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Experimentation - 3/20/2006 11:17:05 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I've been thinking about Polyamory lately...well about people with more than one partner. I have nothing to connect with from past experience to relate to anything anyone is saying in that regard.

I'm the type of person who doesnt like not knowing things...I think thats probably the reason why I have experienced so much in life. I'm motivated by wanting to "know" all kinds of things, so i do things. Thats played out in my life heaps and had me experience heaps. I cant get much satisfaction from books or movies, I pretty much feel removed from them, I need to dive into the real thing to get much appreciation or knowledge out of it in a way that satisifies me.

Anyways....

So I'm getting really vexed at myself thinking about two subjects I'm never ever going to have a clue about. So, I wrote to a few boards on those subjects, to kinda see what it felt like to actually be within that space of people conversing on the subjects...to see if I could touch it kinda. You know how sometimes if you surround yourself with something you can feel it? Since there is slim to none chance of me ever knowing about these things in RL, I thought I would give that a try.

The experiences I cant relate to are:
1. Polyamory
2. Female Dominance

I wonder if this is making sense..you might have to hop into my mind for a minute lol..its an interesting world *grin*

So, i must say, someone did say something, it was just a little thing about a BBQ and family...and i think i felt it...it being the sense of polyamory. I think i just kinda got to feel it a bit..there was an insight there for me...so thanks..i cant remember who exactly it was...but anyways..for that moment I could forget the million and one reasons why i think Polyamary cant work in my mind..and yeah..i touched it a bit.

I havent had much luck with the female Dominant thing. No matter how much i respect a woman, I just cant feel them as dominant, cant experience them as dominant, Ive never in my life felt dominated by a woman. So im back to being perplexed and knowing that no amount of explaining to me is going to open that door of insight up, and no amount of justifications, or scenarios or whatevers..but god I'd love to feel it...not in myself..but Id love just one time to actually feel and experience being Dominated by a woman.....i want to know what it feels like..i want to know if it exists...damnit is this making any sense?

So...for this topic...
1. people could talk about what I just wrote about and/or
2. Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?
3. Whatever you want to add lol



Ok..so...before I get flamed....this is in no way disrespecting anyone or their choices or how they live, its an honest, a very honest revealing look inside the workings of my mind in regards to how i process things I dont know about and want to know about.


I might delete this topic, im thinking now its too spastic...lol





< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/20/2006 11:35:00 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Experimentation - 3/20/2006 11:39:36 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?



I would call that being open minded. You seem thus.

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 12:00:27 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings slave jali,
 
There are life experiences we understand by observing and others by direct participation.  And there are life experiences that many other people enjoy
but that I will never understand, such as: roller coasters, extreme sports,
hog wrestling, running with the bulls, bungee jumping, Home Shopping
Network, soap operas, most governments and several forms of religion.
 
And you know what?  It's all good baby!
 
Being open minded and tolerant does not mean that you have to understand,
per say, rather that you respect the choices that others make in their lives.
 
Be well,
 
Vendaval

quote:

So...for this topic...
1. people could talk about what I just wrote about and/or
2. Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?
3. Whatever you want to add lol
quote:



_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 12:15:20 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Well darlin, it's always good to think before you act. It's definetly something for you and your Dom to talk about. By poly, are you thinking of a third person, swinging, ramdom people you run into, or all the above? However you open yourself up to others, it's good to get to know the other parties and set your guildlines and standards with them.

Best of luck to you and yours on this experimentation and making all dicisions together. Making them together is what will make and keep your bound to each other strong. Wanting to go one way while the other thinks differently is normally not a good thing for a couple.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 12:18:31 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

2. Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?

Being 'told' fire is hot isn't the same thing as getting burned and knowing it. I've always been one of those people that had to get burned. I was never very good at learning from others mistakes or misfortunes. Wish I had been.. could have saved myself a lot of pain. If I couldn't wrap my brain around a concept, I just went ahead and did it. Some of the things I've done.. ::shakes head:: I was so stupid so often. That said, it's how I discovered the art of piercing which lead to my discovery of my own spirituality in BDSM and how I came to understand power and energy as a force of life. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  There is a single kink that I have come across which meets the criteria you've suggest. Something I don't understand, can't comprehend, can't relate to.. but would dearly love to do so and know, it's not possible for it to happen. I've learned to let it go and I'm ok with it.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 12:20:32 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		To amayos and Vendaval: I am pretty open minded thats true, I sometimes describe myself as a sponge, absorb, absorb lol...nothing is real to me till I can feel it in myself..and its that observation you mentioned Vendaval that gets me into trouble...once I observe I want to experience and know about it it....its not about life choices im talking about, its just about.....knowing, feeling, experiencing...knowing.

***ogod FangsnFeet..i would never actually BE poly..i just want to understand it..and there lays the dilemma for me!!!

quote:


Being 'told' fire is hot isn't the same thing as getting burned and knowing it.


Exactly Celeste...you know appararently I set the house on fire when i was very young lol..was always fascinated with flame lol

< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/21/2006 12:26:12 AM >

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 1:46:19 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Jali I believe my Father used to tell me what it was I did, was "learn the hard way.... " I could read or listen, and as it went I would be busy  painting a mental picture of what the *it* that day happend to be, but some part me after judging my risks and or my interest level had to experiance it.  Was it a sense of accomplishment or just the adrenaline rush? who knows.... 



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 2:29:33 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		G’day jail lass, My respects to your Master please.   FnF mentioned Swinging and Poly earlier, Swinging is more like a sex party where you may swap partners of just add another person or two or three etc to a sexual romp. Poly is where you have one or more people in your relationship especially with a live in situation. I was the one who mentioned a BBQ and family. I have an extended family spread all over the globe, but as fat as my personal family There is Neets and I. If and when se find suitable slaves ideally a boy and a girl and after they have spent suitable time in the House Collar, Neets will probably give the boy her Personal Collar and I’ll give the girl my Personal Collar. They would both be living with us and both Neets and will have a personal (including sexual) relationship with our slaves as well as each other. Such commitments are both very intense and emotionally strong but are still Master or Mistress .slave relationships with nothing affecting our personal relationship. We are both experienced in this area so both of us understand the requirements and necessity of open and frank communication. Because we have a Gorean Home and follow a Gorean structured life, perhaps it becomes easier for us to handle the additional pressures. Thus lass were you and your Master to visit us for a BBQ or a meal and a pleasant evening, and we had our quota of slaves you would see the operating and how things work..   Just hoping that this help a little to clarify the mystery..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 5:40:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Absolutely.

For me, the main topics are masochism, marriage without practical motivation, and monogamy.

I don't really "grok" any of them.  I try.  I work at it.  I ask about it, I explore it, I really WANT to grok it.  Intellectually I understand what they are, what they mean and that they DO work very well for some people.

But I might as well be looking at aliens on Mars for all I really grok it.  And yes, that was intentional.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 8:11:35 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I had mentally prepared a fabulous response to Jali when I got to the last post and the correct application of the word grok and got all distracted.  Damn you, Tross!

quote:

No matter how much i respect a woman, I just cant feel them as dominant, cant experience them as dominant, Ive never in my life felt dominated by a woman.


Jali, are you bisexual?  Forgive the forwardness of that question, but I think it may relate.  And if you do consider yourself bisexual, is it more of the bi-tolerant I-can-get-into-it-in-the-right-situation way or in the romantic-love type of way.  Do you think you could sexual activity with a woman...or do think you could enjoy snuggling on the couch and holding hands with a woman? Or both or neither?

For many dominance seems to be tied in with sexual chemistry and sometimes romantic love feelings as well.  If that is the case for you, and you are not "fully" bisexual, then it makes sense to me that you can not experience/understand female dominance. 

quote:

Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?


Yes.  For example, masochism.  I am oddly fascinated by it.  I have seen it, talked about it, even tried to experience it.  But it is just an intellectual understanding with no emotional or practical experience. 

Another is addiction.  Obviously I don't want to experience it, but no matter how unfortunately familiar I am -- I just don't get it.  I don't get what it does to people and the hold it has.  I have tried to compare it to myself and my inability to give up sugar or chocolate, but I have never let sugar or chocolate cause me to disappoint people I love, interfere with my job, or lead to a lack of electricity and cable.

It is similar with physical abuse and battered women.  I worked at a shelter and had some specialized training.  And yes, with some women I can glimpse the history and hopelessness and isolation and financial strain and the fear understand why they feel they have no choices.  But with others...what the hell?  It is incomprehensible.  Smart, self sufficient, employed, capable, good support system...and yet they also can't see any options.  Or do not want to.



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:03:19 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

1. people could talk about what I just wrote about and/or
2. Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?
3. Whatever you want to add lol


There isn't much I can add to 1, as I am new to the lifestyle, and although dominant, not really dominant over anyone at the time. My current partners are more my equals outside of play. Although I do wish to know what it is like to have someone there to suit your needs.

I'm not really into polyamory per se, just experimenting really at this stage in life. However, I may eventually become part of a polyamourous group. I am currently growing closer to a group of friends that live out of state. It would be rather interesting if this happens, because, of the four of us, I would be the Dom of the group, which has a top-down structure to begin with (one "Dom" who is actually more of a Switch, a Switch sadomasochist who is a Master over another submissive sadomasochistic slave.) However, it is not something I forsee happening, but if it does, I go with the mantra: Don't knock it till you've tried it.

Honestly I would like to understand my own masochism, and how it is I have turned out loving the feel of the whip as much as I do. This is not something that I would have ever expected to happen, as I've always seen myself dishing it out prior to going under the lash. This has also opened up new avenues that I am now looking into, things I would have never thought I would ever do because I would have been too afriad it was going to hurt. My sadism I understood from the beginning. It has always been, but up until a few months ago I considered myself a wimp: always running from pain, not towards it.  

One thing I don't think I will ever understand is being able to feel devotion, humility and mental subspace, that a submissive or slave feels to their Master or Dom. How it is they can possibly want to be that which they are, putting themselves second to the one they serve. My friends in the group I mentioned above are helping me understand that, however I don't think it is something I will ever experience.

On the same note: experiencing humiliation during a flogging. I just don't see where that emotion comes into play. Also, during a scene I am bottoming, feeling submissive, feeling controlled or used. Also fear. Ive yet to experience real fear in scene. I don't understand how it is someone can crave to be in mortal fear of what their Top/Dom can do to them. These simply aren't feelings I have in scene, that my friends do, especially the slave. When I bottom, I still feel as if I am my Top's equal. What I get is elation and enjoyment of the sensations, with an occassional dose of physical subspace. I guess that without the D/s in play it would be impossible to feel such things, as submission and masochism are two separate entities.

Anyway, I guess the last two paragraphs can be summerized by simply saying I don't understand submission. I would like to, but I don't.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to Sensualips)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:03:37 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He enters, dips his lid,

Morning Jali.............I too had my words in my limited thoughts,, but GROK?  talk about being in the American Clique? (sorry click maybe)

Sos jali, eyes thought I'd chuck me leg over me saddle and take to the boundary, chiacking the bulldust, go Slim baybee!


Sensual says it well, thanks sensual,I forgot the GROK and  found me boundary fence eyes fink.

Poly can be set in various variation, Bear explained His pertaining to Gor.   Mine WAS D/s.   Both Wild and Angel wished Me as their focus.  Yes they connected with each other sexually however did not consider themselves 'bisexual' as such.   W/we entered a developing relationship of three.   Little different to two as you and your Master or nilla.   W/we explored the supportemotionally etc of of one to one relationship- cross supporting with myself as their Dominant.  Yes it takes all elements of a healthy one to one but  was one to one to one as such.  Just as a one to one can falter and show one's unsuitablility to another- O/ours did after some five months. The hurt from this was somewhat more intense cos of three not two being involved yet the problems existed between two.   The split is amicable yet hurtful for all involved, there were REAL emotions involved little different to one to one.  
Woops stand by while I unravel this errant roo from the boundary fence, damm now my healer's found the dingo in her n' gone walkabout!   "Lindy,  Lindy,  get yer arse back 'ere!"

ok, crack the whip,..........( I'll crack a tube when I'm dossin' down later...........)

The issue of female Dominance I can answer on behalf of both Angel and Wild- 
both were 'sisters'.  ie, they were sister subs, neither dominated the other,neither was ever to be a alpha sub or above the other nor to dominate the other.   They were subs to me, not  one submissive to the other.  Partly the reason for this is the dynamic I had with them and also the inherent fact that both are submissive and could not/would not be submissive to a woman.   That concept was/is abhorrent to them.   All this is my experience and the boundaries that were discussed prior to us entering poly.   Not everyone is able to poly- for the obvious reasons that you must question it.

Others in poly will have their alpha sub/slave who is a dominant to the other sub/s or may still be equal sisters but have more decisionary powers over the others.
There's my understanding and I'd be pleased to discuss it further should you wish.

I can honestly say my last six months have been a huge learning curve and that all three of us have learnt very positively resultantly.  

Warm regards to all


Driver1961     (Sir to His Precious Wild)

.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:12:45 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Grok is a literary reference to 'Stranger in a Strange Land', roughly translated to absorbing something.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Driver1961)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:24:23 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Celeste m'darlin, thankyou for the definitioin of "Grok" now, I wonder of you could give me it's odigin? Just a pedantic PITA Ol' Grizzly y'know

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:29:17 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Celeste m'darlin, thankyou for the definitioin of "Grok" now, I wonder of you could give me it's odigin? Just a pedantic PITA Ol' Grizzly y'know


It comes from Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to IronBear)
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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:33:59 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I havent had much luck with the female Dominant thing. No matter how much i respect a woman, I just cant feel them as dominant, cant experience them as dominant, Ive never in my life felt dominated by a woman. So im back to being perplexed and knowing that no amount of explaining to me is going to open that door of insight up, and no amount of justifications, or scenarios or whatevers..but god I'd love to feel it...not in myself..but Id love just one time to actually feel and experience being Dominated by a woman.....i want to know what it feels like..i want to know if it exists...damnit is this making any sense?

So...for this topic...
1. people could talk about what I just wrote about and/or
2. Do you get the same feelings of needing to know things from the inside? Are there things you would really like to know about through experience? Are there things you just dont understand, cant comprehend, cant relate to but you want to?
3. Whatever you want to add lol




It is Interesting, though not unexpected that you don't see women as dominant. We are taught in society (unfortnately) that women are to be submissive and that males are to be dominant, so it is not surprising that you would feel this way. However we are all not hard wired or cut from cookie cutter molds and so we simply are what we are. I personally have never felt dominated by a man simply because they are male, I see them as equals just as I do women.

I happen to be a dominant female and I have met some VERY dominant females. Interestingly enough I was raised in a home of equality and therefore I judge people on an individual basis without regard to gender etc.
I think your curious which is great! I think if you were to meet the *right* Domme you would discover for yourself first hand what female dominance really is. You can read all the books you want but until you experience it first hand it doesn't have the same effect.  
I myself cannot understand what it is like to be a slave, that drive that makes a person want to serve another. I've spoken to several, I have friends that are slaves, they've tried to explain it to me but it still escapes me. I can only conclude the reason is I'm dominant, I have no desire to serve anyone and I am the one who wants to be served.

Good luck, I hope this helps though I believe that experience is our greatest teacher.

~Lashra

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RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 9:39:42 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Celeste m'darlin, thankyou for the definitioin of "Grok" now, I wonder of you could give me it's odigin? Just a pedantic PITA Ol' Grizzly y'know


It's sci-fiction, Mr. Bear. :) Martian influence. It would be akin to asking the origin of the word "kajira" .. it comes from the mind of John Norman and 'grok' comes from the mind of Robert Heinlein.  There is no etymology.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 10:05:58 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Thank you Celeste, John. Muchly appreciated.....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 11:08:05 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


I think if you were to meet the *right* Domme you would discover for yourself first hand what female dominance really is. You can read all the books you want but until you experience it first hand it doesn't have the same effect.  
I myself cannot understand what it is like to be a slave, that drive that makes a person want to serve another.


It's the flip side. You can't understand what it's like to be a slave, but perhaps you would if you met the 'right' Master. I'm not quite sure why being bisexual would change ones orientation in M/s relationships. My sexuality is a separate issue from my slavery. I am bisexual, but I can not be enslaved by another woman. I recognize there are powerful, dominant woman, but that doesn't mean that they have that ability to enslave 'me.' I can love a woman, have sex with a woman, play with a woman.. and play on the bottom, but I can't serve a woman as a slave or collared submissive because they don't have what I want or need from that relationship, which is a male perspective, a man's testosterone, a man's physical size and strength and a man's life experiences. Telling a straight dominant man they just haven't met the right dominant male or they would submit is along those same lines. It's not a matter of meeting the 'right' anything in order to draw out something.. sometimes, it's just not there to be drawn out.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Experimentation - 3/21/2006 4:06:38 PM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He enters, dips His lid to Bitatruble.............

you said it so well!     Go  girl!



_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

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