LadyAngelika
Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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I always like to preface my posts with saying that these are my half formed ideas that I present for you for debate. If I want to talk about these things with you, it's not only because I don't have all the answers, it's even more often because I don't have all the questions ;-) None of the following is intended to judge anyone, I assure you.
Observation n° 1
Over on FL, I'm part of a group called Positive Sapiosexuality. Here is a definition of Sapiosexuality provided by the group leaders:
Sapiosexuality - a behavior of becoming attracted to or aroused by intelligence and its use. From the Latin root sapien, wise or intelligent, and Latin sexualis, relating to the sexes.
Yup! Apparently some consider it a fetish! I've also been known to say that between brains and brawn, if I really have to chose, I'll take brains. But a fetish? I'm not sure.
I've always understood fetishes to be focused on objects or body parts, but apparently some people are lumping intelligence, personality attributes (humour) and learned behaviours (chivalry) into the mix. I often joke around that intimacy is a fetish, as I can't achieve orgasm without it. I've always considered that playing with the concept of fetishes.
You may agree or disagree with this but before tackling that, consider observation n° 2.
Observation n° 2
I've been known to raise a level of concern when it comes to what I call the over-fetishization of something and this has been known to stir debate. But a certain degree of fetish is fine, even fun, as long as we don't lose track of the human aspect (this is a value judgement, I know, and I openly admit I have a bias).
Here in lies the crux. I've heard people say they have a big breast fetish, that they want a man with a six-pack or that they are an "ass man". Some love feet, shoes, rubber, rope, etc. While I think most think "meh, to each their own", I have perceived an underlying feeling of hostility by some about what it is ok to have a preference for, or fetishize.
So I come back to intelligence. It seems perfectly socially acceptable for a man to say "I only date intelligent woman". It is however most usually socially unacceptable for a man to say "I only date thin women". Both however are a preference. Moreover, for a woman with a learning disability, to become intelligent will be difficult. Equally, for a woman with weight issues, to become thin will be difficult. Yes, the same can be said about a man and I know that women are just as likely to make these statements. I will however say that men get often vilified when they say they prefer thin women, and yet when done respectfully, are simply stating their preference.
Sidenote: Why we have such a body type or intelligence can bring on the nature vs. nurture debate. I believe that this is however irrelevant to this point as I'll suggest that regardless of why, the path of who we are going to become in regards to our level of intelligence and our body type is set during childhood. This is why societies are so concerned with obese children and the state of schools. As we enter adulthood, we have followed a course for which modification would require a great deal of effort. What I'm proposing is that some of the fundamental aspects of who we are, that is level of intelligence, body type are things that we inherit from childhood and other things like body proportions, skin colour, texture, hair density and eye colour are something we inherit genetically and most of these are difficult (but not impossible) to change.
A woman can choose to invest in a boob job, or a man into a penis extension, either can pay a nutritionist and/or personal trainer, a woman gets coloured contacts, a man gets hair plugs, some can advance their schooling and get higher education... We can all make "self-improvements" (I use that term very lightly as I don't want to put a judgement value as the one doing this is convinced it's an improvement for them).
Questions for reflection
So here are two questions that flow out of the above observations, which I'm sure will stir the pot and likely to ruffle some feathers, but hey, you guys seem to like that kind of stuff.
In the realm of kink, are we really over fetishizing just about anything by calling intelligence a fetish?
Whether we call it a fetish or a preference, why do we consider certain some more shallow than others? Is that fair?
What other questions do these observations raise?
Enjoy and play nice!! ;-)
- LA
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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove
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An Intelligence Fetish? Really? And is it shallow? - 
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RE: An Intelligence Fetish? Really? And is it shallow? - 
) before I start jumping. 
Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink 
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