RE: accepting limits

RE: accepting limits (Full Version)

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Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:30:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: osf good gawd, it is a fucking metaphor, a point to begin discussion if i said my real ideas on the topic id be flamed into the 4000's You'd rather safely cower behind obscure whatif scenarios and metaphors, than risk being flamed for standing strong in your actual beliefs? I think you starting a topic you believe strongly in, and being true to your ideas, would be refreshing. i gave a simple concept for discussion , i never said it was my complete concept and i guess i'm too chicken to tell all, but for this thread it wasn't necessary I'm not sure what to say to that other than.. BOCK BOCK[:D]

DomImus -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:30:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly A Dom has authority only as long as he has my respect. The truth is that a dominant only has that authority which is granted to him by the submissive. Every single D/s relationship falls under this rule. Every single one. Including mine. Dominance in this vernacular is a farce.

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:30:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: osf good gawd, it is a fucking metaphor, a point to begin discussion if i said my real ideas on the topic id be flamed into the 4000's You'd rather safely cower behind obscure whatif scenarios and metaphors, than risk being flamed for standing strong in your actual beliefs? I think you starting a topic you believe strongly in, and being true to your ideas, would be refreshing. i gave a simple concept for discussion , i never said it was my complete concept and i guess i'm too chicken to tell all, but for this thread it wasn't necessary I'm not sure what to say to that other than.. BOCK BOCK[:D] rub it in

KnightofMists -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:33:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: Interestly enough... some people do. I missed that for a second..I gotya. Distracted talking to someone :> You mean you care about your females..Of course you do...and I do care about them when I'm with one but I still won't let it change what I'm looking for or expect. there is indeed times that we might want to hear and listen to the opinions of others... but that doesn't equate to doing what they want or change what I might want. quote: By your comment you may be implying that I'm doing something in some way you don't agree with? not implications... it what it is... quote: All I can say to that is: Your not in a position to make that judgment. You may pass it but you aren't qualified. this actually a circular arguement that has not end. I may judge... you say I am not qualified... but who are you to say I am not qualified? Fact is... we will judge... and being qualified is nothing more than another judgement all of it's own. quote: We each have our own way of doing things. I don't think my way is better than yours..only better for me. I completely agree with this.. sort of.... We choose a way that is best for ourselves... but sometimes someone else as alittle bit of knowledge that could help us get where we want to go faster or better. So... we might be doing what's best for ourselves.. but it's only as good as the information we are basing our decision on. The trick is learning when to learn and listen for our own individual benefits and when to just say fuck you I am going my own way. quote: Now I haven't had a relationship as long as you've had with one of your females (20 years is it?) but does that make you qualified to speak for all males or very well for you? Maybe you weren't implying that :> My apologies. No in an absolute sense... my experience as no significant value in the absolute sense for someone else. However... in come situations my experience might hold some value to one degree or another. I may judge that it does.. but then again... that is just a judgement... some may agree with the judgement some may not. But it is not if the judgement/opinion is wrong or right... it's only a question of does it hold value in that person mind at that moment. Interestly enough... sometimes it's moments down the road when one is smart enough to see the wisdom given. I can't tell you how many times I realized just how smart my parents are over the years... even though at the time I thought they to be out of touch with the times!

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:40:55 PM)
quote: this actually a circular arguement that has not end. I may judge... you say I am not qualified... but who are you to say I am not qualified? Fact is... we will judge... and being qualified is nothing more than another judgement all of it's own. Of course it's a circular argument but it leads back to the truth for me instinctively. I decide who is qualified..The decision lies with me whether or not I take something that is subjective as wisdom...Not all things are wisdom because they are spoken wisely.

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:43:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys quote: this actually a circular arguement that has not end. I may judge... you say I am not qualified... but who are you to say I am not qualified? Fact is... we will judge... and being qualified is nothing more than another judgement all of it's own. Of course it's a circular argument but it leads back to the truth for me instinctively. I decide who is qualified..The decision lies with me whether or not I take something that is subjective as wisdom...Not all things are wisdom because they are spoken wisely. wisely said

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 1:45:48 PM)
*Grins

LadyPact -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:07:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf what are you thought on what and how many limits you will cave into for a relationship my concept is of a fixed volume in which you both exist the greater volume taken by her limits the les volume you have in which to exercise authority your thoughts? Our thoughts on the matter are different. I see the concept in a different way than you. For Me, the answer is not one that is finite. Even if you start with a pitcher of water to symbolize all authority, all activity that is potentially covered as BDSM, it will not always remain the same. None of the external factors are being considered. Time, trust, change of circumstances, for both, not just one, aren't being thought about. When clip replied here, he spoke of a limit that is unique to him and his circumstances. Had you asked the boy the same question three years ago, his answer would have been different. I don't see either of those answers to have put a limit on My authority. Somewhere in there, I also come into the picture and have a greater desire not to cause harm and actually have less control because of wishing to pursue something in that BDSM pitcher. In our case, there's actually more liquid in the pitcher than when we started out. Truthfully, he gave you the only limit that was one that we didn't share at the beginning. We share it now because the potential harm, not only to the boy, but to the dynamic as a whole is greater than some power trip that I have saying that I must satisfy every whim that I ever dream up. In fact, I actually own that whip and if My desire to use it is so great, I just use it on someone else. I'd rather own the boy that came with the limit, but that might just be Me.

KnightofMists -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:17:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I decide who is qualified.. and hopefully you are qualified to decide who is qualified.. I just know that I have not been perfect in making those judgements... hopefully you are.

AnimusRex -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:27:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf if i said my real ideas on the topic id be flamed into the 4000's That assumes you actually have a conviction or belief. In the 2,000 posts you have made so far, no one has been able to determine a single thought or conviction you have. It seems that your only purpose in posting over 100 times a day, every day, is to engage in chatter. So you make statements, any statement, on any subject, supporting or attacking any position, for no other purpose than to keep the thread going.

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:30:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex quote: ORIGINAL: osf if i said my real ideas on the topic id be flamed into the 4000's That assumes you actually have a conviction or belief. In the 2,000 posts you have made so far, no one has been able to determine a single thought or conviction you have. It seems that your only purpose in posting over 100 times a day, every day, is to engage in chatter. So you make statements, any statement, on any subject, supporting or attacking any position, for no other purpose than to keep the thread going. i didn't know you cared so much you kept track hell i did't even know that

persephonee -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:32:01 PM)
yes, you did.

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:33:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee yes, you did. i do now lololololol

LillyoftheVally -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:35:58 PM)
I don't go into D/s relationships with limits just like I wouldn't go into a vanilla relationship with limits, I go in with communication. I tell my partner about me, I tell them what turns me on and what turns me off, what I hate and what I love, I tell them about my traumas and good experience I let them know me and I let them make a decision, if they are then stupid enough to ignore all that knowledge and attempt to do whatever the hell the like regardless of how I feel they will find the relationship over very sharply.

wisdomtogive -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 2:47:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: osf someone show me the dom that's going to say at first when the subject of limits is discussed " are you sure sweetheart those are all you need, here take this here bag of extra limits just in case? That's not how limits work. A sub gives me her likes, her dislikes, and her limits. Once she gives them to me, they are mine to administer. I don't give her "extra" limits. If there's something I won't do, then it's not going to happen, whether they are her limits or not. Thanks DarkSteven for putting your thoughts in these words. i do finally understand now the majority of this thread. i seen so much rhetoric in here and the refusal to even discuss anything that isn't cemented as someone's absolute truth. That is fine, if you have a truth spit it out, just remember no truth is absolute, and some might find it b.s and some might not, but it's your truth until you ever decide to change it. i still relate limits to emotions which stand in trust. yes i don't tell him what he can do, nor would it enter my mind to do so. If he wants to know how i feel about things, i will speak my truth. My truth is not to manipulate or convince him, but to give him a clear pointed answer. The rest is up to him. Communication has to be truthful and not hidden, because if it is hidden, trust is broken. When trust is broken, emotions, for me, will take over. Lose my trust completely, there is no more chances, as i know it is for Him. When i speak of emotions that are link to trust and respect, it basically means that i trust in him to tell me what his opinion is on the type of relationship he wants and what his expectations are- i don't do well with head games in that area.. just straight out communication. i can't respect him if he does differently. that is how i am cut out, and this stands for me, which i glady stand behind. I am glad though DarkSteven put this topic into terms i can understand. That is how Sir does it, so it is something i am familiar with. I am also interested in others' views that i might not thought of, though doesn't mean i agree. Limits are a discussion that calls for great communication, back up with learning to trust , respect and value your Dom. I have same hard limits as Sir, the rest is at his command, not mine. He has worked hard at gaining my trust and respect so that i am now emotionally ready. i am able to trust his decisions. Right there, at least from my point of view, is the key. To me limits can not but involve emotions, and i do not need someone to back this up for me or not. I am okay with myself, and my beliefs. Truth is never absolute and things change in time. My only concern is serving one that has worked at showing me i can respect and count on his word(s) and submit completely to Him. Sir has done so through his wisdom, years of experience and his direct consistent communication toward me. He doesn't waver, so i know what is expected. It is his way, and i want it that way, but for me to accept his wants and desires, he knew he best make me trust him. Again i stand behind that no limits or just a few limits are packed with emotions that speak of trusting each other. How the dom does that is their call, and if a submissive likes that call, then so be it:)..sorry was thinking of a wolf call..

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 3:01:41 PM)
quote: and hopefully you are qualified to decide who is qualified.. I just know that I have not been perfect in making those judgements... hopefully you are. Of course I am when it comes to my decisions. Now we could go round and round but in my mind that would be paramount to me coming to your house and telling you how to treat your life. I choose what's right for me and feel no need to entertain any ideas to the contrary based on people I don't even know[:D]

littlewonder -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 3:16:48 PM)
ya know when I first started talking to Master, we talked about everything and everything. We still do. We talked about things we would never ever do and found that ours matched. Amazing huh? Kinda one of the many many reasons I'm with him. That's kinda how limits work...ya find someone that matches you. I dunno...always seemed kinda simple to me. and as for this: quote: the closest other human relationship to d/s is the parent child meaning she doesn't really know herself apart from him in the context of the relationship PLEASE tell me this is a joke. Sorry but I know myself better than even he knows me. He's not me and I'm not him. I know myself with and without him because I'm a pretty smart cookie.

osf -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 3:20:32 PM)
did you know what you would become, did you know all the things you would like, did you discover things about yourself you never knew before?

Icarys -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 3:21:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder ya know when I first started talking to Master, we talked about everything and everything. We still do. We talked about things we would never ever do and found that ours matched. Amazing huh? Kinda one of the many many reasons I'm with him. That's kinda how limits work...ya find someone that matches you. I dunno...always seemed kinda simple to me. and as for this: quote: the closest other human relationship to d/s is the parent child meaning she doesn't really know herself apart from him in the context of the relationship PLEASE tell me this is a joke. Sorry but I know myself better than even he knows me. He's not me and I'm not him. I know myself with and without him because I'm a pretty smart cookie. Makes perfect sense to me.

littlewonder -> RE: accepting limits (1/10/2010 3:24:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf did you know what you would become, did you know all the things you would like, did you discover things about yourself you never knew before? What I would become?? You mean an adult human being. Yeah..I was completely aware of that. Did I know all the things I would like? For the most part yeah. Other things I learned through experiences in life. I didn't need a man to teach me those things, just life. Did I discover things I didn't know about me before? Not many to be honest and the things I didn't I again learned through life experiences. Bdsm, d/s, having a man had zilch to do with it.

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