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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 8:41:58 AM   
wisdomtogive


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Hi agirl
It was just a rant. Something i have seen for awhile and today i decided to rant. There are some posters now that it could be directed to, but they aren't the first, nor will they be the last.



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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 9:15:59 AM   
wisdomtogive


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Thank you KnightofMists and sunshinemiss
Totally agree and thanks for the encouragement.

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 9:20:13 AM   
wisdomtogive


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Thank you for your input newsubgirl and welcome to the boards:)

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 10:02:49 AM   
sweetsub1957


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive
A Rant...and not pointed to anyone in particular, since i seen this in others
Me too.
Do you believe there is a double standard in respect when it comes to a Dominant and a submissive?
Yes, in some people's minds there is, unfortunately.  It doesn't mean it's right.
Do you think that because someone wears the title of a Dominant that they should come with a name tag, Respect Me?
I think people should be respected because they act respectfully.  I respect everyone, regardless of their chosen role, until they give me a reason not to.
Do you think that a Dominant has the right to call submissives who are not their's names like cunt, bitch ..etc?
No.  Some seem to think They do, but in my opinion.  It really irks me when Someone who is not my Dominant calls me that.  I have boundaries and, when Someone who is not my Dominant calls me names like that, They are stepping on them.  Not good.
As a Dominant do you use these terms broadly in posting or out in BDSM functions? Do you believe if, while out in one these functions, that if you would go up to a submissive and called them one of those names, their Dominant would welcome it?
I am not a Dom, but I will say that when I was with Sir, He would have been very displeased at Someone calling me that.  As a matter of fact, He would have told Them so.....immediately.
Do you angst over how submissives behave yet you can display brattiness, elusiveness and demeaning other submissives, just because you titled yourself a Dominant?
It's not very becoming behavior now, is it.....in anyone
Can you understand how these behaviors make you look to potential submissives? Can you understand that some submissive will think less of you, and not choose you to control them?
Or do They even care......
You too are being observed,
Yes, They are, just as we are.
and if you believe you have these rights just because you choose to wear the label Dominant, many submissives will look at it just as a label, and nothing else. Labels are a dime a dozen, yet they are judged daily. Some might find this type of behavior welcoming, which would be good for those type of Doms, but some won't. 
As a submissive, I definitely don't consider this type of behavior attractive & would not welcome it, and would definitely pass Them over when searching for a Dominant.
Respect is earned and has nothing to do with being polite. I am generally polite by nature, but you will not get respect from me if you do not deserve it. 
I agree.  I have no problem calling Dominants "Sir" or "Ma'am," but if Someone who doesn't own me treats me like shit and calls me nasty names, They will lose my respect.
You can judge us and our behaviors, which are many and vary in degrees, just remember you as a Dominant might think there is a double standard in respect, but you really are a fool to beleive so. Submissives do not serve everyone as they do the one that controls them, why would we.
Again, I agree.
Dominants do not control submissives they do not own. It boils down to respect doesn't it. Show people respect it will be given to you. Don't demand it, if you cant show respect to submissives.
Thank you!!!  Well said. 



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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 10:05:45 AM   
wisdomtogive


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Thank you sweetsub:)

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 1:21:06 PM   
hisdarlinsweetie


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Seems that there is no standard...sorta like BDSM in general.  Everyone seems to act respectfully according to their own personal standards, no matter what their title says.  Do I think Doms deserve more respect? Nope, just the same amount as any person, vanilla, sub or dom.  I find ignoring those who "demand" respect shows them exactly how much I respect them.

< Message edited by hisdarlinsweetie -- 1/5/2010 1:42:23 PM >

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 1:33:29 PM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hisdarlinsweetie

Seems that there is no standard...sorta like BDSM in general.  Everyone seems to act respectfully according to their own personal standards, no matter what their title says.  Do I think Doms deserve more respect? Nope, just the same amount any person, vanilla, sub or dom.  I find ignoring those who "demand" respect shows them exactly how much I respect them.


yes

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 1:49:49 PM   
wisdomtogive


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Hi hisdarlinsweetie
Ignoring is a tool i am usually very good at because life is what it is. I do not believe in utopia and do not want a fantasy for my life. Somedays though rudeness gets to me and grinds against me, knowing eventually i will speak against it. Will it change anything? No, because people are people and they choose to be what they are. Will i deal with it better? As a rule yes, and normally i can escape it through my writings, or physical work. Not something I can do at this time though because i messed up my body, and my fibro has flared up. But i did drag out my meditation tapes:)
Thanks for responding:)

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 3:52:46 PM   
hisdarlinsweetie


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Sometimes venting is good.  Sir and I were just talking about that the other day.  He doesn't like to "bitch" and is very do-something-about-it oriented, but one can not control everything and everyone (no matter how much He wishes it were true...lol).  I let Him know that I believe that venting frustrations can be cathartic and I want to listen, even when there is nothing I can do to help other than listen.  Granted, venting doesn't always work, but sometimes it helps.  

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 3:57:12 PM   
sunshinemiss


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hds - love it when you post.  Something about your avatar.  I think you should post much more often - everywhere!
*nod nod nod 


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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 4:33:58 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Thank you KnightofMists and sunshinemiss
Totally agree and thanks for the encouragement.



"SHOCKED LOOK ON MY FACE"!!!!!

WHAT! That's "thank you SIR Knight of Mists"....... I can't believe the complete lack of respect!!!!
But at least you put me first ahead of that lowly submissive in expressing your gratitude!!!!!

"Wanders of babbling to myself about the lack of respect shown by submissives and children these days to their OBVIOUS betters!!!!!"


oh yeah...... your welcome on the encouragement!

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 4:35:00 PM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

hds - love it when you post.  Something about your avatar.  I think you should post much more often - everywhere!
*nod nod nod 



ditto... they seem so 'respectful standing at attention and all!

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 5:09:17 PM   
wisdomtogive


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive

Thank you KnightofMists and sunshinemiss
Totally agree and thanks for the encouragement.



"SHOCKED LOOK ON MY FACE"!!!!!

WHAT! That's "thank you SIR Knight of Mists"....... I can't believe the complete lack of respect!!!!
But at least you put me first ahead of that lowly submissive in expressing your gratitude!!!!!

"Wanders of babbling to myself about the lack of respect shown by submissives and children these days to their OBVIOUS betters!!!!!"


oh yeah...... your welcome on the encouragement!


Oh where did i place manners, SirKnight of Mists, of course thank you SirKnight of Mists.

shakes head..grumbles, these Doms........
:)


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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 5:15:39 PM   
wisdomtogive


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Yes it helped me today that is for sure. Thanks hisdarlinsweetie:)

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 5:50:58 PM   
littlewonder


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Respect for me is something earned and that's not easy when it comes from me. I can count the number of people on one hand who have earned that from me.

Everyone gets common courtesy though until they deserve otherwise.

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 6:24:20 PM   
alittleevil


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive
A Rant...and not pointed to anyone in particular, since i seen this in others
Do you believe there is a double standard in respect when it comes to a Dominant and a submissive? Do you think that because someone wears the title of a Dominant that they should come with a name tag, Respect Me?


The self -given title of "Dominant" means very little to me.  If a person simply is dominant in the way i perceive dominance, they will tend to have my  respect as, by their demeanor and behavior, they will have shown themselves to be worthy of it. What i read from a person as dominance is probably idiosyncratic in some ways, but exhibiting control and grace in public is certainly up there.

quote:

Do you think that a Dominant has the right to call submissives who are not their's names like cunt, bitch ..etc?


I don't think "a Dominant" has any more right  than any other person to call another person names, by virtue of titling themselves "Dominant", no.

quote:

Done with my rant.


Hope you feel better,
aj


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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 6:42:04 PM   
Drifa


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quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubgirl21
This is my personal point of view on the subject....


Hi, newsubgirl21, welcome to the boards.

May I suggest that if you want people to read your posts that you hit return at the end of every couple of sentences? It's REALLY hard to read a wall o' text.


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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/5/2010 6:48:37 PM   
rouletteslave


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The common sense answer is no, we should all be treated with respect as equals unless we've otherwise reached an agreement to do otherwise. However, I have found that a lot of people inherently feel more respect for the dominant because they have the aura of power about them and people respect power. By the same token, a lot of people seem to feel that submission is weakness and have a difficult time not translating that into how they treat the person.

In on of my mistress's femdom podcasts I talk about a play party where my female dominant expressed disgust at the general weakness of female submissives

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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 1:21:12 AM   
Ladynslave


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Wow, sounds like someone did this to you and I am sorry.  I have a hard enough time calling my slave these names knowing the whole time that he enjoys it.  I can't imagine calling someone I don't know names.  Much less expecting respect from them because of it.  I hope things go much better at your next function. 

Lady

(I used to think people were crazy, then I got out in the world and found out I was mostly right.)


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RE: Double standard in respect - 1/6/2010 4:39:57 AM   
allthatjaz


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Hi wisdomtogive,
I have been around on the scene a long time and I can put my hand on my heart and say that I have never, not even so much as once, heard a dominant call someone he is trying to coerce a cunt. If he did then he would risk a hefty kick in the nuts.
This is very much an online thing... perhaps in mail and definitely in chat rooms. These are men that have no idea and almost certainly no experience in the real world.
Some of us like being called cunt on occasion but that's with a partner that knows we like it! One of the important parts of getting to know a submissive is to finding out what words make her tick and 'cunt' is definitely a no go area until he has that confirmation.
To call someone a cunt when you don't know them well is not only unacceptable, its foolish and naive.

I am pleased to hear that your not going to let him get off anymore on his own little wank trip. Your doing the best thing by moving on but before you do I suggest that you let him know that he's made a fool of himself.

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