LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Acer49
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
From a legal standpoint (which according to your post title is what you want), the second she decides she doesn't want it anymore, it becomes assault.
I believe it is considered assault regardless of consent. although not all assault cases are prosecuted by the local DA
While that would technically be correct on some level, if the local authorities don't have it brought to their attention, then it didn't happen.
One of the problems I see though is that frequently some people will "stumble" into the "lifestyle." Seems to happen more frequently with women for some reason. I have seen women who have some issues with past abuse or trauma who for whatever reason question whether or not they "asked for it" on some level. They are encouraged to "explore" those questions within the "safety" of a BDSM relationship. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that no one can benefit from such exploration, because some people can and have. On the other hand, far too often, this person who did suffer something in their past or something else will find themselves with one of those "uber" dominants who now tell them that it is "different" because it is all consensual. Meanwhile, the woman, who is typically overly desperate for someone to "love" her, is still suffering from the same issues she had in the past, and really doesn't want this kind of relationship, but through various circumstances has been convinced that she does. Like it or not, for some people, BDSM is just a phase they go through in life. In a case like I just described the woman, as time goes by, realizes that this ISN'T the kind of relationship that she wanted. While it may seem as though she was consenting, she really wasn't capable of such consent.
In the case described by allthatjaz, going to the authorities would be outright wrong. Even given the above scenario, the relationship is over and nothing would be served by going to the law. Honestly that sounds like a case of sour grapes.
What I see more often than not is that if someone was in a BDSM relationship and for whatever reason files charges, a significant number of "lifestyle" people will immediately say "it was consensual, she is lying," disregarding or worse not having all the facts. It is no different than "vanilla" people automatically assuming that everyone within the BDSM community is being abused but can't figure it out.
Yes, the BDSM community does have some problems with society accepting that people have made a choice, but every case that one reads in the newspaper is not just another way of portraying BDSM in a bad light. Brainwashing can and does happen. "Stockholm Syndrome" is not a myth. Everyone should just be more open to what actually is happening, on both the "lifestyle" and "vanilla" sides. Typically the truth will lie somewhere in the middle.
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RE: the law - 
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