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RE: New submissives - 1/7/2010 11:31:00 PM

MargueriteV

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gift4mistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

male submissives mentored by male submissives, etc. etc. etc.

I wouldn't let a dude mentor me though I wouldn't mind getting advice from one.

A definition of mentor : an individual that serves as a teacher or trusted counselor.

(in reply to gift4mistress)

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Post #: 41

RE: New submissives - 1/7/2010 11:45:52 PM

MargueriteV

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/5/2009
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I think having multiple mentors from different walks can be helpful, it works for me.

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Post #: 42

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 7:11:43 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

an arsewipe thinks he can collar and own a woman after 30 mins on line.

believe it or not i have had that experience from women wanting to latch onto me after 30 mins

though it is not as common as with men it does happen, it's that most men think it flattering and they have made a conquest
instead a of a hormonal submissive grabbing the first thing that talks to them

osf, if it's online and "she" makes an attempt to get a semipermanent relationship going after thirty minutes, I'd suspect that "she" is a man.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 43

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 8:16:46 AM

Dominasola

Posts: 582
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Ottawa, Canada
Status: offline

OP:

Being someone who is in a very similar position as your submissive, I can honestly say that these discussion boards have helped me a lot in my journey. There are many posters on here who are genuine, and who exude a certain level of knowledge based on years of experience in the lifestyle. I have found that I actively seek out posts by these individuals, as I have found their wisdom to be very beneficial to me. It has been extremely comforting for me to read the experiences and thoughts of others; it is always nice to know that I'm not alone in my views or concerns about various aspects of BDSM.

That being said, one has to read the boards with a good head on their shoulders if s/he want to take anything from them. I would not hesitate to suggest these discussion boards to other people new to the lifestyle, however, I would warn them to, like any other website, not take every post seriously.

_____________________________

I have made a ceaseless effort not to ridicule, not to bewail, not to scorn human actions, but to understand them.

—Baruch Spinoza

The measure of a man is what he does with power.

—Pittacus

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Post #: 44

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 9:17:21 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

all a bit sketchy...,

why would a stranger get so uptight about you using this place for info

Because no matter what you say or do, there is always someone who will take umbrage at it.

the trick with that is to remember that quote, how does it go... breathesone will be along in a mo...

'you can please some people some of the time and ... ' well you get the gist.

in the end it doesnt matter. so long as youre not doing henious things to baby rabbits and everybody who has a granny can account for where she is - it doesnt matter.

so, why should a stranger get so uptight over someone they do not know, will never meet and does not owe them money. i honestly dont get it.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

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Post #: 45

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 9:19:53 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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FR

I find the notion of a grown human being having to ask the permission of someone else to form a relationship repugnant, thats what this reminds me of. When the bloke talking to the girlie was told he would have to talk to the mentor he got shirty, why? because its weird. A mentor in what I see as it's only good form is a person who helps another person, doesnt make their choices for them but guides them in an area that they know more about. I would not imagine that anyone other than the individual involved could tell if she were interested in the person talking to her so the mentor would be redundant in that capacity. Just my opinion though.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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Post #: 46

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 9:30:14 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

FR

I find the notion of a grown human being having to ask the permission of someone else to form a relationship repugnant, thats what this reminds me of. When the bloke talking to the girlie was told he would have to talk to the mentor he got shirty, why? because its weird. A mentor in what I see as it's only good form is a person who helps another person, doesnt make their choices for them but guides them in an area that they know more about. I would not imagine that anyone other than the individual involved could tell if she were interested in the person talking to her so the mentor would be redundant in that capacity. Just my opinion though.

agreed. but then not everyone is equipped emotionally, intellectually or interactively as others are. and lets be honest, this is a bit of a cattle market.
if youre a little bit cluless/naive/gullable/whatever you are going to get crushed by the stampede.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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Post #: 47

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 9:32:16 AM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

agreed. but then not everyone is equipped emotionally, intellectually or interactively as others are. and lets be honest, this is a bit of a cattle market.
if youre a little bit cluless/naive/gullable/whatever you are going to get crushed by the stampede.

And then hopefully learn to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and be a little more savvy in the future, lifes about learning how to cope rather than having someone wrap you in cotton wool and protect you from all the big bad people who send you an email

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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Post #: 48

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 10:31:39 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

i tookon a young 21 year old submissive comepletely new to the lifestyle and agreed to mentor and guide her

What is not clear to me is if you have this person with you, meet with her, talk to her, counsel her, or if you're one of those cyberspace manipulators who read girls' emails all day and call that domination.

(in reply to Knighthunter862)

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Post #: 49

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 10:35:14 AM

osf

Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ot really.

an arsewipe thinks he can collar and own a woman after 30 mins on line.

ok, clearly a lesson in who to avoid and how to apply block and delete.

lesson to sub = priceless.

at least 45 mins min

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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Post #: 50

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 10:43:31 AM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

A Mentor is someone that a person feels they can can trust for good advice, it does not matter who it is.

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Post #: 51

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 11:08:02 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Acer49

What attribute is it that a male dominant might be missing that would not make him a good mentor? What suspicion is that? Your logical reason for this suspicion is and your data to back it up is?

When you choose a mentor, you choose someone you want to be like. A clerk who wants to be a great Executive Assistant chooses... a great Executive Assistant to be their mentor, not the CEO.

Someone who is a surgeon and wants to be a better surgeon chooses a great surgeon to be their mentor.

Someone who is a submissive and wants to learn more about it chooses... another submissive to be their mentor.

Someone who wants to be great with a whip chooses someone great with a whip to be their mentor.

You can get advice from anyone, but if you're looking for a mentor, you look for the one with experience doing what you want to do.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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Post #: 52

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 11:08:41 AM

HisSub1213

Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
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"why would a stranger get so uptight about you using this place for info"

I guess because there are some people out there that feel the need to be sanctimonious assholes that just can't resist butting into everyone elses business. I had someone recently come on here and Demand that I remove my profile because I'm owned. My purpose for being here is clearly stated on my profile, I'm looking for friends and information. I've gotten a lot of good info here on these boards and made some friends in the chatrooms. That's no one's business but mine and my Owners, but of course there are those that feel they just Have to say something. LOL

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to ElectraGlide)

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RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 2:31:07 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
You can get advice from anyone, but if you're looking for a mentor, you look for the one with experience doing what you want to do.

I think this is true, I don't think that a submissive having a dominant mentor is always a bad thing depending on what they want advice with, if it is a submissive mentoring another submissive the dynamic will lend itself so that the mentoring submissive has to be more dominant anyways. The problem that I see is that 9 times out of ten in a BDSM context it is a female submissive being mentored by a dominant male who they barely know but who knows all their passwords, tells them who they can meet, plays with them etc etc which is basically a D/s relationship in which the dominant makes no commitment, the problem is that it is very easy for the dominant to take the piss/take advantage.

If it were mentoring proper then there would be no issue, but it is so rare to see it that one can't help but wonder if it really exists.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to CalifChick)

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Post #: 54

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 3:11:25 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSub1213

"why would a stranger get so uptight about you using this place for info"

I guess because there are some people out there that feel the need to be sanctimonious assholes that just can't resist butting into everyone elses business. I had someone recently come on here and Demand that I remove my profile because I'm owned. My purpose for being here is clearly stated on my profile, I'm looking for friends and information. I've gotten a lot of good info here on these boards and made some friends in the chatrooms. That's no one's business but mine and my Owners, but of course there are those that feel they just Have to say something. LOL

what boggles me is that someone actually took precious time out of their life to make that judgement and send you a cmail.

yes, i can see how that would be annoying

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to HisSub1213)

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Post #: 55

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 3:16:11 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

agreed. but then not everyone is equipped emotionally, intellectually or interactively as others are. and lets be honest, this is a bit of a cattle market.
if youre a little bit cluless/naive/gullable/whatever you are going to get crushed by the stampede.

And then hopefully learn to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and be a little more savvy in the future, lifes about learning how to cope rather than having someone wrap you in cotton wool and protect you from all the big bad people who send you an email

and hopefully no harm done. i agree and for most of us that is how we learn our way through life and its possibly the only way we learn. i just look back to when i was a disgustingly naive 21 year old, alone in london and oh boy, did i fuck up or did i fuck up. - maybe if id had someone looking out for me i might have been spared some of my own stupidity.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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Post #: 56

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 3:29:26 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm not a guy but my opinion..stop with the whole "mentoring" bs and stop pretending this girl needs someone to protect her.

She's an adult. I'm sure she's quite able to take care of herself and knows how to go out and find a man.

If she doesn't...it's called growing up and learning on her own just like the rest of the world.

(in reply to gift4mistress)

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Post #: 57

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 3:46:45 PM

LillyoftheVally

Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
and hopefully no harm done. i agree and for most of us that is how we learn our way through life and its possibly the only way we learn. i just look back to when i was a disgustingly naive 21 year old, alone in london and oh boy, did i fuck up or did i fuck up. - maybe if id had someone looking out for me i might have been spared some of my own stupidity.

Being 21 and stupid wasnt that long ago for me and like you I fucked up but I don't wish someone was there to tell me not to, I learned a hell of a lot with my fuck ups.

I feel like I am really derailing this now because I want to talk loads about my memories, damn you lally :P

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to lally2)

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Post #: 58

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 3:52:35 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyoftheVally

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
and hopefully no harm done. i agree and for most of us that is how we learn our way through life and its possibly the only way we learn. i just look back to when i was a disgustingly naive 21 year old, alone in london and oh boy, did i fuck up or did i fuck up. - maybe if id had someone looking out for me i might have been spared some of my own stupidity.

Being 21 and stupid wasnt that long ago for me and like you I fucked up but I don't wish someone was there to tell me not to, I learned a hell of a lot with my fuck ups.

I feel like I am really derailing this now because I want to talk loads about my memories, damn you lally :P

braver than me then....

-

and ok, you have a point and im sure i wouldnt have had the life i subsequently had if id been filed neatly away under sensible rather than scandalous - come to think of it, i would choose scandalous again but without the naivity. xx

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)

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Post #: 59

RE: New submissives - 1/8/2010 4:46:24 PM

newsubgirl21

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

hello everyone. I felt like I should post on here. Since I am the submissive in question. First of all I dont feel the need to share the specifics of our mentor/pupil relationship.It is working for us. Second Thank you everyone for your comments. I am an adult and I can take care of myself. I do feel the need to have a protector because I do make stupid decisions sometimes and because of who I am inside. I also would like to say that Knight has been an excellent teacher,guider, and protector for me. There may be lots of people out there who wouldnt benefit from a mentor/pupil type relationship. I can say that it has worked for me. And of course I dont give out my password to people online. Its easy for me to just hit ignore. i dont see any point in dealing with people that are not worth my time. CM the chatrooms and the forum. It has really been a great experience for me. Feel free to message me if you have any comments, if your new or if you just need someone to talk to. Hope everyone has had a good New Year!

(in reply to gift4mistress)

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Post #: 60