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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:19:11 AM   
NihilusZero


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Status: offline 		Heck, we can divide the room up pretty solidly if we just ask the people who think love is ephemeral (can be gained and lost) to stand on the left and the people who think it "lasts forever" to stand on the right.

It's so convoluted and self-serving a word.

If people would just tell people all the things that the word is supposed to mean instead (yes, even in a world hooked on txt spk and typing/verbal shortcuts), I think a lot more clarity could be gained.

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:20:14 AM   
osf


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quote:

we sort of discussed this a while back and the overall concensus was that bdsm came second to the emotional attachment someone has for their bdsm partner. you can always play away or in a club to get youre bdsm needs met fully, you cannot replicate a specific love that you feel for one individual since we all love people for different reasons and in different ways.


i can't, i need my fix to be my partner

most people don't want to be my partner lolololol

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:22:37 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


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Status: offline 		I'm not suprised you would feel this way, OP, based off what seems to be your approach toward the d/s/m/s dynamic.  Although, contentment, as the brain processes the data and chemical reactions released when one is in love has been cited to be one of three categories of "love." 

One approach (lust) is driven by androgens and estrogens, another (romanic love) is driven by high dopamine and norepinephrine levels and low serotonin, and yet another (contentment) is driven by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. 

If your approach is driven by lust,....contentment may not necessarily follow, especially considering the phenomenon of men drivers and how rarely they stop for direction. 





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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:26:43 AM   
happylittlepet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Maybe people should just give prominence to the concepts that matter to them for their relationships....

Which, coming full circle, would lead them to a state of "contentment".



And when they become used to the state of 'contentment', their experience of pleasure becomes less (hedonic treadmill), and they have to think about what to do next: 'renew/refresh' their sense of contentment, look for something new to do, downward comparison, etc.

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:27:07 AM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I'm not suprised you would feel this way, OP, based off what seems to be your approach toward the d/s/m/s dynamic.  Although, contentment, as the brain processes the data and chemical reactions released when one is in love has been cited to be one of three categories of "love." 

One approach (lust) is driven by androgens and estrogens, another (romanic love) is driven by high dopamine and norepinephrine levels and low serotonin, and yet another (contentment) is driven by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. 

If your approach is driven by lust,....contentment may not necessarily follow, especially considering the phenomenon of men drivers and how rarely they stop for direction. 







i see contentment as applied to this is a feeling of feeling in place

it reminds me of an old shaker hymn simple gifts

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:28:10 AM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

And when they become used to the state of 'contentment', their experience of pleasure becomes less (hedonic treadmill), and they have to think about what to do next: 'renew/refresh' their sense of contentment, look for something new to do, downward comparison, etc.

That's how humans work, yes.

"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." ~Spock

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:28:16 AM   
mnottertail


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contentment. money cant buy you love, but it can buy you alotta shit that looks a whole lot like it.


and you can quote me.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 12/28/2009 10:29:33 AM >

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:29:51 AM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

contentment. money cant buy you love, but it can buy you alotta shit that looks a whole lot like it.


and you can quote me.

And if it looks like a duck and feels like a duck and quacks like a duck...

_____________________________

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I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 10:30:54 AM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: happylittlepet

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero


quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Maybe people should just give prominence to the concepts that matter to them for their relationships....

Which, coming full circle, would lead them to a state of "contentment".



And when they become used to the state of 'contentment', their experience of pleasure becomes less (hedonic treadmill), and they have to think about what to do next: 'renew/refresh' their sense of contentment, look for something new to do, downward comparison, etc.


then be careful for what you ask

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:25:58 AM   
CaringandReal


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Heck, we can divide the room up pretty solidly if we just ask the people who think love is ephemeral (can be gained and lost) to stand on the left and the people who think it "lasts forever" to stand on the right.

It's so convoluted and self-serving a word.



I'd be standing dead center in the middle of the room.

It's a confusing word, that is for sure.

quote:



If people would just tell people all the things that the word is supposed to mean instead (yes, even in a world hooked on txt spk and typing/verbal shortcuts), I think a lot more clarity could be gained.


Early on, yes. But when you reach a certain point of understanding in a relationship, I imagine "love" can become a shortcut for the various verbosities.


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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:31:49 AM   
osf


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Status: offline 		to me love is nebulous it falls within the uncertainty principle , you never quite know what it is

contentment is more subtle but more durable once you attain it

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:33:19 AM   
mnottertail


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Status: offline 		love is a many splendored thing, but at the moment I content myself by getting blowjobs.

Ron

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:36:20 AM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i think we over rate love as a criteria of a d/s relationship

perhaps contentment should be given more prominence

thoughts?


I think we (collective humanity) vastly under rate and over use, the word love. Most people have love as being the lust they feel for a person, an attachment based upon unrealistic (long term) expectations they've placed upon others.

I view love quite differently. I wouldn't have someone living with me, in my home, that I did not love. Yet I may not feel a grand passion for them. There are also quite a few people that I do not want living in my home that I love. Some of these people I don't even particularly like! Go figure.

For me, contentment has nothing at all to do with anyone other than me. It is not something someone else can give me, or take from me. It also has very little to do with whether or not I love someone. Contentment is me, being at peace with the moment.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:40:27 AM   
osf


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quote:

I view love quite differently. I wouldn't have someone living with me, in my home, that I did not love. Yet I may not feel a grand passion for them. There are also quite a few people that I do not want living in my home that I love. Some of these people I don't even particularly like! Go figure.

For me, contentment has nothing at all to do with anyone other than me. It is not something someone else can give me, or take from me. It also has very little to do with whether or not I love someone. Contentment is me, being at peace with the moment.


first part i agree love =/= like

a feeling of in place

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:44:39 AM   
CaringandReal


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i think we over rate love as a criteria of a d/s relationship

perhaps contentment should be given more prominence

thoughts?



The interesting thing, to me, about love vs. contentment is that love is often uncertain. Contentment is a sure thing, particularly if both parties are content. It'll usually last a very long time, despite the ever-present threat of boredom. Reasurance, knowing that something is going to last and not vanish overnight is a wonderful feeling, particularly for those who have had lots of things in their life vanish overnight--thus many people will pay dearly for it, and choose it over love. And contentment develops its own momentum that can, sometimes, counteract the ever-lurking entrophy of boredom.

With love (in this context by "love" I mean "loving," not "being loved"), you don't always have the reassurance of contentment, that things will continue on the way they have been. You have hope, but often not a lot more, and sometimes the ambiguity of the situation can drive you to your emotional limits. To me, that makes it a much more interesting emotion to experience than contentment. The danger of "wipe out," that dash of terror, adds a very interesting flavor!

Obviously, love and contentment often co-exist. It's a strong combination and can last for years, even a lifetime, although that little devil, boredom--or a need for "drama,"--will often undermine it. I think once you've experienced something as solid as that, once you know it exists and in fact have had years of experience with it, however, you may find in yourself a desire to try different things.

< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 12/28/2009 11:46:25 AM >

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:53:55 AM   
DarlingSavage


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quote:

i think we over rate love as a criteria of a d/s relationship

perhaps contentment should be given more prominence

thoughts?


You couldn't possibly be more wrong. I can't imagine giving myself to someone that I'm not head over heels for.

I want love, mad passionate awe-inspiring crazy mad wild animal rip the clothes off each other mad for skin against skin and your scent in my nose love. Who could not want this and who could settle for anything less?

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:56:18 AM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage

quote:

i think we over rate love as a criteria of a d/s relationship

perhaps contentment should be given more prominence

thoughts?


You couldn't possibly be more wrong. I can't imagine giving myself to someone that I'm not head over heels for.

I want love, mad passionate awe-inspiring crazy mad wild animal rip the clothes off each other mad for skin against skin and your scent in my nose love. Who could not want this and who could settle for anything less?


what happens the next day when you have the flue?

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 11:57:33 AM   
osf


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Status: offline 		i'd be content to have a bitch i could really put my hands on, but i'm easy to please that way

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 12:02:56 PM   
Aileen1968


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i think we over rate love as a criteria of a d/s relationship

perhaps contentment should be given more prominence

thoughts?


I've had bdsm relationships where all I was searching for was contentment. They worked for a short period of time and then that contentment faded and I became dissatisfied. There was something missing. It was that emotional connection with another person.
So now love has become the biggest requirement for me in my bdsm relationship. Without it, it all seems pointless.



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RE: love and contentment - 12/28/2009 12:12:52 PM   
Jeffff


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Status: offline 		God..... you have become soooooo squishy.


It's creeping me out.


Jeff

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