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Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/21/2006 8:05:55 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Submissives and slaves who are women need a bit --in my case alot -- of indulgence when it comes to vanity.  We are still women, and want to look good, feel good, smell good, etc.  In a budget, there should be some priority set for a sub's salon needs and for her make up, and whatever else she needs to feel pretty.  Opinions, A/anyone?. 

< Message edited by candystripper -- 3/21/2006 8:07:24 PM >
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/21/2006 8:16:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You're over reaching.

I love looking pretty. I love being able to spend money to do things that make me look and feel prettier. But it's nowhere near priority for me that I'd put some sort of limit on it or suggest that a dom is lacking if they don't provide for my vanity.

We're all allowed to set our priorities and if someone wants to make clothes/make up/hair a hard limit in their lives, that's perfectly fine.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/21/2006 8:25:41 PM   
jennalynn


Posts: 67
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		i would love to dress pretty, make myself up, and get my nails done on a regular basis...

However...

If He wants that, He will include it in the budget. no??

jenna

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/21/2006 8:26:06 PM   
justjill


Posts: 28
Joined: 3/19/2006
Status: offline 		I agree to the general statement. Wanting to look our best for ourselves and are Master's is very much a mental health issue for us women. I would think most Doms and Masters also want this for themselves so setting aside time and some money I would think is somewhat normal.

Now when you are talking salon time though then there might be money issues in terms of how often you go, but that happens in all relationships.



(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/21/2006 9:09:32 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		i agree; there seems to be no end of money to spend in the salon, but hair (on my head) & nails & toes are a bare minimum i can live with.  What about other women.  (O, and the occassional lipstick or such.)
 
candystripper

(in reply to justjill)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 2:38:53 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Thorns indulges a girl in this way from time to time.  He likes the fact that i am girly.  For the most part, i keep up with having my nails/hair/toes/makeup done and spend the money wisely on them.  I will say that He does like to send me to Dolce once a year and get 'the works' done on my hair.  It's a rather pricey place, but He likes to see the look on my face when i step out of there.  For Him...........it's worth it.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 3:35:31 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I have very little use for makeup and things like that. I have it should I ever desire to use it, but it's of little, if any importance to me. But I don't see a problem with those that use it... unless it comes to the point where I/We are having to wait long periods of time for them to "put their face on" or do their hair. I don't like being late if it is at all avoidable.. and I just don't see fixing makeup as a good excuse. I would tolerate it only for so long then the makeup would be gone until such a time when they could learn to anticipate how long the process is going to take and be ready when we are ready to walk out the door.

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 3:50:15 AM   
MasterStoney442


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		This and all other things are not up to the sub/slave. This is a life style and when one becomes a sub/slave the rights are those of the Master/Mistress

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to smilezz)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 4:54:17 AM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I've never seen the sense is spending money on having my nails done, or for anything  more than an occassionaly hair cut. I can color my own hair to hide that grey, and paint my own nails. Which because of my real time job, I can't wear nail polish anyway, so don't bother. Otherwise, nice clothes, stockings and garters, a little makeup, and I can feel pretty and sexy, without spending a fortune.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 5:00:22 AM   
redangel


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		If the top has control of the finances it should be discussed prior to giving them the control. Mental Health takes on a lot of forms and no one is a mind reader. If the top sees it as vanity, they have to know that it's part of being human. If that is a sticking point in the relationship it sounds as if the bottom won't be happy nor proud to be with the top so why bother entering into an arrangement where the bottom wants control. Finding a partner that meets the needs is the first step, not finding a partner then seeing if they can fit our needs. Too many are doing it backward.

angel

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 5:17:25 AM   
redangel


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		That is a nice Utopian picture you paint, but actually it's part of the negotiation process. In all relationships without knowing the other it's dangerous to assume responsibility for what a person doesn't know. There was a life before the Top entered the picture. There is a lot of learning along the way. If a person getting their nails done or hairdone is a self esteem issue there's nothing a Top can do to change that. Tops aren't therapists, just normal people. They can help the other to overcome some things, but without knowing they play a dangerous game. angel

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 6:26:36 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smilezz

Thorns indulges a girl in this way from time to time.  He likes the fact that i am girly.  For the most part, i keep up with having my nails/hair/toes/makeup done and spend the money wisely on them.  I will say that He does like to send me to Dolce once a year and get 'the works' done on my hair.  It's a rather pricey place, but He likes to see the look on my face when i step out of there.  For Him...........it's worth it.

~smilezz~


In your pic, your hair is gorgeous, smilezz.
 
candystripper

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 6:54:57 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If these are things you feel you need in order to be mentally healthy, add them to your list of needs. Any Dom/Master who is interested in the real you will always work to meet your needs (note: needs are different than wants). If they don't want to do this, then they're not the right one for you.

Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 7:00:31 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Submissives and slaves who are women need...Opinions, A/anyone?. 


it is this slave's opinion that trying to be the "voice" of submissives and slaves and/or women by intimating that JUST because we are submissive, slave or women, "WE" ALL want _________________ or need _________________, not only defies logic, but this slave finds it arrogant, distasteful and wishes folks would cut it out.
 
YOU might be vain about your looks and desire coats of paint and dyes in order to give you the illusion that you look good, but not every woman does or even counts vanity among her necessities, especially for mental health--on the contrary, some folks have to let go and give up their "vanity" in order to achieve mental health(anorexics, et al).
 
Master has his slave's (head)hair trimmed every six weeks or so, because HE likes it to be neatly trimmed.
 
Master has decided Make-up(paint) is reserved for certain occasions:
costume parties(a Marie Antoinette costume NEEDS make-up as an accessory)
Gay pride(or any other pride for that matter) parades
a Prince concert where this slave had a purple heart symbol and the word SLAVE painted across her cheek, as a tribute to this slave's favorite performer's struggle with WB.
venues where this slave is doing artistic face and body painting
 

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 7:37:10 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Submissives and slaves who are women need a bit --in my case alot -- of indulgence when it comes to vanity. 


Although I have not had nor do I seek a female submissive, I have rejected more than several male submissives for their vanity--one took great pains to mention all the designer things he wore, bought etc---I was like whoopiedo--
 
So here are My thoughts:
 
It isn't about you--it is what is pleasing to your Master/Mistress
 
When one is focused on vanity, they are not focused on the relationship.
 
As jali and others have said, women have been doing their own make-up for thousands of years--in fact the preponderence of salons and affordability of salon services has only cropped up in the last 15 years or so--
 
If one needs vanity trappings to represent their inner beauty, I'd question the inner strength of the submissive and the willingness to "let go"---hmm think there is a thread about that somewhere---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 7:47:55 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		It is not so much a focus on vanity for me, as i do not feel i am a vain person.  But Master expects me to always look my best for him.  It is not so much my appearance he is after, but he likes knowing i work to please him, and he wants my best not only mentally, intellectually and emotionally, but physically as well.

And so i wear make that is appropriate to me.  And i to get manicures/pedicures before a visit.  He likes the idea of me "at the groomers" for him.  And i like having smooth skin for him.(my nails, however, are my own - can't do the fake nail thing)

i will always curl my hair for him, even if that means getting up extra early to do it.  Even if it means he hardly notices.  i feel he deserves my best and i strive to give it to him.

(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 7:52:22 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Nicely stated, the difference here is the "agreement" of the fact that he supports it---and it isn't vanity, its "pleasing"--<smiles>--and I do love your posts!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 10:09:18 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveladyj

I've never seen the sense is spending money on having my nails done, or for anything  more than an occassionaly hair cut. I can color my own hair to hide that grey, and paint my own nails. Which because of my real time job, I can't wear nail polish anyway, so don't bother. Otherwise, nice clothes, stockings and garters, a little makeup, and I can feel pretty and sexy, without spending a fortune.


I couldn't agree more!! I have better uses for our money than vanities. I'd rather spend it on travel and golf.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to slaveladyj)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 10:23:33 AM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, i agree - it is about Him - and pleasing Him. He very much likes my toes painted but not my fingernails. W/we have been talking about a more Goth look for me which W/we both really dig, but it will always be about what delights Him. - i'm not in the habit of going to a salon, i cut my own hair, paint my own nails. As a matter of fact i cut Master's hair and give Him manicures. A trip to a salon would be a real treat, but i would never expect it to be in the budget per se.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Vanity & Good Mental Health - 3/22/2006 10:25:59 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I really like makeup, 'cause I find it fun to put on.

-Need- makeup? No. And I promised myself if I ever felt that I couldn't leave the house without makeup, I'd stop wearing it for a month.

The Owner likes me in makeup for some things, and out of makeup for some things. Give me a budget for a salon? I wish. We cut our hair at home, I dye it at home. My big indulgence is expensive shampoo which is something of a necessity with very curly and not-easily-controllable hair. Even that has a cheap substitute if I can't afford the nice stuff in a given month.

I don't think that (for me) personal grooming of this type (ie, makeup, salon, etc. Stuff beyond personal hygiene) is a requirement for mental health. I definatly need conditioner, so I can brush my hair, but nail polish and lipstick wait on his pleasure :)


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to proudsub)
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