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RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 9:28:45 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

asianallure,

quote:

I have noticed that many that post on these threads aspire to near perfect ideals. While I uphold certain values even if I know it is to my own detriment, I am rather messy and unfair in many ways. I am one of those woman who likes to have men pay for everything at the beginning of a relationship. In case you actually want to hear how one of us thinks rather than just have people pat you on the back in sympathy, I will tell you something as to why.

In my case, I am extremely paranoid about being taken advantage of by men. I ran away from home when I was 12 and while I never regretted that (with my dominant personality it was no contest between doing what I was told or sleeping in a ditch and skipping a few meals to do things my way.), I had many negative experiences which have helped shape the person I am today. I take a long time to trust people. Most times people think of me as their friend long before I think of them that way. I need a vast amount of reassurance that a man's intentions are positive (that's why I like subs so much!). Once a person earns my loyalty, I return it with much gratitude but it does take quite a while to get there. I have given my pet tens of thousands of dollars and was planning to support my second pet financially as well if I ever find one I can love enough to want in my house.

I understand my way is not for everyone. More than a few of the men I see have told me how much I mean to them. I know most of the people reading this will despise me and that is ok as I have no desire to be 1) normal or 2) live up to the standards of the world. I have always told my kids that if you are going to be like everyone else, you might as well have not lived. Hey, my towels don't match either.

I realize this thread isn't about you or your profile. However, I feel it appropriate to offer perspective on what you've written. Your life experiences have shaped how you do things. You used the phrase "dominant personality". This may well be the case, but I don't necessarily equate a dominant personality with "dominance" in the BDSM and leadership sense. It's easy to mistake other attributes as dominance. You likely posses dominant attributes and skills. Please don't think I'm saying you're not a dominant. As part of gaining maturity in one's dominance though, it's important to understand the distinction.

Elan.

(in reply to asianallure)

Post #: 21

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 9:37:49 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

cuckNbull,

Just thought I'd add something further to my previous reply. I've paid the way for women. Women have paid the way for me. Everything doesn't always always work out even in an accounting sense. It has been my experience that if you expect relationships to be even all the time, you're setting yourself up for failure. Courtships and relationships have ebbs and flows. Likewise, the financial abilities of partners have similar ebbs and flows. Generally, if partners are truly interested in one another, they'll find a way to make a given situation work. This may involve one paying more than the other or one paying entirely for the other when that's the only feasible solution at the time. This isn't a man versus woman thing. It's a people thing.

Elan.

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 22

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 9:47:08 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Thought this would be a great place to jump in.

I can't stand cunty folks.

On the hole I don't really dig the dommes. There are far too many that have only the aspiration for the dollars and none for the dominance. Actors at best complete charlatans at worse.

I don't harbor much respect for the male subbies either. Overall, seem to be the most whiniest, pathetic group of men on the planet.

Sweeping generalizations....Gotta love the stereotypes. Anywhoooo, why do all black people say, "birfffday?"...Odd.

Anywhoooo, I think if you were to administer some sort of happiness test....(We at Domiguy Industries have been at the forefront of quantifying the exact traits and personality indicators that lead one to be able to experience internal joy and happiness.)...You will find that dommes would fill the lowest branch on the happiness tree.

Just seems to be such a mixed group of women that have far too often been subjected to some fairly serious emotional shit that has not only affected their outlook on themselves but that of the world that surrounds them.

Don't dig the majority of the Doms either.

Not exactly a people person.

Hate cats as well.

Moving to Gor.

_____________________________

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 23

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 10:21:30 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

domiguy,

quote:

Too hard to read... Now I don't really care for you either.

Added quote boxes for your viewing pleasure. The second part I'd assumed already. You show disdain for pretty much everyone so it seemed sensible to think I'd be branded similarly. You're quite the conundrum and an oxymoron. On the one hand, there is actually some truth and insight in your thoughts. On the other hand, you express these thoughts in such a vile, disrespectful way that few will see through the haze. Do you really think calling dominant women "cunts" is remotely endearing, even if you're doing this, ostensibly, with clever aplomb? Ditto for the "subbies... are the most whiniest, pathetic group of men on the planet" sentiments. I don't palate this kind of nonsense from female dominants and coming from you doesn't change my approach.

quote:

I can't stand cunty folks. On the hole I don't really dig the dommes.

You've stated this a few times before, with similar use of cavernous metaphor.

quote:

There are far too many that have only the aspiration for the dollars and none for the dominance. Actors at best complete charlatans at worse.

Some yes. This doesn't apply solely to dommes or solely to women in general. Opportunists (read: usurers) aren't gender specific.

quote:

I don't harbor much respect for the male subbies either. Overall, seem to be the most whiniest, pathetic group of men on the planet.

I'll give you the following domiguy: you don't seem to like anyone. I wouldn't expect submissive men to be excluded and indeed they're not.

quote:

...if you were to administer some sort of happiness test (snip) you will find that dommes would fill the lowest branch on the happiness tree. Just seems to be such a mixed group of women that have far too often been subjected to some fairly serious emotional shit that has not only affected their outlook on themselves but that of the world that surrounds them.

Possibly. Broadening the scope, this statement might apply to many kinky people I've know (myself included).

quote:

Don't dig the majority of the Doms either.

You're an equal opportunity employer. We get it.

quote:

Not exactly a people person.

Yep. Okay.

quote:

Hate cats as well.

Whoa! Dude! Now you've gone to far! Clearly you need help.

quote:

Moving to Gor.

Ah. I see. Good on you sir. You've found exactly the place to get "help". You'll be healed in no time. Come join us for a drink. We'll be at my favourite, neighbourhood pub, "The Lowest Branch". :-)

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 1/8/2010 11:08:20 AM >

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 24

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 10:38:07 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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Too hard to read....Now I don't really care for you either.

Did I mention that Jefff and I are a hop bonded pair?

What is soooo fucking hard about being ....Dare I say, normal? Why are you fuckers always so stern and morose? Where is your sense of humor? Dealing with all of the douchebags that come your way you would think that you would have to laugh or go insane.

Have I mentioned how I loathe the thespians?

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Post #: 25

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 10:48:54 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

No, I'm not unfamiliar with the concept. However, what this actually means is that the woman becomes the pursuer and the man the chooser. After the man chooses, he pursues, and she becomes the chooser. This line of reasoning becomes an endless loop.

I don't see that the woman becomes the pursuer, but rather that she has allowed a given man the option to pursue her. If his pursuit is lacklustre or he shows unnacceptable traits, then his pursuit will be unsuccessful - she still remains the chooser. The definitions would remain the same even if the rôles were reversed.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 26

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 11:48:26 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Why are you fuckers always so stern and morose? Where is your sense of humor?

I've got to say, DG, your posts aren't exactly bubbling with the joys of life, either . . .

_____________________________

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(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 27

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 12:00:03 PM

LadyLou

Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Yes.

quote:

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

Not the same ones, but yes, there are some that do.

quote:

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

Well, yes, what other way do you expect people to behave? To act against their desires? To find ways to not justify how they feel?

quote:

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Not always. In the sense that you seem to mean it, the worst meets I've had are ones where I've paid for everything. One guy in particular seemed to do everything he could to avoid paying for anything during our first few dates. I wasn't particularly bothered paying for everything even though I did all the 12+ hour travelling (on day trips); but things ended when the man did whatever he could to avoid buying a me coffee.... but at the same time, didn't mind spending hundreds on himself right in front of me on various consumer goods during our dates.

quote:

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

Well, without wishing to sounds sarcastic, I politely suggest you broaden your limited experience, and think about the kind of women you are being drawn to. It seems to me you are being drawn to a lot of the kind of women you are moaning about, even though, as has been shown here, there are plenty of women who are happy, or even prefer, to pay their own way.

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 28

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 3:21:14 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

On first dates, each side pays their own expenses. We pay our gas (for my husband and I always meet potential subs for either of us together) to the meeting place, and we pay for what we order, as does the prospective sub. No one owes anyone anything. After that? I have deeply appreciated the generosity of various people in my life, and while I cannot always match material generosity in like fashion, I am rich in many other ways, and will share prodigally with people I am in relationship with, and expect the same in return.

I do require people who want 24/7 to be able to bring in an income. Love does not pay the increased food bill, etc. and one cannot ignore economic realities or one wakes up homeless and hungry. We all work, here.

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Post #: 29

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 3:34:05 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

domiguy,

quote:

domiguy:
Why are you fuckers always so stern and morose? Where is your sense of humor? Dealing with all of the douchebags that come your way you would think that you would have to laugh or go insane.

PeonForHer:
I've got to say, DG, your posts aren't exactly bubbling with the joys of life, either...

I don't think of the people I deal with as "douchebags" and this isn't how I characterize my overall Collar Me experience. If that's mostly what I got from this site, I wouldn't be here. Interestingly, underneath your bemoaning, I enjoy your posts. There's life experience, reflection, and insight in your thoughts. But, there's also a lot of negativity and your style is offensive to all but those who take time to read between the foul language. Your approach makes an impression for sure. I don't think this is necessarily a good impression though and there's no reason why this is the case except for how you choose to encapsulate your ideas and personality.

Short version: wrapping yourself in poo isn't particularly dominant, motivational, attractive, or endearing. The shock value is certainly there, but that's about it.

Elan.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 30

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 4:52:44 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

I'm with him when he says I can't stand cunty folks, though. Awful people, with their barbour jackets, range rovers and Pimms parties at the manor house. Mind you, I was surprised to see that they had that sort in the USA.

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(in reply to ElanSubdued)

Post #: 31

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 5:01:55 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Oh, Peon, you silly goose. You've obviously mistaken domiguy's accent for that of the country-house set. But you see, he's really not our sort, darling. I'm quite sure he sticks his little finger out when he drinks tea and puts the milk in it first. Do try not to socialise down-market, or I'm afraid you'll no longer be allowed admission to Ascot, never mind the Royal Enclosure.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 32

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 5:04:31 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Personally, I do whatever the situation calls for. If money is an issue with someone... like they are making sure it is half and half or worried about it, I might try to ease their mind, but if it goes past that... I will think he is anal about money and maybe women and we won't meet. lol

I do not think about money or relationships as one thing or another when it comes to money. It is a team effort and if someone is worried about how I might take them, he doesn't see me enough to know better and maybe we shouldn't meet.

Typically men I have been around will want to pay. I will allow that, but I also find other things to pay for. It really shouldn't be an issue as far as I am concerned.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 33

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 5:58:48 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you can't afford to meet her for coffee and pick up the tab for that, then you need to work on getting yourself financially stable. Or are you going to demand she buy her own birthday present also? Meet people who live near you. Hell, go to a munch and meet people there.

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 34

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 6:11:56 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

OP:
I pay my way...
Depending on the situation I buy a dinner if I am "courting'..or make sure I buy the 2nd one..I have offered to pay half a plane ticket once the potential man got here and I am generous with gifts..

PPL are very touchy about money and think most of us are out to get theirs..
As a result I introduce quite early in the relaitonship a money scenerio which quickly shows me where they are at in their mind about such things..and shows me I feel... how things would be in future.

GM

GM..

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 1/8/2010 6:22:56 PM >

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Post #: 35

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 6:20:24 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckNbull

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Within the limited scope of my experience, the female attitude clearly seems to be:

"If you got the money, honey, we got the time."

What are your related thoughts and experiences?

This has everything to do with the women you associate yourself with and nothing to do with the female gender as a WHOLE.

This is the exact same thing as men complaining about gold diggers while they're constantly bragging about how much money they make, that they own three businesses, what kind of car they drive, and they still whine whenever someone takes 'advantage' of them.

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Post #: 36

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 7:18:57 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuckNbull

Aside from within my imagination, are their women - Dommes, subs, or what have you - who are ready, willing, and able to fully fund, at least their half, of meeting credible romantic partners face-to-face, thereby hopefully verifying potential compatibility?

Or, do these same females, regardless of authoritative sexual behavior and disposition, fall back on the timeless male obligation to fully fund 99.95% of their "dating"?

When I was single, I was able to pay for my own dinners. But I didn't. I bought my own dinner once, when the guy I was on a date with revealed he was homeless. I did it because I felt bad, not because I think dates should be split.

I didn't go out with him again.

quote:

We tend to embrace the stereotypes that benefit our desires, while rejecting those that are antithetical to our desired ends.

Yup. Good thing I don't tend to complain about stereotyped gender roles. I just take the ones I like.

quote:

But, don't you get what you pay for? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Yeah, y'know, I do get what I pay for.

A rough estimate, my makeup bag for a date is worth around $300. Underwear, average it at 100. Shoes? 70? Cute outfit suitable for a nice dinner? 100? 150?

3 hours of my time to get pretty - priceless baby.

Guys can pretty much go straight from the office to a date and be fine. If he'd prefer I spend the time to get pretty rather than show up barefaced with limp hippy hair, well, he can buy dinner.

Put it like this - the more a guy spends on a date, the more a woman spends on getting dressed for it. It balances out.

(in reply to cuckNbull)

Post #: 37

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/8/2010 8:02:14 PM

NovelApproach

Posts: 150
Joined: 3/25/2007
Status: offline

Both of my boys pay more on outings and such than I do, but that's mostly because they're making a bit more than I do and they order more expensive food when we're out. Generally we all pay our own way, or take turns covering the whole bill. If I were making more than just a living wage, I would happily pay for all three of us - I have very few material desires, but it brings me pleasure to buy things that my loved ones will enjoy.

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Post #: 38

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/9/2010 12:26:35 AM

MistressTonya2u

Posts: 140
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline

If you can't buy Me a peach smoothie without thinking I am a gold digger, then there is really nothing left to say.

(in reply to NovelApproach)

Post #: 39

RE: Where there's no cost, there's no value. - 1/9/2010 5:26:59 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

A rough estimate, my makeup bag for a date is worth around $300.

Christ on a rhino, I could paint the entire exterior of a house for that - and have enough left to de-stink the bathroom!

Mind you, I wouldn't underestimate what some men do to prepare for their dates. Some men will spend hours on the day itself, tweaking around with hair, eyebrows, teeth, beard - and many other parts we won't mention. Some men will also have spent two hours in the gym, every day for two weeks beforehand.

However these men, if they've got any brains, will have grasped that women will allow them many faults - but not that of vanity. Vanity is only acceptable (indeed encouraged) in women. Men have to make it look like they've made an effort, but all in the space of an hour. The 'just got out of bed' hairstyle alone actually takes half an hour to cajole into tolerable shape.

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(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 40

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