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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/30/2009 1:48:15 PM

SweetPoosy

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Soooo...what do I tell my family...you mean my 82 year old mother who wanted to make sure I know where her "toybox" is so when she passes I can take care of it discreetly? Or my eldest daughter who has already been in one Poly relationship? Or my youngest who asked me how to have safe anal sex? Well, I don't bore them with details, but I don't hide the basics either.

Sadly, after I met a cutie patootie 20 year old, the girls were unanimous in declaring that I can't play around with anyone under 27, and my mother was likewise adamant that I leave the over 70's to her...and she'd greatly appreciate it if I could find her a cabana boy. Hmmm...maybe I should make her a profile!

But if you have any question as to how the whole issue would be accepted by your family, I would play it vanilla at first, then over time, ( if you feel it necessary) let some "hairpins drop". For instance, when everyone is together, be a little bratty and have him threaten you with a spanking. Respond with, "Don't threaten me with a good time!" and watch the reaction. If it is uncomfortable or negative, then just know that this is an area of your life that you don't share with them, and just make sure that the eyebolts have plants hanging from them when they are due to visit.

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/30/2009 3:32:47 PM

lizi

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My Dom and I are together primarily because we want a loving relationship with each other - BDSM is secondary. So to the outside world we present each other as bf/gf...which we are, no hiding is necessary. What we do with our relationship behind closed doors is no ones business.

No one in our families knows we are involved in D/s, they only know we see each other and care for each other. Letting my 3 adult sons know that I have a D/s relationship with my boyfriend would be a disaster because they are very protective of me and probably wouldn't understand. Why antagonize them with information that isn't any of their business? My Dom has met my sons and they approve of him. They seem to honor my relationship with him and feel comfortable about me being with him, that's all I ask for.

So...to sum up...we are not a secret as far as being an involved couple. Our PE is our business only and will continue to be so...

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/30/2009 3:58:32 PM

wisdomtogive

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You know i don't really want to know about my daughter and her husband sexual life/arrangement, and she don't want to know mine. Mom knows i am moving in with a someone soon, and she don' t need to know about any of this. At 83, she doesn't need to know. Mom knows that i tend to be with controlling men, so she would think nothing out of place. Am taking MD Sir to my sister's for Passover this coming year, and we will be just be like the rest, celebrating the holiday.

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/30/2009 5:00:53 PM

Hierodule

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I explained almost my entire relationship to my mom. Up until the part where he binds me and whips me with his belt. She just thinks I fel in love with a man who is a little older and likes to take care of me. She said "well , it sounds like you finally found a real man." Do you think she knows??? ;-)

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 12/30/2009 5:19:10 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrslve4fun

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

From your statements, I would assume that you are experiencing a situation where the man doesn't want to meet your family or you to meet his?

Certainly, everyone has to do things the way that makes them most comfortable, BUT do you want someone to make you feel like their "dirty little secret?" If he wants to "hide" you from his family and friends, exactly what is the nature of your relationship? For me it wouldn't seem as though I had any importance to him in the whole of his life, only in that BDSM area. BDSM is really a very small part of our lives on the whole. Personally, if someone wanted to keep me confined to only that part of their life and keep me secret, separate and apart from everything else in his life, I would not be happy and if the issue could not be resolved, I would leave.

And if this is the case, how different is this from being the mistress of a married man in the vanilla world? And how often do those relationships work out?

I never said it was different from being someone's mistress at all. What I did was point out that if this is not the way the OP wants to live her life, then she needs to do something to change it.

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 1/3/2010 1:47:37 PM

ForeverOwned

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We never told our parents, but he has told his older brothers. They are fine with it. We don't go out of our way to hide things except from our rugrats :). I am proud of it and if I'm asked I will admnit it proudly.
Some close friends know and some are very interested which surprised me.

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 1/9/2010 8:44:34 AM

MistressMeltz

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Unless the family lives with you I dont think you should tell them anything. When someone comes to visit you can introduce your sub by name, nothing more nothin less

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 1/10/2010 9:06:02 AM

luckylover4u

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Even though me and my family are all on good terms and there are all very understanding I just find it easier to not say anything and honestly as many have stated its not really their business because I really have no desire to hear what their sex lives are like either.

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RE: What do you tell your family? - 1/11/2010 11:00:02 AM

PrimalConsonance

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From: Southern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

Just curious to know how family is handled, that is a sub or Doms family such as parents and brothers or sisters etc.

Do any Doms out there prefer subs with no family ties so things like meeting a subs parents at some stage doent become an issue?

i guess these issues probably dont asrise if you are living apart but maybe the case that a subs mum could be interested to meet a Man that her daughter may be living with 24/7?... and i should imagine the parent or parents would be more that likely to be thinking you are a vanilla couple.

Also what do Doms do if and when his family comes to visit?... do you introduce your sub/slave as a vanilla girlfriend type female or make sure shes hidden away or make her go out?. Do you ever take her with you to visit your family?

There seems to be more often than in the vanilla world a large age gap betwen Male Doms and female subs. Has anyone found the age gap a problem in respect to the reactions of family or vanilla friends? - in particular any adult children the Dom may have, especially if they are a similar age to the sub. How do you deal with this or do most people tend to keep their subs/slaves a secret from the rest of the people in their lifes. I am meaning that they keep the girl in question a secret as i assume for at least the majority of people the nature of the relationship will always be kept a secret.

Hope everyone has had a happy christmas so far, best wishes

(CNJDom says:) When we are with family, we are not pushing the D/s thing naturally, but we still do things that have elements or our relationship in a D/s manner that are subtle in our behavior while we are around them. Our upbringing, (me from the South, and she from the Mid-West) we have some deep-seated behaviors to begin with when it comes to not only terms of endearment, but also hierarchy within our roles, and how we address and treat others...so it really is nearly quite seamless at times, and just toned down at others.

Only my brother knows of my lifestyle, and there might be one or two that may know of her's, but all is very confidential and supportive. I would like to keep it that way and not bring it into the open so much with family. I just don't think it serves any real purpose in our dynamic. At times, I think a parent or someone else may have an inkling, but I would prefer to leave it like that really.

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