RE: choices (Full Version)

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littlewonder -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 4:08:01 PM)

Neither. Been there and walked away from both.



DesFIP -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 4:59:20 PM)

I spent five years celibate and would still be happily single with a vibrator if I hadn't met him. I haven't settled and had to agree to have unmet needs. I wouldn't ever do that.

I know what I need in a relationship. If I didn't, then I never would have found it. We've been happily together for several years now and health permitting, will remain so.



mc1234 -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 5:20:20 PM)

I fell for E based on the force of his character. We didn't really discuss kink too much. I think we both got the sense that the other was very open and experimental, and our chemistry is ridiculous, so we grew from there. Rather than starting with the kink and working backwards to see if we were a fit, we went the other way, thanks to his direction, and it worked well. So, the kink without the personal attraction wouldn't work at all for me - I tried that with a play partner, and it was empty.



Drifa -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 6:29:50 PM)

Don't settle. The right person for you is out there. You can session for fun and masturbate until you find the right person.



WyldHrt -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 6:59:51 PM)

Easy question: neither. I'm perfectly fine on my own, and will remain so until I find someone who is a match. 



AquaticSub -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 7:01:50 PM)

Probably neither. If someone put a gun to my head and made me choose, it would depend on the specific kink of the one whose character I liked.



FlamingRedhead -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 8:14:52 PM)

My choice would be the one who had the force of character I wanted because that is ultimately what I desire above and beyond kink. Assuming that his kink was not a hard limit of mine and we were compatible in most other areas, I would be willing to tolerate it for his pleasure. Pleasing him would be my pleasure.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: choices (1/11/2010 10:06:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice?


i'll take what's behind door #3.



eyesopened -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 4:23:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence?


no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender

want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you

you might as well go nilla with kink


First of all, since you assert that a submissive has no advice you would consider, why even ask these questions when you don't like the answers?

I took the time to figure out exactly what I wanted in a Dominant.  I wrote it in my profile as an ideal with plenty of room for individuality.  I got exactly what I wanted.  He provides a lot of structure and all the kink plus kink I would have not considered previously. 

I would never choose anyone I was not attracted to.  I have happily served Dominants that would never be my Master but who had character I was attracted to and kink we were compatible with.  Truly there are a plethora of wonderful Dominants available as fond play partners.  To assert one has to surrender to someone just because one is submissive is ridiculous.  I am submissive in much the same way I am female.  I am female whether I have a partner or not.  I am submissive whether I have a partner or not.



sirsholly -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 4:32:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

So it is the end of the world, and these are the last two dominants in existence?


no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender

want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you

you might as well go nilla with kink
Damn Osf...lemme give ya a piece of advice, as this morning i see to have a lot of breath to waste.[8|]  That approach with a sub ("want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you") will not score you any points.

i would much rather be in no relationship than in a relationship with the wrong person.

i was very picky..[:)]



CaringandReal -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 5:29:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice?

this is an edit to make more clear what i meant, the first can create the structure you crave the second cant



You are asking about priorities. The choice is easy for me. The first. But I equate being given structure with kink, and in terms of priorities, structure is at the top of my kink list, and everything else starts at least 20 lines below it.

I don't particularly care if a potential master or mistress has kinks different from mine (even vastly different). If s/he can provide the nature and level of control I need, something that is not that easy to find, I'll adjust my libdo to their kinks--with great pleasure. (How do I know I could do so? -smiles- Experience is such a fine teacher.) In fact, I'd consider it my duty to learn to love his or her kinks, and an intriguingly hot one, at that. :) I am muti-fetishistic and very open-minded and those traits certainly help, but I think I am multi-fetishistic for a reason: my priorities. They don't allow me the luxury of placing too much importance on something as superficial as a sexual activity preference, however different it may be from anything I'd experienced before or normally seek out.

Since structure = kink in my psychosexual equation, if the dominant can provide the structure I need, then they already have the core kink I need. I've never met anybody who voluntarily provided that sort of structure without there being an intensely kinky element to their motivations--and I never intend to. Even potential slaves have to draw the line somewhere and a "vending machine dom" or a "Controlling is not really my thing but I'll do it in order to satisfy you" sort of dom (or any kind of person who turns my core sexual need into a tedious chore that they do merely to satisfy me) is where I draw mine. Those sorts (and there are plenty of these dear sacrificing souls on collarme) have the same affect on me as an icicle dildo would (but without any of the fun of watching the cruelty on the face of the person inserting the dildo).

The thought of "interviewing" two dominants to find out which is willing to work more with me to meet the majority of things I think a person should be to be worthy of my oh-so-wonderful self is abhorently "princess on a pedestal" to me. It turns the power dynamic on its head. In fact, it kills the power dynamic for me. I'd never do it. It may well work for others seeking other dynamics, but it's just not me.











osf -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 7:24:06 AM)

well, we certainly know where you stand, as always lol



sexysweets -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 7:50:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

assuming you as a submissive had to make a choice between two dominants, one had the force of character you wanted but didn't like his kink, or one whose kink you were more comfortable with but were not as attracted to on a personal basis, what would be your choice?

this is an edit to make more clear what i meant, the first can create the structure you crave the second cant












I would choose neither.. it is a false choice.



HisSweetElysium -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 7:55:17 AM)

Same with the others, I'd choose neither.  With such fundamental incompatibility at the heart of the relationship, it's bound to fail.  I see no reason to settle either, I had no shortage of suitors when I was searching, and I was VERY aware that in embarking on a D/s relationship, WHO I chose to submit to was one of if not the biggest decision I would make.  I even had the audacity to demand they be ATTRACTIVE too, and still got what I wanted and more.  it's a miracle I'm not alone huh?  



sexisubi -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 8:08:45 AM)

hey osf,

peronsonally,

ive always liked dominate people, i like people who have control over themselves and i like when they control me, i find it arousing.

i want to give them everything i can so for them to have control over what i do makes me feel like im giving them something no one else can have. i also get a high from it.. like a subspace if you will, it feels good, better then sex.

i also enjoy the mental challenge; i like being given a list of rituals i like to complete them because i feel its like a game complete them and you win! forget and you lose.

i also feel it makes me feel better about myself. im strong enough and trusting enough to give a person what they need and want. i also am picky about who i date, while i know i am keeping his best interest in mind, i can see when he is keeping my best interest in mind and thinking about me as well. that is also a good feeling.

i think BDSM in general strengthens communication in a relationship as a whole because its on all levels of ourselves well at least for me it is. i incorperate myself i am always myself. if he gets more dominate i get submissive and if he is being relaxed i follow suit. sometimes i am playful with him (hell hes my boyfriend too) and i can tell when he likes it or he shoots me a look and i know to stop.


anyway i hope that gives you some insite on why i like it, :) as i know everyone is different, and thank you for involving me in the topic!



masterofholly -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 8:55:29 AM)

How damn many threads have you started here? Holy shit!!

quote:


no matter how many there are when choosing one you still have to make choices of where you surrender


When I first met Holly I did something you have already stated you are above doing. I listened to her. I was educated by her as to her desires, needs, etc. As a result of listening and learning from a submissive, she became Mine. When I was educated by Holly as to her heart, I knew how to take the choice of surrender away from her.



lucylucy -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 9:06:51 AM)

(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)






osf -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 9:34:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)






very well put, ty



LillyoftheVally -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 10:05:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)


I agree, however I think it is about expression, the OP in this thread has been in my opinion rather aggressive in his challenge of any view that does not mirror his own it stops making it really a hypothetical at all and more an underhanded way of giving his opinion, it would be far easier if he said what he meant. Or possibly a question with more chance of getting the required information, such as which is more important character or kink. However in this hypothetical he missed the important choice of not settling for either, then spent the rest of the thread telling people they have to settle. Sorry thats just my read on it



osf -> RE: choices (1/12/2010 10:26:25 AM)

quote:

I agree, however I think it is about expression, the OP in this thread has been in my opinion rather aggressive in his challenge of any view that does not mirror his own it stops making it really a hypothetical at all and more an underhanded way of giving his opinion, it would be far easier if he said what he meant. Or possibly a question with more chance of getting the required information, such as which is more important character or kink. However in this hypothetical he missed the important choice of not settling for either, then spent the rest of the thread telling people they have to settle. Sorry thats just my read on it


you'll mostly see that's because of antagonistic posts that i reply to



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