quote:

What do you think? And . . . dare I say it . . . why? If you're submissive and your D-type and you disagree about whether the why matters, how do you deal with it?

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Himself may ask me.. "I told you to go to the bank today and order more checks. Why didn't you do it?"

Me .. "It's a holiday and the bank was closed."

That would be an explaination and a justification of why I didn't do what he told me to do and he would (probably) find that acceptable.

If my answer was "I ran out of time because I spent it reading the collarme boards" ... well, that wouldn't go over so well. ::grins::

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She went to the doctor for an annual and a suspicious lump was discovered in her breast. She came home shell shocked to discover her dominant was all set for caning her breasts. She refused.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She went to the doctor for an annual and a suspicious lump was discovered in her breast. She came home shell shocked to discover her dominant was all set for caning her breasts. She refused.

This makes no sense.

Why on earth would the first words out of her mouth (unless she was viewing the situation as confrontational from the get go) be "No." and not "The doctor found a lump in my breast."?

It's impossible to dissect an anecdotal scenario, but I have serious doubts these events could have happened without a lot of other mutually-responsible mistakes happening (including an initial preoccupation with refusal rather than explanation).

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Years ago on bondage.com forum a sub came on and told about how her relationship imploded because he wouldn't listen to why. She went to the doctor for an annual and a suspicious lump was discovered in her breast. She came home shell shocked to discover her dominant was all set for caning her breasts. She refused.

He gave her no chance to explain, just started in on how she wasn't a good submissive, she wasn't obedient, she needed to rethink this or end the relationship. Later on he heard her crying on the phone asking her sister to come with her when she went for the biopsy, explaining that her dom wouldn't. The d/s ended at that moment because she couldn't trust him. She stayed with him then, she needed help during chemo and such, but he never got back the trust she had formerly had in him.

All because he didn't ask why. I don't know if she survived, I doubt it because she dropped out of sight shortly thereafter. I hope in the years since he's had time to learn his lesson. So yeah, to some of us why is important.

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ORIGINAL: cpK69

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He showed me that by trashing the house before I had gotten home, and by demonstrating why ‘we’ don’t toss cinder blocks across the living room; ya might ‘accidently’ hit someone with it.

(I’m alright)

Kim

Kim,

I don't think you meant this to be funny, and I'm really glad you weren't terribly injured in the event, but I really had to laugh at this statement. Before I got to the end, I was figuring he would have "accidently" busted the sliding glass doors, walls, etc. and the cost of the repairs.

On another note, it has been a couple days now, I wonder how lucy is doing and if they are working things through?

(in reply to cpK69)

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

On another note, it has been a couple days now, I wonder how lucy is doing and if they are working things through?

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ORIGINAL: lucylucy

I think it's obvious from my OP that I know what I did was wrong. How helpful is it, really, to berate me for lying and tell me that I should take responsibility or that I should know lying is wrong? Duh, obviously I know that. I said that in my OP. My OP doesn't ask for your opinion of what I did. Frankly, your opinion of what I did doesn't matter one bit to me. The only opinion that matters is my boyfriend's.

I am NOT asking for help in justifying what I did. There is nothing in my OP that indicates that. There is no justification for what I did. You're wasting your time and mine to tell me that.

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ORIGINAL: domiguy
If someone I was seeing came out here and aired out her shit to the masses I would kick her to the curb.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Lucy, you could probably have avoided a lot of message-board drama if you had created a blank profile specifically to ask relationship-type questions.

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ORIGINAL: lucylucy

I see your point, but that seems kind of dishonest to me.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

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ORIGINAL: lucylucy

I see your point, but that seems kind of dishonest to me.

I don't understand why.  If, for example, you told your boyfriend you would keep relationship things private and then posted, that would count as dishonest to me.  In fact, many men tacitly assume relationship things are private, so unless you specifically asked him if posting this would be ok, you might be walking a thin line right now.  Saying, "This isn't my real profile because I want to keep everything private, but I need as much advice as possible about this question," isn't lying to anyone, or hiding from anything.  It is being protective of a (damaged?) relationship you care about.

If you look at the posters with the healthiest, most stable relationships, they tend only to post about good things their partners do, or problems that occurred in the past, and how they worked through those problems as a team.  By contrast, people who live for drama enjoy playing to the audience.  I'm not saying that's what you are doing.  I think it's something to think about, though, for anyone who wants to use a message board like this is a productive fashion.

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

No one can tell you about your behavior without  the details.  It is stupid on your part to assume otherwise.

People lie all of the time...There are the little white lies where you inform someone that you are not feeling well simply because you don't feel like meeting them out and then there are the mothahfucking dooozies...."No, I'm not cheating."

Since you seem to be unable to follow this concept I cannot begin to believe that you will be able to discern any relevant advice that you might garner from these responses.

You are not out here to find advice you are just here to be seen.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She wasn't given a chance. His first words weren't "hi honey, how was your day?" but "get your shirt off for me to cane you". When she said that she couldn't do that, he went off on her about how bad a sub she was, how she was ruining his day etc. Some people shut down when confronted by anger. I imagine she was one. I've done that myself, just stopped talking and shut down. The difference is that The Man, unlike my ex sees this and doesn't use it to get his way or at least not get any disagreement, he realizes it means there's a problem and he needs to find out what it is. And raging at people does not encourage them to be open with you.

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ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

If you look at the posters with the healthiest, most stable relationships, they tend only to post about good things their partners do, or problems that occurred in the past, and how they worked through those problems as a team.  By contrast, people who live for drama enjoy playing to the audience.  I'm not saying that's what you are doing.  I think it's something to think about, though, for anyone who wants to use a message board like this is a productive fashion.