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poly slaves - 12/29/2009 6:45:42 PM

lilsub83

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/23/2009
Status: offline

Hi i am a happily owned slave, whos Master has been poly for some time and i am curious about the views and feelings on this from a slaves point of view. i was raised very opposite and i love my Master, i want to work past my raising to be all that he deserves. Is there any way or view that my help?
Ds slave

Post #: 1

RE: poly slaves - 12/29/2009 6:58:50 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Imo if you're monogamous there's very little that's going to change that. I wish you the best of luck though and hope you're able to beat the odds.

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 2

RE: poly slaves - 12/29/2009 7:40:53 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

Whole lotta threads over in the Polyamarous lifestyles section

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: poly slaves - 12/29/2009 7:52:18 PM

Surrenderwithin

Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

To read the extensive version of my views please read my profile.

_____________________________

"There are 2 kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and to follow; the strength to control, and to yield. There are 2 kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." - Yaldah Tovah
*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 4

RE: poly slaves - 12/29/2009 8:00:32 PM

InControl754

Posts: 38
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub83
... i want to work past my raising to be all that he deserves. Is there any way or view that my help?

You hit the nail on the head when you noticed that your views are due to the way you were raised.
It does take some time, but if you take an objective view and rationally look at the situation, a poly family is most likely how the human race survived thousands of years ago. Pooling resources and sharing a loving bond with many in an intimate setting is the ultimate fulfillment in many people's opinion.

Those who cling to their religious upbringing tend to disagree, but they are only blindly following their upbringing without a pros and cons list (Now, I can't say this applies to all of them, and I can't speak for them...but I would bet on it) .

Best of luck in your journey. Remember, question everything (even my advice) and set your own moral compass - don't let others set your moral compass for you.

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 5

RE: poly slaves - 12/29/2009 8:06:07 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InControl754

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub83
... i want to work past my raising to be all that he deserves. Is there any way or view that my help?

You hit the nail on the head when you noticed that your views are due to the way you were raised.
It does take some time, but if you take an objective view and rationally look at the situation, a poly family is most likely how the human race survived thousands of years ago. Pooling resources and sharing a loving bond with many in an intimate setting is the ultimate fulfillment in many people's opinion.

Those who cling to their religious upbringing tend to disagree, but they are only blindly following their upbringing without a pros and cons list (Now, I can't say this applies to all of them, and I can't speak for them...but I would bet on it) .

Best of luck in your journey. Remember, question everything (even my advice) and set your own moral compass - don't let others set your moral compass for you.

Nice post. And, since no one has said it yet.......Welcome to the Boards!!

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to InControl754)

Post #: 6

RE: poly slaves - 12/29/2009 9:30:04 PM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub83

Hi i am a happily owned slave, whos Master has been poly for some time and i am curious about the views and feelings on this from a slaves point of view. i was raised very opposite and i love my Master, i want to work past my raising to be all that he deserves. Is there any way or view that my help?
Ds slave

takes a better man than i to handle poly

my only comment

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 7

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 2:20:07 AM

sissyshoefetish

Posts: 105
Joined: 5/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InControl754

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub83
... i want to work past my raising to be all that he deserves. Is there any way or view that my help?

You hit the nail on the head when you noticed that your views are due to the way you were raised.
It does take some time, but if you take an objective view and rationally look at the situation, a poly family is most likely how the human race survived thousands of years ago. Pooling resources and sharing a loving bond with many in an intimate setting is the ultimate fulfillment in many people's opinion.

Those who cling to their religious upbringing tend to disagree, but they are only blindly following their upbringing without a pros and cons list (Now, I can't say this applies to all of them, and I can't speak for them...but I would bet on it) .

Best of luck in your journey. Remember, question everything (even my advice) and set your own moral compass - don't let others set your moral compass for you.

i agree that how we are raised can affect our views on monogamy but it is not a given that being raised under a monogamous arrangement leads to monogmaous views.
It is true that human society and sexuality includesthe possibility of multiple mates, but this is in reality more in competion rather than in co-operation and while early (and more "natural"?) human societies will most likely have shared roles and involvements, there i no evidence to suggest that a stable polyamourous system would have existed. There is a tendency in humans to seek monogamy - at least in the short term but to be open to switching partners. Also in an early society, the seeking of partners will not necessarily have been so important where a more general group cohesion provides many of the things we now seek primarily in a partner.

Certtainly, religions tend to spend a lot of effort on enfocing monogamy - which means it does not therefore natually enforce itself without social constraints.

Returning to topic, i think that the willingness to surrender on a moral level (allowing the relationship to overcome learned morality) is a truly submissive act. \it may be hard to achieve but is therefore all the more submnissive to accept. In a way don't we all do this by submitting to another in the first place when society tries to teach that this is not the "proper" way?

(in reply to InControl754)

Post #: 8

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 4:24:17 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

i used to be you...

sometimes, only time, age and experience with failed monogomous relationships, and viewing why those relationships failed, will lead you to try a different path; on that path you wil discover that you really can love more than one and be faithful to more than one and that it doesn't take away from the relationship as much as it makes it stronger...

stronger because you come to the realization that hey, there's not one person in the world that can fullfill all your needs and desires all the time; with poly, you don't have that added pressure to be someones everything because the other half of the equation fullfills those needs and desires; this way everyone wins and there are no losers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub83

Hi i am a happily owned slave, whos Master has been poly for some time and i am curious about the views and feelings on this from a slaves point of view. i was raised very opposite and i love my Master, i want to work past my raising to be all that he deserves. Is there any way or view that my help?
Ds slave

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 9

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 4:31:49 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Since you asked this on this board instead of the poly board, I'm voicing my opinion and experience.

First, define "poly". For the vast majority of "Dominant" males or "Masters" it means He gets to have heterosexual sex with as many females as He chooses and each of those females are required to have heterosexual sex with only Him. In that definition, I see no conflict with the slave being monogomous because she is required to be so in this type of relationship.

Others have poly families where there may or may not be one Head of the Household and each member is a valued and necessary member of that family with the freedom to love the other members as their emotions dictate. Sex between the family members may or may not happen, and if it does it is simply an expression of their love for each other.

Still others have polyamorous relationships where all members are free to explore their love and sexuality with others within an open and honest primary relationship.

If you are monogomous, that's fine. The conflict occurs when your desire is for others in your relationship to also be mongomous. To me, it is also a conflict when one is polyamorous but requires others to be monogomous. I have never understood why it is nearly always the slave/sub who is called insecure and otherwise made to feel badly if they have this mono/poly conflict.

You say you are "happily owned". So what exactly is the problem? Are you projecting a possible future conflict? If so, my view regarding that is not to borrow tomorrow's troubles for today.

Here's the secret. Your upbringing is a foundation, certainly, but you can build whatever you want! You can even construct your life to extend beyond the foundation!

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 10

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 7:17:51 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InControl754

Those who cling to their religious upbringing tend to disagree, but they are only blindly following their upbringing without a pros and cons list (Now, I can't say this applies to all of them, and I can't speak for them...but I would bet on it) .

That's one hell of a broad brush you're painting with, boy.

Just like wild fowl are naturally monogamous, so are some humans. If, op, you are naturally monogamous then you shouldn't be in this relationship. Beyond that, I would like to know if he told you that he was poly when you met, or when he first wrote to you if you met online. Because if he waited until after you were collared to reveal the truth then your problems are a lot greater then his orientation.

Honest people tell this upfront. Liars do a bait and switch. And if he's a liar by deliberately having represented himself as monogamous until after the collaring, then he will continue to lie. You won't be able to trust him to use condoms all the time, you won't be able to trust that he'll use them with you if you're restrained. You won't be able to trust that he claims he knows each of his other partners for several months before engaging sexually with them nor will you be able to trust that he's done std scan exchanges with all of them.

You won't be able to trust that they know about you, or that he isn't lying to them also. Have you been offered the chance to meet all of his others? Form a friendship, work out boundaries that each of you will commit to?

How about you having multiple partners? Or are you supposed to sit at home while he's out with the unknown others?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to InControl754)

Post #: 11

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 7:40:03 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

I'm a slave in a poly relationship, and this poly is based on multiple LOVES first, not sex partners. I was raised to be monogamous like the op, but found throughout my life that I was capable of loving more than one person at a time and never knew what to do with it. I spent a lot of time in guilt and caused much pain with the women in my life as a result.

My present situation is one where I'm deeply in love with my Owner/Domina, and her family. I have not been confronted with the prospect of multiple loves yet, as we're so new and She's so complete. (and She probably wouldn't take too kindly to the idea. lol.)

Anyhow, these can be very sticky situations for all involved, so whatever is happening for you right now op, I wish you all the best, and don't forget to protect your own heart and life. Keep your eyes open, because more often than not, it is us subbies who eventually have to face homelessness and get shoved out in the cold when relationships fail........

_____________________________

Proud and devoted collared servant of D~

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 11:49:23 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

~FR~

In addition to the good advice already posted and the recommendation to sift through the threads on the polyamory board, I'd like to suggest a book by award-winning sex educator Tristan Taormino called Opening Up. I've done considerable research on polyamory, in addition to conducting my own polyamorous relationships since I was 17. Opening Up is, by far, one of the best books on the market. You'll hear about other books, such as The Ethical Slut, but I consider Taormino's work superior. It has realistic, practical advice for how to handle common issues such as jealousy, fluid-bonding, relationship negotiation, and more. It's available from Amazon.com and it's a very easy read.

Please do yourself a favor and pick up this and any other polyamory-positive books you can find. I'll be happy to supply a list if you'd like one.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 13

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 3:24:47 PM

mstrslve4fun

Posts: 60
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

If you are monogomous, that's fine. The conflict occurs when your desire is for others in your relationship to also be mongomous. To me, it is also a conflict when one is polyamorous but requires others to be monogomous. I have never understood why it is nearly always the slave/sub who is called insecure and otherwise made to feel badly if they have this mono/poly conflict.

Brava!!!

< Message edited by mstrslve4fun -- 12/30/2009 3:26:57 PM >

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 14

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 8:02:30 PM

lilsub83

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/23/2009
Status: offline

First I want to say thank you to everyone who has commented. I am still new to this life as a slave to begin with. I am not really questioning my wants or his. I am more asking how slaves who like myself and were raised that monogomy is how it should be, how do they come to terms or realise that they want a more poly life, also how mono slaves who have gone poly have learned to "handle" this... I am happily owned and His being poly isnt an issue to me as i know where i belong, my meaning and my importance to HIM are. I am only looking for others who have been like me and have grown and how they were able to grow.

Ds slave

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)

Post #: 15

RE: poly slaves - 12/30/2009 10:28:33 PM

MargueriteV

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/5/2009
Status: offline

Do you have the option to be with someone other than him if you wanted to?

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 16

RE: poly slaves - 1/2/2010 7:22:07 PM

blmtrsne

Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline

I'd love it when you could live whit a lot of people you like and sleep with whoever you feel like and.... wait, we had that in the sixties and it didn't work.
I just think our society is not ready (legally, religion f.i.) for those kind of situations. After a while there is always a legal problem, what about the children, what if someone leaves the group etc....
I have a few exemples here in Belgium where people divorce and meet someone new: most of the time they get in a bad situation because of child-support to be payed, loans to be rediscussed.... The new family needs a few spare rooms because a child comes to visit now and then (the child has a room at his mothers and fathers place). Parents tend to disrespect each-other and so on. It's a situation few can afford.

_____________________________

-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to MargueriteV)

Post #: 17

RE: poly slaves - 1/2/2010 8:26:57 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

slaves who like myself and were raised that monogomy is how it should be

Presumably, you were not raised as a slave. So if you were raised on a monogamy concept, that is pretty much how everybody in the US gets raised (Tiger Woods' kids excepted, I guess

). So if you transplant your (presumably) vanilla upbringing into your life as a slave, you are, to me, doing something very illogical. You now live a different life, so why would the standards in your upbringing automatically become part of your slave life?

I switched at some point in my vanilla life, which has its own issues - "I don't think you love me any more" - "Why? I feel about you the same way I always have" - "Because you are never jealous when I spend time with my boyfriend". Swear to God.

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 18

RE: poly slaves - 1/2/2010 10:00:29 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilsub83

First I want to say thank you to everyone who has commented. I am still new to this life as a slave to begin with. I am not really questioning my wants or his. I am more asking how slaves who like myself and were raised that monogomy is how it should be, how do they come to terms or realise that they want a more poly life, also how mono slaves who have gone poly have learned to "handle" this... I am happily owned and His being poly isnt an issue to me as i know where i belong, my meaning and my importance to HIM are. I am only looking for others who have been like me and have grown and how they were able to grow.

Ds slave

The question several have asked and you haven't answered was did you know going into this that he wanted a poly situation?

There really is no how it "should" be. There is what you and your partner want out of the relationship. There are quite a few people here who are slaves and are quite monogamous.

If you knew he wanted this kind of relationship going in, then it is completely understandable, since you accepted that, to want to now learn to understand how to deal with it. However, on the other hand, if you entered into this, and as someone "new" he is now telling you this and saying that this is how it "should" be, you need to realize that isn't true.

I am not into polyamorous relationships. It is not my thing. However, my understanding is that many define "poly" in different ways. Very few define "poly" as a situation where you are his slave and he can just go out and play with whoever strikes his fancy. There are many that are ok with that as well, but it really isn't poly. It is more him just wanting to play with whoever he wants while still having you there as a "constant." From what I have seen, most consider poly to be where there are "permanent" members of the family who live together in harmony (sorry if that sounds cliche). Just like couples who are into "swinging" are not typically considered "poly" either.

There is a big difference between multiple people having an ongoing relationship and a guy wanting to screw any woman who strikes his fancy.

I'm not saying that your master is wanting to do that, but far too often, someone who is "new" to this life will get "told" that being a slave, they "should" accept this, that or the other thing, and it just isn't true. About the only constant truth is that if one identifies as a sub/slave, they are giving up some control to their dominant partner. Even how much control is only what works for the parties involved.

So....did you know this going in? Or was this something he recently told you and informed you that you need to learn to accept?

(in reply to lilsub83)

Post #: 19

RE: poly slaves - 1/3/2010 10:05:26 PM

lilsub83

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/23/2009
Status: offline

Oh yes i knew going in, in fact i knew His other sub... I knew He was poly and kind of knew what it meant. When we started talking about me being His He explained more about what He meant. Also I am not the type to just believe what Im told, Im much too skeptical for that. I wanted to learn about this from a slaves point so that I could learn more about the dynamics of what it Means to be poly. As for what He is thinking its not having a harem of women, but me as a constant slave and then another sub or 2 to serve Him on occasion but not live with us. So Im not sure if that truly qualifies as poly or not.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 20

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