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RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:27:06 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...However, once beth has completed her morning tasks for me I'll assign her the task of pointing to some specific examples. I'm sure she'll do it with much more sensitivity...


for those looking for more specific examples of the theme, these two current threads and some of the responses contained within sparked this slave's curiosity:

Not quite sure how to continue...

need help, advice, opinions, thoughts

the thrust of this thread is not being specific to either situation, but just the general gist of the reception of and the advice given to an otherwise non-D/s oriented person, sometimes either affectionately or disdainfully described as "vanilla", who is faced with the situation of their partner's desire for receiving dominance that isn't inherent to their nature and/or a satisfying role for them to "act".



Ive always thought these threads where people are telling a specific type of man to "act" a certain way are wrong.

I didnt see that as breaking a dominant though. I saw it as trying to take a vanilla person or more submissive leaning man and have him "act dominant". Im not one in the "change for another camp."

I was married to a Laidback sort of guy. He didnt change, i was forced to be a certain type of way because he didnt act on anything. decisions had to be made by me along with financial ones. It stressed me to the core. It was a major player in who I am now and what I want. No amount of counseling changed him.

Those threads, I found it odd that many dominants were telling him how to act dominant.I think a person should be themselves. Where a marriage to a person where one is kinky and another not, will go is difficult.

It is possible for a man to try the kink and find he takes to it. After all, Men have to get passed their conditioning sometimes to get to their baser instincts. They have to trust the person they are with.

Many men who may want to be dominant fear getting in trouble with the law and all of society and figuring out what exactly a dominant is with what is portrayed in books. Nice guys can be dominant and not assholes.

But i dont see that as breaking or making a dominant. I see that as a person becoming themselves if it is truly within them.

A person who is passive may be able to top and a domineering person may be able to bottom. Passive is not submissive and Domineering isnt dominant.

But I dont see someone passive as being able to be broken into dominance.



_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
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(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:27:37 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

it isn't about folks with the dominant inclination or desire or inherent nature...it's about those whose contentment lies in the conventional. who have no interest in either a BDSM scene with their partner or simply being served in some D/s fashion...until their partner confronts them with "submission", inspired by a romance novel or internet porn or fantasy come-of-age of some sort.


Greetings beth. Happy new year.

That's a tough call then. I feel for people like the guy in the first post. Although I may at time give advice and want to give advice to help someone out. I do it sparingly because..I'm not a therapist of any sort and I just don't know enough about that persons plight to give the proper advice to begin with.

People love a good soap opera so you'll see plenty that will step up tp the plate and try instead of giving maybe better advice..Go to a marriage counselor..maybe one that's lifestyle friendly. Anything other than that is irresponsible if you ask me..We are dealing with peoples lives after all. What makes us think because we have spent 10 or 20 years spanking a females ass that we are now qualified to give professional advice on relationships? Especially without asking any questions like most don't. Ego's maybe?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:28:24 AM   
DarlingSavage


Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline 		For me, as a submissive, while I have some limits, I mainly wish to please someone, not anyone, but that One person that brings it out of me. It isn't there for everyone. However, I have no desire to ask that person to do something that is beyond their limits, just as I would not want them to take me beyond my own, at least not abruptly. I know that for myself, for that One that inspired my submissive nature, I would probably do almost anything they asked of me. But I have little to no experience, just going by my own fantasies. So, there may be plenty of limits that I know absolutely nothing about.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:28:25 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		could we better say breaking in a dominant?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:30:35 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Good point, I've found that it's fairly difficult to make converts, most people either have an interest and a talent for it, or they don't.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:32:25 AM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I think anything that doesnt bend will break.

you can also bend it till it breaks

Well yes, substances that arent made to bend will break if you bend them.

In truth it depends how ductile the person is (interpersonal ductility index) and that is a measure of how large their plastic region is. As we all know every human being has this elastic region where if you try to stretch them with a certain force and then remove the force they return to their original dimension if however you stretch them beyond that force they remain permanently deformed. Then you can keep on stretching them until they finally meet their yield point and break.

This is how material science works I'm not sure how that then relates to human psychology.

We tend to look for something hoping it is 100% right for us or 70% right with the potential for 30% change. What we don't consider is that 30% of that change could occur randomly in the wrong direction. Just ask all those people that introduced someone to their world secretly wanting a Dominant but instead got a submissive or vice versa (when someone is immersed in something for the first time nobody knows what desires within them that'll create). So you say 'here look exists this world where people submit to one another' and out of the new people that are intrigued by it 33.3% will initially desire to submit to another, 33.3% will initially desire to dominate another and 33.3% will be initially attracted to both prospects. (I don't know the exact percentages here).

This is just one aspect that separates what we look for in an individual then we have to move onto the many different activities we enjoy and finding someone to cater for those (which is even more unlikely to happen naturally or by chance). So is it any wonder, considering all the different preferences, that we end up trying to change people beyond what they are or have agreed to be for us? The chances of finding someone off the shelf being exactly what you need is so unlikely, even with the invention of the internet, and this search has been going on long before that. Thus I say both sides of the equation have to accept others are going to try and influence them to change their desires but whether or not they do change is and always has been personal choice. I don't see it as wrong to ask but it is obviously wrong to pressure, when you get the answer ‘no’ so many times you should be able to predict after a while what the next answer will be. There are things I have no real desire to do but could be convinced to try, there are things I have no desire to do but where the desire could be created within me and there are the things I know for a fact I will never do.

I only posted this because people were talking about materials and I thought: great something I know about!

< Message edited by SL4V3M4YB3 -- 1/2/2010 10:39:08 AM >

_____________________________

Memory Lane...been there done that.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:37:23 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
some of us can in a way be needy too

In your case, that's quite obvious.  Co-dependency, however, is not Dominance.  Another subject entirely.

And if that is who you are, someone seeking to find their other co-dependent half, and you find a way to make it work, being who you are, you'll never hear a word out of Me.  What I am attempting to discuss here are when the incompatibilities are not allowing for solution where BOTH participants are happy,


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:39:05 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
some of us can in a way be needy too

In your case, that's quite obvious.  Co-dependency, however, is not Dominance.  Another subject entirely.

And if that is who you are, someone seeking to find their other co-dependent half, and you find a way to make it work, being who you are, you'll never hear a word out of Me.  What I am attempting to discuss here are when the incompatibilities are not allowing for solution where BOTH participants are happy,



in all respect, you do not really know me or much about me

i'm not the person you seem to think i am

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:40:20 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		and i meant highly desirous of the relationship and i see nothing undomly about that

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:42:30 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		in a way if we weren't in need of this nilla would do us just fine

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:45:08 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
some of us can in a way be needy too

In your case, that's quite obvious.  Co-dependency, however, is not Dominance.  Another subject entirely.

And if that is who you are, someone seeking to find their other co-dependent half, and you find a way to make it work, being who you are, you'll never hear a word out of Me.  What I am attempting to discuss here are when the incompatibilities are not allowing for solution where BOTH participants are happy,



in all respect, you do not really know me or much about me

i'm not the person you seem to think i am

My opinion of you is irrelevant to the discussion.

Unless I am mistaken, the original premise of the OP is how those who are in areas that are not compatible with themselves are often led to advice that would not fit their non Dominant personalities.


ETA, in rejection of your current attempt to hijack this thread, I am here, and in many other discussions, on record for saying that 'needs' are those things that support life.  All other things are wants to varying degrees.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 1/2/2010 10:47:30 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:46:11 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

My opinion of you is irrelevant to the discussion.


Why did you give it then.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:46:38 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		then why did you bring it up in such a personal manner?

i'm trying to get along with you but you are making it difficult

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:47:38 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		hear hear


_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:48:37 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

i'm trying to get along with you but you are making it difficult


Just my opinion:

That may be where you are going wrong.. There are some idiot Dominant's/Domme's that see that as blood in the water and being the sharks that they are..It's only natural.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:48:55 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

It is possible I am not all here today. In the "not quite sure how to continue" thread. The op was asking for advice on how to dominate his wife when HE wanted other than when SHE was in the mood.

I thought he recieved some excellent advice. yes I thought some of it was mine...:) But Ron seemed to have nailed it.

How is this breaking ?


Jeff



Actually, that isn't exactly what that OP was asking. He DID to his best to satisfy his wife, but she could see that he was doing it for her pleasure and that he didn't take the same amount of pleasure in it as she did. Most of the advice was to telling him that if he just kept "acting dominant" eventually it would stick. In fact, that was Ron's advice in a nutshell. Meanwhile, the wife was really only "inspired" to try it when reading various types of books, which indicate it isn't necessarily a full time desire on the wife's part either, so she probably isn't looking for hubby to tell her to fix his coffee or make "X" for dinner and make sure it is ready on time.

Those that continued to suggest a compromise, that each could have "their way" are likely to be most helpful. Calling the OP "lazy" is, I'm sorry to say, nothing more than ignorance. It is like suggesting to someone that because they aren't into ordering their partner around or wanting to put them over their knee is due to no more than them being too lazy to step up to the plate.

What I find really interesting is that more often than not, the "regulars" here who to ascribe to "high protocol" or very defined relationship roles are more often the ones that are likely to assure an OP in that type of situation that it is "ok" for them not to be anything more than they are and will kindly often not only advice and support on the thread but to have private discussions with them on the other side as well.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:49:40 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

My opinion of you is irrelevant to the discussion.


Why did you give it then.



Quite frankly, I did not.  If anyone would like to hear it, I will be more than happy to do so.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:50:19 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		its like a pride of lions on a gazelle

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:51:31 AM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		we were having a good thread till you came

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: 'Breaking' a Dominant - 1/2/2010 10:52:13 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

Quite frankly, I did not.


You mean you didn't give all of it. I personally don't care to hear garbage. Garbage in garbage out they say. I try to stay positive.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 80
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