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RE: Around Her Finger - 1/14/2010 7:20:57 PM

homedespot

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

It frustrates me that I can't get the point across. I think because no one read any of the articles that I posted.

1. Women, in general do talk differently then men. That's a fact. Read the articles.

1A. The fact that YOU don't or I don't is irrelevant.The fact that YOU and I aren't homophobic doesn't mean homophobia doesn't exist.

2. That website instructs women to talk in a way that most women do not. *I* think it is a crappy idea to "teach" women to talk in a "dominant" way. I think that is male fantasy.It is no different then saying you aren't a Domme if you don't carry a crop and storm around in leather pants.The fact that YOU talk in a "dominant" way is IRRELEVANT. The WEBSITE is instructing it. NOT ME. I couldn't disagree MORE with the website.

3. This is the exact OPPOSITE of asking women to adopt a female language. I'm asking women to BE THEMSELVES and NOT let a website tell them how the "right" way to go about being a Domme is.

J.

(in reply to MsMillgrove)

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Post #: 41

RE: Around Her Finger - 1/14/2010 9:20:07 PM

LadyOddsworth

Posts: 141
Joined: 1/2/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Well damn! I am batting zero it seems! I talk very direct... add a few thank you's and please's and such... but no way am I indirect, hidden, manipulative in speech or anything else except maybe some fun and games time.

Oh gosh! That is all we need, huh Lockit? A guide to tell us how to talk to men? Gee... like you, I'm batting zero! ;-)

I guess I'm my own little brand of Domina, but I very often start a request with "what would please me very much right now is if you would... " and then how on earth could they say no if their desire is to please me?

My parents raised me to be polite and graceful. Besides, the caliber of submissive men that I date probably appreciate that I'm a Lady and not a bitch barking out orders. And in the end, it simply not who I am.

Sometimes I'll be direct.... like "Drop your trousers, luv". Ha!

- LA

I prefer LadyAngelika's approach to asking for what she wants. I'm sorry, but I grew up in a household where people would look at a full trash can and say things like "Gee, that trash can is really full, isn't it?" Instead of just asking someone to take out the trash. So the whole passive agressive approach leaves me a little flat. I'm sorry and I'm sure I'm going to catch some flack for this; but men can be daft, hinting around about what you really want doesn't always work. I know most men appreciate a more direct approach. Being polite and direct are not mutually exclusive.

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We all have baggage, the question is; Is it carry on or do you need a U-haul for it?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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Post #: 42

RE: Around Her Finger - 1/14/2010 9:48:27 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
And I agree... the picture is enough to make me not want to go to too many threads where I have to view it. You are a decent looking and fit man... but the totally nude and full exposure thing is a bit offsetting.

I agree totally. Nice, but geez already.

quote:

ORIGINAL: homedespot
Go get the lotion. I need you to rub my feet.

Run my bath for me. And while I'm in there get started on the laundry.

Get up, Sweetheart, and make me some coffee and an English muffin with butter.

You did a nice job cleaning the bathrooms; I am very pleased with you.

I want a full body massage for exactly one hour; keep an eye on the clock. When you are done I want you to go down on me until I tell you to stop. Afterwards, we'll both go to sleep. You won't be having an orgasm tonight."

I find these all very illustrative of women being asked (or told) to speak like man. In a female led household, in My opinion, it is the male who must learn to speak female. I would rephrase these for the intended audience of the site (women who are new to domination)

"Gosh I'd sort of like a footrub, would you mind?"

"I think my favorite jeans are in the wash""I'd kill for a cup of coffee"

"My shoulders are sore after that workout"

and so forth.Women, in general, do not speak with the same directive language that men do...and shouldn't have to.

To me the second set of quotes sound maybe, kinda, sorta, a little bit unsure, like "It'd be nice if you want to, but......" leaving room for a refusal or a "Naw, I just don't feel like it." My mother was a very direct and straight-to-the-point woman and ran a tight ship as the saying goes, and she would have (she's gone now) stated her wishes like the first set.....telling in no uncertain terms, not hinting passive-aggressively.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 43

RE: Around Her Finger - 1/16/2010 6:02:02 PM

homedespot

Posts: 79
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

I am not suggesting for one moment that is the way anyone SHOULD talk. I'm making the point that it is the way many women DO talk.

What I'm suggesting is that women should be able to talk ANY WAY THEY WANT and that no website should instruct them on the RIGHT way to talk to be a Domme. Several people have used the label "passive-aggressive" which just means is that you are accepting the premise that there is a right way to talk (and by the way that way is the male way). Try Mary Daly as a cure for that.

And instead of telling women that they have to talk in a way that men understand as dominant...

Never mind. I give up.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

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Post #: 44

RE: Around Her Finger - 1/16/2010 6:09:04 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Homedespot... I think people are actually agreeing with you... and they have a problem with what the site said. If I am not mistaken anyway. I really hate that you are feeling so attacked. I think you have made it very clear if there was any misunderstanding with any of us. I can't remember all I said here and if I was confused about what you said.. I am sorry. Now... you have explained yourself repeatedly and pretty much I think we are all in agreement.

I would hate for you to get upset over all this and post less. I really think whatever misunderstanding is no longer a factor. I hope you will keep posting and look forward to further discussions with you.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to homedespot)

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Post #: 45