Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 3:19:29 AM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		Back in the "good ol' days", before caller ID, we used to while away our youthful hours making silly phone calls. Remember the classics like, "Is your refrigerator running? Then go chase it!" or "Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Let him out!".

They were annoying but relatively harmless. Of more concern were the obscene phone calls, where there would be heavy breathing, or lewd and rude suggestions. As more and more people got caller ID, these obscene callers would resort to calling 24 hour customer service numbers because they couldn't be traced, and because they were sure to reach a live human!

So tell me, do you recall any obscene or strange phone calls from back in the day that were actually pretty funny? As this thread goes on, I will tell you about my foot fetishist, who also turned out to be into water sports, the Tickle Guy who would call the company I worked for at 3 am, and the cross-dresser...and perhaps even more!

But here's my first obscene phone caller, when I was but a young lass of 18.

*Ring*
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, is (first name of my mom) in?
Me: (A bit bewildered, because she had moved out to be with her new hubby, and left me and my bro in our original house about six months previously) I'm sorry, she isn't in, may I help you, or take a message? (See how polite I was? I always give good phone!)
Him: Well, I'm a friend of hers, and I was calling to invite her to a party.
Me: I'm sorry, but I don't expect her in any time soon, may I help you?
Him: Well, if she's out of town, perhaps you might like to come instead. It's a costume party. Do you want to know what I'm going to be wearing? I'm going to be wearing lacy stockings with garters, high heels, and a beautiful dress...
Me: Click

So a year or two goes by, my mom is still living about 150 miles away, so we rarely get calls for her anymore. Then one day, the phone rings and...

Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, is (Insert Mom's name) in? I wanted to invite her to a party...
Me: (Vague recollections of hearing this voice before wafting through my brain...) Ummm...no, she isn't in, and I don't expect her any time soon, may I help you?
Him: Well, I'm having a party, and I wanted to invite her...do you want to hear what I'm going to wear?
Me: Probably the same damned thing you were going to wear the last time you called!
Him: EEEP! Click!


So have at it, let's hear your amusing tales of obscenity before caller ID and chat rooms!





Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 3:52:28 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		If you want to call me and practice, I have a couple of minutes. 555- BR549 or 867-5309.



< Message edited by Level -- 12/30/2009 3:54:02 AM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 5:19:27 AM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		Hmmm, tempting, but...no!

Come on Level, fess up! Tell us about all of those naughty calls you made in the old days!

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 5:24:23 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		This isn't exactly what you asked for, but...

About 25 or 30 years ago, I used to get calls from belligerent drunks at 2 or 3 in the morning, asking for women.  When I told them I lived alone, I got called a liar and ended up in a one sided argument.

Eventually, I figured it out.  When women got hit on in bars, they made up a fake phone number to get rid of the idiot.  It was my bad luck that it was my number they came up with.  I just never figured out why they waited until the small hours to call.

And their attitude started the minute a male voice answered the phone.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 5:36:17 AM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		Dang, just realized where I've seen that number Level used...I was thinking about the poor SOB's who had "Jenny's" number for realz. I was watching something on MTV or VH1 about how people in all area codes would get phone calls from peeps just to see if "Jenny" was there!

Sorry I'm being so slow this morning Level!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 6:23:02 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I remember that Jenny's number was a real one, and the people who had it had to change it....

It is now... Echo Valley 26809


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 6:58:12 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I remember when I lived in miami, the phone rang about 2 in the morning and I answered the convo went about like this:


Me: hello?
male caller: *babbles something in loud spanish*
Me: nolo Comprendo Espanol
Male caller: *more spanish*
Me: No Habla Espanol
male caller:  "Fuck you"  *click*

I guess he knew some English afterall
Welcome to miami

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 3:43:11 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRosalyn

Dang, just realized where I've seen that number Level used...I was thinking about the poor SOB's who had "Jenny's" number for realz. I was watching something on MTV or VH1 about how people in all area codes would get phone calls from peeps just to see if "Jenny" was there!

Sorry I'm being so slow this morning Level!



Did you recognize the other phone number? It's from Hee Haw

I never made sexual prank calls, but me and a buddy did do the pizza delivery to a hated teacher routine; we called two different pizza shops, and sent them to the teacher's house, and on the third call, a voice boomed out, "so you are the ones making all these calls!".

I came very close to making pizza dough in my shorts at that moment lol, it freaked me out. I still have no idea how it happnened.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 3:43:34 PM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline 		Once upon a time, in the bad old days, my brother was doing phone surveys and of course, people were a bit less than polite. So whenever someone was really rude to him, he would just say, "Fuck you very much! and hang up. Ahhh! The days before caller ID!

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 3:49:20 PM   
MistressRosalyn


Posts: 908
Joined: 8/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


Did you recognize the other phone number? It's from Hee Haw

I never made sexual prank calls, but me and a buddy did do the pizza delivery to a hated teacher routine; we called two different pizza shops, and sent them to the teacher's house, and on the third call, a voice boomed out, "so you are the ones making all these calls!".

I came very close to making pizza dough in my shorts at that moment lol, it freaked me out. I still have no idea how it happnened.


I don't recognize that number at all, and I did watch Hee Haw...loved the Gossip routine and the Gloom, Despair, and Agony routine.

Hmmm...that gossip one is perfect for the boards here...

"Now, we're not ones to go round spreadin' rumors,
Really we're just not the gossipin' kind
No, you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip,
So you'd better be sure and listen close the first time!"

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 4:12:37 PM   
LadyMondenschein


Posts: 88
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline 		When I used to baby sit back in the high school days, one of my charges used to like to look up women in the phone book, then call and say in a rather worried voice, "I don't know how to tell you this, but your husband got me pregnant". This girl was 8 years old & I was 15 @ the time. Instead of admonishing her, I encouraged her, cause I thought it was uproariously funny. I still do..and I went ahead and called someone I randomly chose & said the same thing. The woman I called said, "yeah, bitch , you gonna need to go to the hospital fo' to git mah foot out yo' ass!" lolololol
Twisted sense of humor in the making.
Another time, someone from an insurance agency called when I was staying with my mom. The sickly sweet voice of the woman on the other end asked for my father. (he'd been deceased five years). I told her I would take a message and asked what company she was calling from.. She told me and advised that it was urgent that she speak with him. I told her that he was not interested in what she was selling. So she replied, "well, I don't know that, DEAR> I haven't heard from him". I told her that if she'd wanted to hear from him, she should hold a seance because he's been dead for five years and proceeded to hang up on her audible gasp.
Happy New Year

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 4:25:37 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Obscene? No. However I bet I've taken a lot of calls that generated obscenities.

As a budding sadist - I NEVER got a wrong number. No matter what, or who, they asked for I was always there to take a 'critical' message, give advice, or authorize an appointment time.

My favorite one was while working for as an assistant manager of a bank and one of the clerks telling me the person on the phone was complaining that we wouldn't take back her son's trumpet because they had purchased it 4 months ago. Although she was told by at least 3 other people this wasn't the music store she wanted she was too hysterical and screaming at people to hear anything. Apparently her husband had gone to the music store and heard from them that the time had expired for a refund. Apparently she was really pissed off about that, and wouldn't take no for an answer, screaming at everyone until she got to me; "finally someone who was nice and able to help her".

First I told her that yes, I was the store manager Mr. Balboa, the same name I used when calling on people for collections if anyone wonders about the reference. I listened to her story. Her son wanted the trumpet but found out he needed braces and now wouldn't be able to take lessons. First I tried to get her to trade it in for a drum set - but she wouldn't. I then said to let me hear her son play it. She actually made him play a few notes for me over the phone. I said to her I was a part time professional musician and could tell by his 'lip-action' that, with practice, he could be the next Louie Armstrong! She said she knew he had talent but said that the braces would be on for at least 2 years and she could use the refund to help pay for them.

I then told her that I'm sure she appreciated that the big problem was germs; although she could take off the mouthpiece and boil it, the rest of the instrument was still a problem. I told her if only she could somehow boil it for an hour, perhaps I'd be able to do something. She said she didn't have a large enough pot for the process. I said to her; "well, a new pot will cost you only a small portion of refund you are looking for, maybe you'd consider buying a large pot?" Then I said, "That's not going to help though unless you are also prepared to polish it up to look like new."

Well, she jumped on the idea! I could hear her shout to her husband to go on another mission to get a big pot. She said she'd already had all the polishing supplies, in fact she told me my store was willing to take them back because they weren't opened; but would be willing to sacrifice the $7 polish in order to get back the $350 (A lot of money back in those days) for the trumpet.

That was it! She said it would take her awhile but would be in personally the next morning with the trumpet. She thanked me for my help. I told her that I was not going to be there in the morning but to be sure to tell the salesman that you spoke to Mr. Balboa, on the phone yesterday and make sure you let them know you boiled the trumpet for an hour and polished it up. She said if it took all night she was going to make that trumpet shine like new and bring it in the next morning. She thanked me again profusely, and hung up.

Okay - not really an "Obscene Phone Call" but I confident that the next morning's scene at the music store involved obscenities? I only wish I knew which store it was and arranged to have been there when it happened.

I miss getting wrong numbers!

I've got a few stories like that to tell about wrong numbers and prank calls. Calling a funeral home and having a hearse sent to a house of someone who pissed me off once at 1:00am is my next favorite. Didn't have a horse head available but he still got the message.

Ahhhhh, the memories of a sadist's mispent youth...

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 12/30/2009 4:33:24 PM >

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 4:31:27 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:


Did you recognize the other phone number? It's from Hee Haw


It's a band, too!  (I'm sure named from Hee Haw)


< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 12/30/2009 4:32:16 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 4:35:54 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Merc, you are one sick man.  I love that!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 5:32:46 PM   
rockspider


Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		You phone a guy at midnite and ask for Freddie.
He of course answers that there is no Freddie living there.
Repeat at 1, 2,3 and 4 am where the guy get more and more pissed of.
5 am you phone and say: Hi, this is Freddie. I wondered if anybody have phoned?

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 5:42:22 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		Back in the day, my friend got a good one.  The guy was very professional sounding, so she trusted him.  It went something like this:

Him:  Hello, may I please speak to Marilyn?
Friend:  This is she.
Him:  I represent Hanes Hosiery and we are conducting a survey.  Do you have a few moments to participate?
Friend:  Sure
Him:  So please tell me, where do you purchase your hosiery:  department store, discount store, specialty shop, grocery store, drug store, or somewhere else?
Friend:  Department store.
Him:  And how often do you purchase hosiery?
Friend:  Once a month or so.
Him:  Do you typically buy pantihose, or stockings?
Friend:  Panty hose.
Him:  What color do you buy?
Friend:  Usually nude, sometimes black.
Him:  (starting to breathe a little heavy):  And do you wear panties with your panty hose?
Friend:  Isn't that a little personal?
Him (breathing heavier):  Are you wearing panties now?
Friend:  <click>

She said she felt like such a fool, but he had such a pleasant, professional sounding voice, she fell for it.

Another time, I got an embarassing one.  When I was in college, I worked in a Real Estate office.  My boss managed a number of apartment buildings and he would run ads regarding the apartments for rent.  One day, I answered a call and was enthusastically telling a man about one of the apartments.  Suddenly, he sounded like he was having a heart attack.  I said, "Sir, are you alright?" with a tone of grave concern.  Several real estate agents were hanging around the office that morning and turned to look at me.  The guy said, "I'm coming....wish I could come in your mouth."  I turned bright red and slammed down the receiver.  The real estate agents could only imagine what the guy had said and burst out laughing.  I didn't think it was particularly funny at the time.

(in reply to MistressRosalyn)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 6:23:17 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		I just remembered another one my Grandma, who was 90 something at the time, got.  The call came when my sister was visiting and went something like this:

Grandma:  Hello?
Caller:  Hey, Mama, I want to give you all of my 10 inches.
Grandma:  Excuse me, son, I can't hear you.  Would you please speak up?
Caller:  Hey, Mama, I want to give you all of my 10 inches (speaking louder)
Grandma:  I'm sorry, I still can't hear you. (sister takes phone away from Grandma at this point).
Sister:  Hello, who is this?
Caller:  Hey, Mama, I want to give you all of my 10 inches.  Whatcha gonna do with it?
Sister:  PLUNGE IT INTO A VAT OF ACID!!! (yells and slams down phone).
Grandma:  Now Carol, why were you so rude to that nice young man?

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 9:23:02 PM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		When I was working in Tulsa, we had a few nuts that would dial 911 when they were bored, drunk, off their meds...whatever.  Anyway, our favortie was this kid named Tommy...he'd call, and if he got a male, he'd immediately hangup...he was actually one of the rare nuts who'd call the non-emergency line....no E-911.  He'd call, and if he got a male, he'd immediately hangup.  When he'd get a female operator, he'd tell us that he stole panties from Wal-Mart and that he'd been bad.  While he's talking to the woman, he's obviously jerking off.  If we were busy, or didn't feel like dealing with him, we'd just tell him to go to bed, and he'd hang up and do so.....but one night, one of the girls was just as bored as Tommy was, so she sat and talked to him until he'd finished his business.  At which point, he politely thanked her, hung up and left us alone for about 3 days.

On a different note, I've figured out a great way to get off the telemarkerters lists....they call, ask for me, I tell them I'm my sister, and that "I" was killed in an accident "last night".......they tend to hang up real quick after that, and I've nevre gotten a repeat call from them!  Evil?  Yeah....but that's me!

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/30/2009 10:02:37 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		When I lived in a small town in Louisiana, I had an obscene phone caller for about a year.  On the first call, he just started talking like he was a friend of mine, and I really thought it was.  After a few minutes, I realized it wasn't who I thought it was, and I ended up hanging up.

He continued to call me, sometimes a few times a week, occasionally not for several weeks.  It's been over 20 years; I can't remember exactly what he said to get me to keep talking to him, maybe I was bored.  We talked about all kinds of things, of course lots of sexual stuff, and he was one of the first people that I ever REALLY told about all the deep dark places in my brain.  It was safe to talk, it was a stranger... after all, I didn't know him, right?  Right?

Well, one day after about a year, he says to me, "do you want to know who I am?" and I asked him if he knew me (which I had asked numerous times previously and was always told "no").  He said, "yes you know me" and I hung up and didn't answer the phone the rest of the day.

A few days later he called again and repeated the question.  This time I said "yes" because wondering who it was had to be worse than facing the truth.  Well, it turns out it was the husband of the medical assistant who worked for my ob/gyn.  I moved out of a rental house (because my roommate flaked on rent and I couldn't afford it alone) and into an apartment.  Part of my deal with the owner of the house, in order to avoid having to put up a security deposit, was my promise that I would find someone to rent it if I ever moved out.  So I found them to rent it.

After I moved out, not all of my mail was forwarded.  When they started getting catalogs (Adam & Eve and naughty toy catalogs) at the old house addressed to me, he figured that I probably was one of those freaky girls and might be receptive to some naughty talk.  So he looked up my number and started calling.

Freaky girls.  Sigh.  If he only knew.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to soul2share)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever - 12/31/2009 1:25:55 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		I get phone calls asking for Best Buy in Longview TX.  I am patient and give them the correct number (simple transposing of the numbers).  No complaints and the folks are glad that I remember the number for them to dial.

_____________________________

Goddess of Yarn

You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> The Best Obscene Phone Calls Ever Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094