves from all kinds of evils is much harder. Sub under glass is protected from everything, sub in the world only has the tools that they've been given to return to you in one piece.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 3/19/2006 7:50:10 PM >

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 29

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 7:44:14 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Stands up and applauds to Mercnbeth....YES! exactly.....Tempting

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 30

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 8:01:54 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

As for me, it's not a matter of needing the protection. It's a matter of feeling the protection. There is a huge difference.

definetly so.. and taint it great?

(in reply to powerless1)

Post #: 31

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 8:18:12 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I'm not a submissive but when I first started dating my BF he felt this huge need to protect me, so much so it spilled over into our online gaming experience. Its kinda hard to level a warrior when your partner doesn't want you to get hit or god forbid die in a game.

So I had to have a talk with him and I got the gaming situation squared away, but IRL we are both so very protective of each other that to try and not be protective would just be going against our own natures. What can I say? We are in love and I'd beat anyone with a brick stick who ever tried to hurt that man and I know he'd do the same for me. Makes ya feel kinda good doesn't?

~Lashra

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 32

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 8:43:29 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

I read this post and immediatly put "female" in place of "submissive". I have noticed that when I travel out of town, the protection goes way up. . .

Call me when you arrive

I am just checking in

Call me when you arrive

Are you okay

Call me when you arrive

You having a good time

Call me when you arrive

When do you get back

Are you okay

I am just checking in

Will you check in

............................

Sheesh. . . the annoyance goes up, but at the same time I realize that these friends (yep. . . read guys) want to make sure that I am okay. I still wonder. . . if I was male, would they act this way?

Ahh. . . well. . . it is spring break and I am on vacation. . . I need sleep. . .

Best,

LaMalinche

P.S. I will likely wake in the morning and curse mysel for the disjunction in my thoughts and my post. Please forgive me now.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 33

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 9:20:26 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I think its a bit contradictory for a Dominant to 1. Inspire a submissive to submit and feel vulnerable and yet at the same time encourage them to be strong? That doesnt make sense to me, my strongness able to handle anything and take control of situations comes when I'm feeling dominant..but in those times of surrender the last thing i would want is for someone to say to me "stand up and be counted!! take control of yourself!! Stop being weak!!" (hope this is making sense)...its like on one hand saying "yeah its ok to submit and hand over" yet on the other hand saying " Stop it". Mixed messages.

i used to think this way, but it all eventually came together. He taught me to find strength within myself, and to find my self esteem again. Because of that, i am quite strong and confident to the outside world, and no one would come close to guessing that i am submissive. But he holds power over me. To him i submit deeply. To him i am always exposed and vulnerable. It is my submission to him which allows me the strength i carry to the rest of the world. And it is the internal strength and determination which i possess, which i show to the rest of the world, that makes him find my submission all that more special.

Re: the OP...i also thought the post was about submissives in general. i liked what Mercnbeth had to say about this. Often times submissives are either new in discovering their submissiveness, or have been used, hurt and lost as a result. A little guidance and compassion goes a long way. Perhaps it is a vulnerability that others see, when someone could use some protection from him/her own self. This can also be the case in the "vanilla" world as well.

Long ago, in a land far far away, when i hung out in BDSM chat rooms, there was a general concensus that submissives were submissive to everyone and therefore it was up to the Dominants to look out for them. Maybe that sentiment gets carried over...?

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 34

RE: The need to protect - 3/19/2006 9:33:33 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Someone told me today that he feels the need to protect me.

I have always been...too open, too vulnerable, too...submissive, I guess.

My religious training taught me to 'come forward as a little child' with the belief and trust that implies. I also tend to do that with people.

I don't want to 'paint one with another's brush.' So, I assume what you are telling me is the truth, until I feel and/or am proved otherwise. (intuition is a wonderful thing)

So, yes...sometimes I need protection. My cynical impulses (when it comes to me) are not functioning as they should. (Although I can look out for others!)

Basically, I appreciate the fact that if/when I can't/won't look out for myself...some who are stronger/more cynical will.

And yes...I know I should...

it's just that sometimes...

I really don't know how.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 35

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 12:29:35 AM

scratchingpost

Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

LOL oh dear me both men and women dom/mes subs and slaves go nuts i am that person who says call me when you arrive...doesnt matter W/who you are or what gender if i care about you my claws are out and ready to pounce making sure Y/you are safe.

its nice when all is said and done that i too have Someone who makes me feel safe and protected too. smiles warmly....

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

I read this post and immediatly put "female" in place of "submissive". I have noticed that when I travel out of town, the protection goes way up. . .

Call me when you arrive

I am just checking in

Call me when you arrive

Are you okay

Call me when you arrive

You having a good time

Call me when you arrive

When do you get back

Are you okay

I am just checking in

Will you check in

............................

Sheesh. . . the annoyance goes up, but at the same time I realize that these friends (yep. . . read guys) want to make sure that I am okay. I still wonder. . . if I was male, would they act this way?

Ahh. . . well. . . it is spring break and I am on vacation. . . I need sleep. . .

Best,

LaMalinche

P.S. I will likely wake in the morning and curse mysel for the disjunction in my thoughts and my post. Please forgive me now.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 36

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 1:02:58 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

In my life I have always felt I had to present a Dominant personality in the outside world,
to keep people at a distance and feel safe and secure.
So if push comes to shove I am more than able to stand up and speak
for myself and/or my needs. Although it can be highly effective, it is sooooo
not who I really am inside. I'm definately submissive and that is how I prefer to express myself in a personal relationship.

I relish when I feel safe and secure in my lover's arms and know that in that space, in that moment no one can get to me or hurt me.
So for me it isn't necessarily that I need to feel protected, but that is something when in a relationship totally brings me peace and serenity.
It feels wonderful when I am Her's and she will protect Her's in any situation

.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 37

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 1:33:19 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I don't need someone to protect me, I am more than capable of doing so myself. That does not mean that I do not WANT to FEEL protected though. Different things, totally.

It is a big and rather important diffrence. I expect a girl to be able to stand up for herself... if she isn't then I work at building her confidence so that she CAN do so if she needs to.

Does that mean that when she is feeling hurt and upset that she can't curl up in my arms and feel 'protected' and safe? Far from it, sometimes knowing that if all else fails that will still be there is enough to give a girl the strength to get through a situation that is tough for her.... then she can recover in that safe space, supported and cared for.

Also just because she CAN do so, if I am there, am I going to always make her do so... hell no. I AM rather protective by nature. She is MINE and she is valued.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 38

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 2:05:12 AM

fldrkhorse

Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I respectfully offer this point of view. I think there are some flaws in your premise. Submissives by nature are just that. A submissive personality will always be over powered by a dominant personality. It's not nec any sub "cannot take care of themself." I don't think it's a matter of they cannot protect themselves as much as a skilled DOM looking to play a head game with a sub definitely has the advantage. I can be very over protective simply because of the head games I've witnessed by wanna be DOMs and every subs need to validate themselves through submission.

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 39

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 5:08:28 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost

quote:

"This is something i was thinking about today. Why do we so often feel the need to protect submissives? What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?

I am not sure in what aspect you refer---remove the D/s aspect to start---every capable human should have the ability to protect themselves, yet our world is fraught with flawed personalities that cannot "protect" themselves or personalities that feel their only protection is the removal of another---

Add the D/s aspect, the Dominant of the species always feels a need for protection--they are entrusted wih one's heart, mind, soul, body---they damned well better afford protection--IMHO.

quote:

Wouldn't it be better for us as a D/s Group to teach submissives to protect themself and to be able to stand up and say "with respect i decline" and mean what they say?

We can hardly agree on the definition of terms, I don't think we would ever agree on something as subjective as the rules of protection. ( Remember the thread about play versus abuse...)

quote:

Do you think the perception of submissives is they need to be protected and watched out for? Do submissives need the protection or is it lack of education in D/s? "

Again, are you refrerring to physical safety? Emotional safety? Why is it just submissives? Dominants are vulnerable too. I am the Nurturer, Guider, as such, anyone under My Circle is protected.

quote:

would it be better for us as a D/s group to teach submissives to do so <to say stop> ....unequivocably i say YES

At what point do you feel you can judge when ANOTHER should be told to stop?

quote:

i get into trouble with Master when i perceive an injustice being done to Him and i want to scratch their eyes out for it...i KNOW He can take care of Himself hell He takes care of me better than i do but that drive to want to just go off impulsively is there. (it is one of my shortcomings that i am working on as He teaches me to grow) i was told that it is the alpha slave mentality to want to protect. It is also the Dominant personality that wants to as well. Perhaps it stems from there?

IMHO--this is care for another and has nothing to do with Dominant or submissive but the basic human drive.

quote:

I think overall it isnt the need to protect submissives as much as it is for one to care about and want to protect those who are near and dear to them. Submissives are strong or at least should be encouraged to be as strong as possible.

It should be a human trait, not one exhibited because the D/s dynamic exists.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 40

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