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RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 5:24:19 AM

justatoy2

Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
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i think its only natural for a Dom, be it male or female, to want to care and protect their submissive. I don't have a problem with that. I love the feeling of being protected and cared for even though i can certainly take care of myself. The thing that does get to me is why other Doms feel i need protecting. Frankly if i am in a lifestyle event and someone is bothering me i simply ask them to leave me alone..its quite simple. I do believe this whole idea of a single submissive needing a "protector" is an online thing only. I have never seen it in real life.

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 41

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 5:26:08 AM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fldrkhorse

I respectfully offer this point of view. I think there are some flaws in your premise. Submissives by nature are just that. A submissive personality will always be over powered by a dominant personality. It's not nec any sub "cannot take care of themself." I don't think it's a matter of they cannot protect themselves as much as a skilled DOM looking to play a head game with a sub definitely has the advantage. I can be very over protective simply because of the head games I've witnessed by wanna be DOMs and every subs need to validate themselves through submission.

I have to respectfully disagree. "submissive by nature" some people simply choose to submit to one person, be it as man or a woman or whatever, because they like them and they enjoy submisson, not because they are a weak person in life.
However your experinces in life proably lead you to belive in your statments.
Keem in mind Im only 22, so I have a more limited experience with life and people.
Regardless if you speak with experience statistics are statistics.
my .02 cents

(in reply to fldrkhorse)

Post #: 42

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:00:49 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMalinche

I read this post and immediatly put "female" in place of "submissive". I have noticed that when I travel out of town, the protection goes way up. . .

Call me when you arrive

I am just checking in

Call me when you arrive

Are you okay

Call me when you arrive

You having a good time

Call me when you arrive

When do you get back

Are you okay

I am just checking in

Will you check in

............................

Sheesh. . . the annoyance goes up, but at the same time I realize that these friends (yep. . . read guys) want to make sure that I am okay. I still wonder. . . if I was male, would they act this way?

Ahh. . . well. . . it is spring break and I am on vacation. . . I need sleep. . .

Best,

LaMalinche

P.S. I will likely wake in the morning and curse mysel for the disjunction in my thoughts and my post. Please forgive me now.

<smiles. well My boy has to go through the same gestures!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 43

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:09:09 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

was thinking about today. Why do we so often feel the need to protect submissives? What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?

Most often it's the submissives themselves who are saying this. THEY are the ones who covet their "collars of protection" and talk about how they NEED someone to keep them on the right track.

And there's more than a few doms who are ever so ready to leap in as the knight protector to not only reinforce this idea but fully embrace it and take their rightful place as the one who helped make them strong!

The reality is of course that submissives are no more or less needy of protection than dominants or vanillas are (and plenty of doms have their heads screwed on completely wrong).

While I've NOTHING against having loved ones or even simply strong ones in your life that help eachother, the whole game that submission = weak/stupid/unable to deal with life as a normal mature adult definitely irks me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 44

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:13:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: justatoy2
I do believe this whole idea of a single submissive needing a "protector" is an online thing only. I have never seen it in real life.

I saw one for the first time in real life last month. I was pretty stunned.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justatoy2)

Post #: 45

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:20:48 AM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Wasn there a thread a week ago or so, of "Shapless putty VS a Real person" for partner preference?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 46

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:37:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Moloch
Wasn there a thread a week ago or so, of "Shapless putty VS a Real person" for partner preference?

I don't recall that particular thread, but there's always going to be debate over the idea of "accepting the slave as the slave is" versus "training and making the slave into my perfect slave." A balance must be found in each relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Moloch)

Post #: 47

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:50:35 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

quote:

"This is something i was thinking about today. Why do we so often feel the need to protect submissives? What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?

dunno. i protect myself all the time. i've no worries protecting myself unless its some one that stands a foot over me and maybe out wieghs me by a hundred or so lbs. Experience says.... cant throw a body that size. Hand to hand combat you'll lose (i'm 5 feet) unless you've got something sharper or solid in your hand. Good clunk up side the head. Always look for good solid objects in surrounding you when you feel the need to be protected. A bat is good, they're usually not around tho, and if there is one, when ya swing dont be a girl about it, but some shoulders and back into it. Have some heart about it.

Does everyone know that anything can be a deadly weapon. Even a napkin?

Hmmmmm soooo I'd proably grab a hand full of your hair, sid down, drag you over my knee and paddke your tail piece with a ham sized hand and then kiss you and laugh.....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 48

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 6:53:24 AM

Moloch

Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

Id pay money to see someone killed with a napkin.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 49

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 8:32:31 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

For me there's a difference between being able to protect myself in general and as a submissive. As a sub my instincts are to serve and revere. In completely vanilla situations i may find myself desiring to serve but not necessarily revere.

However, interactions with Dominants may, at times access some of my submissive triggers. Dominants, in general, know how to use certain phrases, words and vocal tones to do exactly that. So in this respect i do feel much more vulnerable than in a strictly vanilla interaction. Whenever i am speaking with or in the presence of a Dominant i respect and admire, i am much more vulnerable to being overpowered.

i keep this in mind when interacting with Them and understand that They could very easily, unintentionally trigger my submission. It does not mean They are wanting or expecting me to submit to Them. Ultimately my submission is my responisibility. Of course being owned now makes it easier to feel less vulnerable. However, i love the feeling of being protected by my Master and my Mentors.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 50

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 10:34:53 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

~smiles to MHOO ~

i do the exact same thing. At any given time of any day, he knows where i am, who i am with, and when i am due home, if not home at the time. i don't call, but i text message or IM with Yahoo Mobile. Even when i'm at work, he knows when i am going into meetings and when i am back at my desk. That's not so much a protection thing as he just enjoys knowing where i am all the time. And i love checking in. Even those times when he has been away, without his computer and in an area where his cell doesn't work, i still IM him my whereabouts and he sees it as offlines when he returns. i find it comforting to do that, and he enjoys knowing what i am up to....so it works :)

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 51

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 11:27:44 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

prays.... Dear Lord... grant me the knowledge to keep my mouth shut on this one...

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 52

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 11:28:42 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Deleted. Bad joke, may have been taken wrong.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 3/20/2006 12:05:30 PM >

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 53

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 12:00:59 PM

SimplyV

Posts: 351
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

However, interactions with Dominants may, at times access some of my submissive triggers. Dominants, in general, know how to use certain phrases, words and vocal tones to do exactly that. So in this respect i do feel much more vulnerable than in a strictly vanilla interaction. Whenever i am speaking with or in the presence of a Dominant i respect and admire, i am much more vulnerable to being overpowered.

As a submissive, I am very protective of my Dominant. Any attack on him, they'd have to go through me first.

However when I am submissive to someone.. I also have had issues with "needing protection"... I hardly really need any protection as I am fully able to take care of myself in most situations. However, there are times when I get into "submissive mode" where if I was attacked (esp by someone I respected or that my Dom respected), I would cower. Especially if my Dominant was present.

Also because of my past, in such a situation where my Dom was present, if my Dom did not make any effort to protect me I would take it as a sign that what was happening was either OK with him or that he just didn't care. (which if it was something that went against my limits, I'd make the choice at that moment whether or not to ask for my collar to be removed)

As a Dominant, I am very protective. Extremely so. I actually have to bite my tongue sometimes as I can be a bit too "jumpy" with it. I want my submissives to feel completely safe with me, so they can relax and focus completely on ME.

I also expect them to have my back as well. If I'm attacked in any way, I know my submissives would leap to defend me. We have each others backs. That is how I feel it should be.

So I don't think a submissive NEEDs protection.. per se.. as they should be able to defend themselves, if they're unable they should be taught how to.. But I also feel that there are times when protecting a sub is needed.. if only for their peace of mind.

(in reply to Submotive)

Post #: 54

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 4:50:06 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

A lot of this thread has focused on physical protection, but I sort of took the OP to mean emotional protection - the idea a submissive might be taken advantage of by a big meanie.

quote:

I do believe this whole idea of a single submissive needing a "protector" is an online thing only. I have never seen it in real life.

A few weeks ago I observed a submissive female at an event "under the protection" of a Dominant. Essentially she flirted and initiated with several males there. Offering back rubs, bringing drinks, hair tossing, giggling about the activites she just loved, bemoaning her lack of a partner, and the usual. Then when he would show interest back or inquire about scening, she would direct him to the Dom protecting her. Two followed up and went to the Dom, one requesting permission to scene with her and one asking to email/call her. He declined both with an ambiguous "maybe another time." The submissive then thanked him profusely for his protection as she was so overwhelmed and just didn't know what she might do without him. Ultimately she spent the evening playing with this Dom while his collared submissive watched.

It was an interesting side drama to observe from afar.

quote:

Even when i'm at work, he knows when i am going into meetings and when i am back at my desk. That's not so much a protection thing as he just enjoys knowing where i am all the time. And i love checking in.

I would find this annoying, oppressive, and it would generally drive me insane - on either end. Just me, though.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 55

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 4:56:39 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline

I have a slightly different take on this. As a man who is submissive to women, I often feel the duty to protect that woman. Maybe it's a remnant of chivalry --- duty to my queen or something like that.

Now, as between me and my domme, I've voluntarily lowered by defenses, and left myself exposed and at her mercy. So, she may feel the need to protect me from any particularly sadistic impulses within herself from time to time.

Regards, ATP

_____________________________

Pleasing you pleases me.

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 56

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 5:10:36 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: scratchingpost
"This is something i was thinking about today. Why do we so often feel the need to protect submissives? What is it about submissives that they can't protect themself?

Possibly because some make the assumption that submissive = weak
Possibly because some prefer not to take responsibility for their own well-being
Possibly because some like to be seen as a knight in shining armour
Possibly because some equate feeling protected with feeling loved

There are any number of possibilities... For me, I do not need to be protected and I have no desire to protect a group of people with a certain personality trait. I desire to protect those I love and I bask in their desire to protect me. However, even though this is what we desire, we allow and expect each other to take care of our own well-beings and be true to our inner-selves.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to scratchingpost)

Post #: 57

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 5:34:09 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

I would find this annoying, oppressive, and it would generally drive me insane - on either end. Just me, though.

It is only oppressive if the intent is to oppress. In the big scheme of things, he brought me OUT of oppression, big time. It is not an obligation to do this - i enjoy it. There is nothing oppressing to me about letting an Owner know where his property is. This really actually came about when i started letting him know my schedule and such, and "oh btw, i'm going to be out with so & so today." He told me one day that it warmed him to read what i was up to, and so i continued. Why would i not do something that brings us closer, after all... As for his end of things, if it annoyed him i would not do it. i could not be a Dominant, especially one like him. Hell, half of what i do for him would drive ME crazy. i don't want anyone reporting to me!

(in reply to Sensualips)

Post #: 58

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 7:25:10 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

It is only oppressive if the intent is to oppress. In the big scheme of things, he brought me OUT of oppression, big time. It is not an obligation to do this - i enjoy it. There is nothing oppressing to me about letting an Owner know where his property is.

Perhaps my word choice gave the wrong connotation. I did not mean to imply it was unjust or tyrannical. Still, I find something leaves me feeling burdened and smothered and dreary, then it is "oppressive" to me regardless of the intent of the other person.

The same thing might make another person feel connected and warm and secure. As you said, it helps you feel close. Obviously it works for you and your partner.

quote:

We have each others backs. That is how I feel it should be.

This is more an issue of friendships and loyalty and relationships, not dependent on orientation as dominant or submissive.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 59

RE: The need to protect - 3/20/2006 7:46:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Hell, half of what i do for him would drive ME crazy. i don't want anyone reporting to me!

LOL the funny thing being that my local partner always knows what's going on with me and we tend to talk on the phone at least 4 times a day when we aren't actually together.

But neither of us are submissive to the other, and neither of us is obligated to call or check in with the other like we do.

As usual, it's not the actions, it's the motivation that makes something "submissive."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 60

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