RE: accepting limits

RE: accepting limits (Full Version)

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osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 9:58:54 AM)
seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust

Knighthunter862 -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:00:14 AM)
Limits are just that and should be excepted going in.I dont beleive guiding or teaching has anything to do with changing thoseand even if pushed and done wrongly can and most likely would end that realtionship.

sirsholly -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:01:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust bullshit. one of my limits is children, in any way, shape or form. It has nothing to do with trust. If a Dom ever asked me to do something morally wrong, it would speak volumes of his character.

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:04:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Knighthunter862 Limits are just that and should be excepted going in.I dont beleive guiding or teaching has anything to do with changing thoseand even if pushed and done wrongly can and most likely would end that realtionship. Why should they be expected? My female will have the limits I set upon us..Everyone else can work things out how they want..I'll do things my way..There's a song about..want ta hear it..here it goes. Hit it Frankie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L1sg7RImyM

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:06:14 AM)
i grant her condition's not limits

sirsholly -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:06:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf i grant her condition's not limits you have no "her" an i can see why.

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:07:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf i grant her condition's not limits you have no "her" an i can see why. "It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it."

Mercnbeth -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:09:22 AM)
quote: how many limits you will cave into for a relationship None. I had plenty of 'limits' coming into our relationship. I still have them; that means WE still have them. beth has none - but knowing me well, she trusted mine coming into our relationship, she trusts ours now. They've never changed in 7 years - Maybe that means we're just 'stagnant'. I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist. Compromising to experience things in a casual setting is one thing; compromising, on either side of the flogger, to get into a relationship can lead to frustration down the road. You can't compromise long term compatibility. A personal evaluation determining what's a must, or need to have, versus a like to have, but can do without; is about a far as compromising as you should go. In my opinion only of course.

persephonee -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:10:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: Hey there Icarys. Clarify who you think i called a dummy please, and ill respond. The statement was based on your Master? You said he has the sense god gave a grapefruit..The phrase is you don't have the sense god gave a grapefruit and isn't reversible....because their are no smart grapefruits lol. [sm=writing.gif] Marks down that in one post, both Icarys and persephonee were in agreement. This is a day that will live in infamy. And, i still read the grapefruit thing to mean that Master is smart. But im all brainwashed and slavey and whatnot.

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:12:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: Hey there Icarys. Clarify who you think i called a dummy please, and ill respond. The statement was based on your Master? You said he has the sense god gave a grapefruit..The phrase is you don't have the sense god gave a grapefruit and isn't reversible....because their are no smart grapefruits lol. [sm=writing.gif] Marks down that in one post, both Icarys and persephonee were in agreement. This is a day that will live in infamy. And, i still read the grapefruit thing to mean that Master is smart. But im all brainwashed and slavey and whatnot. I guess He has that power over you[:D]

Level -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:13:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: I tend to think that there aren't many "in love" with limits, but there are some that, for whatever reason, are willing to adjust, in order to maintain a relationship. Now, is that a matter of topping from the bottom? Or is it a sign of a weak dominant? perhaps a sign of respecting the submissive? Where's the fun in that? [:-] Nothing wrong with respecting the submissive, but the relationship, and it's dynamic, should be respected, as well. What I mean is, it all depends on why the limits are seeking to be adjusted.

sirsholly -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:14:34 AM)
quote: I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist. quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: osf i grant her condition's not limits you have no "her" an i can see why. upon entering a relationship, you do not "grant" anything. You accept. So does your submissive. If the limits are not acceptable to you or to the submissive, then there is a lack of compatibility and the relationship should go no further.

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:15:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: ORIGINAL: osf seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust bullshit. one of my limits is children, in any way, shape or form. It has nothing to do with trust. If a Dom ever asked me to do something morally wrong, it would speak volumes of his character. would that be a limit to raise if you absolutely trusted him?

persephonee -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:15:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: Hey there Icarys. Clarify who you think i called a dummy please, and ill respond. The statement was based on your Master? You said he has the sense god gave a grapefruit..The phrase is you don't have the sense god gave a grapefruit and isn't reversible....because their are no smart grapefruits lol. [sm=writing.gif] Marks down that in one post, both Icarys and persephonee were in agreement. This is a day that will live in infamy. And, i still read the grapefruit thing to mean that Master is smart. But im all brainwashed and slavey and whatnot. I guess He has that power over you[:D] i think it was the combination of the roofies and the hypnotism, but im still not sure. i can live with the misuse of the grapefruit...because i am just happy that i dont say things like...."for all intensive purposes" and "orientated"

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:16:14 AM)
lets just accept that you and i live on different worlds

sirsholly -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:17:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: I tend to think that there aren't many "in love" with limits, but there are some that, for whatever reason, are willing to adjust, in order to maintain a relationship. Now, is that a matter of topping from the bottom? Or is it a sign of a weak dominant? perhaps a sign of respecting the submissive? Where's the fun in that? [:-] Nothing wrong with respecting the submissive, but the relationship, and it's dynamic, should be respected, as well. What I mean is, it all depends on why the limits are seeking to be adjusted. Level, i am talking about when first entering into a relationship. If a Dom sees my limit of children as disrespect to the relationship, that is his prerogative. But he will not be in a relationship with me.

wisdomtogive -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:18:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust k...and please know i am just talking about myself. There are certain hard limits that both Sir and i have..so that isn't a problem. But there are a few things he loves, and for him i would do it, but in the beginning no. Why because there is no trust there yet. He worked hard building trust in me to him. He had a reason. Again imho wouldnt the Dom seek to build trust first, instead of , for example, doing a knife play scene first, when i am not sure it's a limit or not? Not all limits are hard either, the few i have we both have, the others he knows he needs to build the trust in me, because he wants me to serve him. It is not though for him all about limits and kink, so perhaps that is why i am confused.

myotherself -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:18:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist. As the person who introduced the hard/soft limit thing into the thread, I thought I'd clarify. For me, hard limits are things that are absolutely never going to happen because of personal issues and experiences. I guess many of us have those, to some extent. The soft limits are those that make me seriously nervous, and I would need to be with somone I totally trusted in order to approach them. For example, I would say to a prospective Dom/partner that needles are something I've never done, they scare the crap out of me, but there's no reason why, at some point in the future if he wanted to try it, that I would go for it too IF we had the required level of trust. I agree, I hate the 'mind reading' expectation - I tend to say what I think without any chance of misinterpretation, lol. But all of this hard/soft limit stuff - including how soft limits work with me - would be discussed with a prospective Dom before we ever got to the point of play. Hope this takes the drama out things [:D]

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:22:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: I don't understand the 'hard'/'soft' differentiation. It seems like a set up for drama. Saying "I may do something under certain circumstances"; requires mind reading ability to know when, or if, those "circumstances" exist. quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: osf i grant her condition's not limits you have no "her" an i can see why. upon entering a relationship, you do not "grant" anything. You accept. So does your submissive. If the limits are not acceptable to you or to the submissive, then there is a lack of compatibility and the relationship should go no further. That's how they work for you.. I do it slightly different. Telling me she isn't going to do something will not work. I'll go somewhere else and find a female that's open to me and how I choose to run the relationship. It's all about the attitude and the trust that I have in her as well..Is she going to try and manipulate? Does she show the signs of what I think is bad behavior? and so on and so on..

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 10:25:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wisdomtogive quote: ORIGINAL: osf seems to me stated limits are more about a lack of trust k...and please know i am just talking about myself. There are certain hard limits that both Sir and i have..so that isn't a problem. But there are a few things he loves, and for him i would do it, but in the beginning no. Why because there is no trust there yet. He worked hard building trust in me to him. He had a reason. Again imho wouldnt the Dom seek to build trust first, instead of , for example, doing a knife play scene first, when i am not sure it's a limit or not? Not all limits are hard either, the few i have we both have, the others he knows he needs to build the trust in me, because he wants me to serve him. It is not though for him all about limits and kink, so perhaps that is why i am confused. his limits are easy to keep, he just doesn't allow them hers is a little different and stem from a certain uncertainty

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