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LafayetteLady -> RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman (1/4/2010 11:02:21 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
LafayetteLady, again, if you read the thread, then you'll see there has already been quite a bit of discussion about my avatar. I particularly like this commentary by Panda and this commentary by Elan, two men who have earned over time the reputation for being mature, well-balanced and strong submissive men.
That said, you, like many, take a picture out of context. Have you read my profile? I highly doubt it. And are you of the camp of women that think that the moment I show facets of my sexuality that I should be treated like a whore? I would hope that as a strong woman you would not espouse such archaic and mysoginistic views.
Actually, I did read your profile AND looked at the photos and images you have on that profile. You are failing to see one very important thing. At no time did I say I think your avatar or your pictures are bad, inappropriate or anything else. What I said is that they are presenting the your position as a female dominant is a sexualized way. I also didn't say that I thought there was anything "wrong" with the way your profile is written or that it wasn't "well balanced." What I said was that there are ways that it presents the image that you are saying you don't like. A man posts a crotch shot, the "menacing glare" (as Domiguy put it) and a body shot of himself standing in front of some BDSM equipement in leather holding a whip. He instructs people writing to him to call him "Sir" or "Master." You post quite a lovely piece of artwork (remember I didn't say that I didn't LIKE it, only that it presents the kind of image that will perpetuate the fantasy), photos of your breasts and high heels with a crop, a short skirt and a cane (you have nice legs by the way), and instruct people writing to you to call you "LadyAngelika" and nothing else. I don't think that any woman should be called a whore unless she likes it. But those facets of your sexuality are of the "fetish" variety. So when people respond to that fetish initially, what sense is there to be upset about it. It's kind of like a woman wearing a blouse that is cut down to her navel and then not understanding why anyone would stare at it.
You are letting them know that you intend to take charge from the very beginning and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. What I SAID was that when you present pictures that represent the "fetish," to then complain if people respond too much to the fantasy, you kind of set yourself up.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Oh come on. Really? You don't see a difference. Come LadyLafayette, surely you are brighter than this.
Actually beneath his "quips" and one liners, osf has presented some thought provoking questions. Many of them, like yours, discussing terminology and his dislike of some of the same. Yes, he started here as a blazing asshole, but it doesn't mean that everything he has posted is complete trash.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I offered up one definition of the word. I am always open to debating definitions. Take a look at some of my recent threads where I've actually told people that I welcome a new definition. I do prefer however when someone offers up a new definition with a soupçon less of hostility ;-) This is supposed to be an intelligent debate.
You can "debate" definitions all you want. However, Merriam Webster's definitions aren't really open to debate about whether they are correct or incorrect. Typically in intelligent debate, one doesn't attempt to insult another's intelligence when presented with a different position than what they were hoping for. Debate by it's very nature is the discussion of more than one side of an issue, not a bunch of people simply supporting and applauding the original thought. Your view of my "hostility" seems to be based on the fact that you don't like others not supporting your view and pointing out that your statements and your presentation of yourself are somewhat contradictory.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I think you are confounding over-fetishizing with sensuality. There is nothing wrong with fetishes. I wrote on another thread yesterday that I've been known to raise a level of concern when it comes to what I call the over-fetishization of something and this has been known to stir debate. But a certain degree of fetish is fine, even fun, as long as we don't lose track of the human aspect (this is a value judgement, I know, and I openly admit I have a bias).
I don't see it as "over-fetishization." Every woman on this site, regardless of identifying as dominant or submissve is going to be contacted by those who we all call "wankers." The guys who jump right into wanting to web cam, cyber or talk about the kinky side of things. They aren't "over-fetishizating," they are players who come here thinking it is the place to find a quick lay. Those types of guys pretty much think all the women here on either side of the kneel are "whores," women who like to get laid and play. Then there are the guys who will send polite emails asking about the woman as a person, who want to find out if there can be any common ground so they can have an intelligent conversation after the play is over, who want someone to share their life with. I believe that the people who are here searching for a life partner, not simply a playmate are all here because our sexual preferences or lifestyle preferences are important enough to us that we want to make sure the people we speak with have that in common with us first. The problem is that because we have those preferences, and because we are seeking like minded people on a site like this, we also have to put up with the ones who are looking for not much more than fufilling short fantasies.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Really. Me, holder of the handle "LadyAngelika" on suck sites like Collarme, is the cause of the over-fetishization of dominant women? Wow, I didn't realize I was so influential! Damn!
Ok, sarcasm aside. Let me rewind to page 1...
To the Dommes, how do you deal with this? Does this ever discourage you? What do you do get out of that headspace? Is there anything that can be done to get a man who you think is worth the time and effort out of this headspace?
To everyone else, constructive and practical advice as well as your perspective is always welcome of course :-)
Are these the words of a woman who's complaing or are these the words of a woman who is looking for solutions?
To throw your own words back at you, surely YOU are more intelligent than this? If you think that there is "over-fetishization" and it is bothering you, then YOU as one person can choose not to accept it, YOU as one person can do your part to keep it from happening in YOUR life. Or do you feel this is a "cause" that everyone needs to be aware of so that the group as a whole can put a stop to it some way. You asked how to "deal with this." I gave you a suggestion on how YOU personally can help eliminate it from YOUR life. It was constructive and practical just like you asked. Obviously, changing how YOU approach the matter was not the solution you were looking for.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
See an earlier point in the post about this. Or better yet, read the thread! I guaratee you that if you read it with an open mind, you'll be enlightened by it because there have been some fabulous responses by others.
- LA
I did read the other posts, all of which spoke ONLY of your avatar. Your condescension is obvious as well as humorous. To be honest, I like your avatar, I see nothing wrong with your profile and again, never said at any point that there was something "wrong" with it. I pointed out that there are several ways that it is fetish driven. There is of course nothing wrong with a fetish driven profile on a fetish site. There is however, something wrong though when you complain about people approaching you too keyed up about the fetish. The men worth knowing who want more than a playmate are not going to be interested only in that. From reading a good number of posts on the "Ask a Mistress" board, it seems there are just as many, if not more submissive men that are clueless as there are dominant men who think it is great to open with "on your knees bitch." There are also a good number of both submissive and dominant men who are looking for more than that.
Just because someone re-phrases things and writes a lengthy commentary on what goes wrong trying to find someone doesn't make it any less of a complaint than the ones who write the short "why are there so many wankers and fakes" on this site. Sorry you don't "approve" of my opinion. Then again, I never asked you to. You asked for others opinions on the matter, so when someone doesn't necessarily agree with your viewpoint, perhaps you need to be a bit more open minded and realize that while your thoughts and opinions are not invalid, neither are mine.
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