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Years ago on bondage.com forum a sub came on and told about how her relationship imploded because he wouldn't listen to why. She went to the doctor for an annual and a suspicious lump was discovered in her breast. She came home shell shocked to discover her dominant was all set for caning her breasts. She refused.

He gave her no chance to explain, just started in on how she wasn't a good submissive, she wasn't obedient, she needed to rethink this or end the relationship. Later on he heard her crying on the phone asking her sister to come with her when she went for the biopsy, explaining that her dom wouldn't. The d/s ended at that moment because she couldn't trust him. She stayed with him then, she needed help during chemo and such, but he never got back the trust she had formerly had in him.

All because he didn't ask why. I don't know if she survived, I doubt it because she dropped out of sight shortly thereafter. I hope in the years since he's had time to learn his lesson. So yeah, to some of us why is important.

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

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ORIGINAL: cpK69

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He showed me that by trashing the house before I had gotten home, and by demonstrating why ‘we’ don’t toss cinder blocks across the living room; ya might ‘accidently’ hit someone with it.

(I’m alright)[:D]

Kim

Kim,

I don't think you meant this to be funny, and I'm really glad you weren't terribly injured in the event, but I really had to laugh at this statement. Before I got to the end, I was figuring he would have "accidently" busted the sliding glass doors, walls, etc. and the cost of the repairs.

On another note, it has been a couple days now, I wonder how lucy is doing and if they are working things through?

Welll… *looks down at feet shamefully*… It was meant as a large dose of truth, with a slight slap of humor.[:D]

I figure; if showing my ass can help someone else keep theirs, it’s not too much to give.[;)]

Thank you for your concern.[:)]

Kim

p.s. Good to see you seem to be doing well, lucy.

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ORIGINAL: cpK69


Welll… *looks down at feet shamefully*… It was meant as a large dose of truth, with a slight slap of humor.[:D]

I figure; if showing my ass can help someone else keep theirs, it’s not too much to give.[;)]

Thank you for your concern.[:)]

Kim

p.s. Good to see you seem to be doing well, lucy.

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


Yea, I tend to get mental images very quickly. And in my mind I see some idiot throwing a fit with cinder blocks then looking around at all the damage, you are now long gone, and this fool is standing there looking at the aftermath thinking "Well that went well, didn't it?"

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What I meant to do by getting into the "why" was help myself and him understand why I had done what I did. Yes, I hoped he would show more compassion for me if he understood the why--and now I am wondering if maybe that does count as trying to get out of responsibility. I have always thought that for me to learn from my mistakes, I need to understand why I made the mistake, but now I am reconsidering that. Maybe I have used that as a way to cut myself slack and avoid responsibility. Maybe the what really is all that matters.

What do you think? And . . . dare I say it . . . why? If you're submissive and your D-type and you disagree about whether the why matters, how do you deal with it? And if you're Dominant and your s-type and you disagree about it, how do you deal with it?

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ORIGINAL: lucylucy

What do you think? And . . . dare I say it . . . why?

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ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I see the OP doing the same thing. She is certainly taking a lot of heat for what she did from the posters here. She opened herself up to that, perhaps even subconsciously as a means of exacting some self punishment for the incident while she has waited for his response. She has taken responsibility for her role in it. I haven't seen her post one negative thing about her partner anywhere on this thread. The fact that people occasionally have problems is not negative in and of itself. I don't see her seeking justification, pushing off blame on him, or any such thing. I personally don't see this as airing dirty laundry at all. Mine probably came closer to that than hers does.

In the end, folks reassured me that having a bump in the road wasn't the end of the world. They reminded me why I am in a relationship with the man I am rather than someone else. They were able to put some perspective on things that I hadn't considered. It was a good thing and helped me greatly. I am sure this thread is doing similarly for the OP. I hope we can all continue to support each other both through encouragement and tough love as needed, but first we have to be able to open up and share about the less than pretty things. Yes, that will occasionally draw drama (but I would say that has more to do with many respondents than it really has to do with a well intended OP). She had done her best to avoid the drama and use what was helpful for her. I think it is great to have been able to get that input.

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ORIGINAL: CaringandReal


I thnk you've discovered an area of emotional incompatibility with your boyfriend. This is common to almost all relationships as they develop, obviously, but in a control-led relationship you may respond to this dismaying fact differently than you would in an uncontrolled one. Your question is about what vs. why, but perhaps it should be about, "can I live with this?" and then... "why" or "why not?" (the answer to "why?" to me, would be just as important as the answer to "why not?" as I would need to remind myself of it later when the incompatiblity grated on me again.)