Double standard in respect

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wisdomtogive -> Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 6:50:18 AM)
A Rant...and not pointed to anyone in particular, since i seen this in others Do you believe there is a double standard in respect when it comes to a Dominant and a submissive? Do you think that because someone wears the title of a Dominant that they should come with a name tag, Respect Me? Do you think that a Dominant has the right to call submissives who are not their's names like cunt, bitch ..etc? As a Dominant do you use these terms broadly in posting or out in BDSM functions? Do you believe if, while out in one these functions, that if you would go up to a submissive and called them one of those names, their Dominant would welcome it? Do you angst over how submissives behave yet you can display brattiness, elusiveness and demeaning other submissives, just because you titled yourself a Dominant? Can you understand how these behaviors make you look to potential submissives? Can you understand that some submissive will think less of you, and not choose you to control them? You too are being observed, and if you believe you have these rights just because you choose to wear the label Dominant, many submissives will look at it just as a label, and nothing else. Labels are a dime a dozen, yet they are judged daily. Some might find this type of behavior welcoming, which would be good for those type of Doms, but some wont. Respect is earned and has nothing to do with being polite. I am generally polite by nature, but you will not get respect from me if you do not deserve it. You can judge us and our behaviors, which are many and vary in degrees, just remember you as a Dominant might think there is a double standard in respect, but you really are a fool to beleive so. Submissives do not serve everyone as they do the one that controls them, why would we. Dominants do not control submissives they do not own. It boils down to respect doesn't it. Show people respect it will be given to you. Don't demand it, if you cant show respect to submissives. Done with my rant. wisdomtogive

kittinSol -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 6:51:46 AM)
Who are you talking to?

sunshinemiss -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:00:03 AM)
ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive quote: Do you believe there is a double standard in respect when it comes to a Dominant and a submissive? Only with people who don't have the ability to EARN respect and from people who haven't yet figured that out. quote: Do you think that because someone wears the title of a Dominant that they should come with a name tag, Respect Me? Not a chance. No way. Absolutely not. quote: Do you think that a Dominant has the right to call submissives who are not their's names like cunt, bitch ..etc? Hmmmm... Well people do that. I don't know if "right" is the word I would use. They certainly show their true spirit when they do that, now don't they? I personally think it is helpful when someone shouts "I'M A JERK" in that way. Makes sifting much easier. quote: As a Dominant do you use these terms broadly in posting or out in BDSM functions? Do you believe if, while out in one these functions, that if you would go up to a submissive and called them one of those names, their Dominant would welcome it? Not a dominant, but I'm thinking that at a function WITH one's partner, things can change. I would hope that when one is alone (like posting on a board) one stands up and speaks up for themselves. At a function, there are all manner of interactions that people create, and I would not presume to know what they are or what interaction was happening. quote: Do you angst over how submissives behave yet you can display brattiness, elusiveness and demeaning other submissives, just because you titled yourself a Dominant? Can you understand how these behaviors make you look to potential submissives? They do look silly, don't they? quote: Can you understand that some submissive will think less of you, and not choose you to control them? Smart ones anyway! quote: You too are being observed, and if you believe you have these rights just because you choose to wear the label Dominant, many submissives will look at it just as a label, and nothing else. Labels are a dime a dozen, yet they are judged daily. Some might find this type of behavior welcoming, which would be good for those type of Doms, but some wont. Respect is earned and has nothing to do with being polite. I am generally polite by nature, but you will not get respect from me if you do not deserve it. You can judge us and our behaviors, which are many and vary in degrees, just remember you as a Dominant might think there is a double standard in respect, but you really are a fool to beleive so. Submissives do not serve everyone as they do the one that controls them, why would we. Dominants do not control submissives they do not own. It boils down to respect doesn't it. Show people respect it will be given to you. Don't demand it, if you cant show respect to submissives. Done with my rant. wisdomtogive Very nicely said! sunshine

wisdomtogive -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:04:04 AM)
Am talking to rant, KittinSol. This has been building up in me, and i needed to put words to it. Do i think it will change anyone, nope!! Do I feel better, Yes! Now i can release this and not be contained in seeing Dom's putting down submissives when they display the same traits.

osf -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:05:36 AM)
respect is a personal standard there may be double standards in treatment

UniqueRaven -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:06:23 AM)
i believe that the verbal behavior of anyone - Dom, sub, or otherwise - is a reflection of what's going on their internal state. i don't have to judge myself by what they say - a Dom could call me a bitch, cunt, whore, etc., and if he's not my Owner, i really could care less. He's just shown me a bit of his inner world and his character, that's all. i tend to pity folks like that a bit actually, because they have yet to figure out why they can't find that "perfect" sub/slave that they crave. i tend to accept whatever is said with a little smile on my face, and just not respond - it adds no value to the conversation for me to react in any way to what someone else says. Will you see me get upset from time to time? Yes, i'm not perfect, of course, but i try to always keep my emotions rationalized and in check, and i tend to only get upset over something i see as directly harmful to an innocent, or someone i love and care for - and even then i measure my actions before i just "react," and it is my goal to never just "attack." My personal philosophy is this - and yes, it's a bit "yogic": We all carry our own basket of grief through life. And what's in my basket is different from what's in your basket, or anyone else's. So who am i to judge? i have no idea, really. Just smile, say a little blessing, and move on. Maybe you could even help change their mind or their behavior by example. If not, that's all right too. Hugs Wisdom, julie

BitaTruble -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:15:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive Do you believe there is a double standard in respect when it comes to a Dominant and a submissive? I believe that some people delusionally think so. I just try to be fairly polite to everyone (but menopause does cause me to have moments!) and respect those who are consistently adult regardless of their orientation (or gender because I think that's also an issue at times.) quote: Do you think that because someone wears the title of a Dominant that they should come with a name tag, Respect Me? ::chuckles:: If you have to wear a name tag telling people to respect you, odds are it's because you are incapable of earning respect on your own merit. quote: Do you think that a Dominant has the right to call submissives who are not their's names like cunt, bitch ..etc? No, though there are plenty who have the ability.. but then my 13 year old grandson has that ability as well and I think of him as a child, too. The rest of the post doesn't apply to me since I am not a dominant, but I think it's spot on.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:17:00 AM)
quote: Do you think that a Dominant has the right to call submissives who are not their's names like cunt, bitch ..etc? Maybe the Dominant is just being 'bratty' hoping to attract somebody into that sort of thing, considering it 'cute'? quote: As a Dominant do you use these terms broadly in posting or out in BDSM functions? Do you believe if, while out in one these functions, that if you would go up to a submissive and called them one of those names, their Dominant would welcome it? No - then again I don't add any self assigned honorarium to anyone I meet in a public setting, nor do I expect or want one applied to me. Somehow I've managed to hang out with people who feel the same way. quote: Do you think that because someone wears the title of a Dominant that they should come with a name tag, Respect Me? beth and I use a reverse application of this sentiment. Maybe because we were both brought up to think this way. We give tacit respect to everyone and let their actions and behavior determine if they earn DISrespect. Polite, civil, and never a function of any title given as part of their introduction. In fact the reverse is true. Someone introducing themselves as 'master' (fill in the blank) lord, sir, or emperor of El Segundo; starts a few inches behind the line of neutral respect. Orientation isn't a factor anymore than gender, race, age; respectable, honorable, behavior is what generates ongoing respect.

MsDDom -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:26:26 AM)
...it is a tug of war and u indeed have the right to rant over what u've experienced and seen in this lifestyle. Unfortunately, there are no concrete human rules that say a person "must act" a certain way with people...therefore, theirattitude pours over into anything an "unruly person" does...even within the lifestyle. Bottom line for me, people should respect each other, no matter the title they hold in this lifestyle...but, it doesn't happen that way. All a person can do is be and show themselves respectful and hope the other person they are interacting w/ catches a clue. IF NOT, we all have rights...just ignore them...respect is a two way street. Hell, I don't like being called Mistress, but when I am, I simply say "don't call me that". If they don't conform, I end the conversation. It is just that simple...

kittinSol -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:28:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive Am talking to rant, KittinSol. This has been building up in me, and i needed to put words to it. Do i think it will change anyone, nope!! Do I feel better, Yes! Now i can release this and not be contained in seeing Dom's putting down submissives when they display the same traits. The reason I asked was because it sounded to me like you were feeling frustration because of personal situation. I'm glad posting your rant helped you feel better. For what it's worth, I agree with what you wrote - people who expect special treatment because of their choice of position in kink are delusional and/or have spent too much time in Internet chatrooms giving away bracketty collars.

KnightofMists -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:31:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittinSol Who are you talking to? I would say to the choir...... because I doubt those that need to listen to it are going to listen!

sunshinemiss -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:31:51 AM)
quote: El Segundo Merc, I have visions of the Blue Plate special here. [:D]

wisdomtogive -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:37:21 AM)
Thanks all. I don't normally let others' get to me, and am ashamed i did. I can blame it on being sick, having a pulled muscle and lovely menopause, but still the bottom line is i permitted it to get to me. Hence the rant, and i know it will go to the winds, and not be heard, but for those who have had that frustration from timr to time, theywill know they aren't alone. i do feel better and now things slide off of me again:). i just love knowing i can rant here if need be, and glad i don't do it often. blessings and thanks wisdomtogive

KnightofMists -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:45:41 AM)
personally.... I think constructive ranting is rather constructive in releasing frustrations that could otherwise come out in rather destructive ways. I don't think you should be ashamed at all!

sunshinemiss -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:51:52 AM)
Wisdom, Sometimes rants are very constructive. Anger gives us motivation and the energy to get stuff done! best, sunshine

newsubgirl21 -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 7:58:46 AM)
This is my personal point of view on the subject and I have to explain by using examples. Just recently I was talking to a Dom on here. He asked me to call him Sir. I am perfectly fine with that. I have no problem calling any man that asks me Sir. I personally wait for a Dom to ask me to call him Sir because that starts a little line of respect between the two people. It is respectful and I was taught to give a certain amount of respect to people in general. For example saying yes and no Sir/Ma'am, holding a door open for someone, helping an elderly person. These are examples of things that I try to do as often as I can because I would like someone to think even for a second that I made their lives a little easier. I am still talking to this Dom and we had done most of our talking in a 24 hour time frame. So I didnt really know the guy well to say the least. I didnt even know if he was being honest with me. I hadnt seen a pic of him or anything. It felt like he was being honest with me. But i dont always rely on my feelings because they can get me in trouble. I start talking to another Dom who was being an absolute jerk to me. And I tell this first Dom that I am talking to another Dom. At that point he decided to demand that I only talk to him when I am talking to him. I ended up waiting alittle while and thinking about the conversation. And then I go and leave him a message just saying that I am not interested in him anymore. Then i click delete or ignore. I have no problem clicking ignore, because I believe that if any man just has to demand respect from me like that then I will not want them to be my Master. I am looking for a r/l time 24/7 slave relationship. Meaning that I am looking for someone who can dominate me mentally,emotionally, and physically. And we all know that this takes time. So many people on here are just looking for a hook up. This is not cool, woman need a man who can take things slow when necessary. This is the online world and most of messages people send are just going to waste your time. Im asking both men and women please try to be respectful. When your talking to someone you dont know what kind of things they are going thru in their life. Make sure that you realize respect is earned. I know that the easiest way for someone to earn my respect is by being completely honest with me. By telling good things about their life as well as the bad things and the mistakes. I dont want a Dom who cant admit and tell me how he is wrong sometimes. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone is wrong at some point in their life. Respect is not a double standard. Dominants dont deserve more respect than submissives do. We are all people. Please try not to ask for or demand more respect than you deserve. Im writing because Im hoping that seeing things in a different perspective might help people realize or learn a thing or two.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 8:03:14 AM)
Welcome to the forums Subgirl21!!!

agirl -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 8:26:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive Thanks all. I don't normally let others' get to me, and am ashamed i did. I can blame it on being sick, having a pulled muscle and lovely menopause, but still the bottom line is i permitted it to get to me. Hence the rant, and i know it will go to the winds, and not be heard, but for those who have had that frustration from timr to time, theywill know they aren't alone. i do feel better and now things slide off of me again:). i just love knowing i can rant here if need be, and glad i don't do it often. blessings and thanks wisdomtogive So it wasn't a non-directional rant? As most people know ....... rants on a forum don't go to the winds........they spur responses. Going out into the garden and yelling, goes to the winds. I can accept a rant as a rant............. but still find it weird not to have a clue what it's referring to. As most of the rant was couched in * Would you...?* terms ...And the comments written as advice to the un-named It seemed less of a rant than a lesson to un-named doms. If you're frustrated by certain people for whatever reason , why not just address it, and them? Regards, agirl

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 8:40:09 AM)
I think its because she doesnt see the point. But she still needed to get it off her chest.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Double standard in respect (1/5/2010 8:41:13 AM)
quote: I believe that if any man just has to demand respect from me like that then I will not want them to be my Master. I always say, "If you have to tell me you are a diva, you probably aren't." Welcome to the forums!

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