lucylucy
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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CaringandReal
quote:
ORIGINAL: lucylucy
(sidenote: As many have pointed out, this isn't a very realistic situation, but I took osf to be asking a hypothetical question, kind of like "What three things would you want on a desert island?" You know damn well you'll never be on a desert island, and if you were, it's unlikely you'd know ahead of time and get to pack three things. A hypothetical question is supposed to boil things down to their starkest terms and generate thought, not mirror reality.)
True, but you know, when someone tries to ask that desert island question in a forum (or its dreaded "only X nunber of people will fit in the lifeboat" counterpart), most people still try to weasel out of it, kind of like what we're seeing here. I think sometimes it must be human nature not to want to even comtemplate limiting choices. It makes me wonder though, whether at a time when such people must make a limiting choice and it's extremely important to make a limiting choice, will they be able to?
I see your point. Maybe this is a quirk of mine, but pondering options gives me much more anxiety than making a damn decision and sticking with it.
As a culture, we are very preoccupied with having "choices," but many of our "choices" aren't real. For example, at the grocery store tonight I saw at least five brands of canned black beans. I'm sure there are subtle differences between those brands, but I bet that the average consumer couldn't tell the difference among them in a blind taste test. BUT imagine how irritated people would be if the store carried only one brand. Even I would probably be irritated, and I'm the one who just basically said how stupid it is to have five brands with barely any differences among them. The multiple brands gives the illusion of choice, but our choices among brands of canned beans aren't meaningful choices.
I'm not saying that choosing between the two hypothetical Doms in osf's post is equivalent to choosing between brands of canned beans. I'm saying that we like the illusion of choice and if osf tells us to choose among two, we might think, "Why just two? Why can't I choose from among three or five or a hundred?"
When I was single I didn't think I would date every available man until I found THE PERFECT ONE. I figured I would date until I found someone whose approach to life resonated with me profoundly. Might I have met another man whose approach to life also resonated with me profoundly if I had kept dating? Maybe yes, maybe no. It doesn't matter, though. I committed to my boyfriend, and once I made that commitment, our connection became much more profound and grew and developed to the point where I couldn't possibly meet someone else whose approach to life resonates more profoundly with me.
For me, it boils down to consciously ignoring options at some point and choosing to develop what's there in front of me. I suppose some would call that "settling." I call it commitment.
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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi
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RE: choices - 
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That approach with a sub ("want it too much your way and there will be no one worth while for you") will not score you any points. 
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