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should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 7:59:55 AM

babyblues

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Joined: 8/10/2005
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i had a recent discussion with several Doms and subs regarding friendship between Dominants and their submissives...should a Dominant and His/Her submissive be friends? to me friendship feels too vanilla and is a sign of equality...perhaps because i am M/s as opposed to D/s? how can i be something as simple as a "friend" to someone who controls every aspect of my life....any thoughts?

Post #: 1

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:05:20 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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If it works for you then go for it. There are many M/s relationships which are based on love and friendship, and many which are not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 2

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:08:36 AM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
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Lucky running for office?

She has one foot on both sides of the fence...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:22:52 AM

JohnSteed1967

Posts: 304
Joined: 5/29/2005
From: Columbia SC
Status: offline

What use is it to simply be a sextoy and not have someone there that actually cares? I say this on both sides of the fence. I have a young lady now that I am talking with who wants to seperate the two. Who doesn't believe that a Dom can be a friend as well that's just wrong

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 4

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:26:54 AM

BrianSenior

Posts: 88
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Different strokes for different folks. I know of several submissives, that when given friendship, love, it ends up being taken as weakness. They can not submit to some one who is as you said on an equal level to them, but rather need some one who is a superior. They need to feel that they are beneath them. Looking once again from a parental aspect, a strong Father is a Father not a friend but a Father. If My sons look to Me as a friend then I will not get the respect from them. Yet some one who is only an authority figure will not have the open relationship needed to nurture the spirit. Father first, then friend. Tis My opinion. ~BK~

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 5

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:27:23 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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As human beings, we ARE equal. What makes it an Ms or Ds relationship is that one has decided to consciously defer to another and one has consciously decided to control. Being a sub/slave does not make you inferior in any way. Neither does being Dom/Master make you superior. However, the question of friendship is as subjective as the question of romantic love. Some insist that RL can't be a part of the relationship; some insist that it must be. Ultimately, those involved have to decide for themselves.

But, since you asked our opinions...I feel that I am friends with both of my slaves. By friends, I meant that they can talk to me openly about their problems/challenges...and I can talk to them about mine. I value their opinions as they value mine. In order to be a genuine person, I need to get as well as give a certain amount of transparency in order for the relationship to feel real. However, in the end, we have decided that my choice/decision is final. That's just one of the things that make me the Master.

Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 6

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:36:19 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Every relationship I have other than simple business pr professional ones are based in friendship. For a girl to pass through wearing a House Collar and to be awarded my personal collar needs to have become a friend in the Australian Mateship meaning. I find it virtually to explain what a Aussie means and understand of Mateship but it is more than a friend and yet such a relationship works in a lifestyle relationship too.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 7

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:45:13 AM

justjill

Posts: 28
Joined: 3/19/2006
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The answer for any type of relationship is whatever works for both people. I know trite and of little insight.

For me personally, I do not see how I could serve my owner in a long-term basis if there was not many of the components of friends and love from two people who get along.

My question is are you looking for 24/7 and living together eventually or is this just going to be a more seperate relationship?

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 8

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:49:36 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Awww, BabyBlues
You can be a slave to your Master and be his best friend too, you just have to kill his dog without getting caught!

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to justjill)

Post #: 9

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 8:54:39 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong in having all the intimacies in d/s that any nilla couple have.
The only difference is that he shouldn’t allow that to impede him in any way.
I always like the submissive I’m with, it’s just that I express it sorta differently.
Yes, go with friend, lover and submissive.

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 10

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:06:13 AM

babyblues

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

thank You All for replying....Jill, i am in a 24/7 TPE relationship now and have been for years...perhaps it's been so long since W/we were in the friendship phase that i can't relate....i find that i agree with BrianSenior and His comparison with a parent/child relationship....there are love, companionship and nurturing but also the constraints of respect and authority that prevent a true "friendship"...at least i feel like some are agreeing with me, or at least seeing my point as i felt ostrasized from the other discussion group...but they are all D/s, not M/s....would that make a difference?

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 11

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:10:12 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues
but they are all D/s, not M/s....would that make a difference?

Not a serious one.

It can feel like you're vastly outnumbered when you're in a group that has a majority of love/friendship based relationships and yours is not. But the reality is that we're all just doing what works best for us. As long as they can accept your choice as your own and that it works for you, then you're good.

I personally do not consider any past or future owner to be my friend or boyfriend or lover. But I understand that, for others, they need and want that in their relationships.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 12

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:17:15 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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He is in a position of authority over me, and therefore we are not friends as in the buddy sense. He is my best friend in that he looks after me and i can trust him with my deepest of thoughts. i am his confidant in that he may choose to unload some of his thoughts to me. But it is not a friendship in the traditional sense. Others have that in their relationships, but it would not work for He & i in the kind of relationship we both want.

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 13

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:24:18 AM

mistressandy

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

there has to be a friendship between dom/sub if its to last a long time ,however never should one lose sight of who they are in the relationship,even when the relationship has a vanilla accent slaves must know their slaves,and as a very private person who wants it all ,a well rounded stable individual who is in it for the long haul,trust is amust as well as the slave loves and has eyes for no other than the mistress he/she is serving devotedly.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:33:34 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

There can be times for different types of behavior in any relationship
and there are many flavors of friendship
if you look at him as someone you can goto anytime and confide in, then that’s a type of friendship
some of the definitions of friendship are closeness, familiarity and intimacy, so I think you can be respectful friend to him

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 15

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:42:49 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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He's probably not going to be a friend in the ordinary and meaningless vanilla sense. But a master is someone you need to be completely honest with; someone you must share everything with; someone you trust with your life and your welfare. If that isn't a friend, what is?

(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 16

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:54:42 AM

sweetkcredhead

Posts: 104
Joined: 3/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree with LordandMaster. I feel there is a deep friendship in my relationship, one we have slowly built upon and are still building upon. Growing together. The friendship may not have that same dynamic that I hold with female vanilla friends or even fellow submissives, but it is still friendship. Friendship doesn't have to feel a certain way nor be expressed in a set way. I know there is genuine affection and friendship on both sides, but it doesnt change the dynamic of our relationship.

sarah

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 17

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:58:23 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: babyblues

i had a recent discussion with several Doms and subs regarding friendship between Dominants and their submissives...should a Dominant and His/Her submissive be friends? to me friendship feels too vanilla and is a sign of equality...perhaps because i am M/s as opposed to D/s? how can i be something as simple as a "friend" to someone who controls every aspect of my life....any thoughts?

For me I don't see anything wrong with being friends. I think its a very different kind of friendship that I have with my owner, but I would consider him one of my closest friends.

I don't think it takes away from the structure, like I said for me its a different kind of friendship. But then again I consider my mother a very close friend also, so I don't see being a friend as necessarily clashing with being an authority figure. Its all about how it's handled.

C~

_____________________________

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The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to babyblues)

Post #: 18

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 9:59:53 AM

Wolfspet

Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline

I cannot say what there should be in your relationship
I can say what has worked for us.
He is my best friend, the one person I know I can tell anything to who will not go screaming into the night at some of my ideas.
The person who knows what wakes me in terror in the middle of the night, the person who knows what will make me smile the most, who knows what makes my blood run both hot and cold, adn which tracks my train of thought can de-rail to.

Funny thing is, he feels the same about me.

I have no idea where "vanilla" life and M/s life differentiate, my life encompasses both.

(in reply to sweetkcredhead)

Post #: 19

RE: should Master be your friend? - 3/22/2006 10:04:08 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

Master is my Friend, Lover, Confidante, Playmate - but always i'm aware that He has the final say.

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Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 20

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